Cade went into the kitchen for more food when they got inside, and Jena ran up the stairs to her bedroom.
When she was safely inside, she laughed, pressing a hand against her mouth to muffle the noise. She finally felt more in control now because Will knew that she’d found him out. She’d seen it in the lines of horror that seemed to ripple onto his face, in the slight wrinkles that furrowed his brow.
Jena heard footsteps on the landing; she knew it was Will because the floor didn’t creak much. He paused outside her door and she went silent, leaning on it.
But he didn’t turn the handle; instead his steps retreated, back to the room across the landing.
Jena exhaled and grinned again, feeling like she’d won, even though she didn’t know what the prize was exactly. She pushed off the door and drew the laptop and file out from under the bed where she’d stashed them, and then she moved to the wardrobe, opened the door, and felt along the panel on the right. A little push and the board popped free.
She’d made this space back when she was nine. Not because she had anything nefarious to hide, but because Joel was such a sneak and had always been coming into her room and going through her stuff. A girl needed her privacy.
Jena reached inside, her fingers touching something metallic. She smiled, but her nose prickled and she sniffed back the tears that had filled her eyes. She pulled it out and shoved it straight into her pocket, not wanting to spend more time on it. She needed Will’s stuff to be safe from everyone, and she’d always have the spinning top.
Always.
She grabbed a shirt off a coat-hanger and wrapped it around the bundle of secrets, slipping it into the hole in the wall and hurriedly pushing the panel back into place.
Safe. She shut the wardrobe door behind her and moved across to the bed, pulling out something a little nicer to wear for dinner at the Mertenses’ tonight. The less time they spent in this house the better, as far as she was concerned. Let Will stew over her next move. Let him be the one spending hours afraid in this house.
And what would she do?
She didn’t quite know yet. There were so many options. Part of her just wanted to out him to Rose, to watch her grandmother berate him, throw him off the property, threaten to call the police. Maybe? Jena could only hope.
And yet …. She glanced at the wardrobe. She was curious as to what he had on his laptop. And curiosity had always been her biggest weakness, or strength, depending on who you asked.
Cade pushed into the room, shutting the door behind him.
‘Time for a quickie?’ he asked, cocking an eyebrow. ‘We didn’t really get a chance on our little outing.’ He slid the bottom of his tee up his belly as though he were about to do a strip tease and Jena couldn’t help but laugh, which only made Cade scowl. ‘What?’
‘I’m sorry, it’s just been a weird day,’ Jena said. ‘Very hot, by the way, but not right now. We’ve gotta get ready to go. Dinner with the neighbours, remember?’
Cade stepped closer, tugging down his fly, his pants, exposing his hard cock, which sprang free from his boxers to greet Jena.
‘Down, boy,’ she said, pushing it away with a single finger so as to get her point across. ‘We’ve got dinner,’ she said again, firmer this time.
‘It’ll be quick.’
She raised an eyebrow. ‘And that’s meant to make me change my mind?’ She got up and brushed past him, grabbing her fresh clothes off the bed and heading for the door. Cade let out a little growl and lunged for her arm, but just missed it.
‘I’ve got needs, Jena.’ His voice was low, demanding, and the words made her shudder. ‘I know you’ve got them too.’
She could feel him slipping away from her, could hear it in his voice. It was almost enough to make her turn around, to go to her knees in front of him, to give him what he wanted. Because if she didn’t, he might leave again, and he’d only just got back.
Jena turned, and she did approach him, but she didn’t drop to the floor. She pressed her lips against his, felt his need shudder through her. She slipped her hand over his skin to cup his ass.
‘Right now, we need to get ready to go to the neighbours …’ she whispered against his lips, flicking her tongue across the bottom one. ‘But after that.’
‘Promise?’ He pulled her tight, pressing his cock against her thigh.
‘I promise,’ she said, almost convincing herself that it was what she wanted, too.
***
She changed in the bathroom, not wanting to give him any ideas, and then they walked hand in hand through the bush and across the paddocks to the Mertenses’ property. It was almost a kilometre, but it had never bothered them as kids; they’d used the walk to play games and talk.
Jena was surprised to find that the old path was still there. It didn’t look well-trodden, but someone had kept it clear, holding back the trees and creeping vines from devouring the track.
The sun had begun its descent and the mountain was clear of clouds, and even through the bush she could see it, peeking over the tops of the trees that lined the path. A shudder ran up her back, and she could remember the times they’d played here – not just her and Joel, but the Mertens boys as well – the Dark Man game.
One of them would be the Dark Man, and the others would have to hide so that the Dark Man couldn’t find them. And when he did, he turned them into walking husks and they’d have to stumble around the bush, eyes partway closed, hands out in front of them to stop them from crashing into trees.
Jena almost told Cade about it, but after the way he’d been acting before, she didn’t think it was a good idea. She didn’t want to play any more games with him today; not tonight, either.
They broke free of the bush, and it was only a couple of hundred metres to the house from here. The lights were all on, beckoning her in. There was a warmth to the place, even with its modern makeover, that she hadn’t felt on returning to the farm. It wasn’t shrouded in bad memories, she guessed.
‘I’m getting hungry. Any idea what they’re cooking?’
‘Farm staples. Casserole, mashed spud and veg. It’ll be good. Mrs Mertens, I mean Flo, was always a good cook.’ And an even better baker. Jena’s mouth watered when she remembered the apple pie …. It was too much to hope that might be on the menu tonight.
She opened the gate, making sure to close it behind them, and then led Cade up the path to the front door, where they kicked off their boots and knocked.
Jena felt awkward, standing there with a bottle of red wine she’d pilfered from Rose’s pantry. She’d never done this before, never had the kind of adult dinners she recalled her parents having. But it wasn’t too late to start. This could be the beginning of a new phase of her life.
Flo opened the door, her smile widening when she laid eyes on Jena. ‘Oh, dear girl, look at how you’ve grown!’ Flo had grown as well, her belly rounder, her hair longer and grey. She wore thick glasses, which Jena didn’t remember her wearing in the past. The older woman gestured with her hands, beckoning Jena into a folding embrace.
Jena awkwardly patted Flo on the back, uncomfortable with this closeness, and then pulled away and grabbed Cade’s hand. ‘This is my boyfriend, Cade; sorry about the short notice. I didn’t know he was coming back today.’ Jena offered a grin, though it felt unnatural.
‘It’s fine, dear. Come in, come in.’ Flo moved into the house, creating space for Jena and Cade to enter.
Jena gripped Cade’s hand tighter as she walked down the hallway. Everything was different here, updated, fresh and new.
‘Jena?’
She spun to see a man step through the door after them. She didn’t recognise him. It had been so long and he’d been a kid of eight or so when she’d left. Now he was fully grown, stretched out so that the chub of his childhood had turned into a lankiness Jena wouldn’t have expected. He had a mop of blond hair, messy from the beanie he’d just pulled off.
‘My god, it’s been a long time.’ He stepped towards her, a grin playing on his lips, a sheen of sorrow in his eyes.
‘Jeremy,’ she said, the name feeling awkward on her mouth. Her stomach ached, a cold hollow, and a flicker of light behind him made her imagine that she could see Joel, still a young boy, trapped forever, never able to grow into a man like his friend.
Jeremy moved towards her, raised an arm as if to hug her. She flinched, and he settled for cupping her shoulder.
‘It’s really good to see you,’ he said, nodding at her. ‘Unexpected, but good.’ He let her go and then held out a hand to Cade. ‘Nice to meet you.’
‘Cade,’ he said, shaking Jeremy’s hand, gripping it a little longer than necessary until Jeremy released.
Jena sighed and rolled her eyes. Maybe she should have left him at the farm.
‘I better wash up before dinner. See you soon.’ And with that he was gone, down the hallway towards the back of the house.
Flo continued down the hall, but it took a moment for Jena to come back to herself and follow. When they reached the kitchen, she handed over the bottle of wine awkwardly.
‘Here, I brought you this.’
Flo took it with a smile. ‘Thank you, we’ll have it with dinner, shall we?’
Mr Mertens – John – came in through the sliding door then, holding a bowl of vegetables. ‘Hey Jena, and ….’
‘Cade,’ Jena said. ‘He came with me to the farm to help sort the house out.’ It wasn’t a lie, but she caught the glare Cade gave her.
‘Nice to meet you, son,’ John said with a nod. He bustled into the kitchen and washed the vegetables, lining them up on a chopping board. ‘Nothing better than garden-fresh salad.’
‘Let me get you a drink,’ Flo said. ‘Cade, do you want beer or wine?’
‘Beer sounds good, thanks.’ He’d shoved his hands into his pockets and his shoulders were slouched forward. Jena wanted to take him aside, to tell him that he could at least act like he wanted to be there, but he perked up when Flo passed him a cold bottle from the fridge. ‘Thanks,’ he said, even managing a smile.
‘Why don’t you take a seat in the lounge. Jeremy will be in shortly. Jena, you can help me set the table.’ The just like old times hung in the air between them again, and the older woman turned towards the cutlery drawer, fishing out the required utensils and putting them in a little basket. ‘Grab some plates, will you?’
Jena turned to the bank of cupboards and pulled one door open. John reached an arm past her and tugged on the next one over, giving Jena a wink when she flashed him a thankful smile. She pulled out six plates, and then paused with a frown.
There were only five for dinner.
John, Flo, Jeremy, Cade and Jena.
Not John, Flo, Reggie, Jeremy, Joel and Jena.
She slipped one plate back onto the pile and headed to the dining area. The wooden table was the same one they’d had when she was a kid – heavy, with an insert in the middle that opened to accommodate extra guests; not that she and Joel were really guests. It was closed up now, and she knew they’d have to pull it out; knew she’d be able to see the initials Joel and Jeremy had carved into the edge of the interior wood.
Jena turned away, setting the plates on the side table before quickly getting to work. It was so much easier as an adult, and she was surprised to find that she could do it alone, her eyes sliding away from the spot where those letters were as she pushed the wooden pieces back together.
‘Oh, you didn’t have to do that. Surprised you remembered how the old thing works.’ Flo bustled into the room and spread out table mats in each of the places.
‘Hard to forget,’ Jena said, following Flo around as she laid out the knives and forks, putting plates into the spaces between. ‘Though I feel like I did a pretty good job of forgetting when I … when I went away.’
She patted Jena’s arm. ‘I think that was what she wanted,’ Flo said with a nod. ‘Fresh start for you, not tainted with the bad things that happened.’
‘What did happen?’ Jena asked, putting the last plate on the table. ‘Do you know?’
Flo pressed her lips together and looked away. ‘We should get the food. Don’t want it getting cold.’
But Jena didn’t follow her back into the kitchen. Instead, she watched Flo go and wished that the older woman had said whatever it was that she had been considering.
The next few minutes were a flurry of activity as the food came in and drinks were poured, places were taken at the table. John raised his glass and waited for the noise to die away.
‘To old friends, and new ones. It’s nice to see you back, Jena.’ He moved his glass towards Jena’s, and she gently clinked hers against his.
The way he’d said that made it sound like she was staying for good, and she wanted to say that wasn’t the case. He must know Rose was selling, that her time here was short.
But still, it was nice to be welcomed, and this welcome was warmer than the one she’d had at the farm.
‘Thank you, all of you. I ….’ She pressed her lips together, not trusting her voice.
‘You’re welcome,’ Flo said, her words soft. ‘Now, eat up, dinner’s getting cold.’
Her no-fuss tone made Jena smile, and then the Mertenses slipped into their easy-going dinnertime banter about the farm, the cows, the price of feed, and what the next few months had in store. Dishes were passed around, and Jena ate, savouring the food, the company.
And waiting until the right time.
Which was when John was almost to the bottom of his second glass of wine. He tutted and shook his head. ‘It was a damn shame what happened to your family.’ He said the words so quietly Jena almost missed them.
‘What do you think did happen?’ she asked. ‘I mean … why?’
‘Oh, I don’t know. Probably not the best dinner conversation,’ Flo said, patting Jena on the hand.
She pulled her hand back. ‘No, I want to know. Please? You knew him.’ She locked her gaze with John’s, begging him with a look. She needed to hear some other story, one that wasn’t Rose’s, or the party line the paper had printed.
‘I don’t rightly know, hon.’ He sighed and put down his knife and fork before refilling his wine glass and taking a sip. ‘Probably a bit too much of this,’ he said, raising the glass and then having another sip. ‘Things were stressful. Young Mandy was a beautiful babe, but that girl had a set of lungs on her that would put a banshee to shame. Some nights I could have sworn I heard her, though it wasn’t possible. I have no idea how any of you lot got to sleep. And then there was the money ….’
‘John,’ Flo said firmly. ‘Things were a bit tight, Jena. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, just a bad season.’
‘Worse than bad for Mark,’ John added. ‘He wasn’t himself towards the end—’
‘Does anyone want dessert?’ Flo cut in.
‘I’d love some,’ Cade said. He leaned forward, his elbows on the table. Jena would have told him off for that, had they been anywhere else, but she was still focused on John. ‘What are we having?’ Cade asked.
‘I’m fine, thanks,’ Jena said. ‘John—’
‘Jena, come help me in the kitchen.’ Flo stood up and waited.
Jena chewed on the inside of her cheek, biting down on the words she wanted to say. It was so hard, but losing her shit wouldn’t help.
As Jena followed Flo from the room, Jeremy started up another conversation, asking Cade what he was into, or something.
In the kitchen, Flo put her hands on her hips and set her shoulders back. ‘Look, I can see you want answers, but you need to stop. If your Gran didn’t tell you, then it was for a reason. Leave it alone, Jena. It’s not going to soothe any wounds you have. It’s not going to bring them back.’
Jena’s jaw went slack, stunned at Flo’s blunt words, and her lips parted, but nothing came out. She tipped her head back and looked at the ceiling with a sigh.
‘I know I can’t bring them back, I just … I want someone to tell me that he was a violent drunk who hated us and that’s why it happened. I want someone to tell me that I’m not going to turn into the same kind of person as him, because it’s easier to believe he was an anomaly than to think that I might turn out the same. Easier to blame him than to think that somehow it was my ….’
Tears slipped down her cheeks. She couldn’t help it. Why was she crying, here, in this house, with this woman, when she couldn’t bring herself to do that with Rose?
Flo stepped forward ‘Oh, dear one. It was never your fault.’ This time when Flo put her arms around Jena, she didn’t shrink away, didn’t pull back; she let herself be comforted. ‘He was a man having a rough time. I don’t think he’d ever have done it on purpose, not the Mark we knew, but accidents happen.’
Accidents happen.
That was one way to put it.
She knew it wasn’t an accident, but despite that, Flo’s words made her feel a bit better. Jena might not have got what she hoped for, but she’d received something else, and knowing that none of these people thought she was to blame made a difference.
‘Now, I made your favourite for dessert. I hope you still like apple pie?’ Flo drew back and raised an eyebrow at Jena, who nodded. ‘Good. Why don’t you go and get the ice cream. And no more talk of this.’ Flo looked towards the door to the dining room. ‘John misses your old man, and he blames himself for what happened. Still thinks that if he’d followed his instinct …. Just, drop it, please?’
This time it wasn’t a demand, it was a request, tinged with sorrow and guilt that was nothing to do with Jena. She nodded and headed for the garage to find the ice cream, and when she opened the freezer door she smiled.
French vanilla. Just like old times.