I guess my talk with my mother had a positive effect, because my parents really eased up on me when I came home on my two-day break between camp sessions. They didn’t say anything negative about Lenny, and they didn’t even set a curfew when I went out with him.
Only my brothers, Ira and Joey, twelve years old and twin royal pains, kept up their usual snotty remarks about how I was madly in love with my boyfriend. This was their favorite way to make themselves look good by getting my parents mad at me. But I was so glad to be with Lenny and with my friends from the city that I was able to ignore my brothers, and that wound up bothering them more than anything I could have done to get even.
I returned to the country feeling great. Lenny and I had had two perfect days together, and before I left he had gotten Chris Berland to agree to drive him up to the country to see me, which was much better than having him come up with Mr. Ondell.
“Chris will be going upstate the weekend after next to visit his grandmother,” Lenny told me. “He said he’d drop me off on Saturday morning and pick me up again on his way home at night. We’ll have the whole day together.”
* * *
“I can’t wait until he’s here,” I told Nat when we got back to Holiday Camp. It was a rainy day, so there wasn’t much we felt like doing other than to hang around our room lazily, filling each other in on what we had done during our two-day vacation.
“I bet you can’t—if you feel about Lenny the way I do about Andy,” Nat said as she lay back on her bed and propped her head up with a pillow. “The whole time I was home, my parents and little sister kept asking me about camp, but all I could talk about was Andy, Andy, Andy. I know it must seem to you like I’m absolutely crazy, Linda, but believe me, I’ve never been like this with any other boy. Andy’s so perfect that I fell for him hard. I’m so madly in love with him that I’d marry him tomorrow if he asked me. I’d do anything for him. Anything!”
This sounded dangerous to me. “Nat. Try to remember that I’ve been going with Lenny for two years, and you’ve only known Andy for three weeks. It’s okay to be crazy about him, but I think you’re letting yourself get far too carried away by your feelings. This is summer, and when you’re away in the country like this, everything seems more romantic and more intense. Why don’t you take it easy and see how things work out once school starts? You could be setting yourself up for some deep hurt if you give too much of yourself too soon, you know.”
She sighed. “You might be right, Linda, but there’s nothing I can do about that. I’ve already committed myself to Andy, heart, body, and soul. I’ve told him I love him, even though he won’t say those words back to me. That’s why I’ve got to devote myself completely to getting him to love me in the time I have left with him. I’m going to use every trick I can think of to get him to commit to me before the summer is through!”
“You don’t have to resort to tricks, Nat. You’ve got a lot to offer any guy—you’re sweet and funny and kind and caring. Just be the real you, and I’m sure Andy won’t be able to resist falling for you the way you’ve fallen for him.”
Nat sighed. “I don’t know about that. I’ve got to face things the way they are. I’m well aware of the fact that I’m not very pretty. Andy’s going to go off to college in the fall, and there will be plenty of good-looking girls waiting to steal his heart away. Oooh! It’s so frustrating!” Nat pounded her fist into the pillow. “I’m so darn insecure! How I wish I knew for sure how Andy felt, the way you know how Lenny feels about you.”
I couldn’t help laughing at that. “You know, it’s crazy, Nat. I have a boyfriend that feels the right way about me, but can’t seem to get himself together and do the right thing. You have a boyfriend who does the right thing, but can’t seem to come up with the right feelings. Maybe if we could put the two of them together, we could come up with the perfect guy!”
Nat took her pillow off her bed and threw it at me. “What an idea, Linda! Maybe if we got the two of them together, they could have a positive influence on each other. Why don’t we all go out together Saturday night when Lenny is here? We could go into town and get something other than boring camp food for a change!”
I wasn’t sure Lenny would want to go out with Nat and Andy, but when I asked him, he agreed. Now I just hoped that Nat was right and that Lenny and Andy would have a positive influence on each other. If they didn’t hit it off, it could easily go the other way.
* * *
Fortunately, that Saturday turned out to be a beautiful day. I sat on the porch, trying to read a book while waiting impatiently for Lenny’s arrival. When Chris’s old red car finally sputtered into the driveway, I raced to meet it. I threw myself into Lenny’s arms before he was even out the door.
He gave me a quick, embarrassed kiss and pulled away. Lenny was never one for public displays of affection.
“Hey, Lip—I’m going to take off now.” Chris leaned out of his car and said. “I’ll pick you up about ten tonight.”
I went over to the driver’s side to talk to him. “Oh, Chris, I’m sorry! I was so excited about seeing Lenny, I guess I ignored you. Why don’t you park and stay for a while? You can use the pool or—”
“No, thanks,” Chris said emphatically. “I’ve got to get going. See you later.” Before I could say anything else, he was heading down the road.
“What’s with him?” I asked Lenny.
He shrugged. “I think the idea he might run into a group of blind people makes him nervous. Truthfully, it makes me nervous too.”
“There’s nothing to be nervous about,” I said. “They’re only people like anyone else—maybe better, even. Wait till you see what they can do.”
I showed Lenny around the grounds, where the campers were busy with their usual impressive array of activities. I noticed Jimmy, who had stayed on for the second session of camp, fishing from the docks, and decided to introduce Lenny to him. We got there as Jimmy finished reeling in a big trout. He displayed it to us with great pride.
“That’s a wonderful fish, Jimmy!” Lenny said enthusiastically. “You know, growing up in New York City, I never had the chance to learn how to fish. Do you think you could show me how?”
“Sure!” You could see that Jimmy was thrilled to be asked for help. He demonstrated to Lenny how to put the bait on the hook and the proper technique of casting off into the lake. I was so proud of Lenny as I watched him listening patiently to Jimmy and carefully following his instructions. I was sure that none of the other boys in our neighborhood would have bothered to take the time to make Jimmy feel good the way Lenny was doing.
“This is great,” Lenny said to Jimmy after a while. “It’s so relaxing, I could sit here all day, except for the fact that I promised to take a walk with Linda. I guess I’ll have to turn the rod back over to you.”
Jimmy took it and laughed. “Well, next time you come to visit, you’ll have to set aside some extra time for fishing! In the meantime, take care of that little girl. She’s got a great heart, and she’s told me it belongs only to you. You don’t find loyalty like that just anywhere.”
“I know that.” Lenny took my hand and squeezed it. We left Jimmy and walked down the path that led through the woods to the clearing. We sat on the grass and watched the waves gently lapping against the shore. The sunlight glistened off the water and created softly changing shadows as it filtered through the leaves.
Lenny put his arm around me, and I nestled up against him. I felt so close to him.
“You know, Linda, I can’t believe this place,” he said softly. “It’s not anything like I expected. I have to admit I was afraid to come up here to see you.”
“Afraid? But why?”
“I thought it was going to be depressing. That I’d find a bunch of pitiful blind people huddled on a porch, not doing anything but feeling the sun shine on their faces.”
“Well, that’s nice to do sometimes,” I pointed out.
“That’s not what I mean. I mean I didn’t think they were capable of doing anything else. Instead, I find them out doing lots of things, laughing, and being happy. Take Jimmy, for instance. Look how much pleasure he got from a simple thing like catching that fish.”
“I know. Wasn’t that great to see?”
“It was. And it all made me start thinking. Sometimes, when things are tough at home, I find myself really getting down. I ask myself questions like why did I have to be born into a home like mine? Why did I have to have parents who not only didn’t get along, but were violent and crazy about it? Why did they have to have fights so terrible that, as a little kid, I was always scared to death that one of them would kill the other, or they would somehow wind up killing me?
“Why, why, why, I keep asking myself. Then I get down on myself for allowing it to get to me and for messing myself up with school the way I did. I start to feel that it’s all overwhelming and hopeless, and that I’m never going to get past my problems and feel good about myself.”
“Oh, Lenny, how awful!” I sat up and looked at him. There was such pain in his eyes. I had always known his home life was a difficult one, but I never realized before how deeply he had been affected by it. How I wished I could do something to take his pain away.
He managed a smile. “But you know something? Seeing the blind people today, enjoying life despite their handicap, made me suddenly look at things differently. Compared to what they are dealing with, my problems are very small, and I don’t have to let them get me down. I’m still young; I don’t have to live with my mother forever, and there’s still time for me to undo the mistakes of the past. I may never understand why anything happened, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is what I do from now on. And”—he reached out and brushed a lock of hair from my face—“that I’ve got you. I love you, Linda.”
“And I love you.” I gazed into his liquid brown eyes and was overwhelmed by the feelings I saw reflected there. The rest of the world seemed to fade into the background, and it was only Lenny and me, there in the forest, sharing this little piece of time. For that moment we were in perfect attunement; we somehow managed to exchange our innermost thoughts and feelings, without even having to speak.
I knew then, deep in my heart, that no matter what happened between us, no matter what obstacles life brought our way, Lenny was the one for me. This special, magical connection we had between us was something I could never find with any other boy, no matter how perfect he might seem to be.
He kissed me then, with more passion and intensity than I had ever felt before. And I, filled with love for him, returned his passion, kiss for kiss, touch for touch, sensation for sensation.
My head was spinning. I lost all track of time, all awareness of where we were. I was totally lost in Lenny. He was all that mattered.
I loved him so much.
* * *
That night the four of us—Andy and Nat, Lenny and I—went into town to eat in a Chinese restaurant. I was a bit nervous at first, because I wasn’t sure how Lenny would hit it off with Andy. Their backgrounds were so different—Andy rich, from a distinguished family, and going to a good college; Lenny a high school dropout, and from a poor and broken home. I was worried that they wouldn’t have anything in common to talk about.
I should have given Lenny more credit. He broke the ice by getting us all to laugh over his funny imitations of some of the people he had observed around camp—fatherly Ian, stroking his balding head; haughty, stuck-up Kelly, strutting around shaking her mane of blond hair, and chubby, serious-faced Don, busily busing tables as if it were the most important job in the world.
Once we all felt comfortable together, Lenny got Nat talking about what life was like growing up in the suburbs of Great Neck, and then he got Andy talking about the things he was most interested in— sports, history, and politics. I could see Andy was surprised to find that Lenny knew as much as he did about modern history and politics, even though he was a history major at Rutgers.
Nat and I left the boys talking and went to the bathroom together. “Boy, I’m really impressed by Lenny,” Nat told me. “He’s so funny, and he knows so much for someone who—” She hesitated.
“For someone who dropped out of school,” I finished the sentence for her. “It’s okay to say it, Nat. Sometimes I’m sensitive about it when I first have to tell someone, but you know enough about my situation with Lenny now so I feel perfectly comfortable.”
“Well, truthfully, when you first told me about him, I had to wonder why you would waste your time with someone who wasn’t going to college, but now that I’ve gotten to know Lenny, I can understand why you stick with him. No one would ever guess he’s a dropout if you didn’t say anything. He’s got so much going for him—I bet he’ll straighten himself out someday, Linda.”
“I think he will, too—the only question is when?” I said with a sigh.
“Maybe by the time Andy lets me know he really does care for me,” Nat said. “Let’s hang around the bathroom a little longer, Linda. Maybe Lenny will use that great knack he has for drawing people out to get Andy to reveal how he feels about me!”
“I’ll see what I can find out for you,” I promised Nat. We stayed in the bathroom as long as we could without looking as if we were setting something up. When we got back to the table, Andy and Lenny were deep in conversation, which they ceased as they saw us approach. I wondered if they were talking about their feelings for Nat and me, and if so, what it was they were saying.
I didn’t have a chance to find out until later, as I sat on the porch of the staff house with Lenny, waiting for Chris to come pick him up. He put his arms around me and we began to kiss. The night was clear and the stars seemed to fill the heavens, and I wanted to spend every precious moment I could immersed in Lenny. But then I remembered my promise to Nat and pulled away from him.
“Did Andy say anything to you about liking Nat?” I asked.
“Andy? Nat? Why are you bringing them up now?”
“Because I promised Nat I’d see what I could find out for her, Lenny. She’s so crazy about Andy, and as yet he hasn’t committed himself to her. What do you think?”
“What do I think? That Nat ought to take it slow and easy. Andy may like her, but he’s nowhere ready to make the commitment she wants from him.”
“Oh, Lenny, I feel so bad for her! What should I say?”
“Truthfully, I don’t think it matters what you say—Nat’s going to wind up doing what she feels she has to, anyhow. Besides, I could be wrong about Andy, Linda. It’s basically a gut feeling I get about him. It might work out for them the way it has for us. You never know.”