Hannah woke up in his arms the next morning and floated to work. She left before Brody, eager to get to the childminders’ and get an early start. Before the rest of the village woke up and watched her do the walk of shame out of his house. It wouldn’t be that shameful of course. They’d kissed, but nothing more. He’d touched her skin in all the safe places, but she’d still really enjoyed his touch. She woken up more than a little frustrated, and as she woke up as the little spoon, she got the distinct impression that he’d been feeling the same. It hadn’t been awkward, though. Ava had woken them up, having been a perfect angel and slept straight through the night. They’d just started their day together easily, and she’d left him eating toast that he’d made for them both, sipping his tea with his dog at his feet.
The second she got into the bookshop, Lola was on her. She took the decaf iced coffee from the cardboard tray that Hannah had brought with her, taking a big gulp and crunching on the ice. ‘Oh God, that’s better than sex.’
‘I heard that,’ John replied from the corner of the stockroom.
‘I meant you to.’ Lola called back in a singsong voice. ‘I would make love to this drink in front of you both, right now.’ She took another gulp, and then eyed Hannah as she sat down on one of the office chairs. ‘Now, I have my beverage. Give me the details.’
‘I’m in here!’ John called again.
‘Then leave!’ Lola laughed, batting him away when he came out and tried to take a swig of her drink. ‘Touch it, and I will never forgive you.’
John went in for a kiss instead and headed out into the shop.
‘You would forgive me anything, darlin’.’ He tipped an imaginary hat in her direction to match his faux cowboy drawl. ‘I’ll just be out here, earning my keep. You ladies put your feet up.’ He winked at them both and shut the door behind him.
‘God he’s annoying, and gorgeous, all at the same time. The pregnancy hormones are fun, aren’t they?’
Hannah laughed. ‘Oh yes, I remember. Thrilling.’
‘Speaking of thrilling,’ Lola said. Hannah was drinking her caramel latte and she was grateful for the second to brace herself for the question. ‘How was the date?’
‘Good, thanks.’ Hannah teased her, taking another swig and relishing the taste. She was having a fantastic morning. She was positively skipping, but questions made her think. ‘He’s lovely.’
Lola beamed. ‘How lovely?’ She waggled her eyebrows theatrically.
‘Lola! We’ve only been on a couple of dates.’
‘Yeah, a lot more than three, I think. I was just asking you know, in my hormonal state.’ She let her voice trail off, but Hannah knew what she was doing.
‘Stop bullshitting me! You want details!’
Lola made a vomit sound. ‘Not too many. Brody’s like a brother.’ Then her face dropped with shock. ‘So there are details! Spill!’
‘We kissed.’
‘I knew that.’
‘Again I mean. We cuddled.’
‘I cuddle my nana. Is that it?’
‘We slept in his bed. Like I said, we kissed, and it was nice.’ They’d done a little more than pecking. They’d really kissed, with tongues, and teeth, and lips. He’d held her all night long. His body wrapped around hers. It was a hell of a date. ‘It was great actually.’ She bit her lip. ‘I really like him, but it’s just dating. Nothing heavy.’
She didn’t miss Lola’s frown, but she stood up to get to work not long after.
Three hours into her shift, the pocket of her work apron vibrated. She kept her phone on and with her these days. For Ava, Martine and Ruby. And Brody. She read the message as soon as she could, and it was him.
How’s your day? I can’t stop thinking about you.
Funny, I was just thinking about you. Pretty good. Lola and John are on top form. She knew he would groan when he read this.
I can only imagine. What are you up to tonight?
She thought of her night. She had Ava to pick up, some laundry to do. Other than that she was, as usual, quite free. She’d been reading loads, reviewing books for the shop, escaping for an hour into the pages of a happy story, on an evening once Ava was down. She’d got the television now, but it was barely on. Reading distracted her far more than the TV could. It wasn’t her main distraction though. That was Andrew sexpot Brody.
She couldn’t stop thinking about him, and after last night, she knew that they were getting closer. Very close. Too close. It was getting harder and harder to deny her feelings for him. The way he made her feel when she was with him. Victor tainted everything, and she feared for the relationship she was too afraid to properly start. She just couldn’t stop though. He was in her head, her heart. Brody was part of her life now, and she couldn’t imagine changing that. She pushed her fears away. It was just dating. He knew what the score was. She still found her stomach flipping as she tapped out a reply.
Nothing. You?
Hannah felt Brody approach the shop door. It didn’t make any sense to her, but she knew he was coming. She was used to watching a man, sensing his moods, his presence. This was different. It was like her nerve endings woke up and signalled to her that he was there. She felt like an excited spaniel, frantically happy at the sound of the key in the front door.
A second later, the shop bell rang and he was standing in the doorway. He wasn’t in uniform, and she could tell from his still slightly damp hair that he’d just showered. He’d only finished work an hour ago – she knew his shift patterns now. She was dealing with a couple of customers, a father with his little boy. He was looking at the comic books, and his dad was trying to steer him to the football annuals. She’d spent the best part of half an hour talking to them in the children’s section, and she was just ringing up their numerous purchases. The father did a pretend gasp when she told him the total, and his son giggled at the side of him.
‘It’s a good job you’re worth it,’ he said, giving his son a nudge and getting one back. Hannah was smiling at them both, when she saw Brody’s face, and her smile disappeared. He kept his distance till they had left, the brown paper bag full of books swinging from the young lad’s side. Brody said goodbye to them, but when they were through the door and down the street, he turned the open sign to closed, and clicked the lock shut.
‘We need to talk,’ he said, a stricken look on his face. When she went to walk over to him, he pulled a sheet of paper out of his pocket. He pushed it into her hands. ‘John?’ he called out. ‘You there?’
Hannah looked at him, but he was already striding into the back. Something was off with him. He was all business, his back ramrod straight. He barely looked at her, but when he did, his eyes were cold. Swallowing, she looked at the paper in her hands. She didn’t read the headline of the poster, or the words. She just saw her face. Erin’s face.
The four of them sat in the back office, Lola drinking from a bottle of water, the rest with a stiff whisky in their hands from John’s office stash. Hannah had gulped the whole thing down, relishing the burn it ignited in her throat. She looked for the bottle, and Brody was there, sitting next to her, refilling her glass. She noticed he filled his again too.
‘Who else knows?’ John asked, his face as dark as his former partner’s. Lola wasn’t saying much, just cradling her belly, one hand wrapped around her water bottle. Hannah looked at Brody.
‘My friend Kate, I rented the house from one of her friends. She knows where I am, but she won’t tell. He’s already tried to talk to her. She said she’d not heard from me. He doesn’t know what good friends we were. Are. He must have found something that led him to her. She was my midwife.’ He didn’t know because she’d kept it from him. Just like everything else she wanted to cherish.
Brody’s eyebrows lifted. Erin Nuffield. Missing person. The flyers were posted up in Leadsham’s outskirts, Brody having seen one on a lamppost. He’d driven past it while on the job. The fact it had been ripped in half wasn’t lost on her, and looking at him now, she could see how unhappy he was. The whole room was filled with sombre faces, and she hated herself for coming here. For bouncing into their lives and putting them at risk. Brody. John and Lola had a baby coming in mere weeks, and now they had all this on their doorstep. John nodded at her, but he was looking at Brody. She realised that he hadn’t been talking to her at all. Brody looked at her, but she looked away.
‘I haven’t told anyone at the station. Yet.’
Hannah stood up from her chair. ‘I have to go, now. I’m late for Ava.’
She needed to get out of there; she couldn’t look any of them in the eye. Brody’s hand was around her arm in seconds.
‘I already rang Ruby. Told them I wanted to take you out. They offered to have her for the night. I said you would ring them when you got a chance. Let them know your plans.’
Another pair of people she cared about who were now involved in her deception.
‘Why did you do that? I still need to pick her up!’
Brody pushed her gently back into her seat. ‘Ava doesn’t need to see you like this. She’s safe there. I’ll take you to pick her up after if you like. I’m not trying to muscle in or take charge, but we need to get in front of this, Hannah.’
‘I agree.’ John’s words were like steel. ‘We need to go to the force, get them involved.’
Hannah laughed, but it was a bitter, hollow sound. ‘I went to them before, but they didn’t do anything. He convinced them it was just me, being dramatic, and they believed him, told me they couldn’t do anything. They made it worse, not better. I didn’t have Ava then either. I won’t let him have her. If I go to the police, I’ll be arrested.’
‘Bastard,’ Lola piped up.
‘That’s why the flyers are there. Don’t you think he would have reported his wife and child missing if he could? Dragged me back, kicking and screaming? Got Ava taken away from me? He wants this kept quiet. I’m not missed, Andrew; my social circle wasn’t exactly massive. I can drift right out of my old life, if he’d let me. But if he gets me back there, I’ll never get out again.’
‘It doesn’t mention Ava at all,’ Brody confirmed, nodding to the torn pieces of paper. ‘The photo doesn’t even look like you.’
‘Haircut,’ she ventured. ‘Plus, I’m not permanently terrified like I was in the photo.’
‘It’s more than a bit of a different hairstyle.’ His words were clipped, and when she looked at him his jaw was clenched so tight she feared he’d crack it in half. ‘It doesn’t look like you at all.’ Their eyes met, and she finally saw it. He wasn’t just angry, he was incensed. ‘The way you look, your expression, everything. It’s not you.’
‘It’s an old photo.’ She looked again at the flyer, at herself. It didn’t look like her. Not the Hannah that she was now. She was so close to happy, and the picture reminded her just why she left. The woman in the photo looked haunted. ‘It was taken a while ago.’ It felt like forever.
‘I prefer your hair now,’ Lola said, nodding to the photo. Hannah heard Brody mutter ‘agreed’ under his breath. ‘What are we going to do then?’
‘I’m going to leave,’ Hannah said, once again trying to get up. Brody and John stood with her.
‘No, Hannah, you’re not going anywhere.’ But Brody didn’t block her, and when she grabbed her bag and went to leave, he didn’t stop her. She heard him call her name, but she wrestled with shaky hands on the main shop door, crying now with fear and frustration.
‘For God’s sake, just open!’ She grabbed the handle, rattling the door hard against the lock. ‘Damn you!’ She tried again, this time unclicking the lock and wrenching the wood out of the frame. She was halfway down the street, when Brody’s voice was there again. It was well after shift now, the ending of the day’s heat already making its presence known. She tried to get her phone out of her bag, to call Ruby, a taxi, but her hands were so shaky she could barely open the zip.
‘Hannah, wait!’
She felt her fingers close around the phone, but she decided to keep walking instead. She wouldn’t make sense if she spoke to Ruby right now.
‘Hannah, stop! Please!’
She heard his footsteps behind her and turned to face him.
‘Where are you going? I told you, Martine and Ruby have Ava. She’s fine.’
‘I need to get her. I need to go home.’
‘I’ll take you; you’re in no fit state to go alone.’ He paused, taking in her shaking body. ‘Leave Ava where she is tonight. She’ll be nearly asleep now anyway.’
She knew he was right. He knew Ava’s routine. He paid attention, but that just seemed to scare her further. Ava knew him now; he was in their lives. All your fault. I told you, you can’t do this alone.
‘I can’t wait, I have to go. Tonight.’ She half screamed her words, drowning out the blasted voice in her head. She didn’t want those voices back in her life. She wasn’t that person now. She wouldn’t be again. She had to keep running.
She went to move, but Brody’s hand stopped her in its tracks. She rounded on him, trying to pull his arm away.
‘Let me go!’
‘You’re really leaving?’ His voice was bleak, as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing.
‘I have no choice! He’s getting closer. I am not going back to him, and he will try to take Ava. Don’t you get it? He’ll never let me go!’
‘Neither will I.’ He put his hand on hers, taking her bag gently from her hand. ‘You’ve been drinking – you can’t go to Ruby’s in this state. Ava is fine, I promise. We need to stick together on this. John said—’
‘I am not involving John and Lola. I’ve already caused enough trouble, and I don’t want any of you dragging yourselves into this.’
‘We want to help. They’re your friends, and I—’
‘I can’t involve you either. Not anymore. I don’t want this to affect your life.’
‘What life?’ he asked, suddenly furious. ‘What life, Han? Before you, I had work, and friends, and Bullet. That was it. I thought it was enough, but it’s not now. It’s never going to be enough now. You can’t leave. You would be leaving me, and I won’t give up on this.’ He leaned in, taking her face in his hands. ‘I’m falling for you, Hannah. I’ve fallen. You didn’t see me when I saw that poster. I was at work, and all I wanted to do was to get here, to you. I don’t want you to run. Not ever again. Please, stay here. Stay with us.’ He stabbed the air behind him. ‘Stay with me.’ He reached for her hands, and clasped them in his, over his heart. ‘Stay and be with me. I’ll keep you safe; I’ll help you to fight.’
As he wiped her tears away, she finally calmed down. Her heart stopped feeling like it was going to explode out of her chest, and her shaking lessened.
‘I don’t want to be someone who needs to be saved. Ever again.’
‘I never said you did.’ His lips twitched into a smile. ‘You gave the mugger a good go.’
She laughed, thinking about how determined she’d been not to let go, how hard she’d fought. That was her. ‘I was terrified.’
‘I know, but you did it. You protected yourself and Ava. More than once. Let me help you keep doing that.’ He wrapped his arms around her, and she went willingly, kissing him before he could say anything else. Anything that he said would make it harder for her to walk away from everything. Harder to walk away from him. He kissed her again, but it was much more than before. He was showing her everything he wanted to show her about who he was, and she wondered again to herself how the hell she’d shared a bed with him the night before. If they were in bed right now, she knew she would never stop kissing him. And she wouldn’t stop there.
‘Move in with me,’ he said, pulling away only enough to get his words out. He still had her bag in his hand. ‘You’ve only got a bit left on your lease. Wait till it’s done if you want. If you need time. Give up the house and move in with me.’
Hannah felt her heart stutter in her chest. Live with another man? Give up her little house?
‘I know.’ He grimaced. ‘It’s a lot, but honestly, Han, it’s not about your situation. Well …’ He bit his lip. ‘It helps the situation we’re in, but it’s not that. I want you with me. Since you stayed over those nights, I missed you. Both of you. It felt right. No pressure. You are your own person, Hannah. I just want to be in your life, and if I can make it that bit easier for you, it’s a bonus.’