| |
Regina
––––––––
My cell phone rings, not my regular cell phone, my secret cell phone. The sound has my heart thumping with excitement. It’s been three whole days since it last rang. I make sure my bedroom door is locked before I retrieve the hidden burner phone from its hiding place.
“Hello, my love,” I answer.
“Dearest heart, your voice soothes the ache from not seeing you for so long.”
Joy floods through my entire body, filling me close to bursting until I worry my heart is beating too fast. “I’ve missed you so much. Tomorrow all the waiting will be over. No more hiding our love from Johnny or anyone else. We’ll be together for the rest of our lives. Marrying you will be my every dream come true.”
His laughter is harsh and grating. “How sweet.”
My smile vanishes. It doesn’t sound like he thinks it’s sweet.
“I’m the luckiest man in all of New York to have you as a fiancée, young, sweet, pure and in love with me. One more night and I’ll be able to change a few of those things.” This time there’s no mistaking his coarse laughter or the bitterness underlying his words.
Is it really Richard? He’s never said anything like this before, never been so...I don’t know, it feels wrong. Even his voice sounds different, rougher, with a hint of shrillness at the edges. “Richard?”
A cough. “I’m sorry, darling. I don’t know what’s come over me, I think I’m a bit giddy at the thought of tomorrow. All I’ve been dreaming of is making you my wife. I love you, Regina. I can’t wait for the privilege of becoming your husband.”
Relief pours through me, washing away the questions bubbling up inside me. Of course, I can forgive him. I haven’t been myself the last few days either from the stress and apprehension of tomorrow. “Yes, my love, of course. I love you too, I can’t wait.”
“Damn, I have to go, darling. My boss wants me in his office to discuss the week I’m taking off starting tomorrow. Remember ten on the dot, you go into your regular coffee place. You go right out the back door, I’ll be waiting.”
“Until tomorrow. I love you, Richard.”
“I love you too.” Then he’s gone.
Clutching the phone to my chest, I go over every word he said. Until those moments when he became...even now I can’t put my finger on it. It was a Richard I had never heard before, didn’t recognize.
Stop it, Regina, I tell myself, it’s not a big deal. You yelled at Maria yesterday for not putting any sugar in your oatmeal. All she was doing was following Johnny’s orders of me being on a diet whether I wanted to be or not. Stress does things to people, let it go. I’ve never yelled at Maria before—she’s too sweet, too timid. If I’m allowed a slip, then so is Richard.
Putting the phone away, I burrow into my favorite handbag to the secret compartment. With a glance at the door, I take out my engagement ring. It’s only a carat but it’s so bright and clear. The ring is a little small, stupid fat fingers. Forcing it on, it barely makes it over my knuckle.
Not for the first time I wish I was one of those tiny women instead of five nine, plus size with a big frame and big boobs and butt that only rappers like. Richard assured me once we were together he would help me lose weight, enabling me to become his perfect love. Even though his words hurt, I was grateful he was willing to help me and loved me enough to overlook the ways I didn’t meet his ideal woman.
Richard teased it was a good thing I was overweight—it kept men from coming around me, leaving him as the only man I would make love with. I used to feel silly and stupid for still being a virgin. Now I’m glad I saved myself for my future husband, even if it wasn’t really all my choice. Growing up in an all-girls boarding school taught by nuns in a tiny town in the north of Italy, there weren’t any options. The people in the small town kept a wide berth of the students in the school.
Once I went on to the University of Turin, I was living with the family of a nun from the school. All my time was spent studying and cleaning in exchange for my room and board. When I arrived here in New York two years ago, Johnny kept men from getting close to me, but it wasn’t like they had a hard time. As Richard said, most men here in New York looked through me.
It did annoy me the way my virginity was looked at as some prize, as if an intact hymen was the best thing about me. At first the way Richard got excited about me being a virgin made me feel icky. It was the same attitude of the other mob men who hung around the condo. The men I wanted nothing to do with. When what first appealed to me about Richard was that he wasn’t like the mob men.
Normally, I hid in my room when men came to the condo. One look at the green-eyed, blond Richard and I knew he wasn’t a mafia guy. He was so handsome that I couldn’t take my eyes off him. When he smiled at me, I felt as if the sun was shining for me for the first time since I arrived in New York. Finally, someone cared about me, loved me.
Tomorrow, my body will be under my own damn control. My whole life will change. I’ll be Mrs. Richard Taylor, and he’ll take me away from this life of guns and violence. I’ll no longer be the mafia princess of Johnny Conti, and Johnny will be lucky if I ever speak to or see him again.
Taking off my ring and tucking it away again, I consider never speaking to or seeing Johnny after tomorrow. It wouldn’t be any different from the last decade, and it feels like long past time. Johnny won’t miss me. He’s made it clear I’m a disappointment to him. I think in the end this final break will be a relief for us both. I’m tired of his cruelty, of all the ways he lists everything wrong with me. Of him constantly threatening to take my allowance away, telling me all Richard wants from me is my money.
How could Richard want something I don’t have? Especially when Johnny told me repeatedly that I don’t have any money. If I want to keep a roof over my head, I would do what I was told. Nothing Johnny said made any sense to me.
While the forty thousand I made last year in my first year as a translator for a publishing house here in New York wasn’t peanuts, it was hardly enough to marry someone for. Besides, Richard has his own money, far more than I do. He works as an accountant earning six figures but with his bonuses, he easily earns seven figures.
From far away I hear a thud. It’s Johnny leaving his office. Which means he’s leaving the condo for the day. If I give it five minutes I’ll miss him entirely.
Ten minutes later I go into the kitchen, starving for breakfast, to find Johnny sitting and drinking coffee. I startle—Johnny never comes into the kitchen. The kitchen is the size of most people’s entire apartments in this city, but he thinks it’s beneath him to be in the room.
“Gina, I’m having guests for dinner tonight. I’m getting a new lawyer. You’re to show up dressed in something nice, you watch your mouth and your manners.”
I barely manage not to roll my eyes. “Fine.” It’s all I say before I turn to hide in my room. I’m not hungry anymore.
“Eight o’clock,” he yells at me.
I don’t bother responding. It’s only a few minutes later when I hear him slam the front door of the condo. God, I hate him so much.
In my room, I hit the button to open the curtains. The condo is over ten thousand square feet on the sixty-second floor of a building people in this city would sell their souls to live in. I hate it, I hate everything about it. It’s not just the condo, I hate New York, the frantic tempo of the city, the way people look through you. I’m hoping I can talk Richard into a place in the quiet suburbs.
The knock at my door is timid and soft. There’s only one person it could be, Maria.
“Come in.”
Maria opens the door, carrying a tray of oatmeal with a cup of coffee. “You didn’t eat breakfast.”
“Thank you, Maria. I really appreciate it. You’re so sweet to me. I don’t deserve it.” I take the tray from her, carrying it to the small sitting area with a marble coffee table, loveseat and overstuffed chair where I spend most of my time in the condo.
“It’s no problem. Do you have a dress you want me to press or steam?”
I swallow a sigh, knowing Johnny sent her to ask me. “No, I’m good, thank you.”
A small nod. “Okay. You need anything else?”
“No, I’m good. I’m starving. I’ll eat and take my tray in later.”
“Okay.”
As soon as the door closes, I let my fake smile fade. I’ll miss her. She’s been so nice to me. When I first arrived here I was desperate to fit in. Maria helped me binge on everything to get caught up on American culture. All the things I didn’t understand, from how to get around the city, Snapchat, Tinder, all the rest—I could ask Maria without her ever laughing at me and my lack of knowledge.
Finished with breakfast, I make my way to my desk. For the thousandth time I study the picture of my mother holding me as a baby. She was beautiful. I got my height and curves from my mom, but she was much thinner, with an elegance to her I still remember being fascinated with. My mom was a dancer from Madrid who traveled to Chicago for a show. She was only supposed to be there for a week, but Johnny took one look at her and he didn’t let her go. It sounds romantic, but the reality wasn’t so much.
The problem was my father was already married, and a member of the mafia. I remember the first time I heard it. I was being teased by a girl at school about my father. I managed to get onto a computer and the internet. I read and understood what it all meant. After that I became grateful he sent me away from Chicago and his world.
Taking the picture down, I take it into the closet to tuck it in the bag I have packed for tomorrow. Slipping the picture between the pages of my favorite book, I wonder what my mom would think about what I’m doing.
I would like to think she would support me. At first, I did wonder if Johnny was right and Richard was after something more than just me. He was so handsome I could hardly believe he wanted me. Except over the almost three months now Richard has never wavered in his declarations of love, and I believe him. I’m sure Mom would want me to be happy, and Richard makes me happy.
Studying the bag filled with a few changes of clothes and my wedding dress, I hope it’s not too big. It’s normal for me to carry a large bag when I go to the coffee house. I’ve gone there often over the last few months to spend the day working.
I went there to work so I wouldn’t feel like I was caged up in the condo. Even though I felt stupid sitting there working while one of Johnny’s men sat at another table close by and watched me. The only good thing about New York City is there are a plethora of people roaming the city with bodyguards, so it doesn’t faze most people. In order to keep up appearances I figure it’s a good idea to go today, so I text my usual guard, Danny, and let him know I want to go and I’ll be ready in twenty minutes.