Chapter Five

 

Chad wanted to find the asshole and shove his hand right through his face. He’d hurt Toni in ways that caused soul deep pain as well as physical pain. Beaton had gotten away with it. He would no doubt do the same or worse to another woman someday. He understood that with Beaton family’s influence in Denver and her being a mere small town woman who’d married well, she wouldn’t have stood a chance trying to take him on in court about what he’d done. In his work, he ran into abusive cases far too many times. People who had been verbally or physically beaten too much either struggled to fight back or didn’t do it at all.

Toni had chosen to protect herself as best she could; she’d sought the divorce and walked away from that life. Not necessarily whole, but she was getting better. He could see the ups and downs she suffered, and would probably suffer for a while. He hoped that she’d gotten a damn good settlement from the SOB.

He’d been quiet too long while he struggled with what he’d heard. She was observing him and he hated that she might wonder if he would ever treat her like that. He wouldn’t. But how long would it take for her to get over the experience? How would she learn to trust a man again?

“You should never have gone through that alone.” If her parents had known… If her brother had known… Nobody had. She’d been completely cut off from anyone who cared for her, even if it had been her own doing. But here in Petersville she did have her family to help her heal from those wounds. Whether she wanted it or not, she also had his support.

She shrugged at his comment, then continued with her distressing explanation. “I loved him, or thought I did. I was raised in a good home, with good people, with strong beliefs. As his wife, I felt it was my duty to do anything he wanted or expected of me.” She closed her eyes for a second and drew in a breath, then blew it out. “Some things were unpleasant, really awful, but I…”

Her admission cut at him. He didn’t want to even consider what the unpleasant things had been. She’d obviously put up with treatment that a woman shouldn’t have to at the hands of a man far from worthy of her.

“He didn’t love me, though. I don’t think he really ever did.”

Her voice had dropped so low he could barely hear her, but he felt the pain of her disillusionment. Again, he wanted to find Beaton and do some serious damage to him. He shoved the anger aside and said, “I would never treat a woman like that. Most men wouldn’t.”

She appeared to weigh what he’d said. Slowly she relaxed. “I don’t think you would. You’re nothing like Stanley. He was twisted in a way. I should have seen the signs earlier in him.”

“You were young…”

Her eyes flashed with irritation. “I was stupid, too. I met a man who paid me such special attention, made me feel treasured. Powerful stuff for a naïve young woman.” She shook her head, the long hair brushing her shoulders. “I was so determined to have my way, like always. I was sure my parents were wrong about him. I couldn’t believe they didn’t see how much he loved me.”

She snorted in disgust. “Love! Right.”

It was the sad truth that she’d spent most of her youth and teen years set on having her own way. She’d pretty much been the living definition of brat. Her parents had been patient as saints a great deal of the time. They’d loved her so much; still did. How different her life would have turned out if he’d not been such a damn fool and taken too long to make his play for her. His life, too. Guilt weighed heavily on him. But there was nothing he could do to change how things had turned out for either of them.

She looked straight at him and said words that had to be hard to say. “They were right all along not to trust him.”

He put out his good hand to her, held his breath, and waited to see if she would take it. He needed to pull her to him, wishing he could take some of her burden of emotional pain. He’d been hurt as well by someone he’d thought loved him, but he had enough inner strength left to share her suffering. He doubted she would take a chance with him and let him offer gentleness with no expectations.

She stared at his hand for a couple of long seconds before she stepped toward him. He held perfectly still in surprise, let her be in charge. She slid her small, soft hand against his much bigger one and ever so lightly curled her shaking fingers around his hand. Her effort humbled him.

“So many people have turned their backs on me. People I thought were my friends and that I could trust,” she said in a near whisper. “I don’t want to keep feeling frightened, distrustful. I want to believe in people again and in their goodness. I know most people aren’t like Stanley or his awful family. But it’s hard.”

Although it was awkward with his casted arm, he moved her into his embrace as gently as he could. At first she stiffened, but then he felt her force herself to relax and he knew it cost her. The rightness of having her so close made him want more. He had been with other women, had thought he’d loved a couple, but his feelings for them were nothing compared to what he experienced being around Toni. She was a broken woman, but was determined to believe he wouldn’t hurt her. He prayed he could give her what she needed to heal. Like her family, he wanted her to be happy again.

They stood together for several minutes, his injured arm cradled between them. He experienced a twinge of pain as she moved closer to him, but he chose to ignore it. This was too important. He would stand here until his legs went numb if that’s what she needed him to do. She would make the next move.

Her heart pounded against him, the speed increasing the longer they stood there. Finally she moved back and looked up at him with wary eyes. “I’m sorry for what I did, all of it. For breaking your sign. For breaking your arm. For—”

“It’ll be okay, Antoinette,” he said, cutting her off. He couldn’t help himself. He cupped her beautiful face with his good hand, gave her a second to shove him away or yell at him. He prayed she wouldn’t.

She simply trembled and waited.

Need tore through him. It’s too soon. She’s too fragile.

When she didn’t move, he took it as a precious sign and he gave in, lowering his head. Her sweet, floral scent sucked him in. He was desperate, but he would be careful with her. She deserved gentleness. Their lips met and he struggled for control again. Gentle. God, be gentle.

So good, so perfect, even if so light. The tender kiss lasted little more than an instant, but she didn’t fight it. When she gave a soft moan that was enough to try his patience. His body hardened and pressed against her. He hoped it wouldn’t frighten her, but he couldn’t help the reaction.

She drew in a startled breath and stepped back. Her eyes were wide with a mixture of alarm and longing. Regret. Then she spun away and sped out of his office.

Well, hell.

***

What had she done? How could she have let Chad kiss her? Toni’s heart raced as she hurried down the stairs, nearly falling in the high heels, but managing to catch herself on the railing at the last second.

“Toni, wait!” he called from the top of the stairs. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

Oddly, annoyance filled her. She didn’t want his apology, not when everything in her wanted another kiss. A longer one, a more intense one. Uncomfortable with that knowledge, she couldn’t face him. Yet she had to tell him the truth. “I’m not sorry.”

“What did you say?”

He started down the stairs after her, but she rushed to snag her coat from the halltree, and then her purse from her small office. He stood tall and worried with a pinched brow in the foyer when she nearly ran into him. “Did you say you weren’t sorry?” he asked, sounding disbelieving, hopeful.

She’d waited years for their first kiss, having thought about it a hundred times in her teen years. She’d never really believed it would happen. Now it had. But it had been short. Still, it was even better than she’d dreamed about. Just a simple taste and she longed for more. She wasn’t a teenage girl with no control anymore. “It can’t happen again, Chad. I mean it.”

“Because we’ll be working together?”

“Partly because of that.” She began tugging her coat on, awkwardly, since she still had hold of her purse. He tried to help her, but she moved out of his reach and did it herself. “Mostly because…because I just can’t.”

His darkened blue eyes held such sadness that she had to look away. “It was just a spur of the moment thing. Nothing you need to worry about.”

But she was worried. She’d felt his body’s reaction to her, to the kiss. He was a virile man, a passionate one. She’d sensed that, knew how much he’d struggled to control himself.

“There was a time when I wanted you to see me as someone you could be attracted to. When I was young and ridiculously had a crush on you.” She swallowed hard. “Too much has happened since then. To both of us.”

Disappointment filled his striking face, sporting stitches and a bandage because of her. Yet he nodded agreement. “If things were different…”

“But they’re not.” She walked by him and out of the office, hoping he wouldn’t try to stop her.

He didn’t.

Good? Bad? The right decision. She wasn’t ready for another relationship, probably wouldn’t ever be. He might never be either. Her brother had told her the other day what had happened in Chad’s marriage. His ex-wife had aborted their baby, one he hadn’t even known about. The woman’s cruelty sickened her.

***

It took Toni two days to recover from that modest embrace, the even simpler kiss, and the awkward conversation afterward. She had avoided Chad as much as possible the next day and he’d let her do that. She’d worked with Ellen and Ethan instead. As she struggled with the simplest duties, both had shown more patience than she deserved. Answering the phone for the firm wasn’t something she enjoyed. Too many clients grew subtly hostile after she’d said her name, wanting to be passed on to whoever they’d called for rather than even share a mere comment about the nice weather with her. The act of bringing a cup of coffee to a client in a meeting hadn’t been pleasant, either. So she’d grown quieter at the office and tried to become invisible.

That was changing as of today. She hoped. She had lectured herself about her behavior this morning in the shower. Her therapist would not have approved of her shifting back into the role of playing timid, as she’d settled into during her marriage. That wasn’t who she was, at least not who she had been B.S.

Walking up the office steps, she smiled. B.S. Before Stanley. Or more commonly thought of as bullshit. In her situation and experience, they were interchangeable. She’d been here almost a week and those around her might not see the changes in her yet, but she did.

Each night she went to bed feeling like she’d accomplished something, even if her duties weren’t huge things, just day-to-day stuff in an office. Each day she dealt with the unfriendly clients, maybe too cautiously at first, but she’d learned to take their behavior in stride. Best of all, her redheaded temper had not made another appearance since her unreasonable attack on the sign and on Chad. Once she was confident in herself again, she wanted to keep on controlling her temper. That quick flash of anger she’d been known for in her youth wasn’t something she wanted back.

Her nightmarish dream about Stanley having rough sex with her had also not returned. Instead she replayed Chad’s kiss. Except the kiss had become much hotter, more passionate. Her body ached with desire for him to come to her bed, or take her to his. Foolish wishes. He didn’t need a woman with her kind of emotional baggage in his personal life. And she knew he had issues as well, according to her brother. She didn’t think she could deal with more than she already was.

Yet the man was messing with her mind. Each day she’d come into the office there had been another rose added to the vase, until finally there had been a bigger vase set on her desk. There hadn’t been any new notes. But she knew who the flowers were from. Curiously, she wondered if she’d find another rose today. A thought that made her smile and made her insides tingle.

“Thank God you’re here!” Chad all but shrieked the instant she opened the outer door. “I can’t handle this. I’m totally inept when it comes to the basic reception duties.”

After closing the door, she hurried inside. He sat at Ellen’s desk. His thick hair looked as if he’d run a hand through it many times already. His eyes appeared dazed; a bit unnerved, too. He looked…adorably sexy in a lost man kind of way. Warmth curled inside her.

“Where’s Ellen?” She slipped off her coat and went back to hang it on the hall tree.

The wheels of Ellen’s chair squeaked as they always did and she knew he’d gotten up. She hadn’t even turned around before he was at her side. He still seemed paler than normal, edgy.

“Her water broke almost the instant she walked in the door earlier.” His eyes widened and he looked shocked. “Dad took her to the hospital. Her husband is out of town, but he’s coming back today. I was a real basket case in her time of need. Helpless. She made me sit down and put my head between my knees. Dad laughed at me the entire time he was taking charge of the situation.”

Her lips twitched as he blurted out his explanation. Poor man. If he got this distraught at his secretary going into labor, she couldn’t imagine what he’d be like if it was his own wife and child involved. The thought sobered her. She remembered the abortion, his ex-wife’s betrayal. She wasn’t the only with complicated emotional baggage.

“Should you go see her at the hospital? I can handle everything here,” Toni offered, although her stomach tightened at the idea. Could she really do it? Yes, I can. “Trust me.”

He hesitated and that made her slump her shoulders. He didn’t think she could take care of things. Well, why would he? Still, the idea hurt her pride.

His hand settled gently on her arm and she flinched, but he kept his hand in place. “I don’t doubt you, Antoinette.”

She raised an eyebrow at his use of her real name, yet she didn’t correct him. The way he said it in such a deep, soft tone made her stomach go all fluttery. But she wouldn’t tell him that.

The corner of his mouth lifted and his color returned. “Not going to sass me about Antoinette?”

“I’m cutting you some slack, just this once.” She glanced at where his hand still lay on her arm. After the initial shock of the action, she really didn’t mind the light touch.

Unaware of her change in response, he released her and shifted uneasily. “Sorry. I know you don’t like to be touched.”

She didn’t want to correct him, so she headed for Ellen’s desk. “I’ve already filled in for her a few times when she went to see the doctor. I’m sure I can do her job. At least for…”

She stopped, faced him, and asked, “You do have a backup plan for while she’s out on maternity leave, right?”

He sighed and scrubbed his hand through his hair, shaking his head. “I guess Dad and I were trying to pretend it wouldn’t actually happen.”

She rolled her eyes. “Seriously? You’re two fairly intelligent people. I can’t believe you weren’t prepared for this moment.”

His cell phone rang and he pulled it from his pocket, appearing relieved. In a matter of a minute, though, he looked disturbed before he hung up after saying, “I’ll be there as quickly as I can.”

“Is something wrong with Ellen? With the baby?” Toni asked in a rush, tense, worried about her new friend.

“That wasn’t Dad.” Chad moved toward the stairs to go up to his office, but changed his mind and turned back. His jaw was tight and a vein pulsed in his neck. “It was Crampton. He went out to check on Mrs. Harper, like he does regularly. She’d been beaten, slapped around.” He cursed under his breath. “Low life bastard.”

She knew Mrs. Harper. The woman had to be in her eighties, maybe nineties. “What bastard? Who would do such a thing? Did someone break in and try to rob her?”

Such fury flashed from Chad’s eyes that she took several steps away. But she didn’t fear him. She’d just never seen him so angry.

“Her no good great-grandson. Crampton found him rifling through her jewelry box.” He cursed again. “The SOB has slapped her around before. She wouldn’t admit it the last time it happened. But I’m going to make sure he answers for what he did this time.”

Her heart raced, memories swarming over her. Bruised, dazed, shattered emotionally, she’d had no one to help her after Stanley’s attack. She’d gotten herself to the emergency room to be checked out. The young doctor who’d looked at her had wanted to call the police, but she’d known that would have made it all worse. He’d wanted to call her family, a friend, anyone. She’d been too embarrassed and refused.

She was shaking, lost in her pain, when Chad stepped in front of her. Before she could stop him, he thumbed away tears she hadn’t even known were streaming down her face. He looked so worried, and torn, too. He needed to go do whatever he could for the elderly woman. Yet she had a feeling he wouldn’t leave if he thought she required him to be with her. She did, but how could she live with herself if she didn’t make him go?

She pulled herself together and stepped back, forcing a wobbly smile. “I’m okay. I just had a bad flashback. But I’m all right.”

“I’ll call Crampton again, tell him…”

“No! I’ll get myself under control,” she protested. “You should focus on Mrs. Harper. She’s lucky to have you wanting to help her. I didn’t…” She clamped down on admitting that she hadn’t had anyone when she needed assistance.

He ground his teeth, anger snapping in his gaze. “You should have had people to rely on. Damn. What you went through…what Beaton did…” He blew out a breath. “I hate it, Toni. I really hate it.”

“Antoinette,” she corrected, hoping to calm him down. What he said made her feel better.

He blinked and some of his anger faded. “I don’t like leaving when you’re upset.” But he looked worried.

The office phone rang and they both glanced at where it sat on Ellen’s desk. She took the call as a sign. “I’m fine, really. I have a moment every now and then, but I’m okay.”

She walked with determination toward the desk. “Go. Do what you need to do and trust me to handle things here.”

He hesitated, but when she picked up the receiver, he finally nodded. She waited for him to grab his coat from the hall tree, pull it on while sucking in a pain-filled breath from shoving his casted arm through the sleeve, and then walk out the door before she focused on the phone call. She prayed she could stand behind her word, that she could deal with calls from clients and whatever else would be necessary. But, truthfully, she was scared almost witless.

After she’d survived the first call, she went to her office and snagged the vase of roses. She smiled as she quickly counted them. Another new one. Red this time, full and beautiful. It made her wonder what the florist thought about Chad buying a new one each day.

Feeling good about the flowers, she carried the vase back to Ellen’s desk. Since she was in a better mood, confident, she’d give Caruthers a call. She’d been trying to get hold of him for several days now, but he never answered…and he never called her back. Today would hopefully be the day they connected.