Chapter Twenty-Six

Haley

I’ve spent the whole Friday off of school in my PJs. I didn’t even brush my hair because that’s how little I care. I spent the whole night crying or watching YouTube gaming videos. I’m not even a gamer, but I think I should be. Looks fun. More fun than my life. It’s a nice escape, and that’s what I need most.

But now I’m hungry, and I had to come out of my safe haven into the kitchen. Lo and behold, my brother is here. He slams the cabinet door and sits as far away from me at the table as he can.

“What?” I snap at Chris.

He shakes his head and looks back down at his bowl.

This is how we interact now. We haven’t talked about the breakup—can you call it that if we weren’t actually a couple? We haven’t talked about the black eye he gave Jake, or anything involving Jake Lexington at all. We didn’t even share pleasantries about the weather. Instead, we both exist in the same space. Neither of us have said a word to each other in days.

I hate it.

Chris and I never fight, not ever, not even when we were kids. I think it’s part of that freaky twin thing. We can read each other too much to stay angry. This time it’s different, though. This time, he’s not trying, and neither am I.

I stuff some bacon in my mouth and stare at my phone. At the unicorn/sad face text from Jake that he sent an hour ago. I want to respond, but I can’t do it. I can only stare and reread our history and torture myself.

“One question,” Chris says, breaking our silent war. “The party we went to, when you went with Griggs, which we never talked about. Were you drinking?”

I shrug. “You do it.”

“I heard it but I didn’t want to believe it. Since when do you drink at all?”

I cross my arms. “What’s your point?”

“You were never like that before you started hanging out with Jake.”

“And?”

Chris’s eyes are wide, and he throws his hands out. “He’s a bad influence.”

I laugh. “I won’t even talk about the hypocrisy of that sentence. I will say I can make my own choices.”

“And if those are the ones you’re making, then obviously you can’t.”

I gather my robe up around me and start to walk away when he stands and the chair squeals across the floor. “God, my best friend, Haley!” he shouts. “Do you know what seeing that picture was like? You didn’t think of me, neither of you. To find out that y’all were sleeping together. My best friend and my sister. Out of anyone in the whole town, why him?”

I knew he’d be mad, but he’s making assumptions like everyone else has. Nothing has happened between me and Jake. The fact that my own brother assumes it has hurts. Screw him on this. I feel way less badly about not telling him than before. “You will never understand, Chris, so just stop. Not everything is about you.”

“Right. You want someone you have to fix. A project because you want to feel important instead of being a self-proclaimed victim.”

“How am I a victim?”

He’s moved from the chair now and is closer to the steps. I’m halfway up them, staring down at him. We’re both screaming.

Chris rolls his eyes. “Come on. Miss Nobody Gets Me. I have to live in the shadows. I know you blame me for you being you. Jake is nothing more than a ploy for attention, than a way to make yourself feel better.”

If he was closer to me, and if I was a violent person, I’d smack him right across the face. He should hear himself.

I scoff. “Wow, you don’t get it.” I start to walk up the stairs.

“Get what?”

“Jake isn’t broken!” I scream down at him. “He just needs something good. Maybe that is me.”

“It’s not your job to make him happy.”

I take three steps down toward him. “I know. But it’s also not your job to police me or protect me. You’re not my dad, you’re my brother. Be my brother!”

“What does Jake bring that no one else does?”

I thought Jake was his best friend. Jake thinks Chris knows him better than anyone, but he doesn’t know him at all. Not if he’s asking this, questioning his character. He should know more than anyone. Chris should know.

“The fact that you don’t see that is part of the problem, one that existed long before he ever saw me in any way besides your sister. You should really give him some more credit, maybe ask questions instead of thinking you know how he should be.”

Chris is quiet then, which means he’s drowning in thoughts. Normally I’d stay, I’d help him find a way to swim through them, but that’s not my job anymore. One day, not long from now, we’re going to be in two different places. We might as well accept that now and learn to cope. I swing back down a few steps. “And for the record, all Jake and I have done is kiss. That picture isn’t what it looked like, but we have not had sex. We didn’t get that chance.” Then I stomp up the steps.

I hear him cuss and toss his bowl in the sink as I make my way upstairs. Good. I hope that mental image keeps him adequately annoyed. He deserves that, at least.

I don’t say much during the Belles meeting that night, mostly because I don’t have anything positive to say. I feel like I’ve been trampled on, and my whole body aches.

We’re gearing up for Homecoming in two weeks. It’s the closest I’ve been to Abby since her text, and she hasn’t even looked at me. Georgia Ann gives me a sympathetic pat on the back, but it sorta comes off in an “I told you so” way. She’d probably say it to my face if we were alone right now. Abby whispers to Shelby, and they both look over at me. They don’t even like each other, but I guess that was before they had a common enemy.

“Don’t let her get to you,” Georgia Ann whispers.

“She’s not,” I say, crossing my arms. I know I did the wrong thing.

“You sure? Because you look madder than a pack of wild dogs on a three-legged cat.”

I blink and peel my eyes away from my sometimes–best friend toward Georgia Ann. “Was that English?”

She laughs. “It’s old folks’ English, but yeah. I’m saying you look right pissed off is all, and maybe you shouldn’t look like she got you feeling a certain way. You don’t want her to know she’s getting under your skin, or she’ll keep doing it.”

I am mad, but not at her. I’m mad at myself. I should’ve told her.

I spend the rest of the meeting trying not to look in their direction.

When the meeting is over, Abby is talking with Mrs. Monroe, and she makes eye contact with me while I wait for them to finish. I need to talk to her, and she’s ignoring all of my texts. We’re in the same room. It’s the only way.

When Mrs. Monroe leaves, I walk toward Abby. She crosses her arms over her chest and narrows her eyes. She’s all attitude, a look I know well, but it’s never been directed at me. “I don’t want to talk to you,” she says.

By now the other girls have pretty much all cleared out, so it’s only us in here. “I know,” I say, “but I wanted to say I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I saw your texts.”

That’s it, then? That can’t be it.

“Please let me explain what happened, and then maybe we can work through it.”

Abby laughs and lowers her arms. “Here’s what happened: you went after my ex, who you know I still like, and you didn’t tell me.”

“He’s not your ex. He’s someone you had a crush on and flirted with this summer. And I did try to tell you.”

“There are still feelings involved! And it wasn’t only this summer.” She starts to lose her composure and pauses. “When did you supposedly try to tell me?”

“When I mentioned a dream.”

Abby laughs. “A dream. A dream isn’t reality.”

“I was trying to open a door. And again when I brought up him liking someone, I was trying to tell you then, and you make it hard sometimes.”

“Likely excuse,” she says, slinging her bag over her shoulder. She starts to walk away from me, but I follow her.

“Everyone knows Jake told you it wasn’t going to happen, Abby, and you kept on.”

Abby spins around on me. Her face is red with anger, something that is absolutely not SBA. “Because I liked him!”

“I like him, too!” I say. Her eyes widen. “I’ve liked him for a long time, since we were kids. Before you ever moved here.”

“Well, that’s news to me.”

“Because you never asked.”

“And you never volunteered!” Abby yells, and then she takes a breath—a deep one—and her eyes narrow in on me. “A best friend is supposed to know about your crushes, not steal them and lie to my face for…how long has it been now, like eight years?”

I open my mouth and close it again.

She shakes her head and puts her jacket on. “I can’t deal with you right now, Haley.”

Then she leaves me there.

There’s a party in Lane tonight. I drive the thirty miles because I literally have nothing and no one, so why not? The last time I came here was two years ago when I was dating Shane. I don’t really know anyone here, so it doesn’t help me not feel alone.

I take my drink and go sit outside. The music echoes from the house, still making the porch kind of thump. I wrap my scarf tighter around me, curl my knees up to my chest, and think about everything that led me to be here alone. How I lied. How I hurt people. How much I care about Jake. How the last couple months have been the best of my life. Isn’t it ironic that they go together?

“Rough week?” Shane asks. I groan and roll my eyes as he sits next to me.

“Why are you here?”

“This is a party I told the school about, remember?”

I glare at him. “I meant, why are you here sitting next to me?”

“Because you’re here alone. Where’s your brother or Lexington or Miss Giggle?”

Shane doesn’t like Abby, and Abby doesn’t like Shane. There’s no love lost there on either of them. I did her really wrong, and she’s been a good friend to me. She hates people on my behalf, makes me try new things, always listens to me, and loves me anyway. I really should’ve told her about Jake. I tried, but it wasn’t hard enough. I got scared. I was busy playing a game of risk, but I wasn’t taking the biggest one in front of me, and I should’ve. Maybe she would’ve understood.

“Just me tonight.”

“Hmm,” he says, clearing his throat. “So, you and Lexington, huh?”

I take a sip of my soda to avoid looking at him. “I don’t want to talk about Jake.”

Shane sighs and stretches. “I figured that wouldn’t end well.”

“You don’t know anything about it, so please spare me.”

“Wow, a little of him has rubbed off on you,” Shane says, almost admiring it. I roll my eyes. He nods and sloshes around his cup in his hands like he’s bored. “It’s a shame Chris and Jake are having a falling out, though. I mean, bless his heart, but Chris is really the only friend Jake has. It must suck to lose the one person you feel like you have over a good time.”

I’m watching him, staring into his cold brown eyes, and it hits me. I don’t know how I didn’t figure it out before. There’s no rhyme or reason to the fact that I’ve figured it out now, except that I know. I can feel it in my bones. The same way I did when I found out he was seeing other girls on the side.

“You’re the one who took the picture.” Shane gives me this smug but slightly offended look.

Shane holds his hands up. “Hey, don’t shoot the messenger.”

I shake my head. I can’t believe this. “How were you even at Jake’s that night?”

He shrugs. “Right place, right time. I actually went there for Jamie, and I happened on it. I’d suspected, but now I knew. Lexington needed a little action and excitement around here.”

I gulp down all the rage I’m feeling bubbling in my chest. “Why?”

“Coach benched me on my recruiter game because of Lexington. If he and Howell aren’t getting along, that means they can’t play together.”

“And you can swoop in and save the game.”

“Exactly,” he says, boinking my nose with his finger. “Plus, you say you did nothing to me, but the whole breakup really nearly ruined my football career. Consider it evening the field.”

“You cheated on me.”

Shane rolls his eyes. “You were not so innocent. You know what it was like to date a girl who was into someone else?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Jake!” he yells. “You were so in love with the idea of him, the whole time we were together, you were never mine.”

“Jake didn’t even know I existed.”

“But you knew he did. Trust me, it wasn’t easy to compete with him.”

“That’s not true at all,” I say, shaking my head. “And I can’t believe you did this as some delayed revenge.”

“I did you a favor, Hals. You’ll see.”

I grab my bag, leave my cup, and jump up from the porch. “You’re an ass. Go fuck yourself, Shane.”

I hear him laughing as I walk away toward my car.

I’m twenty miles outside of town when the rain starts. It hits without warning, a downpour trying to test if the car can float. I push the wiper speed up to the fastest setting. I’ve been driving without a destination. I want Jake, but I can’t go to him. I can’t go home, Chris and I have been pointedly not talking to each other. Normally I’d call Abby, but she’s out.

I don’t know if we will recover from this one.

My phone rings, and it’s my brother. Part of me doesn’t want to answer, but the other part of me doesn’t want him to worry. I push the button on the steering wheel to connect my phone to the Bluetooth.

“Where are you?” he asks when I answer. “I’ve been texting.”

“I’m just out. Driving, so I couldn’t look.”

“Mom and Dad want us all to go to family dinner.”

I groan. They don’t get a lot of weekend nights off, so when they do: forced family fun.

“I know,” he says.

“I’ll be there soon,” I say.

He starts to say something else, I can hear it in his voice, but he stops himself.

There’s a loud squeal around me, but I can’t see anything. The car in front of me slams on the brakes. I do the same, barely missing its bumper. My heart is racing. That was close. The rain still pours onto the windshield, and my wipers struggle to keep up.

“K, see you soon,” Chris says and ends the call.

Then there’s a crashing sound, and everything goes dark.