Chapter 3

Regina’s tips for surviving in a big Italian family: 3. Accept you will always be a child in your parents’ eyes.

There’s something so soothing and calming about the whir of an industrial mixer.

I’d actually slept in until six a.m. the morning after Thanksgiving. Waking refreshed and clearheaded, I was happy the bakery was closed for the day. A few of my cake decorators might be in at one point to catch up on, or get ahead of, the big holiday orders, but they usually didn’t show up until after lunch. I had the entire morning to myself, a rare and pleasant treat.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my workers, and since many of them are family, that love doubles and even triples. But it was nice not to have to deal with any warring or arguing personalities or listen to any gossip.

I washed, dressed in an old pair of sweatpants and a St. Rita’s girl’s softball T-shirt, and donned my apron ready to make some cake magic. For Connor’s tasting, I decided on three flavor profiles that would go well with the Christmas theme, so I got busy. While the cakes were baking, I made the frosting and then started working on decorating a wedding cake for Sunday.

Piping buttercream frosting, adding dragéestiny, hard sugar balls painted with edible silver paint—along the borders of the tiers, and swirling individual flowers and leaves down the sides were mindless activities for me. Truly. I could probably pipe an entire four-tiered cake in my sleep.

I heard someone knocking at the service door and, looking up at the clock on the opposite wall, saw that it was a little after eleven a.m. I’d been working nonstop for over four hours.

“Sorry,” I said when I unlocked the door to find Connor standing there, his hair dusted with fat, wet snowflakes, his high cheekbones and the tips of his ears cherry-red from the cold air. “When did it start snowing?” I stepped back so he could enter.

“About a half hour ago. It’s really starting to come down, too. I slipped a few times on the sidewalk.”

“Give me your jacket.”

He shrugged out of it and handed it over. Something spicy mixed with citrus hit my nose and shot a swift sense of longing through my entire system. Connor was busy swiping the snow from his hair, so I lifted the material and took a fast sniff. Gesu. If his coat smelled this delicious what would his naked skin be like?

Trixie’s comment about needs shot to the front of my mind again.

I shook my head to clear it and hung the coat up on a wall peg.

I turned back to him, determined to shove those lust-filled wonderings back down. The thought died on my lips when I got my first real look at him.

The silver in his hair sparkled with moisture, turning it the color of gunmetal. He took a quick swipe through the temples to slick it back and then wiped his wet hands on his jeans. As they had before, my fingertips tingled with need to run them through the thick pelt and clutch on tight.

The day we’d met he hadn’t taken his coat off, so I’d only seen him in his outerwear. But through his coat I’d made out wide shoulders and long legs.

Now, he stood before me in a black V-neck pullover covering a white T-shirt, in jeans that some time ago had been blue but were now faded and worn in all the stress points, and his physique was put on perfect display for me to drool over.

And drool I did. I actually slammed my lips back together when they popped open so saliva wouldn’t ooze down my chin.

Mamma mia.

With shoulders wide as an open doorway, his torso tapered to a trim waist the pullover barely covered. The bottom edge of the T-shirt peeked out from underneath it like a little surprise. His jeans were slung low, sans belt, and dropped in one straight continuous line all the way down his legs. White lines fanned out from where the pants creased at the top juncture of his muscular thighs, and one knee was a needle and thread away from needing a patch job. Leather loafers that looked broken in and butter soft completed him.

If there ever was a more perfect-looking man, I hadn’t seen him.

“Hi,” he said, a crooked grin filling his face and sending little sparks of joy down my insides. “It smells amazing in here.” His lifted his chin and inhaled. “If the samples you have for me taste as good as the aroma in this place, I may need to move my offices close by.”

His grin spread cheek to ruddy cheek, and I swear on Nonna’s rosary beads, I almost came undone and jumped him right there and then.

“Have a seat, and I’ll go get the cakes.” Gesu, was that my voice? It sounded like I’d just run around the Seven Hills of Rome in the heat of August without a break.

I walked into the industrial refrigerator in my workroom and slapped a hand to my forehead. If I could have reached it, I would have ticked the back of my head like Pop does when he’s annoyed and wants to smack some sense into us.

Get a grip, Regina. The man’s a customer just like any other customer.

Oh, yeah? another part of my brain—the one controlled by my raging needs—countered. No other customer makes your heart race, your nipples stand at attention like Mussolini’s foot soldiers, or your thighs tremble.

Basta. Enough.

I put the round mini cakes I’d made on a tray, took a deep breath, and then walked back to the workroom.

One look at him seated at my worktable, scrolling through his phone, and the needs part of my brain sent a shiver of lust down my spine, landing square in what my mother refers to as “girly bits.”

I cleared my throat.

Connor looked up, grinned again, and shoved his phone into his front pocket.

“These are three flavors I thought might work well with the concept for Santa’s techy toy land,” I said.

“I can’t wait.” His grin turned wicked, and I lost my footing as little as I walked toward him.

With a slight tremble in my hand, I speared the first sample with a fork and handed it to him.

“Vanilla sponge cake infused with lemon liqueur and a lemon-based buttercream. This one is usually more a summertime cake, but”—I shrugged—“I think it tastes good any time.”

He split off a piece of the cake, held the fork up to his nose, and took a whiff. “Smells amazing.”

I watched as he placed the fork on the tip of his tongue, then slid the cake into his mouth. It was next to impossible to keep from moaning out loud when his tongue flicked out over his lips and swiped at the errant frosting across them. I had to swallow—hard—three times just so I could keep the feral sound contained within me.

“This is amazing.” He lifted his gaze to mine, the truth of his words in his eyes. “Light and fluffy. Just the right combination of sweet and tart.”

I nodded. “That’s the point.”

Instead of eating the rest of the sample like all my other customers routinely did, he put the dish down and said, “What’s next?”

“A ginger spice cake with maple and vanilla cream filling, iced with vanilla-bean-and cinnamon-infused whipped cream.”

He repeated the same actions again, splicing off a piece of the round. Right before putting the fork to his mouth his gaze lifted to mine. With a grin my nonna would have described as looking like un diavolo—a devil—he said, “This smells like breakfast.”

I laughed. “That’s the maple syrup. I only use the best from Vermont.”

He slid the fork home, closed his eyes, and sighed. “I imagine this is what breakfast tastes like in Heaven.”

He opened his eyes again and, like before, after one taste, put his fork down. “And last?”

“Devil’s food with crème de cacao liqueur, chocolate mousse filling with anisette, and dark chocolate buttercream. It’s a huge hit with my chocoholic customers.”

“Include me in that list.”

This time when I gave him the dish our fingertips connected. I couldn’t use the excuse of dry weather today as why a visible spark exploded when we touched. It was wet outside and in, as I kept the workroom humidified to prevent the different kinds of frosting and icing mixtures I used to decorate from drying out and cracking.

No. This little spark was all sexual chemistry and stopped my heart for a moment.

Connor felt it too—how could he not—because he jumped a bit in his chair, his gaze connecting with mine, his brows kissing above his eyes.

Without a word said, he took the plate with one hand and circled his other around my wrist.

I knew he could feel my pulse dancing a wild tarantella against his fingers, just like I could feel his warm breath wash over me as he exhaled deeply. All my senses jumped like when one of my grade school nuns clapped a wooden ruler against the desk to get everyone’s attention. The stormy colors in his eyes were almost obliterated by the ink of his pupils as they dilated. His breath hissed in, and his grip, though gentle, was solid and secure as it held me prisoner, and mio Dio, I was a willing captive for sure.

This man, about whom I knew nothing but his name, stirred emotions up from deep within me that had been dormant and buried for years. With just one touch, I felt more alive, more connected, more present, than I had for longer than I could remember. Maybe even ever.

As his gaze took a lazy, determined stroll from my eyes down to my mouth then back up again, all I could think was this, this, is what Trixie meant when she said a girl had needs.

I did.

Gesu, did I.

In spades.

Did I move closer to him in that moment, or did he reel me in? I’ll never know who moved first, but before I could blink, my free hand slid across his pullover, my fingers luxuriating against the softness of the fabric, and stopped to rest on his shoulder. Warmth spread from my fingers up my arm and through my entire body just from touching him.

With our eyes open, each watching the other, our breaths mingled and joined.

The sweet and spicy aroma of maple and ginger clung to him, but I knew he’d be more delicious than any flavor I could concoct.

Our lips were a heartbeat from pressing together. My toes started to tingle and go numb, and my insides turned the consistency of fresh caramel-infused panna cotta as he pulled me closer still. Just when I would finally know if he tasted as good as I’d imagined, the silence around us was split apart.

Madre di Dio. It’s comin’ down like crazy, bellissima figlia.”

I jumped back. Connor pulled his hand from my wrist, and we both turned as my father barreled through the workroom door, his coat covered in snow. He stomped his feet while he slammed the door shut with enough force to make my teeth rattle.

“Pop. What are you doing here?” I moved away from Connor and helped my father shed his coat while he removed his hat and shook the snow from it. He stomped a few more times and then lifted his head to look at me. The smile died on his face when he spotted Connor over my shoulder. Thick eyebrows that had never met a tweezer knitted together into a bushy woolyworm as his eyes narrowed at my customer, then turned to me.

“Regina Maria, what’s going on? The shop is closed today. I thought you’d be alone.”

At thirty-two years old, divorced, the owner of my own successful business and financially sound, you’d think I’d be a brave and confident woman. Most days I am. But when either of my parents look at me with suspicion clouding their eyes and concern grinding through their tones, I become the naïve, overprotected little bambina I’d once been and revert to type so fast I’m powerless to prevent it.

“It is. Closed, I mean. I was just doing a private tasting for a custom cake I’m making.” I swiped my palms down my apron, my father’s intense scrutiny making me sweat like a puttana at high Mass.

Pop’s eyes flicked backed to Connor, who—Dio lo benedica, God bless him—was still sitting in his chair. He put the dish he held down on the worktable, rose, and came toward my father with his hand stuck out in greeting.

“Connor Gilhooly, sir. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Irish,” Pop said.

Connor’s smile could have charmed the nastiest and meanest of vecchie streghe, but, with a lifetime of friends with prison addresses and who carried guns and knives in their pockets like most people carried loose change, my father wasn’t easily swayed by charm.

Connor just continued to smile, said, “American,” and kept his hand out.

Pop tossed me a quick glance. With his lips pursed together in a tight clump, he took Connor’s offered hand.

The corners of Connor’s eyes tightened a bit when my father shook his hand and experience told me why. Pop was giving him his trademark presa d’acciaio, the grip of steel. Meant to intimidate and let the person know who was in charge, Pop used it routinely on people he wasn’t sure about and wasn’t certain he could trust. Half the time the person locked in the presa d’acciaio would either wince, or when they pulled their hand from Pop’s, shake some life back into it.

I gave Connor bonus points when he did neither. I think Pop did, too, because a tiny grin he usually reserved for my mother and his grandkids, skimmed across his lips.

“I know a guy named Gilhooly,” Pop said, folding his hands behind his back as he regarded Connor. “Keegan Gilhooly. Part of the Beantown Bunch. Doing a twelve-to-twenty stretch for a bank job that went to crap.”

I could feel all the color in my face drain down to my toes. Before I could admonish my father, Connor shook his head and squinched his brows together. “Sorry, doesn’t ring a bell. My family is from Staten Island. I’m pretty sure we don’t have any relatives in Boston.”

My father nodded, his gaze continuing to assess Connor’s face.

“Pop, why are you here?” I repeated, turning his attention to me and away from casting aspersions on Connor’s relations. He usually dropped by daily when the bakery was open, but it was more to check on Ma than to visit with me.

He sighed. “Your mama’s in Jersey with the girls, and everyone else is either working, out shopping, or decorating.” He shrugged, and it was then I realized the reason for the unexpected visit: he was lonely.

“I knew you’d be here all alone, catching up on work, so I figured I’d stop by, see if you wanted to grab a slice at Mangianno’s for lunch.”

I slid my hand in the crook of his arm. “Thanks, but I’ve got a ton of work to do.”

“You gotta eat.”

“I’ve gotta get stuff done, too. Christmas is coming.”

For a moment he looked so disappointed, all I wanted to do was hug him.

“Look,” I said, acquiescing like I always do when it comes to my parents. “Why don’t you head on over, order us a few slices and some drinks, and I’ll come by when I’m finished with Connor, in say”—I glanced up at the wall clock—“twenty minutes? How’s that?”

Buono.” He turned his attention back to Connor. “Staten Island?”

“New Dorp, officially. My folks still live there in the house my dad was raised in. My grandmother lives with them.”

“So, family’s important to you.”

It wasn’t a question, and Connor didn’t take it as one. “More than anything.”

Pop nodded again. “You married?”

“Never been.”

Pop’s eyes narrowed. “Guy respects family so much, I’d think he’d have a wife and kids. I met mine when we was fifteen. Been together every day since.”

“You’re lucky. I guess I just haven’t found the right lady yet.” He gaze flicked to me so quick, I thought I imagined it. When I saw the subtle tug of his lips lifting, I knew I hadn’t.

“What are you, forty? Forty-five? Can’t wait too much longer or you’ll be shooting blanks when it comes to making kids.”

The blood that drained to my toes? It shot straight back up again heating my cheeks like I was standing in one of my baking ovens with the thermostat turned to one thousand degrees Fahrenheit.

“I’m thirty-six.”

“Huh. You look older.”

“It’s the hair. Premature.”

Pop rocked back on his heels. I needed to stop this line of questioning, but for some wacky reason I didn’t. In the two minutes they’d been talking, I’d learned more about this man than I’d known before we’d almost kissed. Connor didn’t seem to mind the interrogation. He stood casually, his hands tucked in the back pockets of his jeans, a look of quiet acceptance on his face, as if he’d been grilled before by an overprotective and prying padre.

“I had an aunt went gray at twenty. Dyed it bright red to cover it up. Scared the living crap outta me every time we visited her, ’cause it looked like her head was on fire.”

Connor’s response to that was to simply smile.

“You got a job? Something respectable?”

Pop.”

“What?” He raised his hands and tossed me a puzzled glare. “It’s a legit question.”

“It’s also rude. Enough with the third degree.” I yanked his wet coat from the peg and shoved it—and him—toward the door, plopping his hat back on his head. “Go to Mangianno’s and let me finish up here.”

“Okay, okay. Basta. I’m going. No need to give me the bum’s rush.” He righted his hat and slipped into the coat.

“It was nice meeting you, Mr. San Valentino. Have a merry Christmas,” Connor said.

Pop waved a hand at him, said, “Irish,” as if it were his name, then kissed my cheeks and said, “Twenty minutes. I’ll be waiting.”

“I’ll be there. Nessun problema.” No worries.

I shut the door behind him with more force than was necessary. The slam echoed inside the workroom, competing with the sound of my heart hammering.

Mortification doused through me.

“I’m sorry about that,” I said, still facing the door.

“About what?”

After sucking in a fortifying, steadying breath, I pushed off the door and turned. Connor was leaning against the worktable, a look of utter calm on his face.

“Being grilled like a steak.”

His grin spread the width of his jaw. “Your father is very…” He shrugged.

“Crazy? Ill-mannered? Nosy?”

“I was going to say protective.”

“Same meaning.” I walked back to the table and lifted the cake he’d yet to sample. “But I’m sorry he asked so many personal questions. If it’s any consolation, he does that to everyone, but he tends to get a little more intrusive when it comes to people around me. He tends to forget I’m an adult.”

Connor took the dish. “I don’t think he forgets that for a minute.”

“Are you kidding? Of course he does. He treats me like I’m five years old, not thirty-two.”

Gesu, Regina. Whine, much?

“What did he call you when he came in? Bellissima figlia? Beautiful daughter, right?”

I nodded, wondering how he knew that.

“I think he knows you’re a grown woman, but he still sees you as his little princess. His beautiful little daughter. You’re lucky to have a dad like that.” He forked a sliver of cake into his mouth and then all the expression left his face. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back. Then he groaned. Loudly. The sound sent a shiver of pure lust down my spine.

He opened his eyes. “Oh sweet Jesus, this is amazing.”

I couldn’t help smiling. Pride, Nonna Angelina used to tell me, was the surest road to l’Inferno. Well, I guess I was heading down to Hell when I died because as a baker, I lived for the expression running across Connor’s face right now, knowing something I’d made put it there.

He’d closed his eyes again, dipped his head back a little more, lost in the throes of tasting ecstasy I knew the flavors in my cake aroused. His tongue dragged back and forth across his perfect mouth, making it grow moist.

I did, too.

Grow moist, I mean.

He forked another bite in.

“This is the winner. Hands down,” he mumbled around his full mouth.

“Okay. Done.” I lifted the two remaining plates. “Want me to wrap these up and you can take them with you? Maybe have a little nosh tonight or over the weekend?”

He stared at me while he finished off the chocolate cake sample. “You wouldn’t happen to have another one of these would you?” He lifted his now empty plate. “Not that I don’t want those”—he chinned the plates in my hand—“but I think I could go the entire weekend and eat just this cake and nothing else.”

A huge, pleased laugh pushed from me. “Sorry, I only baked these three this morning.”

Suddenly, Connor stood tall. Holding me prisoner with his gaze, he placed his empty dish down on the table and then reached his hand out to my face.

“I’ve been wanting to do this since I got here,” he said, gently swiping a finger across my cheek. He rubbed back and forth, his touch igniting fires all along my nerve endings. With a plate gripped so tight in each hand it was a wonder they didn’t shatter, I stood immobile while his soft, tender touch sent my insides exploding.

“Flour dust,” he said, showing me his finger. It was coated with a streak of white.

I swallowed, my gaze never leaving his.

“Occupational hazard,” I said. Okay, it was really a choked reply because my mouth had gone as dry as over-baked pie dough.

Connor’s lips quirked. He freed my hands of the remaining dishes, put them on the table next to the one he’d held and took a step closer to me, the entire time keeping his gaze centered on mine.

All thoughts of blinking, moving, breathing, fled my brain. Connor came close, so close I could make out the chaos of colors in his eyes. Storm-cloud gray circled around the outer rim, his pupils shaded with a pale morning sky. Like me, he didn’t blink. It was as if neither of us wanted to miss a moment of what was about to happen, and I knew something was. Something monumental.

Circling one of my wrists again and sliding his other hand around my waist, Connor gave a tiny tug until our torsos bumped. A hot little puff of air escaped through his parted lips. Crème de cacao and chocolate mixed together in a sweet and sensual scent that had my desert-dry mouth salivating with…need.

My knees started to shake, and I was happy Connor was holding me because if he hadn’t, I’d have dropped to the floor.

“Regina.” Connor’s gaze swept across my face as if seeking permission for what he was about to do.

Silly man.

Like I was gonna say no. Like I could.

I gave my consent by arching my back and pressing into him.

I drew in one swift breath while his lips parted ever so slightly right before they touched mine in the barest of kisses that rocked me to my core.

How is it possible for something to be as soft as a butterfly’s wings yet firm and hard and powerful at the same time? With no willpower to prevent it, my arms lifted and wrapped around his neck, my fingers scraping across the prickly stubble of hair at his nape.

In all my thirty-two years, I’d been kissed by one other man in a romantic way, and I’d wound up married to him. I had no measuring stick for what a kiss should be like between two people except for Johnny and me.

Connor’s kiss was so diametrically opposite my ex’s in every way, I felt as if I was truly being kissed for the very first time, that I was a kiss virgin, my lips being deflowered right there in my bakery workroom while I was pressed up against my worktable.

Connor let go of my wrist and cupped my chin, changing the angle of my head. Before I could register why, his tongue slid along the seam of my lips, opening them, requesting permission again.

Permission granted.

Mamma mia, was it ever.

I could taste the remnants of the delicious cake I’d baked on his tongue, but more: I could taste him. His very essence. I swear on Nonna’s rosary beads, his very soul.

He was scrumptious. Way better than anything I could concoct in my ovens, that was for sure. It flittered through my mind that if I could bottle the very flavor of him and use it in my baking, the world would go mad knocking at my door for a taste.

The front of our bodies met in one clean line from chest to toes. We were so close you couldn’t have slipped a sheet of the thinnest phyllo pastry dough between us.

Connor’s knee glided between mine, his jeans-clad thigh pressing into my pelvis.

Gesu.

I gasped. I think I moaned, too. I can’t be sure because my mind was concentrating on the way he slid his leg back and forth across the front of my sweat pants, tormenting me, and by torment I mean driving me wild with pleasure.

And then I stopped concentrating altogether as he started suckling on my tongue.

Lots of things make me happy. The satisfaction of seeing a customer’s face when they take the first bite of anything I’ve made; my parents when they sneak in a quick kiss when they think no one is looking; my nieces and nephews when they open the presents left from Babbo Natale on Christmas day at Nonna and Nonno’s house. But I can tell you truthfully, without the need to go to confession to admit I’d lied—because I hadn’t—the way Connor Gilhooly made me feel when he kissed me was by far the best, most pleasurable, most amazing sensation I’d ever felt in my entire thirty-two years.

Bar. None.

He yanked my hair out of its perpetual ponytail and feathered his fingers through my temples to hold my head in place while his tongue continued its wicked, naughty dance with mine, driving me insane.

And this was insane. Totally pazzo—crazy. Just when that thought invaded and settled in my brain and I admitted I didn’t care one bit, something started to vibrate against my thigh.

And it wasn’t the giant-sized erection I’d been feeling ever since Connor took me in his arms.

The quivering tickled, and I pulled away, trying to squelch the laugh bubbling up.

“Connor, your phone is buzzing.”

His stormy eyes were filled with a heated, drowsy confusion that was so darn erotic, my thighs pressed together in response, clutching around his knee.

“It is?”

We both looked down to where our bodies were molded together. I pulled back a bit, and the sound coming from his left front pocket was more audible.

Connor dragged his gaze back to me. He still had my head cocooned between his hands and as if realizing it for the first time, his eyes went wide and he gave a startled little shake of his head. “Uh…I need to…”

“Get that. Yeah.” I pulled back, immediately missing the warmth of his body.

Connor lifted the phone from his pocket and connected. Just as he began speaking, I heard voices drifting from outside and the storeroom door blew open again. Two of my best bakers, Kari and Marianne, flew into the workroom, propelled by the raging wind outside. Both of their puffy coats were covered in snow, the lower part of their faces hidden behind scarves, making them look like fashionable snowmen.

“It’s comin’ down like a snow-nado,” Kari said, unwrapping an eight-foot scarf from around her neck.

“We were blown here from the train station by the wind,” Marianne added. “Thank you, Jesus, it was at our backs.”

Both of them removed their outerwear, their gazes trained on Connor.

“He came in for a tasting,” I explained when Kari raised her eyebrows my way.

“Oh yeah? Of what, exactly?” Marianne wanted to know.

Before I could reply, Connor ended his call. He glanced at my two bakers who were scrutinizing him like two starving kids in an all-you-can eat dessert buffet line, gave them a nod and a quick smile, then turned his attention to me.

He had that look I sometimes see on my mother’s face when someone tells a joke she doesn’t quite get: a little puzzled and not sure why she is. His gorgeous eyes lit on me, a tiny line dividing his brows.

“Problem?” I asked.

He nodded. “With the new app. I’ve got to get to my office. A couple of my techs are coming in to figure out what’s wrong, but I need to be there.” He took a few steps toward me. Because the two ragazze ficcanaso—nosy girls—were still staring and probably memorizing everything they saw so they could gossip about it later, I interrupted whatever he’d been about to say.

“So the chocolate cake is the winner,” I said in my professional, bakery owner voice. “I’ll make sure it gets made to your specifications. No worries.”

With a tiny tilt of his head, he nailed me with a look that was so hot it was a wonder I didn’t immolate. His back was to the girls, so I knew they couldn’t see him. But they could see me, so I made sure to stuff down the need to jump into his arms again and stuck out my hand to shake his instead.

God bless him, Connor must have sensed the reason I was acting like I hadn’t had his tongue down my throat just a few seconds before and was riding his knee like a horse.

He grabbed my hand, shook it once, and squeezed.

“Okay. Sounds good. I’m sorry I have to leave.”

“I’ve got to go, too, remember? I’ve got a hot date with Pop.”

His smile charmed me straight down to my toes.

My girls watched him shrug back into his coat and slide his gloves on.

“Ladies,” he said to them. They hadn’t moved from their spots since divesting themselves of their own outerwear. Now, to allow him passage, they stepped aside.

Before opening the door, Connor glanced over his shoulder. “Thanks for the…taste,” he said.

And then he was gone.

Holy hotness,” Kari said.

“Who is that?” her partner in crime asked. “And is he married?”

I told them simply, “A customer,” then said I was leaving for lunch with Pop.

It was good thing it was cold and windy for my two block walk to Mangianno’s. I needed the chill to cool my body down from the inferno of desire blazing through it.

Cool it down? Who was I kidding? Tossing a bucket of ice water on me wouldn’t have cooled me down.