Chapter Twenty-Eight

Haley

I can’t feel my toes.

The hospital is freezing, and it’s one of those bone-deep chills. They haven’t given me any more blankets, even though I’ve asked twice now. My toes are sticking out from under the covers. No one seems to notice. I’m dizzy from a mild concussion, and my ribs are bruised. My parents are busy being doctors rather than paying attention to me. No one seems to care about my toes, and it’s a really dumb thing to focus on but it’s the only thing I have any control over in this room. Maybe even my whole life right now.

I reach down with a groan. I forgot about those bruised ribs.

“Haley!” Mom calls, rushing over to me. “What’s wrong?”

“You really shouldn’t make movements like that right now, it’s going to be painful,” Dr. Chavez says. I have to keep from rolling my eyes, because I didn’t figure that out.

Mom places her palm on my cheek, and I lean back, giving up on my toes.

This day really came with a lot of fun hits.

“What do you need?” Daddy asks.

I don’t know, and he’s not a big fan of that answer. Thankfully my brother saunters into the room at that moment, a bag of delicious-smelling food in hand.

“Double bacon with cheese fries.” He holds it out to me.

I am so hungry that this makes my mouth water. Dad rolls the food tray up in front of me, and Chris puts it down. Mom tries to open the bag, but I give her this look and she backs away. I’m not helpless. I can eat my own burger.

“And an Elvis shake,” Chris says, placing it beside the rest. It looks good, but it’s still cold in here. Maybe too cold for even that. I look down toward my toes, and they’re still exposed.

“Thank you,” I say, then I stuff a bite of that delicious burger into my mouth.

Dr. Simon and my parents leave us to talk shop, and normally it’d bug me but I’m okay because I have bacon.

Chris watches me from his chair.

“What?”

“You could’ve died.”

“I didn’t,” I say.

“You could’ve. And we were fighting, and I was thinking the whole time, ‘What if I never get to apologize?’ You know?”

I nod and dip my fry into the cheesy sauce. “I know, but I’m here and I didn’t, and you can give me that apology anytime.”

He chuckles. “Wow, Hals.”

I shrug. “If that’s what you were worried about, there’s no time like the present.”

Chris gets up from the chair and steps toward me. I’m not real sure at all what he’s planning to do here, but then he reaches over and pulls the blanket over my toes.

“You hate that. I noticed it earlier.”

I take a break from stuffing my face to smile at my brother. “Yeah, I’m pretty cold.”

“I guess the milkshake wasn’t a great idea.”

“I’m going to drink it anyway, you’d better believe it.”

He laughs. “Are you okay? I mean, besides the obvious.”

“Yeah, it was a hard day, and this didn’t make it better.”

“What happened?”

I raise my eyebrow at him in disbelief. “You don’t really want to know.”

“Since when do we not tell each other things?”

“At least since you started thinking you knew what I needed more than I did,” I say. “And since you went and punched out Jake. And you obviously think the worst of me and of him.”

“You could’ve told me about y’all, and you didn’t. I was upset, Hals.”

“I get it, but there was nothing to tell you. Until recently, we were still figuring it out.”

He nods. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted that way. It wasn’t good of me.”

I want to keep being mad at him, but it’s hard to be when he’s looking at me like that. “I know you were upset, and I forgive you, but I’m not over it yet.”

“Fair. I’m not over it, either. We don’t lie to each other, but maybe you’re right and I did overstep and overreact.”

“I know I shouldn’t have lied. I’m sorry.”

“It’s boring at home without you to talk to.”

“Same,” I say. My head spins a little, and I lean it back against the pillow.

“Good job on the concussion. Now you know how it feels. Welcome to the Concussion Club.”

“No offense, but it’s not a club I ever wanted to join. The only club I want to be part of right now is eat this food club, and then a nap club.”

“That seems right. Those are two of the top three rules.”

“What’s the third?”

“No electronics,” he says, taking the phone from my hand. I stammer at him. “It’s hard, I know.”

He scoots his chair up next to my bed and steals a fry. And then, like that, he and I have all but made up. Not that we even have to do that. He’s my brother, my twin, the other half of me. There’s a kind of understanding and forgiveness that’s automatically built in there.

“Will you text him for me?”

Chris nods, pulls his phone out, and sends a text. “Okay, done.”

“Thank you,” I say.

I can tell he wants to say something else, but he doesn’t. I eat my burger and stop about halfway through because my head aches and my eyes hurt, and I can’t say no to sleep.

I wake up to pink daisies. There is a card with them, my name scribbled on the front. I know it’s from Jake before I even open it.

I had to see if you were okay. You were asleep so I didn’t want to wake you. I’ve been thinking about you, and us, all day. We messed up. I messed up. I know we agreed this wasn’t the right time, but you’ll always have my heart, Hals. Always. – Jake.

I look up as Chris comes back in the room. “Pretty,” he says. “Who is that from?”

I shake my head. “Jake, actually.”

“He was here?”

“I guess so,” I say. “Where were you?”

Chris smiles. “Mom and Dad got you discharged. We’re going home.”

Later, almost 10:00 p.m., the doorbell rings again, and the sound pierces through my head. I keep my eyes closed because I’m supposed to be sleeping. Chris oohs excitedly. “I wonder what we have now?” Folks have been coming by dropping off food since we got home. Since before we got home really, ’cause there were covered dishes sitting on the porch waiting for us.

Chris’s voice echoes through the house. “She’s gonna be fine now… Thank you very much, Mrs. Baker. It sure smells mighty good.” A few seconds later, he plops down beside me. “Pot roast,” he says, “still warm.”

“That’s nice of her.”

“Yeah,” he says. “We’ve got a feast building up in the kitchen.”

It’s kinda like what happened with Jamie and Jake after the accident. The whole town is quick to respond in any way they can, which usually means food. I rest my head on Chris’s shoulder.

I can tell he wants to say something else, but he doesn’t. I close my eyes and listen to the old episode of The Mailroom I begged him to turn on—even though I can’t watch it and he hates it—and we sit together.

A call comes in on my phone, and Chris answers. He leaves the room and whispers. When he comes back, I know something is wrong. “What?”

“Ms. Nichols from the rehab center. A kid, Seth, passed tonight.”

I immediately think of Jake. “Give me the phone.”

“You can’t, Hals.”

I cross my arms. “This is important. Give it to me,” I say, and even though he shouldn’t, he hands it to me. I try to call Jake, but it goes to his voicemail. I don’t leave a message.

I’m wide awake in the middle of the night, and my head actually doesn’t hurt at all, so I grab my phone. I know, I’m not supposed to, but I can’t resist. Abby has texted to ask if I’m okay; I text her back a quick heart emoji and say I miss her.

I hope Jake is okay. I can’t believe I wasn’t there for him when he needed me. Where is he now? I start to text him, but what do you say? What can I say? Not sure, I slide the phone down. I really wish I was with him.

Seth is dead, and he will never get to have a life he deserved.

I could’ve died tonight.

I don’t want to waste any time I have left. I want to seize the opportunities I have. I look left and see my portfolio sitting on my desk. Including that one.

I call Jake again. This time, I leave a message. “It’s me. I heard the news about Seth, and I hope you’re okay. It’s been an eventful day, huh? I don’t really know what to say besides I’m thinking about you. Call me later, if you need me.”

I move to my desk and open my laptop. The museum website saved the application I started but haven’t finished yet. All I have left to do is send email on my portfolio and write an essay. There’s a short essay about why you want the experience, and I finally have an answer. I start writing it all out, and a few minutes later, I click “Apply.”