I didn’t see Lenny that Saturday night, and Sunday I made arrangements to go with Roz and Fran to see a special exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. It was the kind of thing we used to do pretty often together, but almost never did now that I had gotten so serious with Lenny.
I hadn’t meant to, but I was so upset about Lenny’s situation that I told Roz and Fran all about it as we rode downtown on the bus.
Roz looked at me and shook her head. “You know I’ve said this before, Linda, but I’ll say it again. You’re way too involved with Lenny, and you can only be hurt by it. He knows he’s got you where he wants you. No matter what he does, you put up with it and come back for more.”
“But—but that’s because I’m working on trying to accept Lenny instead of getting into fights trying to change him the way I used to,” I explained.
“Accept? Ha!” said Fran. “If you ask me, some behavior is plain unacceptable. The fact that Lenny has it tough at home doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be doing everything he can to rise above it. There’s no way I would put up with some of the things he does if he were my boyfriend.”
“He does try to rise above it,” I protested.
“Well, he obviously hasn’t been too successful about rising anywhere recently,” pointed out Roz.
“Which is all the more reason you should start going out with other boys like we do,” added Fran. “Play the field, get some experience, have some fun. You have plenty of time to tie yourself down.”
“It’s not fun to go out with someone when you’d really rather be with someone else,” I said.
I might as well have been talking to myself. Roz and Fran had been my best friends for a long time now, but they were so sure their way was right that neither one tried to understand how I felt about Lenny.
As I walked through the museum with Roz and Fran, I found myself longing for Lenny. He and I had talked about going to this exhibit together. If I hadn’t gotten so angry at him over the track, I could have been here with him right now.
As I thought this, I realized something. The problems Lenny was having at home with his mother and the gambling were really his problems, not mine. He had to solve them whatever way was best for him. By getting mad at him and fighting with him, I wasn’t making the situation any better.
Suddenly I was filled with the overwhelming desire to find Lenny and try to make up with him. With all I had on my mind, I couldn’t concentrate on the exhibit, anyway.
I was trying to think of a graceful way to tell Roz and Fran I was ready to leave when some boys Roz knew from school showed up. Roz introduced them as Peter, Julian, and Brian. They were pretty cute, especially the one named Brian, who was standing closest to me, but I really wasn’t interested. As Roz and Fran became engrossed in conversation with the boys, I saw my opportunity. No one would miss me if I left the museum now.
I told my friends that I was tired and had decided to start back for home, but they should stay on with the boys and enjoy the exhibit. Before they could protest, I turned and ran out to the bus that would take me home. My only thought was to find Lenny.
* * *
It was my brothers who told me where Lenny could be found. “Your boyfriend has been here three times looking for you,” Ira announced when I arrived home.
“He was?” I asked anxiously. “Do you know where he is now?”
“We know, but I don’t think we should tell you.” Joey laughed nastily.
“Oh, tell her.” Ira came to my rescue. I had noticed a change in his attitude this year since he was starting to have a slight interest in girls himself. He was a lot more sympathetic to me than Joey, who still thought girls were dumb and nothing but pests. “He’s down at Cappi’s, getting some pizza.”
“Thanks, Ira,” I said gratefully. I took a second to make a face at Joey, then headed straight for Cappi’s.
I found Lenny sitting at a table, working on his second slice of pizza. “Hi,” I said as soon as he saw me, to let him know I was ready for peace.
“I’m glad you showed up,” he said. “I saved the pizza crust from my first slice, in case you did.” It was a joke between us that he would eat the soft part of the pizza and leave the crust, which I liked, for me.
“Thanks.” I sat down across from him and picked up the crust, which still had plenty of cheese and sauce on it. I hadn’t been able to eat much since our fight, and suddenly found I was starving.
“So? Are you calmer today?” he asked.
“I guess.” I reached for his soda and took a long gulp. “I was thinking about what happened with you and the track, Lenny. As much as I don’t like it, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s your problem, not mine. You’ve got to work it out your way, and I’ve got to try not to get upset about it.”
He stared at me in surprise. “I’m glad you said that, Linda. But you don’t have to worry about the track anymore. You see, I’ve done some thinking about it, too, and I decided you were right. I am getting too obsessed with the track. So I decided to cut back on the amount of time I spend there and the amount of money I invest in it.”
At his words I felt as if a tremendous weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Lenny had come to the conclusion to cut back on the track on his own, and that was much better than if I had forced him to do it. I took his hand and squeezed it. “Oh, Lenny, I’m so happy you decided that.”
That’s when I noticed that the paper, which he had been reading before I came into Cappi’s, was open to the page that gave the racing results. I was about to ask him why, if he was cutting back on the track, did he waste time reading about the horses, but I stopped myself. Reading was a harmless activity. I had to have some faith that if Lenny said he was going to cut back on the track, he really meant it.
* * *
For almost two weeks everything seemed to be going fine with Lenny. But, as I found out, things were not what they seemed.
The first sign I had that anything was wrong was that Lenny began complaining about his job. There had been a change of management at work, and instead of working for the boss he got along so well with, now Lenny was working for someone he couldn’t stand.
“The guy’s an absolute jerk,” Lenny griped. “He keeps making mistakes, and then he yells at me for stuff that’s entirely his fault.”
This kind of talk was very upsetting to me. Lenny had gone through so many jobs. This one was the first that had shown promise. It would be terrible if something went wrong with it now.
The next sign of trouble was that Lenny’s face began showing that haggard look again, the look that meant he was sleeping out more than sleeping home. He told me it was the usual fighting with his mother. But it wasn’t long before I learned that this fight was more than just the usual.
The afternoon that everything came to a head was the afternoon that I went to return a book I had borrowed from Mike Hiller, the boy who worked in the candy store. Ever since I had taken my SATs, I had been seriously thinking about which colleges to apply for. Mike would talk to me about City College, where he went, and he had lent me a book which described all the colleges in the country, and the kinds of averages and SAT scores you needed to get in. I had looked it over, but it hadn’t done me much good. I still wasn’t sure of where I wanted to go to school.
Mike had told me someone else wanted to see the book, so I decided to return it to him before I went to meet Lenny by the subway. But when I got to the candy store, I was told I had just missed Mike— he had left work and was heading toward home. Since Mike lived in the direction of the subway entrance, I hurried on, hoping to catch up with him.
I spotted him up ahead, walking toward his corner and talking to Sheldon. I quickened my step so I could catch up to them, but did so quietly. I thought it would be funny to startle the boys by sneaking up on them from behind.
As I got close, I overheard snatches of their conversation. And what I heard made me absolutely sick.
“You would think Lipoff would be broke after losing his job,” Sheldon was saying to Mike. “When it comes to the track, he’s always known how to dig up cash from unexpected sources. But even I never thought he’d have the nerve to rip off the money his mother left to pay the electric bill!”
Lose job—track—money—electric bill. The words ran together like a jumble in my mind. My stomach positively ached as I realized that, if I had heard Sheldon correctly, Lenny was in deep trouble. And anything he had said to me to give the appearance that all was going well had to have been one big lie.
I was so upset that I didn’t stop to think of what might be the best way to handle the situation. I raced up to Sheldon, grabbed him by the shoulder, and spun him around.
“What’s all this about Lenny’s losing his job?” I demanded. “And when did he steal the money to go to the racetrack?”
When Sheldon saw me, his normally olive complexion turned pale. “He-uh-his-uh-well-uh-” he stammered, unable to come out with a straight sentence.
“Come on, Sheldon. I heard every word you said. You might as well tell me the whole story now,” I demanded.
“Oh, no, Linda,” Sheldon pulled himself together enough to say. “You’ve heard more than enough from me already. If you want to know more, you’ll have to ask Lenny, himself. He’s due back from work soon, anyhow.”
“Work? How can he be coming home from work if he’s lost his job?”
But Sheldon refused to reveal anything further. When it became obvious there was nothing more I could extract from him, I stuffed the college book into Mike’s hands and stalked off toward the subway. It was getting close to the time Lenny usually came back from work. If he wanted to cover up the fact he had lost his job, he was bound to make his appearance at the proper time.
I paced back and forth by the subway entrance, waiting for Lenny to emerge. Oooh! I was so angry, I couldn’t stand it!
Back and forth I paced. Back and forth. Finally I heard Lenny’s welcoming whistle, which meant he was waiting for me to do the usual and fly right into his arms.
The only flying I was capable of doing then was flying off the handle. “You—you lied to me!” I began. What followed was almost like a repeat performance of the last time I had confronted Lenny at the subway station when I had found out he had cut school to go to the track. Only this was much more serious.
Lenny surprised me by immediately admitting that everything Sheldon had said was true. Then, by pleading with me repeatedly, he got me to agree to go sit in my hallway so he could explain what had happened in private.
We sat on our usual spot on the steps between the second- and third-floor landings in my building. It was the place we often went to talk and make out, as few people ever took the stairs to disturb us. But we weren’t doing any making out now. Stiffly I leaned back against the wall as Lenny began to tell his story.
It had started the week before, when he had had a disagreement with the new boss, who had used this as an excuse to fire him. Not wanting to upset me, he had gone downtown every day to look for work and pretended he was coming home as usual because he had hoped to find another job before he told me about the loss of this one. And even though he had kept away from the track the way he had promised to, he was so upset and so broke by last night, he knew he had to have some sort of an outlet.
The electric bill money was sitting out on his mother’s desk. He had “borrowed” it, knowing he’d replace it with his winnings. Only he had lost, so there was nothing to replace it with.
I could only stare at him in dismay as he was telling me this. Why was it that every time things seemed to be going well with Lenny, something would happen to ruin it? I had put so much investment into our relationship. I loved him so much, I came back for more no matter what he did. But his situation now was worse than it had been at any time since he had been kicked out of high school. Was he ever going to get his act together so things could go right with us? Or was my life with him doomed to head in only one direction—downhill, as he made mistake after mistake and blew chance after chance after chance?
“Naturally, my mother went beserk when she discovered the money was gone,” I heard him telling me. “She accused me of being a thief, called me every name she could think of. She threw things at me, too. And I had no choice but to stand there and take it, because I knew I deserved it this time.”
“So? Did she finally calm down?” I asked, feeling far from calm myself.
“No, she didn’t. She began screaming she had had it with me, and she insisted I had to move out of the house. I’d love to do it, Linda. I know I’d be much better off if I had my own apartment, but you know what a fortune rents are in New York. I have no job, no money to lay out for rent or security. I can’t keep sleeping in the poolroom or under Sheldon’s bed when he gets the chance to sneak me in like I’ve been doing the past few days. I don’t have money for food, much less to take my shirts to the cleaners so I can look decent when I go for a job interview. This time I’ve really gotten myself into a hole!”
My head was spinning from all the horrible things he had told me. As bad as things had gotten with Lenny before, there had always been a way out, something different he could try. But now, without a job or a place to live, I didn’t know where he could turn. “Oh, Lenny. What are you going to do?” I asked.
“The way I look at it, there’s only one thing I can do,” he said miserably. “It’s going to be difficult, but it’s the only way I see to really straighten out my problems. I started out today like any other day—by looking for a job. But it soon became obvious that anything I can get will be just like the jobs I had before—no future and not paying enough to enable me to live on my own. So this afternoon I decided on another approach I’d been thinking about for some time now.”
He looked at me, and his brown eyes were large and pleading. “You’re not going to like this, Linda, but you’ve got to try to understand it. This afternoon I went to talk to an armed forces recruiter, and I signed the papers. I joined the navy!”
“The navy!” I could only repeat the word in disbelief. “But, Lenny, that means you could be away for years and years. How could you? How will I stand it without you?”