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Your 50 Top Tips in Planning, Preparing and Presenting the Best Mans Speech...

Where To Start

Well initially we need to gather those all important words of wisdom en masse ready to edit down and share with one’s audience. At first thought, this can be a daunting task to try and recall a cocktail of hilarious anecdotes and stories so; we need to break the job down into manageable chunks by tapping into those closest to the groom in question. At this point don’t worry about structure and what goes where, just think about gathering the data and the rest will follow. Remember, we don’t want to stifle your creative flow right from the off – a momentous idea could be seconds away!

How To Research/Brainstorm For Content

Now you may already have a bundle of stories to share about the groom which is great, get these down on paper and stored as potentials. On top of this, it is also vital to identify a diverse mix of other potential sources for additional material and tap into them post haste. Make a list of those nearest and dearest to the groom and get in contact for more stories – it’s important your audience gets a real feel for his life and journey to date. Take all the guests right back to childhood and teenage years through to adult life. This structure never fails and always engages an audience as it connects with the entire theme of the day. How did our groom get to this incredible moment? Speak to old friends from those various chapters of his life and remember, a touching tale can work just as well as those moments of hilarity.

It’s Good To Talk

Once you have gathered what is likely to be a rather long list of stories to share – do exactly that and reveal your unearthed treasures to a group of close friends! A classic mistake when writing a best man speech is to keep the entire content private. This is a terrible idea. Even the most experienced of Comedians need to test out their material in advance of a major gig so a bit of market research is absolutely essential. Again, make sure you have a strong mix of tales which are both heart warming and amusing to really get the audience on-board. Human beings love to experience a mix of emotions; think of your speech as the most incredible rollercoaster ride of your life!

It’s All History - How Did You Meet?

If there is a tale to be told, share it with your audience as this is a great way of linking into your own personal stories about the groom. Why were you specifically chosen for the job of best man? An overview of the friendship, in terms of how you met and what it means to you is a great way of pulling the audience in right from the word go. Of course if the groom is family the rules differ slightly but, still take the wedding guests right back to early memories from childhood to achieve the same effect and get that rollercoaster ride rocking right from the off so to speak!

Research Family History

Talk to the crew! Again a Mother’s personal stories from the past including birth or schooling can be both moving and hilarious. Was he loaded with dodgy braces as a kid? Any hideous fashion highlights to discuss? Was he accident prone? Did he decimate the School Nativity? Tap into Sisters, Brothers, Dads, Aunts or whoever plays those key roles within the groom’s life for more material. Point to note – steer clear of any childhood sweetheart stories unless of course it was the bride herself!

Don’t Forget the Bride!

On that note, how did the couple in question meet? Was it Love at first site or a chance meeting at the local kebab house post night of clubbing carnage that bought them together?! If by any chance it’s not quite so entertaining you can simply overview but, hopefully there will be some real juicy material in there somewhere! Another point to remember, if the couple met via a dating website please check-in to ensure they are both happy for you to reference this. Personally, I love a dating website but, not everyone feels so comfortable about sharing such detail at their Wedding.

Oh and make sure you comment on how gorgeous the bride looks and how happy you are personally for the loved-up couple. Quite often the bride can feel very isolated at this point in the day’s proceedings so, it’s important we involve her in the action - it might even be a nice gesture to toast the bride directly.

Sorting Through The Data – Filter Down

It seems obvious but, sadly you cannot stand up there for an hour regaling a montage of hilarious tales. Be very strict on yourself and edit down to a few select stories that take our audience on that journey through the groom’s life to present day and then of course beyond into Holy Matrimony! Remember to get the opinions of others as well – content is key!

More Material Ideas

If you are struggling or want to diversify further, why not consider: hobbies, sporting interests and favourite movies, love of food, music or maybe travel interests. How would you describe the groom in one minute? What is this guy all about? Just remember to steer clear of any celebrity crushes or references. The bride does not want to feel like a bag of shite on her wedding day with comparisons to Angelina Jolie!

My Perfect Speech Structure

The basic principle is very easy you will be pleased to hear! Just think beginning, middle and end like a storybook. All you need is an opening, the middle bit which is all your material and then the close. That’s it, simple as that. Constantly keep thinking about that notion of taking an audience on a journey through the groom’s life and then into the future. This strategy never fails and is so easy to get your head around.

Maybe kick off with a compliment to the previous speaker or by thanking all those that have made the day possible. This could also be the perfect moment to mention how stunning the bride looks and raise a toast? Do not tell the audience how nervous you are as this makes them feel very uncomfortable and anxious for you. Just focus on feeling positive and excited about the action and your comical stories about to unfold. Perhaps you could also take this opportunity to reference the ceremony itself - especially if anything amusing happened. Next up, it’s straight into the main event - the story of our groom. Think about everything discussed thus far and take the audience on that journey. Start from the very beginning and work calmly and slowly through your content. Post cheers, laughter and rounds of applause at you hilarious anecdotes - the ending is of course simple. We sum up, look to the future and leave the guests with a few heart warming words. Trust me, a bit of gooeyness at the end always works a treat and leaves the crowd wanting more!

Storytelling

Once you have finalised what material to use, start thinking about how you want to structure the story. Take a moment to recall reading time at junior school and how those magical tales were brought to life through the simple spoken word. Think about how you would quickly overview your favourite film and stick to the same principle for this exercise. How did it all start, what happened in the middle bit and how did it all end?

Formulating And Delivering Funny Stories

Just ensure you deliver that punch line with clarity and don’t pre-empt the laughter in your head as this always takes the edge off any big reveal. It’s definitely not cool to laugh at your own stories before the audience!

Classic Best Man Jokes...

Hmm, I would steer clear unless of course you have a one liner up your sleeve that is utterly hilarious in the context of your speech - just tacky otherwise.

Ha Ha Very Funny!

Don’t give yourself added pressure by trying to transform into an overnight stand-up comic sensation. Simply deliver the lines in your own natural style and the humour will always ride through. The biggest mistake is to present the lines in a style you think an audience want to hear or by trying to emulate your favourite comedian. The only style you need is your own.

Don’t Get Carried Away With Ad-Libbing

Stick to the script. Of course, if a moment of spontaneous hilarity arises soak it up but, don’t drift off down another path or train of thought - get back on track. It is essential to stick to your pre-planned format otherwise you will lose focus and the audience will drift away.

Don’t Joke About How Nervous You Are

I mentioned this earlier and I have to re-iterate again as a point in its own right. Talking about how nervous you are is a total no go area. It puts the audience on edge and creates an uncomfortable atmosphere. Remember the guests are on your side and always support the best man during his speech – they want you to succeed.

A Word On Nerves

So, whilst we are on the subject, how do we deal with that impending feeling of panic? Well, at this moment in time during the planning stage, I would try to think about this speech from a more rational perspective. Consider this an experience to celebrate not dread. It is truly an honour to present this speech on behalf of your best friend and thus you should enjoy and celebrate every second. Don’t waste time panicking; you must change those irrational thought patterns immediately. What’s the point? Much better to have a good laugh about the job in hand, than live the next few weeks with a constant knot in your stomach right? Even if you were totally horrific – which you won’t be by the way, what is the worst thing that could happen? Exactly - nothing. The guests will just carry on with their day and forget about it. There is literally no need to worry pointlessly. Stop immediately - this experience is not going to kill you, its wasted energy. Channel those nerves into positive thoughts for the speech itself.

Regarding nerves on the actual wedding day, I have some techniques up my sleeve that will sort those no problem - we will get to this later.

Play To Your Strengths

Think about all your individual personality traits so you can integrate and accentuate throughout the speech. If you are naturally a little bit shy – play on it! If you are a big bombastic character – play on it! If you have a dry sense of humour – you’ve guessed it! Think about what you generally bring to the party and max it for the occasion. Obviously don’t get too carried away, just make sure your TRUE character is unleashed to the audience with pride and passion. There is often much material to be had for a best mans speech by playing on one’s own character.

Ditch The ‘In’ Jokes

Clearly this presentation to a roomful of guests is not a private conversation so; it’s an absolute must to steer clear of all the in jokes and banter with your mates. This avenue of discussion always isolates a room and creates a barrier between the speaker and audience - this is an inclusive not exclusive occasion.

Formal or Relaxed?

This is a very important point. Speak to the bride and groom in advance about the overall feel of their day so you can get an understanding on the level you need to pitch your speech. If it is a very formal occasion you need to adhere to that concept as it will be expected. That does not mean you cannot present funny content, it means walk with caution and stick to the traditions as outlined next. Of course, a more relaxed approach on the day gives you freedom to freestyle as they say but please, do keep the latter in mind as it is a good overall point to remember – tread carefully.

A Word On Traditions...

If the Wedding is a formal affair then you should cover the points listed below otherwise, you can freestyle as you please simply adding in favoured elements to the speech structure as discussed earlier. It is essential to get a basic outline of the speech down in writing at the earliest opportunity just so you can start thinking and planning in your head.

Traditionally the best man speaks on behalf of the bridesmaids and others who have played a pivotal role in the day’s proceedings such as the ushers. The best man should also thank the groom for his toast (if applicable) which then leads into a toast for the parents/key organisers of the day. From this you would then formally thank the groom for giving you the top job as it were. It is also your role to read out any messages from those who could not attend and possibly take a moment to remember any close relatives who have passed away (I would steer well clear of the latter but, it is of course your decision). The best man then finishes with a toast which is not necessarily directed at the couple but, a few choice words that represent the entire meaning of the celebration.

Personally I always prefer the freestyle option as this is all a little bit regimented but, it is good for you to know the official line as it were, especially if the Wedding is going to be very formal.

You Get Out What You Put In

In other words don’t try and whack this out in five minutes! Spend time planning, thinking, researching and then practicing the delivery of your material. The more prepared you are the more confidence you will have in the delivery.

Reference The Couple

Don’t they look gorgeous together? Aren’t they a match made in heaven? You get the drift! Seriously though, say a few words about the bride and groom as a couple – this can work well during the closing of your speech.

Don’t Try And Make An Enemy Out Of Or Embarrass - Mother Of The Bride

Steer clear, it’s always a car crash and you will live to regret your actions. The woman will never forgive or forget and will hunt you down like crazed beast!

Absolute No No’s

1. The couple’s financial dealings

2. Ex-girlfriends

3. Prostitutes

4. Stag night strippers

Enough said. I have seen marriages break up over such revelations!

Don’t Step Over The Line!

Do not purposely set out to publicly embarrass or humiliate anyone in the audience. It may seem like an ideal opportunity to publicly shame your worst enemy but, sadly it will always end in disaster. Reign in those thoughts of self-gratification immediately!

Keep It Clean - Know Your Audience!

It’s often a good idea to check in with your bride and groom before you start prepping your material just so you can get a feel for the kind of audience you will be playing to. In general, weddings are a mixed crowd with guests ranging in age from 0-90 and as such this needs to be considered within your speech content. If you are presenting adult related stories/material, do so in such a way that the little ones won’t understand or get it par se. Adult in jokes are always a clever way to get a laugh and your audience on side in a wink wink nudge nudge type way. Steer clear of swearing whatever the audience. This is a wedding not a comedy club!

It’s All In The Timing

Think 10 minutes and you are right on track. One and a half minutes for the introduction, seven minutes for the main content and one and a half minutes for the finale. At first glance this might not seem like a very long time but, in terms of talking and keeping a crowds attention this is actually quite lengthy. Essentially there is one simple rule here – for the Love of God DO NOT go over fifteen minutes. This is not a Eulogy nor do you want to leave your audience in a similar state of unconsciousness.

It’s quality not quantity! Enough said.

An Important Word Re Alcohol

Again, it’s a simple one really – don’t get shit faced! I will allow a shot of whiskey pre-show to calm the nerves but that’s your lot. A pissed best man is never a good look, especially when you stack it head first into the show stopping all singing all dancing three tiered extravaganza of a wedding cake! Messy.

Keep Things Simple In Your Head

Don’t overload yourself with too much detail and technicalities as it will only pile on more pressure during the day itself. Take a straight forward pragmatic approach to this gig and don’t over rely on anything other than the actual speech content itself. At the end of the day, if the props are lost or the laptop fails words are all you have left - just make sure you don’t lose those cue cards!

Props

Pictures of your groom as a baby or spotty teenager are often a great way to get a laugh during the speech, just make sure these images are big enough - as in poster size, for your audience to see clearly. In the same vein, props are also a great source for adding some carefully thought out visuals to your tales from the past. Anything and everything from the christening gown to that first cheeky can of Stella behind the bike sheds works for me! Be original and inventive with your chosen items - tap into the family for some old skool memorabilia.

Incorporating A Spot Of Technology

It’s the twenty first century so why not make good use of some electrical wizardry. A slide show for the visuals can work well as does a video mash up from the family archive or a self-made mini movie taking the guests on that journey through the groom’s life. This medium is also perfect for adding in a touch of light hearted comedy on the day itself without the worry of delivering live. Ultimately this method will of course relieve the overall pressures in terms of what you actually have to perform but, you mustn’t rely too heavily on technology - remember IT CAN FAIL YOU! A full proof speech from beginning to end is an absolute must and the key words here are all in the title. This is about incorporating not relying on.

Cue Cards – A User’s Guide

There is no specific rule but, for me cue cards are a total must have tool for public speaking. Even the best presenters in the business use cue cards, which essentially outline all the key elements of a speech just in case you lose your mojo and need to get back on track.

Once you have written your presentation out in full, transfer all the key points onto pieces of presentable card and number each one in sequence. Try not to use too many sheets as this will cause havoc on the day itself. More importantly DO NOT literally re-write your entire script verbatim. This may seem like a comforting idea right now but, in reality you will not be able to follow such intense detail on the day itself and we certainly do not want you simply reading the words aloud. Dull. I am falling asleep just thinking about it! We want energy, excitement and passion – not dull, dreary and unsatisfying.

Telegrams And Messages

Again check in with the bride and groom to see how they want you to role on this one... this is additional to your 10 minute break down by the way – allow roughly 2 minutes extra for all the telegrams and messages. Some couples also ask the best man to raise a glass on their behalf to those loved ones that have passed on. This is quite rare today but, be open to such a request.

Practice Makes Perfect

Once you have you written the speech out in full and memorised in your head best you can, get those cue cards done and get practicing! Present the speech to your partner, close friends and family members encouraging an honest critique and open feedback. Remember, your speech does not have to be relayed word perfect, just go with the natural flow of the moment sticking to the points listed on your cue cards.

On the actual day itself, take a moment to check out the space you are going to be speaking in just so you can familiarise yourself with the surrounds. Try to get in a quick practice of the introduction and one story if you can. Trust me, this strategy will REALLY help calm those pre-show nerves and help keep things mentally in perspective. It’s amazing how nervous we can get about public speaking but, once we get going we generally relax into it and in most cases actually start enjoying ourselves. Essentially we begin to realise that nothing bad is going to happen by simply addressing a room full of people and this quick practice will seriously help relay all those fears in advance.

Finally on this point, please do not take yourself through the entire speech - a quick three minute practice will do the trick. We want to save all that fresh buzzing energy for the real thing!