At around eight that evening Euan took a call from DS Mariner. When he’d finished he signaled to Jenna to come into the kitchen, where they couldn’t be overheard by the little ones. Bena had brought them home, and bless them, they were trying to be good in the belief it would bring Paige home.
“A bus driver’s been in touch,” he told her, glancing up as Hanna joined them. “He’s saying that he thinks Paige was on his bus this morning.”
Jenna’s heart was in her mouth. “Does he remember where she got off?” she asked.
“If it was her, he dropped her over at Rhossili. Is there anyone you know over that way she might have gone to see?”
Jenna tried to think. “There are only a couple of my mother’s friends,” she replied, “and I’m not sure if Paige has even met them.”
“OK, well, give it some more thought, see if anything comes to you. Meantime, they’re going to start focusing the search around that area.”
Only able to picture cliffs, rough seas, and bleak, dark moorland, Jenna wanted to leap into the car and race over there now. If Paige heard her calling, if she realized how deeply she was loved and needed, maybe she would come out of hiding and allow herself to be brought home.
“Leave it to the police search-and-rescue team,” Euan gently advised. “They know what they’re doing, and we don’t want you going out there and getting lost or injuring yourself.”
“But if she knew I was there…”
“The driver isn’t a hundred percent certain it was her. He says the girl he saw was wearing a navy school uniform and a coat of the same color, but she had the hood up, so he didn’t get a good look at her face.”
Jenna was desperate to do something. “Can I talk to the driver?” she pressed.
“I’m sure it’ll be possible at some point, but he’s still helping the police for now.”
“Do you know what time he dropped her off?” Hanna asked.
“Just after ten, apparently. There’s a bus from here to Rhossili that would get her in around then if she left home after nine, which is why he’s being seen as a credible witness.”
“But if she got off the bus at that time, what’s she been doing since?” Jenna asked. She needed to know. “Do you think someone was waiting for her? Someone with a car, maybe?”
“Anything’s possible. They should know more once they’ve carried out the house-to-house enquiries. Hopefully someone will remember seeing her after she left the bus.”
After that there was no more news, though Jenna got Euan to call several times to make sure.
In the end she stayed up throughout the long night, barely sleeping, agitated and worrying, sometimes driving herself into a near frenzy of fear or despair. Had someone preyed on Paige’s vulnerability, using it to lure her into a situation she’d never dreamt was waiting for her? She could be anywhere now, with anyone taking advantage of her in ways too horrifying to imagine, except Jenna couldn’t stop imagining them.
In calmer moments she managed to convince herself that she would know if Paige was dead. Something in her would change; the bond they shared would slip, unravel, or do something else to warn her. The essence that was Paige, that she felt as constantly as if it were her own life force, would fade or disappear or perhaps become explosive at the last, and it had done none of those things. She was as strongly there as she’d always been, with no echo of a cry as she left this world for the next, no fleeting scent of her as she passed on her way to the angels.
She had not committed suicide.
She was still alive.
Hanna and her mother sat up with her; so did the children, though they slept for most of the time in corners of the sofa or on Jenna’s or Hanna’s lap. Jenna could see what a toll this was taking on her mother and longed to be able to hold her, though she knew that would be more for her comfort than for Kay’s.
It was at times like this that she missed her father the most, when she needed someone to cling to, someone who could bring calm to her panic, who knew the right thing to say and the right thing to do.
Tell me what it is, Dad, she whispered desperately. Please let me know that she isn’t with you.
Jack’s plane was due to land at ten-thirty, three hours from now. Apparently Martha and her children were continuing their holiday without him. If—when—they found Paige alive and well, Jenna imagined, Jack would fly back to join them. If they didn’t find Paige…She couldn’t allow her mind to go there. It wasn’t going to happen, so she wasn’t going to torment herself with how she’d cope if it did.
Realizing she was only breathing into the top of her lungs, as though taking in any more air would somehow inflate the nightmare, she forced herself up from the sofa and went upstairs. She needed to shower and dress before the others were awake. She was going to join in the search today, no matter what anyone said. She couldn’t carry on sitting here doing nothing. If Paige rang she’d call Jenna’s mobile, and the police were monitoring the landline, so someone would pick up. She had to find her girl, even if it meant combing every inch of this peninsula herself. This was presuming Paige was still on the Gower, and so far the only actual evidence of that was from the bus driver who’d seen her almost twenty-four hours ago. Her heart thumped at the horror of so much time passing; Paige had been gone all night, and she could be almost anywhere by now. However, Rhossili was in the far southwestern corner of the Gower, so why head in the complete opposite direction to the mainland if she was planning to go elsewhere?
Realizing there was no logic to any of it, much less any source of comfort, she showered and dressed before going back downstairs to find her mother pottering about the kitchen.
“There you are,” Kay said as Jenna came in. “The others are still asleep. Euan’s outside in his car.”
“Has he heard anything this morning?”
“He says not. You need to eat something.”
Accepting this was true, Jenna agreed to a bowl of cornflakes and managed part of a slice of toast. “It’s Saturday,” she told her mother as Kay started setting out the cereal boxes. “The children are allowed Coco Pops on Saturdays.”
Kay knew this, so Jenna had no idea why she’d mentioned it. Perhaps it was a grasp for normality, the need to know that something, no matter how small, was going to be as it should be today.
“Any news?” Hanna asked, coming to join them.
Jenna shook her head. “I’m going to—” Her mobile rang, and she made a grab for it.
“Is it someone you know?” Hanna cautioned.
Jenna nodded and clicked on. “Charlotte,” she gasped, daring to hope Paige had turned up at her house during the night. “Have you heard from her?”
“No, I’m sorry, I haven’t,” came the teary reply. “I was hoping you might have.”
Feeling an irrational surge of anger, as though it were somehow Charlotte’s fault that Paige hadn’t been in touch, Jenna quickly stifled it. “No, nothing yet,” she said, “but a bus driver thinks he might have dropped her off in Rhossili. Does she know anyone over there?”
“The police have already asked me, and I told them I can’t think of anyone.”
Why couldn’t she? There had to be some reason Paige had gone to Rhossili, if it had been Paige, and Jenna wasn’t sure if she wanted it to be or not.
“I thought you’d like to know,” Charlotte was saying, “that a whole gang of us are going to help with the search today. We’re just waiting to hear from the police where we should go.”
Hating hearing this as much as she hated the fact it was happening, Jenna said, “That’s very kind of you all. I’m going to join in myself.”
“Cool.”
“I’ll see you there then.”
“Yes, see you there.”
Over the next hour the phone continued to ring with more and more people offering to come and help. At nine Richard called to say that he and his boys would be there.
“Do you know where they want us?” he asked.
“No, but as soon as I do I’ll text you,” she promised. “I’m going myself.”
“Would you like me to drive you?”
She was about to refuse when she realized it might be a good idea. “Thank you,” she said. “My sister will almost certainly want to come too. Will there be enough room for us both?”
“Plenty. What time would you like me to collect you?”
“I’m not sure yet. Can I let you know when I’ve heard from the police?”
“Of course. Has Jack arrived?”
“He’s due in at ten-thirty. I haven’t checked to see if his plane is on time, but even if it is he won’t get here until two at the earliest.”
“By which time we’ll hopefully have found her.”
“Of course.”
After a pause he said, “Call me when you’re ready.”
As she rang off Jenna looked into the sitting room, where the children were watching TV and eating their second bowls of Coco Pops. They were unusually quiet this morning as their tender little hearts tried to cope with the worry over Paige and where she might be. “They’ll want to come with me,” she said softly to Kay and Hanna, “but I’m not sure they should.”
Hanna said to her mother, “How would you feel about taking them somewhere to do their own search?”
“If you think that’s a good idea,” Kay responded, looking at Jenna.
Deciding it would be, Jenna nodded and went to start getting them ready. In truth she didn’t want them out of her sight for a single minute, but they’d be safe with her mother, and she wouldn’t want them nearby if the search at Rhossili didn’t end the way it simply had to.
By the time Richard and his sons turned up at ten Kay had already taken the children to search Port Eynon, and Jenna and Hanna, with their backpacks, were ready to go.
“My sons, Oliver and Cullum,” Richard said, introducing them as Jenna left Hanna to lock up.
As she shook their hands she thought fleetingly of Paige’s password, but it couldn’t be the same Oliver. It would be too much of a coincidence—except hadn’t Charlotte said that he was the brother of someone at school? And Cullum was in their year.
“Do you know Paige?” Jenna asked him, thinking how handsome he was with his shock of dark wavy hair, aqua blue eyes, and trendy stubble. He was as tall as his father, though not quite as filled out, and if he was the one Paige had fallen for, Jenna could understand why.
“Not exactly,” Oliver replied, coloring slightly. “We met a couple of times. My brother knows her.”
Turning to Cullum, Jenna said, “Did you know what was happening to her?”
Cullum nodded miserably. “I kept wanting to make them stop, but I…” He shrugged. “I should have. I feel really bad about it now.”
How many kids had simply stood by and let it carry on? Were they as much to blame as those who’d joined in? “Do you know who Julie Morris is?” she asked him.
He shook his head. “No one does.” His eyes came to hers. “I’m really sorry I didn’t stick up for her. I mean, I did a couple of times, but I don’t think she knew and it didn’t have any effect anyway.”
Not knowing what else to say, Jenna looked at Richard.
“I’m sorry,” he said gravely. “Obviously, if I’d known—”
“It’s not your fault,” she interrupted. “It’s mine. I wasn’t paying attention.”
Putting an arm around her, Hanna stepped forward. “Hi, you might remember me,” she said to Richard, holding out a hand to shake. “I was with Jenna the first time she came to see you.”
“Of course,” he responded, “Hanna. It’s good to see you again, though I could wish for better circumstances.”
“Indeed,” she agreed. “Thank you for driving us. I’m not sure either of us would be safe behind a wheel right now.”
“I’m glad to be of help.” He opened the rear door for her and Jenna to climb in with Cullum.
“It’s OK, I’ll go in the back,” Oliver offered.
“No, no, you’re far taller than us,” Jenna protested. “You stay in the front.”
Minutes later they were driving out of the village with a dozen or more cars falling in behind them: friends and neighbors coming to join in the search, maybe some reporters amongst them. Jenna was so tense, so horrified that her family had somehow turned into the kind of story they only ever saw on the news, that she had to close her eyes and try to pretend she was somewhere else. She felt Hanna’s hand slip into hers, and she rested her head on her sister’s shoulder. How lucky she was to have her, and their mother, and everyone else who cared, though right now she’d give up every single one of them just to know her child was safe.
She’s been out all night and no one has heard from her. That can’t be good. How could it possibly be anything but bad?
She had to stop the images that kept tormenting her. If she didn’t, she would lose her mind.
By the time they arrived at the car park in Rhossili it was so jammed with the vehicles of yet more volunteers that the police directed them to park in a specially cordoned-off area a few yards away. Euan, having traveled behind them in the convoy, was quick to jump out of his car to make sure his fellow officers were fully aware of who Jenna was.
She was treated as kindly by the police and those who recognized her as the weather was treating the stunning landscape around them. There was no wind, no rain, no dull leaden clouds, only sunshine and early spring warmth. She could sense people staring at her, feeling pity—and relief that they weren’t in her shoes. She didn’t look back at them.
The search was already under way, with many volunteers split into groups spreading out over the downs, the beach, and the cliffs, wherever they’d been sent. Jenna’s party was assigned a section of moorland close to the village.
So far three more people had confirmed seeing a teenage girl getting off the bus around ten yesterday morning. As yet no one seemed to know where she’d gone from there, apart from one person who was sure they’d spotted her in the churchyard.
“They’ve given you this area close to the village,” Euan told her, “so you won’t have a problem getting to the car if you need to leave.”
Jenna turned to look out at the Worm’s Head, stretching its rocky self out into the sun-spangled sea. She was trying to recall the poem Paige had whispered over her misty shots of the landmark, but her mind had gone blank. “She might have got cut off by the tide,” she said to no one in particular. “Has anyone checked out there?”
“Yes, we have,” she was told by one of the officers in her group. “No sign of her. Would you like to make a start now?”
The answer was no, because it shouldn’t be happening, but she obediently followed him and the others along a footpath she’d trodden many times on family walks out onto the moor. Every step felt wrong; she was desperate to turn back, to run from the reality of what she was doing because it was making no sense, but how could she trust her instinct that Paige wasn’t here when her instinct had let her down so badly till now?
Hours passed as the volunteers combed every inch of the territory, spreading out for miles, digging into ditches, tearing at bracken, lowering themselves into caves, and even trying to tune in to the prehistoric stone circles and burial chambers to connect with Paige on another level.
Nothing was found: not a single trace of a teenage girl having spent the night in the open, or something she might have dropped on her way to who knew where.
It was just after two when Jack rang to let Jenna know he was in the car park.
Hanna walked back with her, holding her arm and trying in her touching, steadfast way to transmit some moral support into her heart.
They found Jack talking to DS Mariner. His face was ashen, his eyes tired and bleak. Jenna wondered if he’d already been questioned about his relationship with Paige. If he had, this would surely have taken place on the phone before now, not here with so many people around.
“I was asking your husband how you’d feel about broadcasting an appeal,” Mariner told her.
A bolt of cruel reality crashed through Jenna as she looked at Jack. “What did you say?” she asked him.
“That I’d be guided by you,” he replied, showing no trace of hostility.
Jenna turned back to Mariner. “How’s it going to help?” she wanted to know. “It can’t unless she has access to the news.”
“Which she might have,” Mariner pointed out. “She has her phone.”
“Has she turned it on?”
Mariner shook her head. “If she’s staying with someone…”
“You mean this Julie?” Whoever this Julie might be.
Mariner drew them aside so they’d be out of earshot. Sensing they were about to be told something bad, Jenna almost turned away. But what good would it do Paige if she was too afraid to hear the truth?
“What is it?” she asked, feeling the awful shaking starting again. “Have you found something?”
“Not here,” Mariner answered. “On her computer. It seems she and Julie had a suicide pact….”
“Oh my God!” Jenna sobbed.
Hanna slipped an arm around her, while Jack stared glassy-eyed at the detective.
“You have to find this Julie,” Jenna cried. “Do you know who she is yet?”
Mariner said, “I’m hoping to have some answers very soon. Are you sure she’s never mentioned her?”
“Of course I’m sure. I’d have told you if she had.”
Mariner looked at Jack. “I’ve no idea,” Jack said.
The detective nodded. “Are you ready to come to the station?” she asked him.
As he assented, Jenna could almost feel the depth of his fear and exhaustion. He was clearly jet-lagged, probably hadn’t slept all night, and had then driven all the way from Heathrow to join the search, only now to be hauled in by the police to be interrogated in a way that was going to tear him apart. She wished there was something she could say to help him, but she’d done all she could yesterday when they were questioning her. She truly didn’t believe he’d ever laid a finger on Paige in the way they were suggesting, but the only person who could persuade them of that was Paige herself.
After Jack had gone Jenna and Hanna rejoined their group, more to feel they were doing something than because they believed they were going to find her. Reports were starting to come in of sightings in Swansea and Cardiff, even as far afield as Newport, and Jenna could feel her hopes draining away with each one.
It was five o’clock by the time Richard took them back to the house. They were all tired and hungry, and Jenna was more afraid than ever. Please God, don’t let there be another night without us knowing where she is. Why hadn’t the computer experts found this Julie yet? What was proving so difficult? Surely identities couldn’t be that hard to uncover.
“Mummy! Mummy!” Josh and the twins cried as she walked in the door. “Did you find her?”
Catching them as they ran to her, Jenna had to say, “Not yet.”
“Nor did we,” Josh confessed solemnly.
“We looked everywhere,” Flora told her. “All along the beach and the dunes, in the Salt House, even in the churchyard where the big sailor is.”
“He’s a lifeboatman,” Josh reminded her.
“Oh yes.”
“And when we told people what we were doing they joined in,” Wills added.
“That was nice of them,” Jenna sighed as Richard followed her inside. “This is Mr. Pryce,” she told the children, “and these are his sons, Oliver and Cullum.”
Flora and Wills had such a long way to look up at Oliver and his father, and were so cute in their circular glasses as they did so, that Jenna’s heart folded with love. “Hello,” they said in unison.
“Hello,” Richard replied, going down to their height. “I’m guessing you’re Flora and you’re Wills, which means you must be Josh?”
Josh nodded and leaned into his mother.
“We can’t find our sister,” Flora whispered. “She’s got lost somewhere and we don’t know where she is.”
“I know,” Richard replied gently, “but we’ll find her, don’t you worry about that.”
Flora looked up at Jenna as though needing her to confirm it.
“We will,” Jenna insisted, needing to hear herself say it.
“Grandma bought hot cross buns,” Wills told them. “She’s put them in the oven to warm up.”
Since they’d rung ahead to let Kay know they were on their way, the tea was already made, so while Richard and Oliver joined Jenna, Hanna, and their mother in the kitchen, Cullum went off to be impressed by the children’s gadgets and toys.
“Any word from Jack yet?” Kay asked. “Is he still with the police?”
Jenna checked her mobile and shook her head. What could be taking so long?
“He might have gone home to get some sleep,” Hanna suggested. “Why don’t you try him?”
When Jenna pressed in his number she went straight to voicemail. “No news,” she told him, “but you probably already know that. Are you still with the police? Call when you get this.” Turning back to the others, she said to Richard, “Do you think a televised appeal is a good idea?”
“Actually, I do,” he replied. “If she’s hiding out somewhere and sees it and realizes how worried you are, it could make all the difference.”
Jenna nodded and took the tea her mother was passing. Of course it made sense to try to communicate with Paige in any way she could; she just didn’t want to become one of the tragic mothers she’d watched so many times on the news. It wasn’t who they were. Things like this didn’t happen to their family, and yet it was happening, right here and now, and she had to drag herself out of this need to deny it or she was going to be of no help at all.
“Would you like me to go?” Oliver offered as someone knocked on the front door.
“Please,” Jenna responded. “If it’s someone from the press, say I’m not here, and if it’s one of the neighbors, tell them I’m having a lie-down.”
As they waited for him to come back Jenna was tempted to tell Richard about Paige’s crush on his son, but before she could decide whether it might be breaking Paige’s confidence the sound of raised voices reached them.
Putting their cups down, they hurried to the front door, where a stocky blond woman with a furious red face was shouting at Oliver. It wasn’t clear at first why she was so angry. When Jenna understood the reason, she turned cold to her core.
“Get her out of here,” she said to Richard. “Please. Do whatever it takes.”
Moving past his son, Richard said to the woman, “Mrs. Durham, you shouldn’t be here.”
“And she shouldn’t be accusing my girl of things she hasn’t done. It’s not my Kelly’s fault your daughter has gone and run off.”
“Yes, it is her fault,” Cullum shouted from behind them. “I saw what she did to Paige. I know what she’s like, everyone does.”
Mrs. Durham’s face twitched.
“It’s time to go,” Richard told her. “Please leave.”
“It was others that put her up to it,” Mrs. Durham cried as she got into her car. “My Kelly can’t take all the blame. The way everyone’s turning on her…”
“It’s what she deserves, the way she turned everyone against Paige,” Cullum called after her. “The messages my brother got, we know they came from her.”
“Ssh, that’s enough,” his father cautioned.
“I’m telling you this,” the woman shouted through her car window, “if my girl gets thrown out of school I won’t be the only one coming after you.”
As Jenna turned back inside she saw the younger ones watching from the stairs, round-eyed with fright. “It’s OK,” she told them gently. “It was someone who…” Someone who what? What could she tell them?
“It was someone who should know better than to go round shouting at other people,” Richard provided. “Between us, I think she was a bit drunk and didn’t realize she’d got the wrong house, so don’t you worry about her anymore. She’s gone now and she won’t be coming back.”
“She’d better not,” Hanna muttered as they returned to the kitchen. “If that’s the kind of family the girl comes from, it’s no wonder she’s like she is.”
Shaking his head, Richard said, “I’m gathering from this that the chief bully in the case is Kelly Durham, daughter of Wendy, who just graced us with a visit?”
“Do you know them?” Jenna asked.
“I’ve had occasion to represent various members of the family,” he admitted. “The father’s a car dealer, currently in prison for tax evasion. His brother’s about to be prosecuted for the same. And one of the mother’s sisters is on a suspended sentence for aggravated assault. She attacked the manager of a store who apprehended her for shoplifting.”
Jenna could hardly believe it. “And it’s someone from that family who’s been picking on Paige? Dear God, is it any wonder no one wants to stand up for her?”
“I think you ought to tell the police she’s been here,” Hanna stated.
Jenna nodded. “I will when Euan turns up.”
“Where is he? I thought he was following us.”
“He popped home to see his family for a while. Jack’s rung,” she added after checking her mobile. Quickly connecting to him, she took the phone into the dining room to speak more privately.
“Sorry, I was asleep when you rang,” he said. “I take it there’s still no news.”
“No. Where are you?”
“At home.”
At home? Isn’t this his home? “What did the police have to say?” she asked.
“Are you pretending not to know, or do you really not know?”
Moving past the belligerence, she said, “I told them it was nonsense. I know nothing like that ever happened.”
“Of course it didn’t, and I’d like to get my hands on the kids who tried to make out it did. Can you imagine how it must have made her feel? It’s no wonder she didn’t want to talk to me. She probably couldn’t even stand to look at me without thinking of what they were saying.”
Realizing that was probably true, Jenna told him, “We’ve just had a visit from the bully’s mother. If you’d seen her…heard her…Our lovely girl must have been terrified out of her mind, and what were we doing all that time? Thinking about ourselves, not sparing—”
“Just a minute,” he interrupted. “I hope you’re not about to start blaming me for any of this.”
Stunned, Jenna retorted, “You can’t seriously think you bear no responsibility at all. If you hadn’t gone off in pursuit of your own—”
“Jenna, I really don’t need this.”
“Nor do I,” she cried furiously, “but for me there’s no escaping it. She’s missing, no one seems to have the first idea where she is or who she’s with, and if we end up not being able to find her then let me tell you, I won’t only be holding you responsible, I’ll be making sure the rest of the world does too.”
As she ended the call she was so incensed by his words and disbelieving of his attitude that she had to give herself a moment before she could return to the kitchen. When she did, Jack rang again. She couldn’t answer. She was too wound up to be able to deal with whatever else he had to say. So she sent him a text.
I know you care about Paige and want to find her as much as I do, so we have to try to support each other, not keep attacking, she wrote. The children need you. They’re scared and I hardly know what to tell them. It would help if you were here, but only if you can control the way you’re speaking to me.
It wasn’t until after Richard and his sons had gone home and she was getting the children ready for bed that he texted back. I’m sorry for what I said. After the things I’ve been accused of today I guess I wasn’t thinking straight. I want to help with the children, please let me. I want to be there for you too.
Deciding to call him, she went into her bedroom and closed the door. “If you want to come and spend the night here you can,” she told him. “I can’t imagine either of us will get any sleep, but I know I wouldn’t want to be on my own right now, so there’s no reason why you should be.”
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“Then I’ll be there within the hour.”
It was just after seven-thirty the following morning that the police rang to speak to Jenna. She was already awake, though huddled under a blanket on the sofa, while Jack slept in Josh’s room. The children were spread out around her, with Hanna and her mother dozing in the armchairs until the phone roused them.
Torn between hope and dread, Jenna clicked on the line and waited for the person at the other end to speak.
“Mrs. Moore? It’s Lesley Mariner.”
“Have you found her?” Jenna asked faintly.
“I’m afraid not, but a dog walker’s just called in…”
Jenna didn’t hear any more. It was always dog walkers who found bodies. “No!” she sobbed wretchedly. “Please, please no.”
Hanna rushed to her.
“I don’t think you heard me,” Mariner was saying. “Are you still there, Mrs. Moore?”
“Yes, I’m here,” Jenna whispered, stilling Hanna.
“This person is claiming to have seen a teenage girl on Whiteford Sands about half an hour ago,” Mariner told her.
Jenna was trying to make sense of it. A teenage girl on the beach a few miles away, at this hour…“Was…was it her?” she asked.
“We don’t know, but she fits the description, so the search-and-rescue team is on its way. I thought you’d like to know.”
“Of course. Thank you. I…” She was trying to think. She needed to go over there, and she needed to go now. “There’s been a sighting at Whiteford Sands,” she told the others. “They don’t know if it’s her, but it was a teenage girl who fits the description.”
Dashing upstairs, she roused Jack and ran back down again, not even taking the time to splash water on her face or comb her hair. It was going to be Paige. It had to be, and if it was, she needed to get to her as fast as she possibly could.
Minutes later she, Jack, and Hanna were in the car with Waffle in the back. “He’ll find her,” Jenna declared, brimming with confidence. “He’s her dog. He’ll know where she is. We should have taken him yesterday. Why didn’t I think of it? She wasn’t there, though, was she, so he couldn’t have found her then. But he will this morning, won’t you, sweetie? You’re going to find Paige, and then we’ll bring her home.”
Jack glanced at her worriedly, while Hanna put a hand on Jenna’s shoulder as though to calm her.
“It’ll be her,” Jenna insisted, her eyes swimming in tears. “I know it. I swear, it’s going to be her.”
By the time they drove into the quaint little hamlet of Cwm Ivy, heading for the wooded hillsides around Whiteford Sands, the place was already teeming with police cars. Recognizing Jenna, a uniformed officer waved them through, and directed Jack to pull up at the side of the track.
Leaping out, Jenna ran to the back of the car for Waffle. “Go find Paige,” she instructed urgently. “Go find her, there’s a good boy.”
Obediently Waffle bounded off down the track, sniffing and swerving, kicking up dust as he went and barely pausing to query a scent.
Jenna, Jack, and Hanna ran after him, but there was no way they could keep up.
“He knows where she is,” Jenna cried excitedly. “I can tell. He knows where he’s going.”
She received no contradiction; the others were too full of hope themselves to try to rationalize hers.
Waffle was at least fifty yards ahead, almost at the end of the track, ready to run up into the dunes. In the distance they could see the beach, swarming with police and tracker dogs. It was a beautiful morning: sunlight was sparkling over the sea, the sky was blue, and the sands were as softly golden as the sun itself. It was like being in a dream. Everything seemed so perfect that nothing could go wrong now.
She was here. Jenna could feel it. Her baby was close now, and at any minute she’d be holding her in her arms.
Please God, don’t let me be fooling myself. I have to be right about this.
All of a sudden Waffle turned off the main track and started along another, where he came to an abrupt halt in front of a five-bar gate. He sniffed around it, frantically trying to find a way past. In the end he squeezed through a tiny gap at the side and charged on.
“Waffle, wait!” Jenna called. “We’re going to lose you.”
The dog wasn’t listening. He bounded on, past a small bungalow tucked into the trees, around a bend in the trail, and disappeared into the woods.
“Waffle!” Jack shouted as they climbed the gate. “Waffle, wait, boy!”
By the time they reached the bend, breathless, hearts pounding with exertion and hope, there was no longer any sign of the dog, only a fork in the track that left them not knowing which way to go.
There was a part in the book The Lovely Bones when the girl who was dead realized her dog could see her, which meant he was dead too. It had always made Paige cry. This was what she thought of when Waffle bounded in through the door of her shelter and jumped on her in slobbery glee.
We’re both dead, she was thinking as she hugged him, and though she was happier than she’d ever been in her life to see him, she was devastated too. Waffle was dead. She didn’t want him to die, ever.
“Hello,” she whispered, squeezing him with all her might.
He licked the tears from her cheeks and wagged his tail so hard his back legs lifted.
Waffle was here for her. He’d come because he didn’t want to let her down the way everyone else had. Especially Julie, who had directed her to this place that was a shack, but like someone’s home with sofas and chairs, a kitchen and fireplace. There were even beds in other rooms and a bathroom.
But Julie hadn’t come.
Paige had waited and waited out here in the woods, all alone, terrified, and confused, desperate to find the courage to act alone—until finally she’d walked into the waves, never to come back.
So now she was dead. She didn’t exist anymore, but like the girl in The Lovely Bones she could see and hear everyone else, even though they couldn’t see or hear her.
Her mother was shouting for Waffle. “Where are you, boy? Waffle, come back.”
“Waffle!” Auntie Hanna called. “Here, boy.”
“They want you,” she told him, “but you’re here now, we’re together, and I won’t let you go.”
A shadow filled the sunlit doorway.
Paige kept her face buried in Waffle.
“Oh my God. Oh my God,” she heard her mother sob. “Paige…”
“No!” Paige cried, leaping to her feet and backing away. “Don’t touch me! Don’t come near me.”
Her mother stopped.
“It’s your fault,” Paige sobbed wildly. “I could have done it if it weren’t for you.”
Her mother’s arms were outstretched, and so were Paige’s, blocking her from coming any further.
“I don’t understand,” Jenna whispered. “Please…”
“They said I’m not supposed to think about anyone else, or care about them, or do anything except think about me, then it would be all right, I’d be ready to do it, but I kept thinking about you! I couldn’t stop thinking about you. You were here in my head all the time, you wouldn’t stop, wouldn’t let me go, and I have to because I can’t take any more.”
“Paige, listen to me,” Jenna implored. “It’s going to be all right…”
“No! No! It’s never going to be all right because I love you too much and if I didn’t I could have made everything stop….” Tears were streaming down her cheeks, and her whole body was jerking with violent sobs.
Jenna tried going forward, but Paige backed further away.
“Darling, we’re going to work it out,” Jenna told her. “The bullies are already being dealt with, and Dad’s here….We know what they said about you and him, and we know it wasn’t true. Everyone does.”
“Then why did they say it?”
“Because they’re mean and spiteful and they don’t have dads who love them anywhere near as much.”
“So why did he leave?”
“Paige,” Jack said, stepping into the room, “I swear it had nothing to do with you. I love you more—”
“No! You’re with her now. You don’t care about us.”
“That isn’t true. Please try to understand how sorry I am that I’ve done this to you. If I hadn’t, I know you’d have talked to me and Mum about what was happening.”
Paige’s eyes shot to the door as a police officer appeared.
“It’s OK,” Jenna told him. “She’s fine, we all are. If you could give us a minute…”
As he stepped back Jenna moved closer to Paige. “Can we take you home now?” she asked softly.
Paige started to shake her head, but there was nothing she could do to stop herself falling into Jenna’s arms, whispering, “Mummy, Mummy, Mummy.”