What You Need to Know

In a nutshell, this section is what this book is all about: getting a life. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what that expression means for someone in high school who is looking out on the wide-open vista of the future. Like most things in life, the explanation I’ve found is circular. It goes back to the beginning of this book. Getting a life means knowing yourself and putting yourself out there in the world as you are now, even if you have no idea where you will end up. Our education system likes to plow kids into rows by the end of high school: you end up labeled as a scholar or a worker, or in some cases a soldier. Often this happens because there is little continuity between what teens experience in classrooms and what they encounter in the real world.

I hope after reading this far you have a better sense of what interests you, but if you still don’t, this is where you start. Take some time before college and have an adventure. Experiment a little. Test yourself. The way to get a life is to get off the couch and start living, right now, in whatever mixed-up, wacky fashion you can finance or finagle: make juice out of a food truck, practice yoga, enroll in a painting class, work on a farm, study monkeys in Asia, babysit in Norway, write a blog, silkscreen T-shirts and sell them at outdoor festivals. It doesn’t matter what it is—just try it. Or even better, try all of it!

A nonstop voice inside your head may be saying you aren’t good enough, or brave enough, or smart enough, or rich enough yet to risk it out there—but that voice is wrong. It comes from an age-old source meant to keep you safe and stationary (remember what I told you about the lizard part of your brain) within the confines of your known environment. It’s a voice everyone hears on the brink of a new challenge, and it is the single biggest hurdle to actually achieving your best life.

YOLO

There is no right answer or proper path into adulthood; there’s only you and what you do. You may feel a lot of pressure to do what all your friends are doing, then grow up and get a job and contribute to society (pay taxes). The downturn in the economy has meant that making a living is the top priority, above and beyond advancing more aspirational goals that are the backbone of civilization, like art, public discourse, social justice, peace, equality, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Because you have a lot of time and energy and relatively few expenses, you are at the perfect stage to upend that equation for a little while and blow the roof off your own life. When you come back, you may find yourself ready to study or work hard, and in the mean-time you will have learned some bread-and-butter skills that will help keep a roof over your head.

So don’t be afraid to shake it up a little after graduation. Take some time to find yourself. Call it what you want: time off, time on, time out, a gap year, a bridge year, or a Wanderjahr. But make it worthwhile. Learn something new. Travel. Do something strange. Risk something big. All of the options explored up to this point can be mixed and matched (with the exception of the military, which does its own mixing and matching within its prescribed protocols) and experimented with. Be brave enough to break out of the usual barriers and think outside of the box.

One word to the wise: If you think that you want to attend college (four-year or two-year) at some point in the near future, apply and get in somewhere while you are still in high school so you retain your student status. It is way less hassle than applying later, and it will help you be eligible for more discounts and programs. Plus, as a current high school student, you are already on the conveyor belt of education and have all the necessary tests, transcripts, teacher recommendations, and counseling at your fingertips—and your studies are fresh in your mind. Imagine taking a couple of years off and then going back to your old high school to chase down your past teachers for letters and transcripts, or having to retake the SAT. It’s not the end of the world if you don’t apply now, but it is much easier to be accepted first and then defer for a year or two. Colleges won’t ding you or rescind their acceptance if you defer. Rather, they like when students take time off in between high school and college (or even during college) to do something interesting, if only because students return more mature and ready to learn.

If you aren’t planning on college or (yikes!) don’t get in to any of the colleges you applied to, take it as a message from the universe to strike out for territories unknown. Invent your own hybrid of work/study/travel, or work with your parents and an expert to help you create a one-of-a-kind experience. It doesn’t have to be expensive. You can work a day job and study Portuguese online, then go to Brazil when you’ve saved enough money.

Know in your bones that you are at an age when a little extra time spent in the right way (or even the slightly wrong way) is not going to ruin your endgame. Instead, it will probably sharpen your focus and improve the outcome in the long run. That’s the dirty little secret most adults don’t want to share: No one knows what the future holds. Not you. Not me. Not your teachers or parents or those senior college admission officers deciding your fate. You can make certain choices that shrink the odds, but it’s all still a crapshoot. Do the best, most expansive thing you can do with what you have going on right now. Your parents may need some convincing in regard to finances and your safety. Your teachers or coaches may worry you’ll fall off-track. Your peers may happily shoulder their backpacks and head off to freshman Psych class in the fall feeling concerned about you. But don’t let any of this rock you. If what you do with your time is not stupid or criminal, move forward with the certainty that someday you are going to be like everybody else. Just not right now.

So, go ahead. The whole world is waiting.

“If I could go back and give my eighteen-year-old self advice, I’d tell her to pay close attention to her instincts about what truly interested her and then find a mentor to help her navigate a way to do it. I’d also encourage her not to worry so much about certain stuff like boyfriends and other people’s opinions. When you are immersed in the culture of your family and friends, it feels like the only thing that’s real, but it’s not.”

—J. Andes, MSW, PhD, who went to state college for a year and a half, dropped out to work, took courses at community college, then went to college