MAX
This showroom cost a fortune to do up. Brushed steel and curved red stained-glass which some people say ‘what are we, Japafuckinese?’ and I say, ‘Tokyo is the future, honey, get used to it.’
The model comes in again.
Okay so. In three years, we’re going to be very bored of real and we’re going to remember – at last, let me say – that artificial is the funnest thing.
We’re going to be seeing a lot of fun fur edging. Bags, tops, coats, shoes. And we’re going to bring back, yes, colour! Neons again, puffball skirts – which so obvious but hey obvious starts getting sexy next Spring – we’re thinking satsuma, lime green, Tizer colours. And for that extra flash, we’re going right back to tube socks but that is super-ultra secret and if you tell anyone I will personally burn your house down.
[ANTON: You know all this now.]
MAX: Sure. You have to order the dyes at least three years in advance, so we have to choose the colours way before that.
[ANTON: You are like a wizard. You know what ladies want to wear in the future.]
MAX: Let me tell you a secret.
[ANTON: Please.]
MAX: Women are
That’s OK Mimi.
(Confidentially.) Women are stupid.
[ANTON: They are?]
MAX: Uh huh. Like real deep down stupid.
Now sure I wouldn’t say this if there were any of them here, but between us.
But okay every year we come up with some new type of thing for them to wear. And every year it’s something really stupid-looking, ugly, uncomfortable, whatever. Something just kind of ridiculous maybe. And what do they do?
They buy it. They wear it. But it gets better: they want to buy it, they want to wear it.
[ANTON: They do?]
MAX: Women are giving it all about equality bla bla and they’re getting the top jobs and big salaries, deep down they are stupid and we know that and fashion is our way, as men, to remind each other of this fact.
[ANTON: You believe this?]
MAX: Let me give you an example. Ten years ago we decided – it was a kind of joke actually, over a bottle of wine in Milan – to revolutionise underwear. Knickers out, thongs in. All women must wear thongs – no other underwear is acceptable.
And this guy, he’s from Moncelli’s in Florence, he says to us: and why don’t we bring back hipsters at the same time? Low cut, deep waist, hipster jeans.
And we were like no fucking way, that is totally a step too far. Because you can’t have the hipster cut and the thong, it’s either one or the other.
But it worked. Women bought both.
And you know what else?
It became sexy.
You see a girl in low-cut jeans and a thong, you get a semi going on, you know what I mean?
And why?
Because the fact that women are so easy to dominate is the biggest fucking turn on ever.
I love your look, girlfriend. Vintage works now.
You want a bit of crank? Bit of Tina? I can go for hours.
Help yourself to the biscuits, they’re from Iceland. They’re a statement.