So there I was, 33 years old, with a brand new graduate degree, a fulfilling job in the non-profit sector, and a debt the size of the federal government’s.
A friend of mine, Rachel, who was in the same financial boat, confided that she was thinking about moonlighting as a phone sex operator. She had a friend who worked for a good company, she said, and the extra paycheck would really help.
Even though I had the same stereotypes that most people have of phone sex – a woman breathing heavily into the phone while doing the laundry, or filing her nails – I found the idea oddly appealing. All my life people have complimented me on my sexy voice, and said that I should be doing radio or voice-overs. “You could even do phone sex,” they would smirk.
I did, in fact, work for a community radio station years ago, reading the news and recording promotional announcements. Because my voice was low and husky even as a teenager, the people who wrote sexy ads always wanted me to read them.
“Hi there,” I’d whisper into the microphone, “my name is Sheila, and every night at ten I turn my radio on…”
I always had to be alone in the studio in order to do it. I couldn’t deal with people watching me put on that deliberately seductive voice; I’d get completely flustered and inhibited. But no one would be watching during phone sex.
So Rachel and I had dinner with her friend, Donna, and we showered her with questions. The job sounded flexible and fun, and the pay was definitely good. Donna put us in touch with Trisha, the owner of the phone sex company, and the next thing I knew I was picking out a name and getting my own toll-free number and – OH MY GOD – I’m a phone sex babe!
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My first task was to choose pictures of “me” and write an enticing profile for the company website. (Some girls use their real pictures, but I wasn’t interested in doing so.) I knew right away that I wanted to be a redhead, so Trisha e-mailed me an assortment of pictures of girls with red hair.
When I saw Kristi, I fell in love with her immediately. She’s very pretty but she also looks shy and innocent. Her pictures show lots of skin and are suggestive, but she doesn’t look lewd and she has no beaver shots. It was easy to imagine her as my prettier, sexier, thinner, more adventurous alter ego.
There was no training, unless you count bombarding Donna with hysterical questions day and night, but after a few days of that, I felt like I was ready. All I needed were some horny boys.
If I thought that I could just turn phone on and I’d have naked men begging to stroke off into my ear, I was sadly mistaken. It takes time and effort to get any new business off the ground, and this was no different. But I felt confident that I could do it. After all, as Trisha says, “If you can’t sell pussy, you can’t sell anything.”
So how does one get callers? The first way is through the main website, which the company advertises on the web and in magazines. Second, I post ads with the website and my phone number to Internet newsgroups – public discussion areas devoted to specific topics – that cater to phone sex.
Before I starting writing my own ads, I glanced through the competition. Most of the ads were appallingly illiterate:
Subject: CUM On Baby… Let ME Sex You UP Right Now!!!! I’m right here at home ready to stroke with you until we both explode with pleasure! Yes boy I want to hear your kinkiest desires!! We can have a very Satisfying talk with no limitations!! CALL ME ANYTIME … I will be laying in my bedroom waiting for your calls!! Let me become the women of your naughty dreams!!!
Subject: Original Nasty Girls Is Wet & Ready To Play Tried the rest, NOW try the best… Im the your girl mommy warned you about, you didn’t listen then so don’t listen now! You will Submissive? I can bring you to your knees with just the tone of my voice or let you take control if this pleases you Sir. I AM the best you will ever have! I do it all and I do it the BEST!
Some of the girls do niche marketing. Those ads are, at least, amusing.
Subject: Phone Sex Psychologist Talk about your kinky sex problems on the phone with Dr. Liz. She will delve very deeply into your mind until you both reach the ultimate climax! Let Dr. Liz free you of all your nasty little sexual traumas so that you will be a complete man again.
There are numerous “Daddy’s Little Girls,” “Teen Fuck Toys,” and (my personal favorites) “Cum Guzzling Sluts.” And in case you were wondering if anyone ever calls those sleazy-looking phone sex ads, they do. In droves. At least half my callers come from Internet newsgroups, though I can’t figure out which groups. I ask clients where they saw my ads, but they never remember. Or maybe they just don’t want to admit that they read alt.sex.sissy.sluts.
The third way to find callers is to prowl around the chatrooms on America Online, which, though adult-unfriendly in the extreme, is apparently full of phone sex operators. There’s a complicated protocol, which Donna explained to Rachel and me over dinner.
You can have a personal profile, but it can’t have adult content. It can link to your own personal AOL website, which can have pictures, but not adult pictures. You also can’t link to any other site with adult content, and you (theoretically) can’t solicit for an adult business.
To get around all the restrictions, you need to build layers. A person online sees you in a chatroom or finds your profile in the directory. The profile leads him to the AOL website, which gives him an e-mail address hooked up to an “auto-responder,” which sends him your real website address.
(Confused? I was.)
My AOL profile gives my location as “right here waiting for you,” my hobbies as “erotic games and red hot talk,” and my occupation as “discreet adult phone entertainer.” Other phone sex operators bill themselves as “telecommunications experts,” “phone fantasy artists,” or “professional telephone actresses.” Potential callers search the directory for key phrases like “adult phone” or “erotic talk.” It’s all part of a big game.
“Don’t worry about having to say that your calls cost money,” explained Donna. “The ones who are looking for phone sex already know. The real callers ask straight out – how much?”
I was online for less than ten minutes as Kristi before I started getting Instant Messages. I didn’t even have a phone number yet, but the “IMs” came fast and furious.
“u so hot baby”
“Hey, Kristi, just how bad are you?”
“Hello, Kristi, link please”
“Link with rate info, honey”
“24/m for link”
“baby your hot how about you an me”
All this before I went into a chatroom and before I ever posted an ad. Amazing.
One of the first people I met was a 20-ish college kid. He messaged me politely the first day, explaining that he had never called a phone sex girl before because he was much too shy.
Since my phone wasn’t working yet, I continued chatting with him online for the next few days. Every time he signed on, he’d send me a “Hey, sexy.” He was a pretty good speller and he never said “u r so hot.” I liked him.
Finally my phone was hooked up. I saw him online that night, and invited him to call me. He said he couldn’t because his roommate was home. I suggested that he close his bedroom door, ignore his roommate, and call me anyway.
“Not tonight, baby. Can’t have him hearing me stroking my hard shaft for you. Tomorrow, I promise.”
Oh my. Maybe not so shy after all.
I liked the idea of him being my first call. He was young and inexperienced, someone I could handle easily. We made a date for 8 p.m. the next night, when his roommate would be gone. Excellent.
In the meantime, I got ready. I printed out my little forms for taking credit card information. I practiced using the three-way calling, and tried out all the merchant phone numbers.
“Hi there! <Ooh, I’m SOOO perky!> This is Kristi! <bounce bounce> I’m sorry I missed you <pout>, but I hope we’ll have a chance to talk soon. Please try me back later <Aren’t I just adorable? > or leave your name and number and the time you can be reached and what time zone you’re in and I’ll be really, really happy to call you back. Bye!”
Blech. Way too perky. And too many “and”s.
Press “d” to discard this message and record again. Beep.
“Hey, this is Kristi. I can’t come to the phone right now…”
Beep.
“Hey there, it’s Kristi. I’m on another call…”
Beep.
“Hi! You’ve reached Kristi. The best time to call me is between 8 p.m. and midnight. But I’m sometimes home at other times. Oh, and I’m on Eastern Time.”
Beep.
“Hey baby, it’s Kristi. I’m soooooo sorry I missed you. I can’t wait to talk to you…”
Beep.
Arrrrrrrrrrgh.
Beep.
“Hi, this is Kristi. Sorry I missed you. Please try again later, or leave me a message and I’ll call you back.”
What the hell, it only took 24 tries.
I ate chocolate and tried to calm down. I’m doing phone sex. It’s going to be fine. I can do this. I’m a phone sex operator. Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Advice from Donna: “You’re totally in control. These guys call you and they’re a little horny and a little nervous, and all you have to do is say two words and you have them in the palm of your hand.”
Advice from Trisha, the boss: “Men are dogs. Hey, I gotta go. Pussy boy on the line.”
By 9:30 p.m. the next night I was in total despair. My first phone sex call, and I’d been stood up. By a 20-year-old kid! That’s it, I’ll never ever make it as a phone slut.
But at about 10 p.m. the phone rang, and a nervous and apologetic college boy was on the other end. A nervous college boy with a sweet, sexy voice.
It was a lovely phone call. When I asked him what he wanted to talk about, he gave a little laugh and said that I could probably say anything I wanted and I’d make him happy.
He talked like he’d read too many Penthouse stories (“Oh, baby, I’m gonna put my rock hard prick in your hot tight little pussy….oh yeah… oh baby…”) but he had a good time and I did too. 23 minutes’ worth.
When it was over, he whispered, “Thanks, Kristi,” and hung up.
Kristi. I’d almost forgotten.