The arrival of spring made me feel as if I were coming alive again after the cold loneliness of the long, gray winter without Lenny. To walk down the streets and feel the warmth of the strengthening sun on my skin, to see the tiny leaves unfolding on the trees in the park and the first green shoots of the daffodils pushing through the soil, to smell the wonderful smells of the spring-scented earth, made my heart swell with joy.
The newly returned birds chirped their welcome-back songs, and they seemed to be singing a message especially for me. “Lenny is coming. Lenny is coming.” The delicious words kept repeating over and over in my head.
I couldn’t wait to see him. I couldn’t wait to hold him in my arms and kiss him and love him the way I did before. The days, which had been passing so quickly, now slowed to a torturous crawl. It seemed the day of his arrival would never come.
Then, finally, it was here. I went to bed that Friday night of the start of Easter vacation knowing that Lenny was scheduled to arrive from Illinois on a late plane. He would take a taxi home from the airport, get some sleep, and call me first thing in the morning.
I woke up early the next day and paced the floor, impatiently waiting for his call. I didn’t want to call his house and wake him because I knew he would probably be exhausted after his trip. But I was so eager to see him, I thought I would go out of my mind!
Finally the telephone rang. “Hi, sweetheart.” His voice, his wonderful voice, was deep and clear as it came through over the phone. “I’m home. I can hardly believe it, but I’m really home.”
“I can’t wait to see you,’ I gushed. “Where and when can we meet?”
“How does the park wall in an hour sound? It’s a nice day and Sheldon already called to tell me he was rounding up some of the guys to meet me and greet me there.”
“You already spoke to Sheldon? You agreed to meet him before meeting me?” I asked, trying not to show my annoyance.
“Hey, don’t start that jealous stuff.” His voice held a warning note. “You should be glad Sheldon called me—I might have slept all day if he hadn’t. And I’m not going to spend much time with the boys—just enough to say hello to everyone and let them know Lipoff is back. The rest of the day will be devoted to you—I promise!”
“Oh, Lenny, I don’t mean to sound jealous,” I apologized. “It’s just—it’s just I missed you so much, and I guess I was hoping we’d have some time to spend alone together.”
“We will, baby. Don’t you think I want that more than anything? But this is my first day back. Give me some time to get oriented. We still have two whole weeks of my leave to spend together.”
Two weeks didn’t sound so long to me—not after three months of not seeing him, but I didn’t want to waste our precious time together arguing with him. “Okay,” I agreed. “I’ll see you at the park wall in an hour.”
* * *
When I arrived at the park wall, Lenny was already waiting there, dressed in his blue sailor uniform. My heart began pounding immediately, and I started to ran the rest of the way to the wall. He leaped off the wall when he saw me coming and lifted me up and swung me around. His arms felt so much stronger than they ever had before. He kissed me and I was absolutely breathless. I started laughing and crying at the same time.
“Oh, Lenny, I’m so glad you’re home!” I said when I finally found my voice. Then I took a good look at him. “Lenny! Your hair! What happened to it?”
Self-consciously his hand went up to his scalp, where, under his sailor hat, instead of his usual mop of brown curls, now was seen only short, stubbly remnants of what used to be his crowning glory. “They shaved it,” he mumbled. “Only three days before I was to come home, and they shaved my head!”
“But, why, Lenny? I know it’s navy policy to shave the heads of new recruits, but why would they shave you before you came home on leave?”
“To get me.” He hoisted himself back up on the wall, and I could see the bitterness etched in his face. “My platoon leader never liked me, ever since he found out I was supposed to have been platoon leader of the company I was with before I got sick, and that my test scores were higher than his were. He had it in for me all through boot camp, stuck me with the worst jobs whenever possible. During inspection last week he found a dirty sheet under my bed. It wasn’t mine—I’m pretty sure of who put it there, but I couldn’t prove anything. He could have given me some minor punishment like extra exercises or kitchen duty, but he chose to shave my head so I’d look like a fool when I got home.”
“Oh, Lenny, you don’t look like a fool! In fact, you look kind of cute, now that I’m getting used to seeing you this way. It makes you look different— almost distinguished!”
“You really think so?” He brightened. Then, before we could talk any further, Sheldon showed up. With him were Jessie and Kathy, and a bunch of the boys that Lenny liked to hang around with— Billy, Mike, Joel, Nicky, and Chris. They all gathered around Lenny, making remarks about his shaved head, his sailor uniform, and about how he looked as if he had gained weight and become more muscular.
“This is nothing,” Lenny said. “You should have seen me before I got sick two weeks ago. I was about ten pounds heavier than I am now—more than I ever weighed in my life. But boot camp was so tough I’m lucky to have gotten out in as good shape as I did.”
Everyone started talking at once, plying Lenny with questions about the navy, his lack of hair, what boot camp was like, and the kinds of things he had to do there. He answered them all, making jokes about setting a new trend—the golf ball hairdo—and going into all the gory details of the subfreezing temperatures, the long hours of back-breaking work, the strenuous physical exercise, and the ridiculous punishments he had endured. Lenny was the center of attention, and you could tell he was enjoying it.
But I wasn’t. I had waited so long to see Lenny— I wanted to be alone with him, not to have to share him with everyone else in the neighborhood. I felt out of place and uncomfortable, standing there at the edge of the crowd, listening to him talk about experiences I had thought he would reveal only to me.
I looked at Lenny, and suddenly he seemed to be a total stranger. He looked different, he acted different, he even talked differently. He had gone through so many experiences since we had last been together; they were sure to have changed him. The Lenny I had known and loved for so long seemed lost and gone from me. What could there be between me and this stranger who had come to take his place?
I was very quiet the rest of that morning, listening to Lenny tell his tales. Noon arrived; the weather turned chillier, as it often does without warning in April, and everyone decided to go home for lunch and to get some warmer clothing.
Lenny finally seemed to remember I was there. “How about walking me home, Linda? My mother said it would be okay to have you come and have lunch with me.”
“Sure,” I said, although I was still feeling hurt by his lack of attentiveness. I told myself this was silly. I really couldn’t blame Lenny for enjoying being the center of attention. Once we got to his house, at least, I could have him all to myself.
But even this was not to be. Lenny had neglected to mention that his aunt and uncle were coming over to see him, and that night his father would be coming to take them all out to dinner. I was invited, too, but I decided against going. I was tired of sharing Lenny with everyone else, tired of listening to the same stories of what it was like in the navy, tired of waiting for the moment that my boyfriend would be back to himself once again.
Lenny was back—it was what I had been waiting for all this time—but somehow, I felt almost as removed from him as I had during the worst of the period when he was gone.
* * *
The next day was Sunday, and Lenny had arranged for us to go bowling with Sheldon and Jessie. He was dressed in civilian clothes, and that made me feel a little less strange around him.
“Boy, does it feel great to bowl again!” He smiled at me triumphantly as he threw his fourth strike in a row.
I smiled back. It was good to see Lenny enjoying himself, and being out with Sheldon and Jessie was better than having to share him with the world the way I had the day before. And Lenny was really looking good to me. I could tell by the power with which he threw the ball how much stronger he was than before the navy. But still, I couldn’t get rid of the unexplained and unwelcome feeling of distance between us.
It wasn’t until the next day, Monday, that I had a chance to be completely alone with Lenny. His mother was at work all day, and he asked me to come over early in the morning.
When I opened the door to his room and saw him, I had to stop and catch my breath. He looked so sweet and adorable and vulnerable that I was filled with a surge of love for him so strong that all doubts about my feelings left me. I saw the light of love reflected there as he gazed at me. He opened his arms, and I fell into them. I realized that this was the moment I had been waiting for all along.
The passion between us was overwhelming. We made out for a long time, expressing our feelings through our kisses and our caresses. Then, as I lay there in his arms, he began talking about the navy again, but this time his story was not the same. It was colored by his true feelings, feelings he had not revealed when he talked to his friends and his family.
“You can’t imagine the state of fear and tension I was in the entire time I was in boot camp,” he confided. “I got there weak and skinny, and I had a funny name, so I was a perfect candidate to be picked on and made fun of. It was ‘Hey, Toothpick, where’d you get that puny body?’ or ‘Lipoff? What kind of a name is that?’
“I couldn’t stand it, Linda. I wanted to show those guys I was tougher than I looked, but getting caught fighting meant starting boot camp all over again, so I had no choice but to take it and wait. I started exercising more and working out to build myself up. All the while I waited for my chance.
“It came one night when I was supposed to relieve this guy, Manville, from watch. He was this big dumb lug, and one of my worst tormentors. I came up to him, real friendly like, and when he least expected it, I walloped him in the jaw.”
“Oh, no, Lenny! How awful!” I knew how much Lenny hated to fight. “What happened then?”
“He was so stunned he didn’t even try to hit me back. I warned him never to call me Toothpick again, or I’d kill him.” He gave a bitter laugh. “That guy must have been some coward underneath his tough-guy exterior, because my threat worked. He kept out of my way from then on, although I’m sure it was he who stuck the sheet under my bed. Then, after that, I became friendly with this guy named Crosby. He was assistant platoon leader, big and strong and very popular. Nobody bothered me once I was friends with Crosby. Except for the platoon leader, of course, who still gave it to me every chance he got—like shaving my head before I came home.”
I ran my hand over his prickly stubble and grinned. “Well, at least it’s starting to grow back now. By the time your leave is up you’ll probably look gorgeous.”
“Yeah, a lot of good it’ll do me then,” he said glumly. “To tell you the truth, I’m dreading going back to the navy.”
“You are? Listening to the stories you were telling, it sounded as if you liked it most of the time.”
“What do you want me to do, complain to everyone?” he asked. “You know the old saying—if you make your bed, you’ve got to lie in it. Well, the navy is the bed I made—I have no choice but to make the best of it now.”
“But boot camp is supposed to be the toughest part of the service, and you made it through that,” I pointed out. “Now you’ll be assigned a school, and it should get easier for you.”
“It should—if my health holds out. It was really scary to be sick so often, and the navy doctors never did find out what was causing all those stomach pains and high fevers.”
“But you seem fine now, Lenny,” I pointed out.
“True. And the tests did show I didn’t have any of the serious stuff like cancer or AIDs or tuberculosis. That, at least, is good to know.”
“Well, then, I bet whatever it was ran its course and you won’t be bothered with it anymore.”
“That’s what I like, positive thinking!” He grinned and kissed me lightly on my lips. “This is our time together, and it’s too precious to waste talking about the past. Let’s stick to happier topics—like our future!”
He kissed me again, and I did as he asked and put all troublesome thoughts of the past out of my mind. Unfortunately, my thoughts of the future weren’t trouble-free, either. There were still too many unanswered questions I had to worry about, namely, where Lenny was going to wind up going to school and then where he’d be stationed, and the decision I still had to make about what college to go to. I hadn’t made Barnard, the private city school I had applied to, just been put on their waiting list, but I had been accepted at City College and the state universities at Buffalo and Binghamton. So my situation was still the same—I still had to decide between City College or going out of town.
As Lenny’s kisses grew more urgent and I found myself responding to them, I was able to put those thoughts from my mind as well. For now all I had to do was concentrate on being with Lenny and loving him. It was the only thing that mattered for now.