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Regina
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Even as I do it I know I’m going to regret it. It takes more than an hour to move everything of mine back to my room. When the alert goes off for the elevator, I’m carrying the last of my underwear. That’s how Dominic finds me, trying to get back down the hall.
“What are you doing?” He’s daring me to say it.
Fuck him. Where has he been for the last six hours? “Moving my stuff back to my room.”
His jaw clenches, his eyes drop from mine as he studies the floor in front of him. “If that’s what you want.” He exhales the words.
No, it’s not what I want. It’s what I need to survive this. I watch as he turns around and leaves again.
Where is he going? I tell myself I don’t care. I did the right thing. Yet I can’t help but wonder if I screwed up all over again.
***
Regina
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I have never been to a funeral before. Dressing for one is harder than I thought it would be. The first dress I pull out seems too sexy for a funeral. Once I see it, I grab it. It’s the dress I was wearing the night I met Dominic. He had declared it was a dress more fitting for a funeral.
Except when Dominic sees me, he shakes his head. He’s leaning against the couch sipping a tumbler of scotch. “Not that. You have more than a few black dresses. That one couldn’t have cost more than a hundred dollars. You’re about to be among women who have underwear worth more than that. People seeing you in that would embarrass Johnny. Wear the Christian Siriano one and black tights. You can’t go bare-legged in the church.”
With a sigh, I go back to follow his orders. I had loved the Christian Siriano, but I was worried it was too dressy for a funeral. It takes a few minutes to find plain black tights, not the silk kind that came with a garter belt. This time when Dominic sees me, he nods. Only there is no connection, his eyes don’t meet mine. He finishes the last of his drink, then, setting the glass onto the coffee table, he walks past me and presses the button for the elevator.
“Just so you know, today you’ll be meeting Luca Toro. Turns out he is Pop’s kid from a woman who did a run on him. She never told Pop, all of us found out yesterday.”
I’m stunned as he walks out of the elevator. What in the hell? I have to speed up to catch up to him as he gets into the back of the SUV. “What?”
His phone goes off with a text. He doesn’t look up from it as he responds. “Pop found out he has a son. We met him yesterday. That’s what I was dealing with when I finished with Johnny. Also, Pop wanted to invite you to dinner last night to meet him. When I came home it was to get you. I told him you were still too torn up about Johnny.”
“Why did you do that?”
He’s still working his phone. “Because I didn’t want you there.”
The words are so blunt it’s a blow to the face. It’s a short drive to the church. The same church we were married in two days ago. How could Dominic not have warned me? The car hasn’t even stopped and the tears spill over and out.
Dominic sighs, then presses a white handkerchief into my hand. Everett opens the door. Cameras begin flashing all around me. Before I can take it all in, Dominic is at my side, his arm around me, pulling me into the shelter of his body.
It feels like the funeral is never going to end. Johnny’s mother ignores me, as does his sister. Carlo, Tony, and Francis speak, as well as a famous actor I had no idea Johnny knew. I’m not sure if I’m grateful or hurt no one even asked me if I wanted to speak.
In the end I go with grateful. I’m such an idiot, I cling to Dominic with a pathetic greed. When I see Luca beside Tony behind us my jaw drops. Holy crap, he is a Sabatini, right down to the dimples. He nods at me with a smile, then his eyes are back to the front of the church.
The graveside service is slightly quicker yet still lasts almost an hour. Then it’s back to the building. The reception is being held in the club. Something I didn’t know until Dominic tells me on our way back to the building, when I mentioned needing a nap. I’m getting a headache from all the crying.
“You need to make an appearance. Not long, a half hour at least though.”
Because he’s right, I nod even though I want to argue. I expect Dominic to abandon me the moment we’re inside. He doesn’t, he stays right beside me, his arm around me. Handing me a new clean handkerchief when he sees how soggy the first one he gave me has become. As the men talk to me about Johnny, I wish I had known the man they speak of. Had ever been allowed to know him as something more than the man I saw as a jailor, a control freak, someone who was disappointed in me.
Just when I think I’m all cried out, Sister Giulia changes my mind. “Now that Johnny is gone, I think it’s safe to tell you.”
“Tell me what?”
“I wasn’t a teacher when I went to your school. I was a psychologist specializing in mute children. Your father came to me and told me about you. How the therapists at the school hadn’t helped you. He wanted to bring you back to Chicago, to me, but they were telling him it might make everything worse. At that time you had been in Italy for three years. So he paid me a sum so large I couldn’t tell him no to travel to Italy and treat you. I had no idea it would take so long. In the end I came to love it there. I had nothing here in the States but my work.”
I’m stunned. There are so many things I want to ask, to say. How could I have been so wrong? Why couldn’t he have told me this when he was here? It’s too late now. The unfairness of it all overwhelms me, and my legs give out. Dominic catches me, he picks me up and carries me away.
He doesn’t say anything. When he tries to put me on my bed I cling to him. With a sigh he lies down beside me, holding me while I cry. It’s how I fall asleep.
***
Regina
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When I wake up it’s three o’clock in the morning. I’m alone and I feel like shit. Instantly, I know I’m dehydrated. I’m also starving. I turn over to find a bottle of water on the bedside table with two over-the-counter pain pills and a packet of almonds. And fuck me, I’m crying all over again. For what I had without knowing. What I lost. What I threw away.
Then Dominic is picking me up, putting me in his lap. In the back of my mind I wonder where he came from. He’s still dressed in the suit he wore to the funeral. He sighs. “You’re going to make yourself sick. Come on, drink some water.”
Taking off the cap, he pours it down my throat again and again until it’s almost gone. He opens the almonds and puts one after another in my mouth. I let him because I don’t want to fight with him. Don’t want to fight at all anymore. Once the almonds are gone he hands me the pain pills and the bottle of water. I finish the water.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter when I know I should move yet can’t bring myself to.
He shrugs as he loosens his tie. “It’s fine.” He’s quiet for a few minutes. “Did you want to talk about him?”
I shake my head. “Tell me about Luca, please.”
And he does. He’s matter of fact, even though I can tell he’s still a little in shock from it.
“Is Tony going to kill Carlo?”
“No, not anytime soon at least.”
“How old is he?”
“He’ll be thirty-five next month. Pop is trying to get him to stay in Chicago for a little while longer, until then at least. He was going to leave tomorrow. For now he agreed to another week. His problem is his second-in-command isn’t as hard as he is when it comes to keeping things in order. In a city like Vegas, it isn’t a good idea to let anything go long enough for bad habits to form. So me and Pop are talking about me taking care of things for him while he goes out to spend time with Luca there.”
“I could help watch the bookstore,” I offer, a little excited at the idea of it.
“I’ll let Pop know you made the offer. Tonight he wants us over for dinner at his place. He’s having my cousins and their wives over to make introductions. Fair warning, they are going to be bringing their kids. Except maybe Che and Alicia, since the drive is long they don’t usually bring the kids out late.”
I nod. “Okay.”
Before I know it he’s standing and places me back on the bed. Immediately I miss him. I don’t dare let him see it, keeping my eyes down.
“As far as my family is concerned, especially Pop, this marriage isn’t a shitshow.”
I close my eyes at the description, at his ice-cold delivery.
“They’ll want to add their opinions and get into it. I don’t want him worried about anything other than getting to know Luca. If anyone asks, which they shouldn’t, I’m going to put it down to you losing Johnny. It’s the same reason I’ve given for us skipping the honeymoon. I lied and said we would reschedule in a month or two, so you’re on the same page if it’s mentioned.”
He’s gone. This time I go into the bathroom, turn on the shower and sit in the empty bathtub to cry so he doesn’t hear me.