AS THEY WALKED across the now dusky streets Liam appreciated Ava’s silence, appreciated too her closeness as they made their way through the residential area, along pavements decked with potted plants and shrubs. The idea of discussing Jess was both unwelcome and strange, because for years he hadn’t spoken about her to anyone, his ill-fated marriage and its attendant grief and regrets for his own consideration only.
Now that had to change—Ava needed some information—the key would be to try and keep it factual. They entered the small trullo that housed another souvenir shop and followed the signs to the back where a makeshift bar was in place.
‘What would you like?’ he asked.
‘A glass of white wine, please.’
He ordered the same for himself and then gestured for Ava to climb the narrow spiral staircase before him. Once on the rooftop he watched Ava as she took in the setting, knew he had brought her here because she’d love it, that speaking of her relationship must have been painful. Anger swiped him at the thought of the man who had used her, used her money and position under the guise of love, left her when she would have needed him most. Even as guilt jibed, pointed out that he too was using her, even if he was at least being honest about it.
‘This is stunning.’
The terrace was decorated with twinkling fairy lights that illuminated the early evening dusk. Potted evergreens and trellises arched and they could see the rooftops of the trulli spread below them. They were the only customers as they sat down at the small wooden table near the comforting warmth of an outdoor heater to counter the February chill.
For a moment they sat in contemplation of the view, sipped their wine and somehow Liam found a certain peace and tranquillity. ‘OK,’ he said finally. ‘Let’s talk. Maybe if I just tell you the facts.’
‘Whatever works best.’
Liam stared out over the panorama. ‘I met Jess when I was twenty-one. I’d been in the army for three years. My dad fell ill and I got leave to come and look after him.’ He could still remember his shock when he had seen how much his dad had suddenly deteriorated. ‘The alcohol abuse had caught up with him. The last weeks were pretty bad. His brain cells were fried, his memory was shot. He got so confused, was living in a myriad of memories. My mum wanted to help, but by then she’d been gone a few years, had already remarried. And my dad refused to even let her cross the threshold. So it was down to me. That’s when I met Jess. Or, rather, reconnected with her. We’d gone to the same school. I bumped into her at the doctor’s, we got talking and one thing led to another. Turned out her granddad had been an alcoholic so she understood what my dad was going through.’
‘And what you were going through.’ Ava’s voice was quiet but full of understanding.
‘Yes.’ And he’d mistaken that connection for a deeper one. He’d been lonely and sad and confused and Jess had been like a lifeline. But even then he’d never thought about marriage—hadn’t really thought at all. He’d just been happy to have someone there.
‘You fell in love.’
‘Yes.’ What else could he say? For a time he’d believed it to be true. A mistake that he would carry with him all his life. But as he looked at Ava’s beautiful face, illuminated by the last rays of the setting sun, just for one insane moment he wondered if he would ever utter words of love again. Shook his head. Surely this story of his past should cement the knowledge that he would never be so foolish again. Couldn’t, wouldn’t take that risk. ‘We had a very quiet wedding because it was so close to the funeral and then Jess came and lived with me nearer my barracks.’ And Liam had determined to stand by his vows, to do as he had expected his mother to do. ‘Jess fell ill whilst I was on a campaign abroad. I came back as soon as I could but there wasn’t much time left.’
For a moment he was back there in the hospital, with the distinctive smell of disinfectant, the beep of monitors echoing in his ears. Jess, gaunt and pale, her blue eyes so large in the pinch of her face. Her smile so sweet.
‘I’m glad you’re here.’
‘Of course I’m here, Jess.’
She’d tried to rise and he’d carefully moved her, propped her up against the pillows.
‘There are some things I want to say, before...before it’s too late.’
‘Anything.’
‘I just want to say I’m sorry. When we met I rushed you into everything. I took advantage of you.’
He’d smiled through his tears. ‘And I enjoyed every minute.’
Her hand, so skeletally thin, had squeezed his.
‘But that wasn’t enough. You were grieving and confused, but I was so happy that you wanted to marry me, happy to be wanted, that I decided that didn’t matter. That we could make it work, that you would grow to love me, because I’d be the perfect wife. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.’
‘I’m the one who is sorry. All these years I haven’t been there for you and...’
‘It’s OK, Liam. I love you. I’ve always loved you and you have been an honourable man—you stuck by me and that has honestly meant the world to me. So please, Liam, don’t beat yourself up—you did good.’
She’d dropped back on the pillow, her face lined with weariness.
‘I’m glad I said all that. Thank you for coming back.’
The conversation was one he would never share with anyone. Instead he simply said, ‘I was with her at the end and I am glad of that.’
‘I’m glad of that for both of you,’ Ava said, her voice gentle. ‘And I’m sorry, Liam, sorry her life was taken so soon and the whole life you could have had together is gone.’ She looked away from him, at the sky touched by the orange rays of the setting sun. ‘Would you like another drink?’
‘Thank you.’
‘I’ll be back in a minute.’
As Ava walked down the winding stairs past the vintage sewing machines sadness touched her, for Jess’s life snuffed out so tragically early, but also for Liam. The haunted look in his eyes as he’d spoken of his marriage and his wife’s death had been all too apparent, and underlined the fact that Liam had not got over Jess and most likely never would. The knowledge added an extra layer to her sadness, made her wish she could help him, made her wish...wish what?
That he weren’t a man weighed with grief, that somehow this were a real date, an attraction that could be pursued in the hope of the possibility of a future. That way lay madness. Ava would not even set a toe on that path of delusion, take a single step on the way to one-sided love ever again. That would be nothing short of utter foolishness. She might as well put a target on her heart saying: Break me now.
So from now on she had to focus on the fact that this was fake, that the attraction between them couldn’t be acted upon or built upon or go anywhere. Full stop. So she would go back upstairs and concentrate on making this the best fake relationship she could, paying her father’s debt to the best of her ability.
With a smile of thanks to the bartender she headed back to the terrace, handed Liam his glass and sat back opposite him.
‘Thank you.’ He smiled at her. ‘For this and for being such a good listener.’
‘No problem. As I said, I am truly sorry you had to talk about it and I’m sorry that there will be intrusive questions from the press.’
‘It’s their job, I guess. Any ideas what they may come up with?’
Ava sipped her wine, ran through the possible scenarios in her mind. ‘I suppose one question may be, “What was it about Ava that made you re-enter the relationship arena after the tragic death of your wife?”’ She gazed at the darkening sky now only tinged with the very last of the sun’s rays. ‘Obviously that will be somewhat awkward and I’ll do my best to turn the conversation.’
‘How?’
Ava thought for a moment. ‘I’ll say something like, “Hey, guys, much as I would love to hear my virtues extolled, Jess’s death was tragic and I’d much prefer to take the opportunity to highlight what readers can do to help with research for the terrible disease that took her.”’
Liam stared at her in evident admiration. ‘That’s a brilliant answer.’
‘Thank you very much. It comes from practice. I’ve been in the public eye for as long as I can remember.’
‘Did you enjoy it?’
‘I got used to it, because it’s all I’ve ever known. And hopefully it will come in handy now. I will do my very best to deflect questions about Jess where I can.’
‘I appreciate that.’
Ava sipped her wine, glanced at Liam and without her even meaning them to the words spilled from her lips. ‘Do you think you ever will have a relationship? A real one, I mean?’ Once said, the words seemed to hover in the air and she shook her head. ‘Sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that.’
‘It’s OK. It’s a fair question in the situation and easy enough to answer. No. I won’t. I’ve built my life on my own and I like it that way. I don’t want to rock the boat with a relationship.’
How could she blame him? ‘I totally get that.’ The fervency in her voice was too much and Liam raised his eyebrows.
‘So you’re not looking for a relationship either?’
‘Nope. For now I’ve given up dating completely. Like you, I am genuinely happy on my own. Why would I want to complicate that with a relationship?’
‘Because you want the traditional happy ever after, kids, family life?’
All the things he must have once been looking forward to and had had taken from him.
‘I don’t know,’ she said honestly. ‘I do want that but only with the right person and I don’t know how to figure out who that is.’ She’d got it wrong once and she’d seen the unhappiness that could be generated by a bad marriage. ‘Getting it wrong is not a risk I want to take.’
‘But how will you ever work out who Mr Right is if you don’t give anyone a chance?’
‘That is an excellent question and yet another thing I haven’t figured out.’
‘Perhaps someone will sweep you off your feet.’
‘Nope. No way. That sort of thing sounds all very well, but what if you get carried away by the moment and then you discover it’s a mistake? When it’s too late to get out.’
His expression changed and as he reached out for his glass his usually deft movement was a jerk that tipped his glass. Recovering, he caught it, lifted it and sipped. ‘I think you need to take your time. Really get to know someone before you make a long-term commitment. But to do that you do have to go on that first date.’
‘It feels too scary. Plus it doesn’t work like that. However sensible you think you are you can get carried away—attraction, love...they can skew common sense, kid you into making stupid decisions.’ As she had with Nick. ‘I’d want to walk away the minute I felt my heart start beating a bit faster, the minute it felt even the tiniest bit out of my control.’ She shrugged. ‘It’s easier to stay single.’
‘Agreed. Though there are some drawbacks, unless you plan on a lifetime of celibacy.’
‘That is a drawback.’ The words seemed to whir across the table and take on a life of their own. Their gazes met and locked and her throat tightened. ‘I assume you have no wish to join a monastery.’
‘No.’ He hesitated and then shrugged. ‘The only solution I’ve come up with is an occasional one-night stand. One night means there is definitively nothing more than a brief physical connection.’
Ava looked at him. ‘And that’s enough?’
There was a silence and then he nodded. ‘Yes,’ he said finally as he drank the last of his wine. ‘That is better than the risks involved in a relationship.’ He shook his head, gave a sudden smile as if to lighten the mood. ‘Listen to us. We are hardly advocates of true love. Yet we’re about to try and sell the concept to the world. Or at least some of it.’
‘It does sound a bit mad. But I just want to say. I...think we have a much better chance of pulling this off now. Italy was a good idea. It’s given us a chance to get to know each other.’ Which was a good thing, right? So why did it suddenly feel like a bad one?
She glanced at her watch. ‘I guess we’d better get going. I need to pack and prepare. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow.’