“So how did everything go today?” Jenna asked stiffly as Jack came in the door just after seven.
“It was good,” he replied, shrugging off his coat.
“Did you sign off with the lawyer?”
“More or less. There are a couple more things to straighten out. I have to go back tomorrow.”
The way he was avoiding her eyes was making her insides churn with unease. Did he know that she’d guessed? Could he be steeling himself to tell her anyway?
Now would be a terrible time, with her mother due to bring the younger ones back from Rainbow Guides and Beaver Scouts at any minute.
She watched him go to the fridge and take out a beer. “I take it you got Paige’s message that she didn’t need picking up?” she said, going back to the peanut butter cookies she was making. They were Josh’s favorites. Tomorrow she’d make strawberry jam tarts for the twins. Why was this feeling like part of another world? It was as though she was losing her grip when nothing had changed, at least on the surface.
Underneath there was a riptide trying to drag her to places she desperately didn’t want to go.
“Yes, I did,” he replied. “I ran into her, outside the Dylan Thomas Centre.”
“Oh?”
“She was on a school trip. Is she home yet?”
“She went straight to Charlotte’s. She should be back around eight.”
Nodding, he downed half the beer and headed for the door.
Suddenly angry, she said, “Don’t you have anything more to say to me?”
He stopped but didn’t turn round. “What exactly do you want me to say?” he enquired tightly.
I’d like you to tell me this isn’t happening, that you’re sorry you’ve made me think the worst, that nothing’s changing…“I’d like to know why you’re behaving like this,” she cried. “You’re obviously hiding something.”
“Exactly what do you think I’m hiding?” he growled, spinning round.
Flinching at his anger, she said, “Well, we both know you’re hiding where you were on Saturday, and I’m told you weren’t at the pub on Friday night either, when you said you were.”
He gaped at her incredulously. “Have you been checking up on me?” he thundered.
“I wasn’t checking up. Bena was there and she said you weren’t.”
Looking past her as the back door crashed open, he immediately set down his beer and opened his arms to catch the twins. “Are you home already?” he exclaimed, kissing them as they hugged him. “It only seems like an hour ago that I took you to school.”
“We’ve been to Rainbow Guides and Beaver Scouts,” Flora informed him, “and Wills got a medal—”
Wills immediately thumped her. “I wanted to tell him,” he protested.
“You didn’t have to hit me,” she wailed. “He shouldn’t have done that, should he, Dad?”
“He most definitely shouldn’t have, but it wasn’t hard, so I expect you’ll survive. Where’s Josh? Isn’t he with you?”
“I’m here,” Josh shouted, coming in the door behind a cardboard cut-out of some kind of alien. “Mum! Mr. Thacker, our leader, said I could have this to put in my bedroom. It’s really cool, isn’t it?”
“The coolest,” she assured him.
“Oh wow! Are you making peanut butter cookies? Yum. They’re my favorite. I’m going to eat them all.”
“He has to save some for us, doesn’t he, Mum?” Flora objected.
“I’m sure he will,” Jenna replied, popping them in the oven. “Now everyone needs to go and get out of their uniforms and put on their pajamas. Flora, is that paint or mud on your cheeks?”
Appearing bemused, she wriggled out of her father’s arms and ran off upstairs to check, with Josh and Wills close behind.
“I’m going to the office,” Jack announced as Kay came in with the children’s bags. “Are you OK?” he asked her. “Do you need a hand with anything?”
“This is the lot, thank you,” she replied, setting them down.
Again avoiding Jenna’s eyes, he left.
“I have letters from the school and from the Rainbows,” Kay was saying as she dug into her own bag. “One is about an in-service day, the other a parents’ evening. Oh, and I ran into Wendy Rivers; she wanted me to thank you again for looking after her stall on Sunday. She says takings were up by about fifteen percent.”
Jenna was hardly listening. Her mind was all over the place, trying to cope with the shock of Jack being so cold, the disbelief that he didn’t appear to be interested in making up. What further confirmation did she need for her worst fears?
“The cookies have to be in for ten minutes,” she told her mother. “I need to go over to the office. If you can, stop the children from following me.”
Aware of Kay watching her leave, she started across the garden, her eyes fixed on Jack, who was at his desk speaking to someone on the phone. When he spotted her coming he quickly rang off. As her temper rose she could feel the bottom dropping out of her world.
“Who was that?” she asked, closing the door behind her.
“What do you mean?” he countered.
“Who were you on the phone to?”
He sighed impatiently.
“I’d like an answer.”
“Why does it matter who I was talking to?”
“Why won’t you tell me?”
“Because you’re trying to make something of it.”
Going to him, she grabbed the phone and started to check.
“For God’s sake,” he growled, trying to wrest it from her.
“What are you hiding?” she shouted, trying to push him away.
“Give it to me,” he demanded.
She could feel herself shaking. She wanted to smash the phone in his face, or beg him to stop—she hardly knew which.
“You’re making a fool of yourself,” he told her.
She stared at him, unable to understand what was happening, why this gulf was opening up between them and only getting wider. “How long has it been going on?” she heard herself ask.
He frowned irritably. “What are you talking about?”
“You know what I’m talking about. Your affair with Martha.”
Whatever he’d been about to say died on his lips. He stood staring at her, rooted in shock, or maybe it was disbelief that she’d guessed.
Please God, let me be wrong. Please, please let him deny it now and show me that I really am making a fool of myself.
“I’m not having this conversation,” he suddenly snapped. “You make things up, carry on like they’re real, and expect me to go along with them. Well, it’s not going to happen. Check the phone if you must. I’ll even give you the password. You’ll see I’ve spoken to Martha plenty of times, though how the hell I’m supposed to run the business without speaking to her I’ve no idea.”
The phone was heavy in her hand, suspicion still dark in her heart, though doubt was starting to cast small, blessed slivers of hope across her fear. She wanted so desperately to be wrong that she knew she was in danger of backing down when she should probably stand firm.
He held out his hand. She looked at it, assuming he was asking for the phone, but then he was moving closer, taking her into his arms.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered into her hair. “I don’t know how we got into this, but it’ll be my fault. Everything is, we know that.”
She almost smiled. “So it’s not true?” she whispered, gazing up into his eyes.
“It’s not true,” he murmured. Bringing her to him, he kissed her so lovingly that in those moments she no longer found it hard to believe him.
Over the next few days Jenna kept trying to convince herself that everything was back to normal, because on the surface it was. Jack was his usual, loving self, their closeness had returned on every level, and there were even moments when she was truly able to put her suspicions down to a fleeting aberration. The trouble was, the doubts just wouldn’t go away. They were always there, hanging around like ghosts in a churchyard, unseen, unheard, but watching, looking out for any small sign to give their lingering presence some substance.
“You still don’t believe him, do you?” Bena said on Thursday morning as she noticed Jenna watching him in the sitting room, head in hand, as he spoke to someone on the phone.
Jenna sighed. “I keep trying, because frankly it would be so much easier if I could, but then I see him like this…Who’s he talking to? Why did he have to go over there to take the call? What’s he saying that we’re not supposed to hear?”
“Are you sure everything’s all right with the business?” Bena ventured. “Perhaps there are problems that he doesn’t want to tell you about.”
Having already considered that, Jenna said, “He’s insisting that the delay is no more than a technical hitch; something to do with copyright that has to be sorted out before we can launch.”
Bena nodded. Since she’d helped compose the email to their contributors explaining the delay, this wasn’t news to her.
“He didn’t come home until eleven last night,” Jenna murmured. She was still watching him, bound up in suspicion while willing him to catch her eye and make a gesture to show everything was all right.
“Did he say where he’d been?” Bena prompted.
“Apparently he had dinner with some marketing guys in Cardiff.”
When Bena didn’t respond, Jenna turned to look at her.
“You don’t believe it,” Bena stated.
“Do you?”
Bena shrugged. “You know there are other ways of getting answers,” she said. “I’m not suggesting you should do it, but his credit card statements, phone records, they’re all online…Do you have access to them?”
Jenna shook her head. “They’re password-protected, and I can hardly ask what the passwords are when they’re his personal accounts. He’d know right away that I’m checking up on him.”
“What about looking at his phone while he’s sleeping? Or going into his computer when he’s not here?”
“Same problem: password-protected.”
“Have you tried guessing the passwords?”
Jenna didn’t want to admit it, but she had. “It always used to be our names combined, or Paige and Josh, or the twins, but he’s obviously moved on to something else.”
“You ought to have them in case of emergency,” Bena pointed out.
Jenna nodded. It was true, she should. “We need to change the subject,” she warned. “He’s on his way back.”
A few moments later, as he let himself into the office, she said casually, “Everything OK?”
“Just fine,” he assured her, though she could see the strain in his eyes. “It’s this bloody copyright issue dragging on. I need to go back to the lawyer. Can you or your mum pick Paige up from school? I said I would. What’s the matter with her getting the bus?”
“I don’t know. I’ll ask Mum if she can go. If she can’t, I will. What time should we expect you back?”
“I’m not sure. I’ll call. By the way, Bena, thanks for all the files you prepared this morning. They’re turning out to be even more helpful than I’d hoped.”
“No problem,” Bena said with a smile. “Hope it goes well with the lawyer.”
He’d almost gone before he remembered to come and drop a kiss on Jenna’s head. “Don’t look so worried,” he teased.
Waiting until the door had closed behind him, she sat back in her chair, drawing her hands over her face. “I need to call Mum,” she said, reaching for the phone. “Actually, isn’t she taking Josh and the twins to a birthday party after school? I’m sure it’s today.”
“It is,” Bena confirmed. “Aiden’s going too. If you like, I’ll take Josh and the twins so your mum can fetch Paige. So how come Paige isn’t getting the bus?”
Jenna threw out her hands. “She’s suddenly decided she doesn’t want to, and frankly it’s easier to go along with her than it is to argue. She’s turning into such a handful lately. Talk about moody.”
“That’s teenagers for you.”
“Tell me about it. One minute she’s all over us, full of affection, and the next we can’t do anything right. You should have heard her laying into Josh this morning. Jack had to raise his voice to her in the end, which sent her into one of her mega-sulks. Then Flora turned up with a stomachache, which she blamed on Wills, and the next thing we knew they were fighting, with Josh egging them on and Paige screaming at them to grow up. Not a great start to the day. I can only hope it ends a bit better.”
“Where’s Charlotte?” Jenna asked as Paige got into the car.
“Gone to the dentist,” Paige replied, checking her phone. “Where’s Dad? I thought he was picking me up.”
“He had to go to a meeting. Do you want to offer anyone else a lift before we leave?”
Paige gawped at her as though she were mad. “No! Why would I want to do that?”
“I was just suggesting it. No need to bite my head off.” Putting the car into gear, she edged round one of the school buses to get back on the road.
Several minutes ticked by in silence. “So, this is nice, isn’t it?” Jenna commented with a cheerfulness she was far from feeling.
“What is?” Paige didn’t look up.
“Us, being on our own like this. We don’t get much chance for a bit of a girlie chat these days.”
“And that’s, like, my fault?”
“No. I’m just saying, we’re both busy.”
“Anyway, Waffle’s here, so we’re not on our own.”
“But he’s hardly—”
“I just don’t think you should leave him out.”
“Which is why I brought him. I thought we could take him to the beach, if it’s not raining by the time we get there.”
Paige shrugged and carried on with her texting.
“Is everything all right?” Jenna ventured after a while.
“Yes. Why wouldn’t it be?”
“I was just wondering. You’ve been a bit edgy lately, and—”
“Stop picking on me, will you?” Paige snapped. “Everyone’s always bloody picking on me.”
“Paige, I’m not.”
“Yes you are.”
“I’m merely saying if there’s anything you’d like to talk about…”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking. Is everything all right at school?”
Paige didn’t answer.
“How’s the video project coming along? Are you still editing it?”
“Yes, and I don’t want it being submitted to the Tourist Office. Will you contact Mr. Thomas and tell him that, please?”
“But why? If he thinks it’s good enough…”
“I just don’t want it to happen, OK? And while you’re at it, will you please tell Miss Kendrick to stop my daffodil essay from going into the school magazine and that I don’t want to be in her stupid production of Under Milk Wood?”
Jenna blinked in surprise. “But you—”
“Mum, will you just do it? I’ve tried telling them myself, but they won’t listen. I don’t want my video being treated as anything special, and I don’t want to make a spectacle of myself in a play that no one gets.”
Jenna tried to think what to say, but with Paige in such a prickly mood she could tell that pursuing anything now wouldn’t get her anywhere. So, letting the subject drop, she drove on in silence, wishing she knew how to reach her daughter, or her husband. Either would do, though both would be better.
Maybe it was her. Perhaps she’d changed in a way she hadn’t recognized, and now everyone was reacting to it without her even understanding what “it” was. Except, if there were something different about her, if she’d lost the plot without realizing, her mother wouldn’t have been backward in telling her.
Nevertheless, she had to be to blame in some way; things didn’t just start going wrong on their own. Maybe she was spreading herself too thin, taking on too many roles: wife, mother, businesswoman, writer-in-crisis…There was too much to think about, so much that she wasn’t getting any of it straight.
“I’m sorry if I haven’t been paying enough attention to you lately,” she said gently.
Paige sighed.
“We used to be friends….”
“Mum, you’re just embarrassing yourself, so can we stop this, please?”
Trying not to be hurt, Jenna started as the phone rang. Seeing it was Martha, her heart gave a wrench of unease. Was this a call she wanted to take with Paige in the car? What reason could she give for ignoring it? “Hi,” she said, clicking on with the hands-free. “How are you, Martha?”
“I’m fine, thank you,” came the reply. “I was hoping we could get together in the next couple of days.”
Jenna almost stammered as she said, “Yes, yes, of course.” Did she mean for the lunch they kept promising each other? Or was it about something else? “I’m quite flexible. When would suit you?”
“Tomorrow? Eleven o’clock. I can come to you.”
Jenna’s heart rose into her mouth. “That sounds fine,” she responded.
“Great. I’ll see you then.” The line went dead.
Half expecting Paige to comment, Jenna waited, but it seemed Paige was too engrossed in her own texting—or chat room, or whatever she was currently connected to—to be bothered about a random call of her mother’s.
They were heading across the Bryn now, and Jenna could feel herself becoming increasingly agitated, convinced that the reason Martha wanted to see her was to tell her about the affair she was having with Jack. Why else would she come to the house when there were no new computer systems to demonstrate? It was somewhere she could leave when she was done, and where Jenna wouldn’t have to face the ordeal of getting home.
It wasn’t Martha’s place to tell her; it was Jack’s.
“Mum! You nearly ran that pony over,” Paige cried sharply.
“Did I? Sorry. I was miles away.”
Paige turned to look at her. “What’s the matter with you?” she challenged. “You’ve gone weird all of a sudden.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. Are you all right? Oh God, Mum, are you crying?”
Jenna forced a laugh. “Of course not. I was just…” Just what? She didn’t know what she was trying to say. “I was thinking about Josh and the twins. They’ve gone to a birthday party at Pizza Express.”
“And that’s making you cry?”
Jenna laughed again. “I can get a bit emotional when I think about how much I love you children.”
“Oh, puh-lease,” Paige muttered.
Jenna’s hands tightened on the wheel. “Why are you being so unkind to me?” she asked. “You can be very hurtful sometimes, did you know that?”
Paige colored as her face tightened defensively. A few seconds passed before she said, “Sorry, I don’t mean to be.”
Jenna glanced at her. “I’m sorry too.”
“What for?”
“Getting on your nerves?”
Paige turned to look out of the window. “You wouldn’t be a proper mother if you didn’t do that.”
Jenna laughed through a sob.
Paige turned back. “What’s wrong?” she persisted.
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“Yes there is.”
“No there isn’t. Tell me about your day.”
“Have you had a row with Dad?”
“No. Now stop trying to talk about me. I’m more interested in you.”
“Because I’m really fascinating.”
“You are to me.”
“Did you know people used to be horrible to Grandma when she was young?”
“Yes, I did.”
“She said it was because she was different.”
“Like we always say, she’s her own person.”
“Do you think I’m like Grandma?”
Surprised, Jenna said, “No, not at all. Why? Is someone being horrible to you?”
When Paige didn’t answer, Jenna turned to look at her. “I said, is someone—”
“It’s just some stupid girls trying to look big.”
“In what way?”
“It doesn’t matter. They’ll get over it. Dad’s ringing.”
Clicking on to answer, Jenna said, “Are you still with the lawyer?”
“Just finished. Where are you?”
“On the way home with Paige.”
“OK. I should be there in about an hour. Are you all right?”
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“She’s not,” Paige called out. “She was crying just now.”
“I wasn’t,” Jenna objected. “I just got a bit emotional, that’s all, the way I do sometimes.”
“Yeah, like when you’ve had a row with Dad.”
“I told you—”
A single tone suddenly came down the line.
Paige looked at her mother in shock. “Did he just hang up on us?” she demanded.
“No, of course not,” Jenna replied, fearing that he might have. “We must have lost the connection. He’ll ring back, I’m sure.”
Several minutes ticked by as they drove through Reynoldston and on to Scurlage toward home. Jenna’s heart was beating so fiercely it hurt. Surely to God he hadn’t just cut them off. Would he really do that to Paige? Why would he do it at all?
Whatever the reason, it seemed he wasn’t going to share it with them, because the phone remained resolutely silent until they pulled up at the house in the rain, and all Jenna could feel thankful for then was the fact that Paige appeared more interested in what she was texting than in whatever might be going on with her parents.
After getting out of the car Paige disappeared into the house and ran straight upstairs to her room. She was right in the middle of private-messaging with Julie, so she simply dumped her bag on the floor and sat cross-legged on the bed to carry on their chat. She still had no idea whether Julie was one of the Durmites, but just in case she was, Paige was using this chat to try to make them feel bad about what they were doing. With any luck it might persuade them to leave her alone.
So what happened after you saw the texts to Oliver? was Julie’s last question.
I texted him myself to let him know my phone had been stolen. I don’t know if he believed me, but I hope so, because it’s not true that I fancy him. I hardly even know him, and anyway he’s got a girlfriend who’s really nice.
No one needed to know, apart from Charlotte, how devastated Paige really felt that Oliver had never responded to her friend request or to her text apologizing for the texts the Durmites had sent, or how torn up she felt every time she thought of him with the stunning Lindsay.
It just wasn’t fair. Nothing was working out for her the way it was for Charlotte, who was sexting and Snapchatting all the time with Liam now. They still hadn’t been on a date, but it was definitely going to happen, and Charlotte had already made up her mind that when it did, she was going all the way.
If you don’t fancy Oliver you don’t really need to worry about what he thinks, do you?
I suppose not, but if you’d seen the messages you’d realize why I wouldn’t want him—or anyone—to think they were from me. They were really childish and disgusting.
I expect I can guess the sort of thing. Sorry you’re having to go through it.
I’m thinking about telling someone, like my parents, or a teacher.
If she threatened that, maybe they’d think twice about bothering her anymore.
Are you sure it won’t make things worse?
Like how?
When it happened to me I reported it and ended up wishing I hadn’t. It got really bad then.
Paige swallowed dryly. It happened to you?
Yes, last year, before you started at The Landings. It’s why I don’t want to tell you who I really am. If they find out we’re friends they’ll probably turn on me again and I just couldn’t handle it.
How did you get them to stop?
I didn’t. I guess they just got bored with me and ended up leaving me alone. Then I saw them starting on you. That’s why I got in touch, so you wouldn’t feel so much on your own.
Paige wasn’t sure what to say to that.
I know you think I might be one of them, but I promise you, I hate them every bit as much as you do.
Didn’t you ever tell your parents? Paige asked.
Yes, but there’s nothing anyone can do. They’ll just say they’re kidding around, and that you’re taking things too seriously. Then they start getting at you in other ways. They beat me up once and threatened to kill me if I told anyone who did it.
Paige’s head was spinning. It had never crossed her mind that it might get even worse, but obviously it could.
Another time they pushed my head down a toilet and made me drink the water.
Paige almost gagged just to think of it.
All that happened after I’d reported them. There was other stuff too, but I don’t like thinking about it now.
They shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it.
I know, but there’s no law against it so they can carry on all they like. By the way, what made them think you fancy Oliver?
I’m not sure. I think Owen might have told them.
I see he’s on their side now. I suppose I don’t blame him. At least if he’s with them they’re less likely to pick on him.
Having figured that out for herself, Paige said, I always thought he was a good friend.
I’m sure he was, but it’s a case of survival. Don’t be surprised if they manage to get round your other friends too. It’s what they did to me.
Do you have any friends now?
Some. Like you.
But we don’t really know each other.
We can chat like this though. You said they took a photo of you. Have they done anything with it yet?
Paige’s insides churned. I don’t think so. What do you reckon they’ll do?
Hard to say. Maybe they took it just to freak you out.
They’d definitely succeeded in that.
Sorry, I have to go. Will contact you later if I can.
As the connection was lost, Paige lowered her phone and stared with anxious eyes at her computer. It was making her feel sick to think of what might be waiting for her there: more lies, more abuse, more pretense of being her with crude and derogatory postings. She wasn’t sure she had the courage to go online to find out, but at the same time, how could she not? She had to know what was being said. For all she knew someone had managed to hack her account again, or had even set up others in her name. They had her photo now and could do anything with it: use it as a profile, send it to perverts, even doctor it in ways she didn’t want to think about.
Looking at her phone as it bleeped with a text, her heart turned over to see it was from Kelly.
Hey Daddy’s bitch, big surprise waiting for you tomorrow. Think you’re going to love it. LOL