Just when we think we’ve figured things out, the universe throws us a curveball.

—Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy

Halloween, 6:45 p.m.

Getting ready

I can’t decide if I should wear ripped blue jeans with a black top, black jeans with a black top, or black jeans with an orange top. I just asked May (because she happened to come into my room while I was trying to decide), who said I should wear the ripped blue jeans with an orange top, which technically wasn’t one of the choices, but part of me thinks she might be right (even though she’s never right when it comes to clothes). Since Mom is a fashion designer I’m going to the kitchen to ask her what she thinks I should wear.

7:17 p.m.

Back from the kitchen

I’m back from the kitchen, and there was no point in going. When I asked Mom what she thought I should wear to the party, she pursed her lips like she was actually considering my question (which it turns out wasn’t the case). Before she could answer, June put in her two cents. “I think you should wear a pirate costume or go as a ghost.”

Mom unpursed her lips. “April, do you really think it’s a good idea to go to this party?”

I’d already been over this with Mom and Dad, and I didn’t think I should have to do it again, especially when I had more important things to be doing, like getting ready. “I think it’s a great idea. I’m going with Harry and Sophie. Aren’t you happy I’m spending time with family?”

Mom shook her head like that wasn’t the issue. “It’s just that there will be older kids there. I’ve heard these parties can get pretty out of control.”

I let out a breath and tried to stay patient. I knew if I got frustrated Mom would take it as a sign that I wasn’t “mature” enough to go. “Mom, don’t worry. I’ll be careful. I promise.”

That seemed to get the job done because after a long lecture about the dangers of underage drinking and the importance of not succumbing to peer pressure, Mom agreed (even though she’d already agreed) that I could go, which was great, though it didn’t answer the what-should-I-wear question.

The answer is I’m going with black and black. Sophie just called and said that’s what she’s wearing and that one thing she learned from living in New York is that you can never go wrong with all black. Then she said tonight should be really fun and that she can’t wait to go.

Neither can I. Happy Halloween! I’m going to a party!!!

8:32 p.m.

Group text

Harry: Be there in 5.

Sophie: Where?

Sophie: My house?

Me: Or my house?

Sophie: ???

Me: ???

Harry: April.

Me: What?

Harry: Your house first.

Me: OK. See ya.

Sophie: Hurry!

Harry: Ur annoying.

Sophie: WHO???

Harry: Both of you.

Me: Hurry up!

Sophie: Yeah!

Harry: Chill!

Sophie:

Me:

Harry: It’s Halloween.

Me:

Sophie:

Sophie: Stop texting and hurry up!

Harry: I’m coming.

Harry:

Saturday, November 1, 10:57 a.m.

Sophie just left

Worst Halloween ever

I can’t believe I was so excited to go to the party last night. It was literally the worst Halloween ever (and last Halloween, when all my friends were mad at me for kissing Matt when Billy and I were together, was pretty awful). I should have taken it as a sign when Mom tried to talk me out of going to the party. Actually, it was like a third sign. Leo had tried to talk me out of it first. Then Brynn said it didn’t sound like fun. Then Mom. I should have listened to one of them.

I could sugarcoat it (dumb Halloween reference) and write about the good parts of the night that led up to the bad part. I did have fun walking to the party with Harry and Sophie, ringing doorbells to get candy, then joking around as we threw candy to each other and tried catching it in our mouths. But what’s the point when what happened when we got to the party overshadowed all that?

At first, everything was cool. Mark’s backyard was packed. Some seniors, but mostly juniors and sophomores, and a few kids from my class. Sophie and Harry and I were all hanging out. After a while, Harry drifted off with some friends and kind of disappeared.

Sophie and I were talking to the kids who were there from our grade when Chase Campbell, a junior on the football team and widely considered to be the hottest guy at school, started talking to Sophie. I could tell Sophie wasn’t that into him, but he was telling her some long story about something that happened at a game, and she couldn’t really walk off while he was in the middle of it. I felt like a third wheel just standing there, so I walked off.

I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. I didn’t want it to look like I didn’t have anyone to talk to so I just started walking like I had somewhere to go. I walked to the back of Mark’s yard. There were a bunch of trees and a tool shed, so I thought I could kind of hang out there undetected while Sophie talked to Chase, but that turned out to be a HUGE mistake.

Matt Parker was there, making out with Libby Walker, a cheerleader in his class. He was sitting on the ground with his back against the tool shed and Libby was sitting in his lap facing him. Her back was to me, and Matt’s hands were on her butt. I couldn’t see her face, or his, but I could tell by the way the way they were kissing that they were into it.

It wasn’t like I wanted to be looking at them, but I couldn’t help it. I just stood there staring. Then the worst thing happened. Matt and Libby stopped kissing for a second, and when they did, he looked up like he wanted to make sure no one else was back there, and he saw me standing there watching them. Our eyes locked. He stared at me for a few seconds, then he went back to kissing Libby like I wasn’t even there.

I felt the party spinning around me. I went back to where Sophie was talking to Chase, and several of his teammates had joined them. My heart was racing as they talked. It’s one thing to see Matt on my street while I’m walking my dog or at school while I’m trying to open my locker, but it’s a whole other thing to see him at a party making out with another girl.

“What do you think?” I heard Sophie’s voice. Everyone was looking at me like I was supposed to answer the question. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

“Is she a mute for Halloween?” some guy asked. People laughed.

Sophie took my arm. “Excuse us,” she said and led me to the bathroom. When we got there, I sank down onto the floor. Sophie sat down beside me and I told her about seeing Matt kissing Libby and how he saw me watching them.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” said Sophie. “If people make out at a party, there’s a good chance other people are going to see them.”

“I know. But why did I have to stand there staring? It was so embarrassing.” Sophie looked at me. I think she got that embarrassment wasn’t the only issue. She leaned against me, and we sat quietly like that for a long time. Finally, Sophie broke the silence. “I called my dad. He’s not coming for Thanksgiving.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. I put my head on her shoulder.

We didn’t move until someone started banging on the door. “Want to go?” she asked.

I nodded and we left the party. As we walked home, I asked Sophie about her conversation with her dad. “I don’t want to talk about it,” she said. Then she changed the subject and talked about boys and how they can be jerks and that Matt is at the top of that list.

“He saw me looking at him. That’s just so embarrassing.”

Sophie laughed. “He’s the one who should be embarrassed.”

She was trying to cheer me up. In my head, I knew what she was saying was true, but I couldn’t help that it hurt seeing him with another girl.

Sophie and I had already planned to have a sleepover after the party. When we got to my house, we went to my room and got in bed, but I couldn’t sleep. I was tossing and turning and thinking about what I saw at the party. Then, the all-too-familiar sounds of my parents arguing drifted into my room from their room across the hall. It was bad enough listening to my parents fight, but worse that Sophie had to hear them too.

“Sorry,” I said even though I hadn’t done anything wrong.

“It’s OK,” said Sophie. “Boys suck and so do parents.”

It was a such a dark, out-of-character comment from Sophie, but it had a lullaby effect on me, and I think her too, because we both closed our eyes.

I don’t even remember falling asleep.