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“A Father’s Gift to His Son on His Becoming an Apprentice”

ANONYMOUS

The following passage is excerpted from a larger manual of advice from father to son on growing up, finding a job, and raising a family. Here the father offers counseling on which qualities to look for in a woman and which qualities to develop in yourself to prepare for marriage and to make it last. It is old-fashioned indeed, but still mostly applicable today.

With a prospect of success in business, you will naturally turn your thoughts to matrimony. Here, my dear son, be willing to listen to the advice of an old man, anxious for your welfare, in this very important choice, upon which more depends than you are perhaps aware of. It is true the married life has many incumbrances, from which the single is free; but much is to be said on both sides; yet, I must add, a cheerful partner, and a comfortable home, are the strongest incentives a young man can have to a proper attention to business, and to propriety of conduct. No sight is more attractive and gratifying, than a house governed by love and unity, with an active disharge [sic] of duty.

Choose a wife whose reputation is pure, and her connections honest and respectable; and whose temper is good. Let your religious principles agree; and let religion, without cant or hypocrisy, regulate all your household.

It is right for a tradesman to select a wife of frugal and industrious habits; for these days afford terrible examples of the neglect of these homely virtues. The happiness of your future life will be increased or diminished by your choice of a partner; therefore, be guided by discretion, as well as by affection; and let her be such an one, in every sense, as you will never be ashamed of.

Call to mind there are as many duties required from the husband as the wife; and a little self-denial and patience on both sides will produce that domestic happiness I pray may be your lot. Let mutual confidence prevail, for concealment between man and wife is a great bar to peace. I shall not enter upon all the duties of the married life, as I rely upon your goodness of heart, that you will not violate any of them.

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Should you become a father, your duties and your cares will multiply, but you will also have your comforts: and as you will have been guided by wisdom hither-towards, so here the words of wisdom will assist you still; and the duty of a father is so clearly pointed out both by religion and common sense, that I need not dwell upon it, though it is the most important of all duties.

In your house exercise hospitality, but shun all unnecessary waste, and superfluous feasting; these ill agree with the calls of a family, or with the attention we owe to our poor neighbors, who surely have a claim upon our bounty when we are enabled, by Providence, to become bountiful. We find a blessing attending upon charity when it is secret and unostentatious: that charity is best which exercises a spirit of discernment.

Let prudence superintend your househould [sic] in every department, and propriety regulate every part.