I reached for my phone too. It was far too far away to see the combination, of course, but we could both see Ted heave open the heavy safe door – heard him grunt with the effort – and reach something out. Something small enough to be pocketed. Mazza turned quietly to use the phone in photo mode. I covered any noise stubbing my toe on a pew. Then Vesey called me – respectfully, as you’d expect of a churchwarden. I joined him, stumbling slightly to draw attention away from Mazza so he could snap away all he wanted. As I bent by the safe, half of me expected a blow on the head, like George. No, that was stupid of me: no one would risk that in front of a witness.
With great reverence, Ted lifted a green baize cloth: there, underneath, was the silver he’d spoken of. ‘All present and correct, as far as I can see. But worth stealing. I hope poor George didn’t lay down his life to protect it – it’s properly insured.’
‘Thank you for showing me,’ I said. ‘But you really should contact Detective Superintendent Don Simpson. He’s investigating the assault.’
‘Someone as senior as that in charge of a simple assault case? My goodness.’
‘Theo was summoned to George’s bedside earlier,’ I said, bending the truth slightly. ‘It may be that by now Simpson’s in charge of a murder case. Possibly two cases, given the frail state of Ida’s health. Possibly three, if young Burble was killed, as the evidence is beginning to suggest,’ I added, way out on a limb. ‘Do you think the church is somehow a focus for someone’s interest?’ Another question on my list for Don, of course. ‘It’d be a great shame if we all died trying to save it.’
‘Let me just shut this,’ he said, bearing the weight of the safe door once again and, hunching over the dial lest anyone wanted to spy, he reset the combination.
Behind him, Mazza made a little pushing gesture to … trip? Mazza nodded. I stumbled. Ted leapt to my rescue. The church was quiet again.
As we left, Ted was about to lock the door behind us, but I suggested that just for today it should be left open for people to pray for George. After some hesitation, he agreed. The blue and white tape gave a farewell flutter.
As soon as Ted was out of earshot, I turned to Mazza. ‘What did you lift?’
‘The envelope he got out of the safe. Back into the church, Jodie. I want to photograph it before he gets back. Officially he’s dropped it, see? And I can run after him waving it under his nose.’
Slightly bent where Ted had folded it to stuff it into his pocket, it was standard A4, brown, completely blank on the outside, and lightly sealed. It would have been the work of seconds to slide a finger in and prise it open without tearing the paper. But we didn’t have seconds. He held it up to the minimal light, shook it and then smelt it.
We clutched each other: was that the sound of footsteps? Was Ted coming back?
‘Just the outside, then,’ he sighed. ‘There. OK? No, you get a snap too.’ He grabbed the envelope and sped off. I returned to the kneeler by the candles. But I only had a second or two to pray; Mazza must have intercepted Ted very close to the church.
‘Mrs – er – Jodie. This helpful young man here has reminded me we never did offer up that prayer together.’
‘There seems to be something the matter with your front door,’ Elaine called out as I approached the rectory, rather more slowly than usual. I’d never admitted to being anything like middle-aged, but now I ached with tiredness – or with lying face down in a car or being nearly knocked over. Take your pick. ‘Oh, Jodie, there’s something the matter with you too, isn’t there? I was going to invite myself in for a coffee, but it seems to me I should be inviting you for a stiff gin and some lunch. Come on – hop in.’ She opened her Range Rover door enticingly. The smell of new leather wafted towards me. I’d have to ask her about it: I didn’t think she had so much as a basic Smart car.
‘I’d love to,’ I said, accepting her hug gratefully. ‘But I must just touch base first. Theo would never forgive me if I didn’t check the answerphone.’ I let us in, silencing the increasing hysteria of the alarm.
‘That’s new, isn’t it?’ she asked, pointing at the keypad that looked just like everyone else’s. The CCTV images and recordings were safely hidden inside it.
‘Yes. With all the goings on in the village, I felt so nervous being on my own so much of the time.’ At least it was partially true. But I hated lying to a friend who made biscuits.
Her eyes narrowed. ‘Don’t you have to get a faculty for absolutely everything?’
‘We will for the next job,’ I replied cheerfully. ‘Which is rewiring. The guys fixing the alarm said it was years out of date. Quite dangerous.’
‘I heard you’d had your guttering done, too. I suppose that might class as an emergency. But a burglar alarm …’ She pursed her lips.
‘What you said about Merry last time,’ I began, filling the coffee-machine reservoir, ‘about her scrimping and saving. Well, there are some things I don’t think you should cut corners on. One is security. People know I’ve got more money than poor Merry and might want to help themselves. And Theo’s seen what happens to people’s minds when they get burgled, even if nothing is taken. So we just did it.’
I should be checking the messages that were making the answerphone flash, but they had to wait a bit longer. Coffee was most certainly in order, especially as Elaine wanted to talk, rather ghoulishly perhaps, about the various ills that had afflicted the village this spring – actually, though she was too polite to say it, since my arrival. By the end of her litany, she had quite persuaded herself I was right to install security, even if she still insisted I should have told the churchwardens.
‘I did tell Ted about the gutters,’ I said duplicitously. ‘Since he’d been a victim to the drips once too often he was quite happy to approve them.’
‘He’s such a funny bugger it might be a good idea to tell him about the alarm, too,’ she said. ‘Of course, George would have been easier to persuade, especially if he thought you’d got important stuff here – though I suppose it’s all insured, isn’t it? He’d nod anything through that didn’t absolutely require a full PCC meeting to approve it.’
‘What sort of important stuff would we have here?’ I retorted. There was nothing physical that couldn’t be replaced: even Theo backed up everything on his computer, and shared, as my own computer did, a Dropbox with the system in my apartment. And we both had memory sticks – belt and braces.
She spread her hands. ‘Who knows?’
It was better to pursue another line. ‘Hell’s bells, I’d forgotten the PCC’s approval. Oh dear. Tell me, Elaine, what happens – well, even if George recovers fully, he’s not going to be up to his churchwarden’s role for a while, is he?’
‘If you ask me he hasn’t been for a long time. Him and that damned strimmer. They’d have to find a temporary replacement, I suppose. Ida Mountford would have been the obvious choice.’ Not to Theo, she wouldn’t. ‘But now she’s hors de combat too … Who knows? It might be my duty to step forward. Except the WI–Pickled Walnut link-up is taking so much of my time.’ She shot a look at her watch. ‘Actually, I really must go. How’s the biscuit-making going?’
‘It’s not. I’m almost afraid to use the cooker now, after what they said about the wiring and the fire risk.’
The phone rang. Elaine crammed the last crumb into her mouth with a silly-me moue and grabbed her bag. ‘Answer it – it might be important. I’ll let myself out!’ she called, suiting the word to the deed.
The last person I expected to be phoning was Dilly Pound. ‘Have you had lunch yet?’ she asked without preamble. ‘I know it’s very late, but how about the Crab and Basket? It’s only just off the motorway. Here’s the post code. I reckon you could do it in twenty minutes.’
‘I could if I had a car. It’s off the road at the moment.’
‘Shit. We really need to talk. Supper this evening – assuming you could get a cab or something? Same place. I’ll book a table for seven thirty. Bring Theo if you want.’
So I’d have to sit and watch her trying not to make eyes at him. Or maybe she’d bring the man to whom she was attached by so many heavy rings.
How on earth had poor Merry felt to have women throwing themselves at his feet, as presumably they had all their married life? After all, some people thought a dog-collar made gorgeous men like him even more attractive. Elaine might well have been one of them: if she could find grumpy old Dave worth flirting with, how much more desirable might she have found Theo? And yet she was generous enough to befriend me. Theo had never mentioned any link between them, but then, he’d got discretion in his DNA.
There was just time for a sandwich before I worked my way through the messages – eight of them – waiting on the answerphone. After all, if anything was truly important, to me as opposed to Theo, they’d surely have used my mobile. Mouth full of cheese and salad, I texted Theo: news, please. Another text to Don Simpson, asking him to phone when he had a free moment or a free minion: I had information for him and needed one of our cars back. I also sent him a photo of the envelope Ted Vesey had ‘dropped’. Had there been anything suspicious about it? Had Mazza’s young nose detected anything I hadn’t?
Armed with a mug of tea, I turned my attention to the landline phone. All the messages were to do with parish or benefice business. I wrote them all down carefully, with time and action taken – which in every case was a return call to say that Theo was with a sick parishioner. That was enough information for now.
Before I could wash up, the ghost of Merry still forbidding so much as a dirty mug on the table, Dave called. He seemed inclined to chat, but was on the receiving end of a doleful list of woes. On the other hand, he was a good listener, managing sympathy and anger but also more than common interest in the narrative. ‘You’ve told Don all this? A text’s good because he might be in a meeting, but on the other hand, he may not realize how significant all this is. And you certainly need one of your cars.’
‘OK, I’ll hire one.’ A bit of anonymity never went amiss, did it?
There was still no communication from Theo, and no reply to repeated texts and messages. Heavens, he wasn’t still with George and Alison, was he? Things must be very serious. So why didn’t I get that hire car to come to me? Then I’d set off to the hospital myself.
I was just about to leave when Theo rolled up. ‘You caught the bus? But country buses only come when they feel like it. Why not take a taxi? Oh, Theo!’
‘I suppose next you’ll say I should have done what you’ve done.’ He pointed at the anonymous silver Vauxhall sitting on the drive, the delivery driver waiting with less and less patience for his ride back to the depot. ‘My darling, I know you mean well, but your extravagance will make you the cynosure of the parish.’
My eyebrows flickered of their own accord. ‘It probably has already. You must make sure I don’t have a flashy funeral. Oh, yes, someone tried to run me down this morning—’
His expression changed almost comically from anger at my sarcasm to something bordering on terror. ‘Dear God! You’re sure? I mean, last time you thought it might just be accidental … Oh, sweetheart …’
‘I’m OK. You can see I’m OK.’ I waved my hands in front of his eyes. ‘Look, I have to get this guy back to his office. Please, just hop in the car with me so we can talk.’ He seemed to be wavering, as if Merry was pointing an accusing finger bidding him to return to his study. ‘By the way, I’ve changed the answerphone message to add in your mobile and mine.’
He goggled. ‘How did you do that?’
‘I’ll explain in the car.’ I grabbed the memory sticks I’d herded up, stowed them in my bag and headed out to the hire car.