if you don’t understand the joke then perfecting
your american laugh if not catching
the reference then writing it down to google it
later if not beautiful, then something they can hear
through the walls if a bad cook, then hungry
for something else. if an ugly scar, then story
to tell over & over again
if not pretty! if not hermosa! if not preciosa!
if not muñeca! then at least funny.
then just like your father, i guess then juggling
eggs & balancing your passport on your nose
then tripping & letting the eggs crash
around you then not blaming your
clumsiness but the world, sitting down
with her smooth ivory leg stuck out, waiting
for you. if not ay carajo, then shit. if not in love
then discounted, 24-hour loneliness
that comes with an application
wand. if not satisfied, then a minute before
the alarm, if not happy, then whatever
you’ve pinned to the fridge & if their mouths
are not open. if their throats are not full of spit
if no one is laughing then taking yourself home
you—niñita lotioning up stretch marks
that don’t have memories yet. patoja
with report cards for eyelashes. hija afraid
of having hijas. girl rolling her sentences
together & gluing them to her face to make
the perfect mustache girl twirling the mustache
& saying, “ah, yes, my darling, ha-ha,”
girl cleaning up her mess before it spills
out of her eyes, tying wires around her body,
attaching tin cans to the ends, holding them
out to the air, trying to find someone
who will listen.
hey! girl of the rebuilt kitchen
of the windexed reflection
girl with the bent glasses!
girl looking in a different mirror!
girl not letting herself go! girl letting herself stay.
who are you fooling, they just have to take
one look at you
to know where you came from.