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Dominic
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God damnit, and now it’s back, the reality of what the fuck is happening. Bullshit, this is such fucking bullshit. Forced to marry a girl who can’t even say the word fuck. It’s one thing to fuck her, get lost in her beautiful body for a night or two; it’s something completely different to vow forever.
“I can and I will. Have no doubt we will fuck and seal our vows. This is the last time I will warn you. If you say his name or refer to him one more time, I will kill him. I swear it.”
Her gasp is loud. I gun the engine as I merge onto the freeway, the growl of the engine soothing the anger inside me.
“How can you say that? How the fuck am I supposed to react to being told I’m going to be forced to marry a man I met less than six hours ago? Who then tied me up and threw me in the trunk of his car. I can’t even believe this is real. Any minute now I’m praying I’m going to wake up and this will be nothing more than a horrible nightmare.”
Fuck. She’s crying again. I am an asshole and I have no problem calling myself one. The only women I’ve allowed close and let my guard down around were the wives of my cousins. With them I didn’t have to worry they had ulterior motives.
With the women I was fucking, I never allowed myself to be soft. I didn’t want a woman comfortable with me, didn’t want them getting the idea they were anything more than temporary in my life. Regina isn’t just any woman; whether I like it or not, she will become my wife. With Johnny on a clock, likely within the next few weeks.
Regina has the same right to think this is fucked up as I do. She came into this life two years ago. I grew up knowing the life I would be leading would not entirely be my own. I would have a boss, and his orders were something I would follow without hesitation, question, or whining. Duty and honor were words ingrained into me before I knew exactly what they were. Regina has been living a quiet, pious little life in the north of Italy raised by nuns. Taking my anger out on her will get us absolutely nowhere.
Checking the area, I slow and pull to the side of the road. I hit the button to illuminate the interior. Damn it, her eyes and nose are red, and those honey eyes have darkened to melting chocolate. Undoing my seat belt, I edge toward her. Blinking fast, she tries to hide as I tug out my pocket square. Catching her by her small chin, I bring her face up to me. For a brief second she tries to get away. I tighten my grip, and she gives in with a sigh.
I’ve brought women to tears before; it never bothered me, especially when I was sure it was a negotiating tactic. I tell myself it doesn’t bother me now, but fuck am I lying. The electricity is there again and now I know it’s going to happen every damn time I touch her. She feels it too, thank fuck it’s not just me losing it. Carefully, slowly I wipe her tears away. Her breathing becomes fractured as I finish, her small pink tongue slides out of her mouth to wet her lips.
Stifling a groan, I shift to ease my thickening cock. I’m trying to remind myself she’s not ready for everything I want to do to her. And sure as fuck not on the side of the road. “Look, this isn’t something I thought would happen when I woke up today either. I fought hard and negotiated like hell to keep from ending up in a marriage like this. One for the family and by the family. I don’t have a choice either. It’s my duty, I won’t dishonor my father or my Don.”
Her eyes meet mine. Fuck, would she stop chewing on her bottom lip for one damn second? I press my thumb against her soft, plush bottom lip to stop the torture. Liquid honey eyes widen, I fight the savage hunger pulsing through my veins for her. Focus, Dom.
“This marriage has to happen. The sooner you come to terms with it the better, the easier it will be for the both of us. I didn’t want this but I will not abuse you. I protect what is mine. I keep what is mine. I’ll do what I can to honor our vows. I’ll never ask more from you than I’m willing to give too. I need you to work with me.”
The word vows does something to her. Her pupils dilate and her lips part, undoing my control. I lower my head. She doesn’t move even though she gasps before my lips touch hers. A soft grazing is all I allow myself to gauge her response. My cock jumps at her sigh of loss, at the way her lips tremble against mine. Hunger urges me on, I swipe her lips with my tongue. Her mouth opens, I cannot refuse the invitation.
Sweet, so damn sweet. I have no fucking idea where the growl comes from as I feast on her. Maybe it’s from the way her tongue tentatively seeks mine. Maybe it’s the taste of her, traces of brandy, of something sweet, vibrant and new I’ve never known before. Her kiss is untutored, her obvious lack of knowledge coupled with her enthusiasm pulls another growl out of me. My hands go into her hair to keep her in place. Her small hands go around my neck. Christ, she presses her breasts against me. And god damn, it hits me, the scent of her wet pussy. My cock jumps to be inside her, my mouth waters to taste her, to have her moaning and writhing under me while I learn every inch of her.
An eighteen-wheeler passes close, the car shakes as the wind rocks it. What the fuck? I haven’t made out in a car in my entire life, but if I don’t stop I’ll fuck her right now. I pull away slowly, her hands tighten in my hair. Good.
She’s breathing fast, her eyes are wide and dazed. I run my thumb over her bottom lip. Unable to stop touching her.
“We can do this the easy way, princess. I can make your life a good life, a happy one. I promise you that. Don’t make me into the fucker I can be.” It isn’t until the words come out of me that I know I mean them. I didn’t want this; however, I will not back down from it. I’m a Sabatini, I keep my promises. Regina will be my wife. I will do the best I can to honor her as such, to ensure the life she has is as good as I can make it. Come what may.
Her throat works. “How?”
“Tell me what you want. Forget Taylor and your father. When you were growing up what did you want your life to be?” Why the fuck does she have to look so young in the soft light? Seventeen damn years younger than me, pure, innocent, she deserves better than a scarred, fucked-up killer like me.
“I wanted a family. I’ve always wanted a big family of at least two boys and a girl and a dog. I know it’s silly and childish not to want more in life. It didn’t matter, I always wanted that. To be a good mom was my only goal, to make sure my children were loved and happy was all I wanted.”
I close my eyes. Of course, she wants the one thing I won’t give her. Refuse to give her. No kids, not now, not ever. Except to tell her that would mean we crash and burn before we ever get off the ground. I do the only thing I can, I lie.
“Kids will come in the future. You have plenty of time. I would like us to wait until we have a few years to us. When we have settled into our marriage. Can we agree on that?”
A small smile. “Why do all of your questions not sound like questions?”
I allow a smile in return. “Maybe because I’m not used to asking. I’m used to telling people things and having them agree whether they want to or not. I will try to work on it. Regina, in this world of ours, my control of everything around me, including my wife, needs to be seen as complete, total. If not I will appear weak. I can’t have that, it’s too dangerous. Between us it will be different, but it’s only between us.”
Her eyes drop from mine. A small nod is her only answer as she pulls away from me. I don’t like letting her go, I allow it, this time.
“I can guarantee you will want for nothing when it comes to sexual pleasure, princess. I can’t wait for you to deliver on the promise of that kiss.”
I can’t take my eyes off the way the blush goes all the way down to her chest, fuck yes, her nipples are hard.
“You are so vulgar. It was one kiss.”
“A kiss divulges many things, much more than words do. Tells me you are as pure as you appear. How you’ve never come before. How you’ve never been kissed so good it made your pussy wet.”
“You’re disgusting.” She’s fidgeting with my pocket square.
At least she doesn’t try to lie. “No, I’m honest. And I honestly love eating pussy. I’ll always make sure you come every time before I take my pleasure.”
Curiosity flickers before she shakes her head. “I don’t want to talk about...what did you mean you were never with teenagers even when you were one?”
At least she’s talking. I secure my seat belt then check to make sure the road is clear before easing back onto the highway. “I mean I’ve never fucked a teenager. The first woman I fucked was in her late twenties, and I was fifteen. She was my social worker. After her, younger women never appealed. Pretty much all the women I was with from then on were in their mid-twenties and older.”
“Your social worker? Fifteen years old? How—why?”
I laugh at her outrage. “Calm down. It wasn’t a big deal. I’ve looked like I was twenty since I was fourteen. I shot up almost five inches in only four months and I’ve been lifting weights since I was twelve.”
“None of that matters, it was illegal for Christ’s sake. She took advantage of you. Why did you need a social worker?”
“If anyone took advantage of anyone it was me taking advantage of her. My mom died. My older brother, Anthony Junior, went a little nuts and got involved in shit he shouldn’t have. He wound up dead. Pop lost it, killed everyone involved with Anthony’s death. He got himself caught on one of the murders and got sent up for a nickel. I got saddled with a social worker.”
I had definitely taken advantage of Sara. She’d been so small, delicate, and genuinely sweet with stars in her eyes, wanting to make the world a better place, completely unlike anyone I had encountered up to that point in my life. I wanted sweet, needed it at that time when my world was falling apart around me.
“She was going through a rough time, divorcing an abusive asshole. Before Pop went in, he gave guardianship of me to one of his men, but then she came by and kept coming to make sure everything was good. I needed her to approve everything and go the fuck away so I could do what I needed to do. Paying her off wasn’t going to work, she needed more than money.”
Regina is quiet for so long I glance her way.
“What?”
She’s studying me. “I just...I don’t even know where to start on asking you—I can’t believe everything you went through. When did your mom die? How did she die?”
“When I was fourteen. She got addicted to painkillers from a car accident. Pop’s parents and her were in a car accident maybe three years before then. She was the only one to walk away from it. It was one of those things where she wasn’t paying attention to how much she took and she overdosed.”
“Was it really an overdose?” she asks hesitantly.
She’s not the only person to ask—Pop had wondered and so did Anthony. I was the only one who didn’t have a doubt. “Oh yeah, if she was going to kill herself she would have done it in a Gucci dress with her hair and makeup done. Not in what she’d worn for the last three days with her room a mess. Anthony Junior blamed Pop for it because Pop got her the drugs, not taking into account she’d have gotten them somewhere, had been getting extras when Pop wouldn’t give her what she wanted. Anthony went out on his own to get out from under Pop. He shouldn’t have been allowed. He was only seventeen, too damn young to run his own crew. But he was a Sabatini and our Don approved him to take the territory he would have inherited.”
I shake my head, remembering how pissed Pop was. “My grandfather stopped running guns and drugs in the seventies. He didn’t want to touch it and he didn’t want Pop or any Sabatini to touch them. The Outfit has never trafficked women, it isn’t done. We handled sex workers but they were never forced. The one time a capo tried it his dick was cut off and he was left to bleed in the street, pants down for all to see his shame.
Regina gasps.
“There weren’t a lot of options for Anthony that didn’t have him stepping on toes. Guns were one of the few, so he went in on a deal with someone he didn’t properly vet. The scum, Michael Corsia, was also moving women. Anthony told him to let the women go.”
“The guy said no?” The words are soft, she already knows the answer.
“Yeah, and Anthony with all of one man as backup put a gun in his face.” Even now I can’t believe how stupid he was to do it. “There were six men there the night my brother was killed. Pop lost his shit, in less than seven days every one of them was dead. He came close to getting away with it, except there was a witness at one of the killings who came forward. Pop got manslaughter.”
“What did you mean when you said you needed the social worker to go away and let you do what you needed to do?”
Glancing her way, light flashes from the highway onto her face; those eyes of hers are wide. As if even though she asked she doesn’t want to know the answer. No, she doesn’t, not really. But she needs to know, all of it. “I mean Pop went away and fuckers were out to get what was his, what was supposed to be mine when I came of age. It was your father who, as the underboss at the time, kept the civilized members of our family at bay by offering me his protection, who gave me my rites into the family and my first hit for my induction.”
“You were only fifteen years old when you—oh god.” She says god in a whisper.
Nodding, I sigh. Even now, almost twenty-five years later, I still remember the first time. All the other men I’ve killed blurred together, but the first one, I can’t forget that one. The shock on his face, the sound of the gun going off, the way it bucked in my hand. How much blood there was, everywhere. The smell of gunpowder, the copper tint of the blood filling the air. For almost three months every time I slept, I dreamed of that moment. Until the next time I killed someone and the dreams went away.
“I’ve known since I learned my name it would be the life I would lead. Pop and his father ingrained into me from a young age that as a Sabatini, this life came with a duty that would necessitate doing things others couldn’t. I’m not proud of the killing I’ve done. At the same time, I don’t regret doing what needs to be done or let it keep me up at night.”
She’s shaking her head, looking out the window, but I know she’s not seeing anything.
“I did what I had to do, Regina. When other kids were playing checkers, I was taught chess, to always play five moves ahead. You and that idiot thought you were going to win against Johnny. Neither of you thinking ahead from your next move.”
“Some people are just trying to follow their heart. Not everyone is cold-blooded, thinking in terms of moves and strategy. That’s not a way to live your life.”
“Those who don’t are destined to regret it.” It’s hard not to laugh at her naivety.
“Fifteen.” She buries her face in her hands. “Johnny could have helped you find a way out of the life. But no, he helped you become a killer at fifteen.”
“Look, Regina, your father allowed me to keep and maintain control of my legacy. There was no other life I was going to lead. He gave me what I wanted. The help I needed to keep Pop’s bookie, loan shark, liquor, and club running. People didn’t want to pay a fifteen-year-old, they thought they could tell me no and I would go away. Becoming made, having your father in my corner restored a semblance of order.”
Without Johnny I wouldn’t have anything I do now. She might hate him, but I owed him my life. I have no doubt it would have all been gone by the time Pop got out if it weren’t for Johnny.
“Only it didn’t cover everything. I had to get into things to bring in more money. The lawyers for Pop’s trial were expensive, people were trying to shaft me on the daily. It meant I had to run the streets. I put together underground fights, and poker games for dumbass college kids. By the time Pop got out after three years, I tripled his income and earned the respect of everyone in the family, and more importantly the fear I needed so no one dared to fuck with me. The social worker was a problem, I solved it in a way that worked for the both of us.”
“I don’t understand how sex was a solution.” She is genuinely confused.
Young, too damn young. “She needed to feel like someone cared about her, that she was desirable. Her job was fucking hard. She needed someone to vent to, who she thought cared about her. For a few hours a day I made her come until her eyes rolled into the back of her head, then held her while she talked about what she needed to get out of her system. In return she didn’t try and remove me or give me hell for missing school. Instead she put me on track to get my GED so I could stop going altogether.”
“How long did...it last with her?”
“For two years, until she decided to move away. By the end, we both got what we needed out of it.” I definitely took advantage of Sara. At the time it started she was a means to an end, by the time it was over her softness and kindness were what got me through the dirty shit I needed to do.