Ben had to work hard not to nod off during the three-hour church service. Seated on the opposite side of the room, Gracie’s head bobbed, too, which garnered more than a few looks from Erma, seated beside her.
Bishop Yoder read a passage from First John. “ ‘If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.’ ”
Ben glanced at Grace. She needed to hear this. The bishop repeated the verse, and this time the words sank deeper. Ben sat up straighter. Did the bishop know he’d snuck out last night? He was looking at Ben, only Ben didn’t sense condemnation from the man as he had with his father over the years. He sensed love and compassion for the weak. The words of the verse rolled around in his mind. Cleansed from all unrighteousness. All. He bowed his head. Is it true, God? I’ve done so many things wrong. I know I’m a disappointment to my father, but I also disappoint myself. I want to be the man of God that You created me to be. But I don’t know how. Please forgive me. Make me whole. I want to walk from this day forward in fellowship with You.
The service closed as Ben whispered, “Amen,” to his own prayer. Numb and totally at peace with himself, he sat with his elbows resting on his knees and looking down at the plank floors in the bishop’s sitting room. God had forgiven him. Now he needed to make amends with Grace. He’d stolen her kisses and tried to steal her heart.
The bishop asked for everyone’s attention. “Before we dismiss for the fellowship meal, I wish to make an announcement. Philemon Troyer, would you join me?”
Ben’s blood went cold.
“Philemon has asked for a young maedel’s hand in marriage.”
Ben craned his neck to get a better view of Grace, who was staring straight ahead and smiling wide.
“Becky Lapp, will you join us, please?” the bishop said.
The remainder of the bishop’s announcement blurred into the background as Ben focused on Grace. Her smile never faltered. Not once. It looked genuine, too, not pasted on as Ben had seen her do before.
The congregation was standing, moving around the couple. Grace slipped through the crowd and dashed into the kitchen.
Ben stood. He made it a few steps, then the bishop caught his arm.
“I’d like to introduce you to the men.”
“Uh . . .” Ben glanced at the kitchen. More women were meandering in that direction. He redirected his attention to the bishop. “Okay.”
Ben shook hands with several men. He answered a few questions about the size of his district in Florida, but his thoughts were consumed with Grace.
“Ben’s going to start working in the lumber mill tomorrow,” the bishop said.
Grace’s father stepped forward. “He and Grace are supposed to go to the police station in the morning and fill out a report. The police drove out to the haus yesterday, but Grace had gone grocery shopping, and I wasn’t sure where Ben was.”
“I went fishing.” Ben’s mind whirled. Having to give an account for everything that happened would be difficult for Grace to relive. “Did you tell Grace?”
“Ben could tell her at the singing tonight,” Philemon said. “You’re still planning to go, aren’t you?”
“I, uh . . .” Ben turned to Bishop Yoder. “May I have a word with you outside? I have a few things to get off mei chest.”
“Grace, you look sapped. How are you handling Philemon and Becky’s engagement announcement?” Mattie popped the seal on the lid to the jar of butter pickles.
“I’m at peace.” Now if she could only find peace about Ben. After last night’s kiss, her nerves had coiled tighter than a skein of wool.
Mattie frowned. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I haven’t slept gut. Mei muscles are weak.”
“You have to give your legs time to heal. Once the swelling goes down—”
“It’s nett just mei legs. It’s mei arms, mei hands . . .” She fisted her hand and released it. Her fingers tingled, something new. “Mei mamm started out like this.” Her throat tightened. “The doktah said Mamm’s condition was triggered by stress.”
Mattie’s forehead crinkled, and she chewed the corner of her lip. “I’ll make a tonic. Something that will calm your nerves.”
If only one of Mattie’s tea concoctions would work for Grace’s ailment. As it was, Mattie had her soaking rags in liniment and sleeping with them wrapped around her legs. Several of the women entered the kitchen and clustered around the counter, preparing the dishes. Little Jonas broke from her sister-in-law’s hand and ran to Grace.
“Aenti,” he said, throwing his arms around her legs. “I lieb you. Did you see the fire?”
“I love you, too, Jonas. And nay, I didn’t see the fire.”
Susan came up beside them. “How are you? I meant to stop by yesterday to see you, but your bruder and I had a long conversation about Mitch’s punishment for starting the fire and time got away from me.”
“I understand. Maybe soon we can have a big family supper.” Grace wanted to spend time with everyone together before she and Erma left for Ohio.
“Jah, let’s plan something before Aenti Erma leaves.” Susan motioned to the door. “I have a three-bean dish in the buggy I need to get.”
“I’ll get it,” Grace offered. Once Susan walked away, Grace tugged on Mattie’s dress sleeve. “I want to tell you something in private,” she said. “Kumm with me to get the dish.”
The bishop stopped next to the equipment shed and faced Ben. “What did you wish to speak with me about, sohn?”
“I, um . . . Is it true anyone can be cleansed from their sins?”
“Jah, that’s the promise God gives us in First John. ‘If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.’ ”
Ben nudged a stone with the toe of his boot. “I’ve heard that scripture before, but I’ve never . . . I never believed it applied to me. I’ve done so many things that have disappointed mei family. Mei father sent me up here.”
“I know. He sent me a letter.”
“Then you know how badly I’ve disappointed him. I couldn’t face him. That’s why I changed mei mind about going home.”
Bishop Yoder clapped his shoulder. “Are you familiar with the parable of the prodigal sohn?”
Ben nodded.
“The father waits for his sohn to return because more than anything, he wants his sohn to have a change of heart . . . and turn from whatever it was that drove him away. The father in the story is God. He’s waiting for you to kumm back to Him. He doesn’t want you wandering in darkness. He wants you on the path He’s chosen, the one where He has provided His light to lead the way.”
“I want that, Bishop Yoder. I want to be cleansed from mei unrighteousness so that I can walk wherever God leads me.”
“Have you prayed about baptism and joining the church?”
Ben nodded. “How soon can I?”
The bishop chuckled. “You need some instruction first.” His voice grew serious. “Is there something else troubling you?”
Ben shrugged. “I was hoping I could be baptized today. I have this . . . heaviness, and . . . I don’t want to carry it any longer.”
“The moment you confess your sins to God, He washes you clean. Baptism and joining the church are your commitment to Him.” He paused a moment. “I noticed the fishing pole you left against the haus was missing this morning. Does this heaviness you’re feeling have something to do with seeing Grace Wagler last nacht?”
Grace hadn’t reached the bottom porch step when Mattie said, “I’m all ears, spill. I want to hear all the gossip about him.”
Grace shook her head. “It isn’t about Ben. I’m going back to Ohio with Aenti Erma. I almost have mei daed convinced.”
“Oh, I don’t want to hear that news.” Mattie waved her hand with disregard. “I want to hear about you and Ben. He stared at you during most of the service. The man’s smitten.”
“Ben Eicher is a flirt. He’s smitten over everyone. Besides, I have to know if I have muscular dystrophy like mei mother. Mei daed has told me the weakness is from one leg having to overcompensate for the shortness of the other, but it’s more. Mei arms, even mei hands are weak.”
Mattie frowned. “Stay and try one of mei concoctions first, please.”
Grace smiled. Her friend peddled herbs like the vagabonds in the last century peddled snake-oil remedies. “Those tea leaves you packed in the basket did awful things to me.”
“Ach! I told you nett to drink it. Didn’t you hear me? Oh, Grace, I’m surprised it didn’t kill you.”
“It probably would have if Ben hadn’t made me vomit so many times. What was it?”
“Foxglove. Several of the women had asked for some of the seeds I had harvested last fall. The flowers are purple and trumpet-shaped. I thought you had asked for seeds too.”
Grace shrugged. “I don’t usually plant flowers.”
“That’s the plant that helps keep the deer out of mei garden.”
Grace nodded. “I remember nau.”
“I slipped them into the tea I’d given you for muscle relaxation before packing it in the basket. I thought it might help you get away. Oh, Grace, I would have never forgiven myself if something had happened to you.”
“You’re always trying to help and I appreciate it.” She looped her arm with Mattie’s and gave hers a pat. “It didn’t hurt me,” she said. “I thought I was seeing things. First a neon sky, which I realized were the northern lights, then a fox, then Ben. Ben was real. I might have been hallucinating about the fox.”
“That is one of the side effects.”
“Is viewing everything in slow motion one too? Even . . .” Her thoughts drifted to how mesmerizing Ben’s kiss was and how it made her rise to her toes. Had that been real?
“Even what?” Mattie’s brow quirked.
“Ben,” she whispered. Then, as if slapped with a wet rag, her eyes widened and she looked around to see if anyone was within earshot. “Don’t you repeat that.”
“You haven’t told me anything yet. But by the sound of your warning, there’s a lot to tell.”
“There you are,” Andy said, stepping off the porch. He came up beside his wife and placed his hand on her back. “Did mei fraa share our gut news? We’re going to have a boppli.”
“I’m so happy for both of you,” Grace said, admiring how overjoyed Andy was.
He turned to his wife. “Should you be outside without your cloak?”
“Probably nett. I’ll be in shortly,” Mattie said, then, looking beyond him, she smiled and nudged her husband. “You’re right. We need to go inside.”
Grace glanced sideways and noticed Ben walking toward her. She started to follow Mattie and Andy to the porch when Ben called her name.
He jogged over to her. “Will you take a walk with me?”
She had to safeguard her heart, and being alone with him wasn’t the answer. She shook her head. “I’m needed inside to help with the meal.”
“Can’t you give me just a minute or two? I want to talk with you about something.” He bowed his head sheepishly, then lifted his eyes and smiled.
She faced him. “I have a few things to say to you, Benjamin Eicher, but nett here.”
“At the singing then?”
She hesitated. “Maybe I’ll meet you there.” She should feel guilty giving him false hope, but the prospect seemed to appease him.
“Can I walk you home afterward?”
“You shouldn’t assume the talk will go well.” She turned, but Ben shot in front of her.
“I’m sorry about last nacht.”
She looked around the yard but didn’t see anyone other than her nephew and a few of the other boys playing tag. She lowered her voice. “I told you, I don’t want to talk here.”
He nodded. “I’m sorry.”
The intensity in his eyes unsettled her nerves. She headed up the porch steps, her heart racing ahead of her.
Seated at the supper table, Grace flitted her attention from her father, as he took a bite of the warm peach cobbler, to Aenti Erma, who was supposed to bring up the topic of moving to Ohio—again. Grace had used the excuse of her legs hurting as the reason she didn’t go to the singing, and with Emery having supper with his girlfriend’s family and LeAnn at the singing, this was the perfect time to speak with him privately.
“Reuben,” Aenti said, fiddling with the corner of her napkin. “You know how much I’d like Grace to kumm to Ohio and stay for a little while, jah?”
He nodded.
“Grace and I have discussed . . .”
He glanced at Grace, then tossed his fork on the plate, abandoning his half-eaten dessert. “You two have discussed what?”
“I want to go to Ohio,” she blurted. “I want to find out what’s wrong with me. If there’s a chance to be normal—I want it.”
“Grace,” he said softly. “Please wait in the other room. Erma and I need to talk about a few things.”
Grace stood. She glimpsed Erma’s sullen expression and left the room, stopping on the other side of the wall to eavesdrop on their conversation.
“Erma,” he started. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for mei family, but I’m asking you to stay out of this matter.”
“She’s twenty-two and she needs to know, Reuben.”
“Why? God is in control and she needs to rely on Him.”
A kitchen chair scraped against the wooden floor. Grace peeked around the corner as Aenti stood. “Have you, Reuben? I don’t think you’ve accepted God’s will about Eleanor or Grace either.”
“Woman,” he said harshly. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dishes rattled as he shoved away from the table. He met Erma at the sink. “Things changed after Eleanor found out . . . Learning the disease was incurable, she became depressed.” His voice quivered. “I don’t want that for Grace.”
“I know. But, Reuben, you cannot protect her forever. Her life has stalled because she doesn’t know.”
His expression turned pained, and he rubbed his forehead.
“Your life has stalled, too, since Eleanor passed away.”
He nodded. “I’ve tried to move forward . . . It’s difficult.”
Barely able to hear, Grace inched closer into the entry.
Her father placed his hand on Aenti’s cheek. “You mean a lot to me, Erma.”
“But you’ve avoided me since . . .”
“I know.” He dropped his hand and scratched the back of his neck. “I wasn’t ready for . . . what I was feeling.”
Standing at the kitchen entrance, Grace gasped, then slapped her hand over her mouth to smother the noise.
Daed looked her direction and tightened his mouth. He stormed over to Grace. “I told you to wait in the other room.”
She dropped her hand, vaguely aware her mouth still hung open.
Her father pushed past her, grabbing his hat from the hook as he went to the door.
The door closed hard, jolting Aenti.
Grace stepped farther into the room. “I’m sorry I interrupted you two.”
“You don’t have to apologize.” She added soap to the dishwater and waved her hand underwater to create bubbles. She plastered on a tight smile. “I’m sure once he thinks about it, he’s going to give you his blessing to go back with me.” She nodded. “He will.”
“Aenti, do you feel the same way about him?” Hope surged within Grace.
“Your father and I go back a long ways, and long-standing friendships can be . . . mistaken for more.” She scrubbed the plate with vigor, then handed it to Grace to rinse. “Did your father tell you that the police want you and Ben to give a statement tomorrow?”
“Nay.”
“Ben was going to tell you tonight at the singing.”
“Daed made that arrangement?”
Erma cringed as she nodded. “Reuben also arranged for Philemon to take him fishing . . . to find out Ben’s motives concerning you.”
Heat clawed the back of Grace’s neck. It was final. She was going to Ohio with or without her father’s blessing.
Grace punched her pillow and flipped to her other side. She closed her eyes as something pinged against the window. After hearing it again, she climbed out of bed and peeked out the window. Ben. She grabbed her robe from the back of the chair and sped outside barefoot.
“What are you doing here?”
“We were supposed to talk, remember?”
“I already know about having to give a report to the police.”
He stepped closer. “Did you know about Philemon’s engagement?”
She lowered her head and nodded.
“He means a lot to you, doesn’t he?”
“Jah.”
“I’m sorry . . . Well, nett really,” he said, pushing gravel into a pile with the tip of his boot.
She snorted. “At least you’re honest.”
“I thought Philemon asked to speak with your father to ask for your hand in marriage. I wasn’t expecting the bishop to call another maedel’s name.”
She winced. “Philemon and mei father plan to harvest a field together . . . He came over the other day to speak with him about the crop.”
“And when you two went for a walk?”
Grace recalled Philemon questioning her about Ben. After trying hard to change the subject, she finally admitted to having feelings for Ben. At the time, she had no idea her father had put Philemon up to probing her for answers. She would have diluted her feelings for Ben much more had she known. It didn’t matter; she was leaving for Ohio and that was final.
Ben’s voice softened. “He wanted to break the news before you heard it from the bishop.”
“Philemon told me before he left for camp,” she said. Then, seeing his eyes glimmer with pity, she stiffened her resolve. “You don’t have to feel sorry for me. I’m going to Ohio with mei aenti.”
He exhaled loudly, scratched his jaw, then moved his hand to the back of his neck. “When?”
“Soon.”
“You’re running away because he’s getting married?”
“I’m nett running away.” She was, but for other reasons. Letting go of Philemon wasn’t as difficult as letting go of Ben.
“Then stay.”
She shook her head. A cool breeze swept through the trees and she shivered. “I need to go back inside. If anyone sees me out here standing in a robe, I’d be mortified.” She turned. “Good night, Ben.”