CHAPTER Seven

 

Letty had trouble waking up. Or rather, getting up. She felt heavy. Something in her weighed a ton. It always did anyway, if she thought about it. Every day she woke up, got up thinking about all that was wrong in the world, more precisely all that was wrong with the treatments of animals in the world.

The more involved she’d gotten in Animal Protection, the more she’d thought that was going to change. Her life those past eight years, since her first protest, had been a rollercoaster. In a way, taking action and doing something made her feel better, yet every day she woke up with this heavy feeling, knowing that no matter what she did, there were still millions of animals who would be killed or tortured one way or another that day. Sometimes it was hard to keep on smiling, so she had focused more and more on them, becoming always more involved, searching for those moments, those actions that made her feel a little better, needing more and more of them to keep on facing this life.

Her meeting with Larry, as they only called him by his first name, had been a turning point. Finally, she was going to do something that would really matter, that would actually save some animals, free them. She had been ecstatic. Maybe she would even go one day without feeling like the weight of the world was on her shoulders which, sadly, is what most of her fellow AP activists feel like. She had been so into it, involving Ricky and her little group. And then the plan had popped up. It had seemed so simple and the path so clear and obvious. Everyone had seemed high, their only drug being the prospect of freeing animals, for real this time. Not just protesting or making petitions in that hope.

Then the plan unfolded, a certain anticipation, eagerness mixed with a bit of fear. But still the path was so clear. So bright in fact that it blinded the way to any other possible paths. There was just this one.

And then Sarah happened, and Letty had found herself smiling more than often for reasons that had nothing to do with Animal Protection. A very confusing—and certainly unexpected—fact. She hadn’t understood where it had come from. And now that she did, she wished she didn’t. It felt good, yet it was a wall, a wall she couldn’t climb. A wall that would fall on her anytime soon.

The faint odor of her vegan bacon made her smile though, once again. Knowing Sarah was up and cooking a vegan breakfast, most probably for both of them, stirred yet another one of those estranged good feelings. She stayed in bed, though, afraid of seeing Sarah. Afraid of falling deeper into her big blue eyes, always filled with stars, like that of a child. Sarah always seemed to live in a world of her own. She was a kind, quiet and yes, somewhat naïve young woman. Letty never thought that this combination, packed in a gorgeous body, would break her this way. Because this really was how it felt, like she was bent on her knees. She had no idea how she had managed to stay strong and keep on pretending, keep the upper hand in their relationship, because she felt extremely weak in her presence. All things considered, Sarah was the strong one.

 

***

 

Sarah had already eaten when Letty finally emerged from her bedroom in tight shorts and her usual sports bra. Sarah, seated on the couch, looked up at her from the book she was reading.

She bit her lower lip and looked back at her book, trying hard to concentrate on the words in front of her, but they didn’t seem to make any sense right now, blurred by the vision of Letty coming closer, disrupted by the feeling of her sitting on the couch beside her.

“How are the burns?”

“It’s better. Well, better than it would be without your creams. Thanks for that.”

“No problem.”

Sarah’s gaze wandered briefly to Letty’s lips before plunging down her stomach and looking quickly back into the book.

“Oh sorry,” Letty said as she got up and walked back to her room. She quickly put on a T-shirt and walked back into the living room, heading toward the kitchen this time. “I thought you were in your room. It was so quiet.”

Sarah put her book down beside her.

“Weirdly, I got tired of staying in it.”

Letty nodded, either her understanding or approval.

“And you didn’t have to do that, you know.”

Letty frowned until she looked at Sarah who pointed at her T-shirt.

Letty smiled and winked at her. She poured her rice milk in a mug and put it into the microwave, as well as a few pieces of the vegan bacon to re-heat it.

“Thanks for the bacon. Sorry I didn’t get up sooner.”

“It’s not like it goes to waste, so it’s okay.”

“Exactly. But still, it would have been great to eat it with you since you cooked it.”

“I managed, so obviously it wasn’t that hard. And it was a nice change from my coffee and bowl of cereal. It felt more like a lazy Sunday morning type of breakfast. I enjoyed doing it,” she ended, giving Letty a proud smile.

Letty put her breakfast on a tray and walked back to sit close to Sarah on the couch.

Letty sat straight on the couch as she stared seriously as Sarah. “So okay, earlier in my room I was thinking that we needed a little pick me up. It’s Sunday, you need to get out of your room more, you said so. So how about we drive down to Orange for a little bit of Disney fun, what do you say?”

“Well,” Sarah didn’t say more. She didn’t need to.

“Okay. Maybe not Disney then, how about we go to Santa Monica beach and walk the pier a little, or something else, but definitely something that cheers you up. Anything you want, I’ll drive you.”

Sarah’s chest heaved at Letty’s gentle attention. She smiled back.

“You’re really sweet to me.”

“I just want to see you smile, Sarah.” And that was very true.

“I’m okay, really. Besides, I don’t think my skin would take it too kindly if I exposed it to more sun so soon. You know.”

“Oh right; I didn’t think of that.”

“But really it’s fine. I’m more in a lazy-Sunday-at-home type of mood. I feel like reading and yes, lazying all day long. I won’t even make my bed, today!” She said with a bright grin.

“Ooo, you’re such a rebel, Sar.”

They chuckled lightly and Sarah said. “But feel free; it’s a beautiful day,” she said as she gestured to the bright sun shining through the window, “Go out, get some air. I know you really like that.”

“Well, yes, no. Not today. I’m channeling your mood right now. A lazy Sunday at home feels just like what I need. If you don’t mind me, that is. I’ll stay in my room. I won’t crowd you—”

“You’re not crowding me. I like when you’re here.”

Letty’s grin was contagious, or so it felt to Sarah. She took another deep breath. She felt so comfortable with Letty. The prospect of another day just the two of them felt like the best day plan ever. A month ago, she would have been terrified at the idea, like yesterday before going to the beach. But her cards were laid out now, she felt lighter, at least with Letty. She felt like she could be herself, even if she hadn’t yet defined who that was. Letty wasn’t asking her to, but she knew. Sarah didn’t have to hide or pretend with her, and she was so tired of this. So, today definitely felt like the best day planned in a good long while.

“How about cards? I have a few games in my room.”

“As long as it’s not strip poker.”

Letty grinned as she got up.

“Too bad ‘cause you’d probably win you know, seeing as I’m already half naked,” she said with a wink that put a warm smile on Sarah’s lips. She even giggled while Letty walked to her bedroom to get the card game.

Letty went to the bathroom, and later on they played a few card games, then talked a little bit about Anita, Sarah’s former BFF. Letty told Sarah about her time living at Ricky’s. Ricky’s parents hadn’t been too keen about her being a lesbian, but they were not as virulent as Letty’s family. Had it been their son being gay, though, that might have been another issue. She recalled things got bad at his home when the two of them truly got involved in animal protection. It was all Ricky and her talked about, and they refused any compromises. It didn’t feel like they should, and Ricky’s relationship with his parents had disintegrated from there.

By the time he was nineteen, and Letty eighteen, they were living on the streets together. They had friends in the AP movement who hooked them up in someone’s apartment, then someone else’s. Pete, one of the band members, got Letty a job at a local biological products shop and she did wonders. The owner had been very pleased with her, but he was on the verge of retirement. By the time he retired, both Letty and Ricky were working there. They had worked out something with him to create that cooperative, and they bought half the store from him while paying a rent for the other half. They had slowly turned the store completely vegan and organic and had involved more of their friends into pitching into the cooperative. Added the good results the store quickly got, it didn’t take long for them to fully own it.

Sarah was impressed by the way Letty had organized things at such a young age and with the background she had. Had she finished high school and even graduated with a BA in management, for example, she might not have done as well as she had. Even if she wasn’t alone, and she always mentioned her friends’ help and presence, it had all been on her impulse, her ideas, her involvements. The others had just followed and, looking at Letty’s inspiring brown eyes and that warm smile, how could they not? Sarah thought.

They read then watched a few movies while talking. And slowly the talking stopped and now, Sarah’s head lay on Letty’s shoulder as she had fallen asleep. Letty couldn’t alter the shape of her lips; they seemed frozen into a permanent smile at the feeling of Sarah’s warm and even breath as she slept against her. She didn’t dare look at her for too long, though. She knew she would seem like some kind of angel with those blue eyes. Although closed, Letty could always see them. And that sandy-blond hair added to this usual innocent look that everyone gets when they’re asleep. It would be even more noticeable on someone like Sarah. And it would melt Letty’s heart even more.

She finally allowed herself to look at Sarah when she gently laid her on the side. Sarah mumbled but didn’t wake up. Letty settled on finishing the movie before going to bed in her room, but when the movie ended, she had no heart to part from Sarah. Even more with Sarah’s hands clutching at her thigh, burning the flesh where it lay. Despite repeating herself all the reasons why she shouldn’t do it, she lay against Sarah’s back. Her form now molding into Letty’s. Sarah moaned, or so it seemed, and Letty tightened her grip on Sarah’s waist.

Now that the TV was off, only the streetlamp created a little light in the room. Letty could just make out the shape of Sarah’s ear and her nape. She stayed awake, staring for a long time then slowly, she bent to place a soft kiss where Sarah’s neck met her shoulder. Such a soft touch, lips barely brushing the skin, but she felt Sarah tremble in her arms. Was she awake? A brief rush of panic settled in Letty until she felt faint fingers above her hand that covered Sarah’s waist. Letty smiled and squeezed her tighter. She closed her eyes and fell into a deep and warm sleep.

 

***

 

Sarah felt so warm she wondered if Letty had turned the heat on. That’s when it hit her: Letty, she was the warmth surrounding Sarah’s body, as they were still wrapped into each other on the couch. Letty was behind her, her arm still possessively wrapped around Sarah’s waist and her face neatly hidden in Sarah’s nape.

Sarah shivered as she felt Letty’s warm breath on her tender skin. How could this feel so good? And how come panic had not yet hit her? She had panicked for less with Evelyn. Maybe she was coming to terms with her feelings?

Her cell phone buzzed, and she remembered she hadn’t called her mother back after she’d left her a message the day before.

Her mother…Sarah took a deep breath. She could never face her. She could never be…that and lose her. Besides, what would she even tell her? Sarah was still so confused. She had spent so much time avoiding facing it herself that she had no real idea how her mother would react. Her mother was always rather open-minded…when it came to others at least, and she’d never had hateful speeches. But she was a woman of God. She believed that a man and a woman was the right path to God. Not two women, not two men. That much Sarah was sure. She had believed so herself for so long, believed it even harder when those feelings first showed up as a teenager. She had made herself believe that it was wrong. She wanted it to be wrong so she could stir away from it. But over the years those feelings had stuck, changed somehow, deepened, and she had hated them even more. Only now did she realize that she was hating and hurting a part of herself in the process.

Right now, warmly tucked in the comfort of Letty’s warmth, she couldn’t see the slightest thing that was wrong with that picture or the feeling that spread over her as Letty held her tightly while slowly waking up too.

How could something that felt so right be wrong? She didn’t know anymore. She slowly turned into Letty’s arms.

Letty opened her eyes. Deep blue ones stared back at her and, for a minute, she thought she might have died and gone to heaven. The harsh reality hit her, though, as Sarah slowly ran her fingertips along the line of Letty’s temple, gently pulling a dark lock of hair away so she could look deeper into Letty’s eyes. But Letty lowered her gaze. The bitter reality was that she wanted to kiss Sarah so badly…but she couldn’t. She wasn’t in her lover’s arms right now, enjoying a slow morning of lingering kisses and touches. The worst thing was that, and she could see it in Sarah’s eyes; if Letty were to kiss her right now, Sarah would kiss her back.

But Sarah wasn’t her girlfriend, and Letty wasn’t here for her to become her girlfriend. This was something that could not happen.

“What’s wrong?” Sarah asked in a low whisper, a fingertip now under Letty’s chin. Letty swallowed as she looked at her.

This had to stop. It was becoming pure torture. Letty swallowed again as she choked on her thoughts, remembering what she usually used that word for. Torture was those angora bunnies screaming so loud as their fur is ripped with bare hands until the bunnies are left with a skin as red as Sarah’s face the night before, only to be tucked into a cage until the fur grows back to be ripped apart again and again and again. Pure agony. Torture was what Double Trouble, the famous female redhead cat from University of Wisconsin, went through, being rendered deaf, screws tucked into her brain until infections—and depression—killed her, and she was then cut out into pieces so scientists could maybe find a sense in what they had done to her…trying to pretend this beautiful cat hadn’t suffered for long months for nothing.

“Are you okay?” Sarah asked.

Letty tried to shake all this from her head, but it was impossible, and faced with Sarah’s concerned gaze, all she could do was bury her face into Sarah’s neck and hide there. She truly felt like hiding in Sarah’s comfort and never coming out of that place.

Yet she had to. If Sarah knew anyway, she would kick her out. And she would be right to do so. But it couldn’t, it wouldn’t stop Letty. She couldn’t shut her eyes to the wrongs, the horrors she knew about. This was her life. She had chosen to dedicate her life for the voiceless. For so long she didn’t see anything else for her, for her life. Nothing had a meaning if she didn’t try to make things better. Nothing else felt good…before.

Letty pulled away.

“I’m sorry,” she said and disentangled herself.

“It’s okay, you can talk to me. It goes both ways, you know.”

Letty nodded. Sarah slowly sat on the couch, her brows still furrowed at Letty’s strange behavior.

“I’ll make breakfast and you can tell me all about it.”

“It’s nothing. Just feeling a bit emotional, I guess.”

“I can relate.” Sarah frowned again when Letty’s smile didn’t reach her eyes. But before she could say something, Letty stood.

“I’ll eat something at the store. I gotta run or I’m gonna be late for my shift. And don’t you have that European literature class or something?”

Sarah looked behind her at the clock.

“Nah, still have a bit of time, although it’s all the way West of UCLA.”

“See?”

“Mmm, yeah.” Sarah smiled and was relieved that Letty’s smile finally seemed fuller, but it still wasn’t her usual smile.

Letty grabbed her purse. “I’ll see you later. Have fun in class.”

“Yeah, you too, have a great…” Sarah stopped as Letty had already closed the door behind her.

That wasn’t Letty’s usual attitude. There was something wrong, Sarah knew that. She had seen Letty retreat this way, sometimes in the past. She had learnt it always had to do with animals: if she’d had bad news about a rescue pet, or a petition that failed to reach its goal, or a million other things. She had noticed how Letty would get so down instantly, as if she had failed personally, even if sometimes she hadn’t even been involved at all in the project in question. It always felt personal.

Well, it was, Sarah knew that. She realized there was so much more she didn’t know about Letty. She was so sensitive that was one thing Sarah had learned: the compassion everyone involved in animal protection showed somehow backfired, and they seemed to have a heightened sensitivity. She had learned that by watching Letty. She doubted Letty knew it, but Sarah had observed her well. Sarah knew firsthand how touched and hurt Letty was by seeing an animal, any animal, in pain. But she’d also seen her look crumbled as they watched the news and more earthquakes, more plane crashes, more tidal waves, and more bombs brought misery to humans too. And she’d seen her shoulders slumped and her eyes welled up in tears. As much as Letty claimed not to care for humanity, she was the definition of the word human. A living being hurt, human or non-human, and she hurt too, with it, for it.

Sarah got up and headed to the kitchen. She wondered if it wasn’t what had touched her in Letty, what had made her open up to her. That genuine care.

This morning she had expected Letty to kiss her. If she was honest with herself, she had hoped for it, as well as held her breath when Letty had opened her eyes. For a minute she really thought she was going to do it, and in that moment, she had decided that she wanted her to. But then, like a switch turned on, or rather off, the look in Letty’s eyes had changed. She’d recognized it and wasn’t hurt by it.

Sarah breathed out a sigh of relief, frustration, and sadness at the same time. Relief that she had more time to face her feelings. Frustration because she felt it down low, that need for Letty’s kiss…and touches. And sadness over the mournful veil in Letty’s eyes. She wished that Letty had confided in her. This pain she could see in her eyes there and then, Letty didn’t share it. Yes, she talked about this and that and Sarah had learned a lot. She was more self-conscious about what every day gestures was the final step to in a long process of animal abuse. She’d listened and learned. But Letty had never confided about how she felt about it. How she dealt with it. And now Sarah was rather intrigued. Letty was trying to help her, but who was trying to help Letty?

A smile formed on Sarah. Maybe she could be that person, maybe it would make her feel like gaining a bit of control back on her own emotions, for Letty and in general.

 

***

 

They didn’t spend much time together the next few days, barely seeing each other on Tuesday evening before Letty left for yet another shift. She had willingly taken on more shifts, trying to put some distance between Sarah and herself, although she was dying to know how Sarah was doing.

Sarah was still very much in her thoughts, trying to find answers and, mostly, to find the courage to figure herself out.

On this Wednesday evening, Sarah was sitting at the kitchen’s counter highlighting sentences of texts she needed to focus more on. At some point she stretched her neck and frowned, looking at her paper. There were barely a few sentences visible without highlight. She sighed and put her pen down; she was absolutely not focused. An instant smile formed on her lips the second she heard the key in the door.

“Hey,”

“Hey,” Letty answered back before coming to sit directly on the stool beside Sarah, dropping her bag on the floor.

“What are you doing?” Letty asked.

Sarah was surprised and glad. It still confused her but at least she accepted that she had missed Letty’s attention, and Letty period.

“Trying to suck in that piece of history, but my mind’s playing anywhere but here today, or so it seems.”

Letty’s smile was genuine as she placed her hand above Sarah’s. “How are you holding up?”

Sarah couldn’t deny the shiver that ran through her. That simple touch and the care in Letty’s eyes warmed her like a summer sun. She smiled.

“I’m fine, don’t worry. I mean, still figuring things out…but I’ve been good. But what about you? You must be exhausted; you’re working so hard these days.”

“I know, I know. I’ve had so much stuff to do. I feel like I’ve let you down, but work has been—”

“No, it’s…it’s your job. Plus the shelter, it’s important. Besides, I don’t need a babysitter, you know, regardless of what you may have heard.”

Out of nowhere, Letty raised her hand to pull one of Sarah’s long locks away, brushing against the side of her face. God, she had missed that face. Sarah shivered once again, and they stared at each other.

“Duly noted, ma’am,” Letty told her with a smile before standing to her feet and moving toward the other side of the counter. She opened the fridge, then turned to Sarah.

“Have you eaten?”

Sarah glanced at her cell phone to see what time it was and smiled sheepishly. Letty chuckled. “Let me guess. You kind of forgot?”

Sarah shrugged coyly and Letty shook her head. “Give me ten minutes. I’ll make us something good.”

“So you’re staying tonight? I mean. It’s cool if you go to the shelter or else. I didn’t mean―”

“I’ve missed you too, Sar,” Letty simply said, and Sarah smiled.

Letty focused on what was inside the fridge rather than the truth of her words. She had really missed her. She couldn’t lie to herself about it. There was little that she could do about it so, for the time being, focusing on cooking seemed like a good plan. Sarah, for her part, focused on her text.

They ate rather quietly but close, side by side. Then Letty took interest in Sarah’s reading. Sarah explained to the brunette her current course about famous Renaissance poet Milton. However, his poetry wasn’t the current point of interest as they were studying his seminal defense of a free press, since he had been actively engaged in the English Revolution. Letty found this interesting, mostly since Sarah seemed to come awake as she talked about her studies. Letty loved the gleam in her eyes. As for Sarah, talking to Letty about it had been all that was missing to get her focus back, and she left her highlighter aside for good that evening.

The next day, however, Letty stopped by and barely smiled before bouncing off the door again, under the pretext of a night at the shelter.

It felt as if they were dancing around each other, and what’s more on different beats and this atmosphere wasn’t something either of them enjoyed very much. Sarah missed the ease and the time they’d shared together the past couple of weeks. She simply missed the Letty she’d come to know; this version was much more somber and pensive, but she could only imagine Letty’s reservation when she, herself, was caught in her thoughts most of the time. She was so unsure of herself: how could Letty not take a step back?

The only thing that Sarah knew for sure was that she didn’t want Letty to step back and away from her. So as she was supposed to go to her parents for her usual Friday afternoon with her mother, she invited Letty to come along.

Letty had to say yes, she knew that, it was what she had needed from the beginning, but she truly meant to say no. She was shocked but she truly did. However her mouth refused to say anything else than yes, faced with Sarah’s sparkling blue eyes…and that smile, ever so hopeful. Who could resist such a mix?

I’m a lost cause, Letty had thought to herself.

“Can we help in any way, Mrs. Weisman?” Letty asked, unconsciously twisting her fingers under the kitchen table around which the three women were gathered.

“Please, call me Annie. And just sit. Sarah will bring the glasses.”

Sarah put plates on the table along with knives then glanced at Letty for the umpteenth time. Just as she looked, Letty looked away and vice versa. They smiled and Sarah bit her lip when their gazes finally locked.

Sarah turned to get a bottle of water, lemonade, and three glasses. Annie eagerly cut into her homemade pie with two pair of eyes on her. Well, on her was a big word, as she hadn’t failed to notice the knowing gazes the two young women exchanged. She was intrigued by her daughter’s roommate. She was apparently more of a friend now. She’d wanted to meet her for a while, but Sarah had always been elusive about her. Annie knew, however, that they spent lots of time together, more than roommates-obligatory time together.

Annie tried to look deep into herself, as she always did nowadays, hoping not to detect any worries such as those she had when Sarah and her best friend Anita had seemed to be…too close. She’d wondered a lot during Sarah’s senior year; Sarah had withdrawn into herself much more than her usual personality willed it. And Annie had wondered. All Sarah could talk about for years was Anita. Anita this, Anita that, and then on that senior year it had become…different. Anita had always been Sarah’s main friend, but Annie knew her daughter’s personality. She knew she hadn’t had a lonely or sad childhood. It was the way she was, much like her father who needed his alone time—a lot of it. Sarah was like that too. But that senior year though…Annie had felt it. Sarah had been unhappy, confused, worried, and on edge somehow.

Annie had been too afraid to ask. Then Sarah had fled. No more Anita. No more…doubts? Annie regretted never asking, but she figured maybe she would have another chance to ask her daughter how she really felt about…love.

Annie took a deeper inhale of breath but regained her composure before Sarah could wonder. Was she ready for Sarah’s answer? That was the big question mark in her mind.

“Here. You’ll try this now. It’s completely vegan, so don’t be afraid.” She served Letty a big piece of the pie, with a proud grin on her face.

Annie placed one piece on her daughter’s plate, and one for her own. Letty didn’t dare start but Annie encouraged her. Sarah couldn’t help the smile on her face. Letty tasted it and closed her eyes a brief instant.

“Jesus Christ.”

Sarah chuckled at her mother’s raised eyebrows and Letty, much like a child would do, covered her mouth with her two hands crossed over it. “Sorry,” she said as she realized.

Annie smiled. “It’s all right. I, too, think the Lord himself throws down a little magic in that pie,” she said before eating a mouthful of her own pie.

“Won’t argue with that,” Letty said before glancing at Sarah, who smiled shyly before eating her own pie. They ate in silence for a minute.

“We’ve got to get the recipe and sell some at the store,” Letty said as she had already finished her piece.

Annie was already cutting a new one to serve her.

“I’m afraid I can’t give it to you. It’s a special family recipe. Four generations have made that pie.”

“Who had the idea of the nuts this way?”

“I believe it was a second-generation addition. The vanilla beans is mine though,” she added proudly.

Letty watched Annie. She was a beautiful forty-two-year old woman. A modern woman unlike how she had pictured her, knowing she worked for a church and was a devout. Admittedly, Letty had been more stressed over meeting Sarah’s mom than meeting her dad. She knew how much Sarah valued her mother’s opinion. After all, Sarah had sacrificed her own happiness to please her mother. She hadn’t sacrificed her dream college or her dream education to fit her father’s dream for her. But she had sacrificed herself, who she truly was so far at least, not to disappoint, not to even risk losing her mother’s appreciation.

Letty had a feeling there was more to Annie than met the eye. She had trouble picturing her as a hardcore religious fanatic who would send gays and lesbians to the firing squad in a heartbeat. Sarah had never talked about her mother or implied that she was near that way of thinking and those beliefs. It had always been unclear whether Sarah and her mother had even broached the subject. Sarah had such a tendency to withdraw when it came to that. Opening up about it to Letty was still fresh, but one day Letty would ask whether she intended to talk to her parents, or if she ever had.

Letty had a feeling this was a talk that would come up anyway. She just hoped she was having the right vibe about Annie. She didn’t think it would be easy, but she believed things would be okay between mother and daughter. She wouldn’t push Sarah to talk to her though, or to her father, because she knew by experience, with her or even friends of hers that even people who seemed okay with homosexuality could become the worst type of bigot when it touched their own family. So she didn’t want to carry that responsibility. Sarah would keep handling things at her own pace.

Letty watched Sarah’s face and made comparison. Sarah definitely had her father’s blue eyes. But she had her mother’s thin face and beautifully shaped lips. Letty bit her lower lips as her gaze lingered a bit too long on those kissable lips.

“Here. You should have one more.”

“Oh thanks, but I’m all right.”

“You look…hungry,” Annie said with a smile Letty couldn’t decipher. However, panic took hold of her as she realized Annie had caught her staring at her daughter…this way.

Letty shrunk in her seat. There was definitely something in Annie’s gaze that let Letty know she wasn’t as oblivious as her husband might be. She wasn’t sure, though, about the curiosity in Annie’s gaze. Unsure if she was bothered or just trying to figure things out, like say, whether her daughter and Letty were sleeping together.

Letty shook her head.

“Are you okay?” Sarah asked with a frown.

“What? Oh, um, yeah. No, really this pie is just too good,” she said and took the offered second piece, and began to eat, hoping to regain her composure.

Damn, it was true. She hadn’t been nervous when she’d met Fredrick, although she had every reason to be what with what they were preparing. But no, not nervous. Certainly not as much as she was now. And she realized it was because she was meeting Annie, Sarah’s mother. Not a pawn in a game. Not a rehearsed meeting, not something done on purpose. She was meeting Annie as Sarah’s friend, not as someone who was using Sarah.

Letty could hardly hide the somber veil that spread on her face. There was always this Damoclesian sword above her head when it came to Sarah and her family. She swallowed.

No, she was definitely not here as Sarah’s friend. She had one goal. She was in this house for one thing only. She needed to put her feelings aside. She wasn’t nervous. That woman’s gaze on her and whatever she thought had to mean nothing to her. She wasn’t here to please anyone or to be liked by anyone. She was here on a mission. This was the mission. This visit, here, today, was the goal of all this; she knew it.

Why, then, was her mind completely on something else, watching Sarah, dreaming of her lips on hers, instead of finding ways to get into Fredrick’s office already?

“Are you all right, dear?”

The concern in Annie’s voice startled Letty out of her daze.

“Oh, yes. I’m sorry. I’m a bit tired.”

Sarah nodded. “She got in at, what was it, half past one last night?”

Letty nodded. “Sorry, Sar. Didn’t think you’d heard me.”

“I wasn’t sleeping,” Sarah told her with a gentle smile. Annie didn’t miss a single word, a single glance, between the two women.

“She had a shift at the store until nine-thirty then she went to the animal shelter,” Sarah told her mother.

“Yes. Sarah told me about your activities. Volunteering that way is admirable. And it’s fulfilling, isn’t it? Whether it is for animals or humans, it’s a great satisfaction.”

Letty nodded. She knew from Sarah that Annie’s church helped or tried to help the homeless. They even had a branch in the valley that organized lunches for the homeless.

“And she told me about your store. What a wonderful idea to create a cooperative this way. I love when young people take the financial crisis into their own hands. Always knew our youth had more ideas than it appeared, and more will as well. Your store is the proof of that.”

“Thank you,” Letty said, a bit embarrassed.

“I will definitely go take a look.”

“Thanks. But we’re in the valley, you know.”

Annie laughed lightly. “You say that as if you were in Siberia.”

Letty smiled too. “No, I know. Just sometimes, the area isn’t all that safe.”

“I’ll be just fine, don’t worry. Besides, our branch is in the valley, well, a mile from what is considered the frontier between our LA and your LA,” she said with an exaggerate roll of the eyes.

Sarah and Letty smiled.

“Well, it’ll be my pleasure to give you a tour then.”

Annie nodded.

“Speaking about a tour?” Sarah said as she got up from her seat.

Letty hid a gulp and kept the smile on her face, although it didn’t reach her eyes anymore. She wished Sarah would just suggest they go, that she had to hurry for some study session or lecture or something…anything but that tour of the house. Anything but to give Letty what she had come here for. For a second, just a second, she wished to leave empty handed.

She stood though, an eager smile on her lips this time. The second had passed; she had things to do, animals to save. There was no stopping this.

Sarah showed her the salon downstairs and they stayed a while, looking over the numerous books. Next was a room Sarah said used to be her father’s old study; now it was her mother’s study. Letty took the opportunity to ask where her father had moved his then, and Sarah led her upstairs. They strolled past the master bedroom but didn’t walk into it. The bathroom was as big as their apartment. Sarah’s room was further down the corridor, but they stopped in front of Fredrick’s study.

“There it is. The man’s office. When he’s in there, we’re not to disturb him. He can spend hours here. Not that I blame him. I spent hours in my room or out in the garden reading. We’re a bit alike on that level.”

Letty admired the wooden shelves, filled with medical journals and books. She checked out the awards on the walls. On the right stood Fredrick’s desk with his computer. There were papers and more medical journals spread on the desk. She had actually pictured a much more sterile environment, but it was rather warm, untidy as well, which she hadn’t pictured either. It could actually be labeled as messy.

“So that’s where he writes all his big publications and precious findings, I suppose.”

“Well, he writes most of everything in here, yes. I believe he keeps the most important researches at work, but he probably gets a lot of inspiration in this room. He has his books and journals here, but nothing of value except the doubles of the codes for the labs. He never does any actual physical researches here. He always said it wasn’t careful. He has always been keen on safety.”

“He’s right. It’s good that he doesn’t do or keep anything here. Besides, universities usually have safes for the most sensible things.”

“It’s a good thing they do ‘cause except for the safety of his researches, my dad sucks when it comes to home security,” Sarah said as she closed the door and they kept walking.

“What do you mean?” Letty questioned while watching the ceiling lamps as if she was just talking randomly.

Sarah chuckled.

“Oh nothing, just, well it’s a private joke in the family. He’s been talking about having a safe in here for the codes, you know. In the meantime, he keeps them in a drawer that he locks and puts the key in the opposite side drawer.” She ended with a laugh. “I’ll tell you, the more brains they have, the less imagination.”

Sarah didn’t see the way Letty briefly gazed up, shaking her head, wishing—just for a second—that Sarah hadn’t just told her what she had. She quickly regained her composure.

“He should buy a safe, though. Didn’t you tell me you had an intrusion in your house the other day?”

Sarah nodded. “Yes. Last week. Someone with a hoodie was spotted but there are no images of them inside the house’s lobby, just running in the garden, unless they got in by a window, of course. Dad thinks it was probably some teenagers playing hide and seek because nothing was touched in the house. I didn’t see the image so I can’t tell. I forgot to ask my mom about that, by the way. The police released the tapes today.”

Sarah stopped. They were nearing her bedroom and she felt slightly anxious.

“I should probably go ask her now before I forget, right?”

“Um, yeah.” Letty pretended to look around. “Can I use the bathroom? I really have to pee.”

“Sure, before the office, on the left. I’ll let you go, and you can meet me downstairs, okay?” Sarah was too eager to avoid her bedroom that she missed the sorrowful nod on Letty’s face. Sarah walked away.

Stay, stay with me, don’t let me do this, Letty heard her own voice call to Sarah, but only in her mind. No words came out of her mouth as Sarah disappeared in the stairs. Letty shook herself and walked toward Fredrick’s office.

Sarah decided to stop by the salon first to take a book she wanted to re-read. She arrived in the kitchen carrying five books. She shrugged. So what? She was an avid reader. It was nothing new. She couldn’t be in a room full of books and pick just one. That was simply unrealistic to ask this of her.

She put the books down and was about to grab a piece of the pie.

“Hands off!” Her mother said as she walked back into the kitchen carrying protective film. “It was the last roll. I’d better write it down or else I’ll forget it again next time I go shopping.”

Sarah nodded absent-mindedly, watching her mother wrap up the rest of the pie. For them, she supposed. She smiled at her mother.

“That way you’ll have some for dessert tonight.”

Sarah nodded.

“Are you going to be eating together…tonight?” Sarah shifted at the real interest in Annie’s question.

“Mm-mm. I mean, probably. I don’t know. Maybe she has something planned.”

“Right. With, um, Rick, is that his name?”

“What? Ricky?”

“Yes, you talked about her friend. Is he her boyfriend?” There, Sarah could hear the interest. She was fairly certain she understood what Annie wanted to know, and this scared her.

She fiddled with her books.

“No, they’re just friends.”

“Oh, all right. I thought you said they spent most of their time together.”

At the beginning Sarah had to admit Letty was with Ricky pretty much all the time: at work, at the shelter, and in their free time. She knew they were together, but this had changed over the weeks. Letty now spent most of her free time with her.

Sarah shrugged.

“They’re best friends.”

“Good. It’s good to have friends. I like her. She seems interesting enough. It’s nice to see you go out with friends again.”

“Mom.”

“What? It is.”

Sarah looked at her books. Annie stared at her.

“Is it okay at home, when she’s not alone?”

Sarah blinked.

“Surely she does have a boyfriend. She’s very beautiful and she seems more extraverted than you, so I suppose she must see people. I’m just asking if it’s okay, rooming-wise, when she brings home her boyfriend?”

“No Mom, it’s, she doesn’t bring anyone, she’s not…she’s a, um, she’s single,” Sarah said, standing. Before her mother could ask any more probing questions, she added quickly. “I should go see if she didn’t get lost up there.”

“You go, honey,” Annie said to her daughter’s retreating form. She kept on wrapping the pie, trying to chase her confusing thoughts away.

If Sarah wasn’t ready to talk about it, then Annie was definitely not ready to hear it.

 

***

 

Sarah checked into the upstairs bathroom which was empty. She smiled when she saw Letty, standing against the wall opposite Sarah’s childhood room.

“I thought you got lost.” Sarah walked and stood in front of her room. The door was open as it always was. Yet she appreciated that Letty hadn’t stepped inside.

“Well, I went left after the bathroom to the stairs until I realized they were only going to the third floor, not down. Who designed stairs that way, up in one end of the house and up the third floor in the other?”

“Architects on Acid?”

Letty smiled and stared ahead of her.

“I guess I didn’t finish the tour.” She pulled the door completely open. Letty could see the azure tapestry. There were framed landscapes: mountains, forests, and rivers on the walls. She could also see one side of Sarah’s king-size bed.

Sarah gestured her to come in and Letty did. She looked around, taking in the full sight of the bed now, with its pretty red-purplish duvet. There was a soft toy on top of it, an old tiger that had seen better days.

Letty’s eyes widened slightly when she took in the full size of the room. She could see the piece of furniture on which was missing the TV that now hung on the wall at their apartment. Sarah’s home computer sat on a large desk on the far end. It was an IMAC. Sarah had only taken her MacBook with her at the apartment.

“Wow. Now I get it why it took you so long to move out.”

Sarah chuckled.

“And I admire you. It’s almost as big as the apartment, Sar?” She said, in a tone almost asking Sarah if she didn’t miss it or regret her decision.

“The apartment is really fine. It has all I need.”

Letty looked up into Sarah’s blue eyes and Sarah shied away. “I mean: food, a bed, good light to read, quiet to study, and UCLA by foot. And okay, the company’s not too bad either.”

Letty gently pushed her shoulder then turned to see what she had touched with her elbow. It was a crystal paperweight.”

“Your cousin?” She asked.

Sarah nodded.

“It’s really beautiful.” Letty meant to take it when her fingers brushed into a spider web. She looked and screamed, pulled her hand and jerked backward at the sight of the big spider hidden in between the paperweight and the picture frame in the back.

She turned quickly to see Sarah’s reaction, only to notice with annoyance that Sarah was doubled up in laughter.

“I was caught off guard.”

“Oh my God. You screamed like a girl!” Sarah laughed even more at the bother on Letty’s face.

Letty shrugged. “I am a girl,” she said with all the offense she felt at being caught in such a stupid, yet instinctive reaction.

“Oh, damn. That was too funny, you should’ve seen your face, Letty. What happened to my big damn animal hero, lover of all creatures on earth?”

“Fine, have a laugh.” Sarah did, mostly at the pout on Letty’s face while she went on, “Everyone is scared of spiders, okay? It doesn’t mean I don’t like them. You’d have screamed too if you’d put your hand in there.”

Sarah was still chuckling softly, enjoying being able to tease Letty a little. It was a nice change for once.

“Okay. Fine, I don’t like spiders.” Sarah moved closer to where the spider was and Letty put her hand on Sarah’s arm, saying in a panic. “No, no, don’t kill it, please. I don’t like them, but I don’t kill them.”

Sarah smiled even more. “I won’t kill it. My mom’s the big spider expert. Well, expert in taking them in her hands and putting them out of the house.”

Sarah winked at her as she walked to the corridor. “Mom!” she called. “I doubt she’ll hear me.” Sarah turned to see Letty following her and she couldn’t help a chuckle. “Damn, that was hilarious. I wish I could have just videotaped you. I could have blackmailed you to all your AP friends or something,” Sarah said as she stopped.

Letty’s seductive smile was back now that the shame had passed.

“Oh right,” she said as she moved toward Sarah. “And what would you have blackmailed me for? What could I give you that would satisfy you?”

Sarah’s back hit the wall as she took a last step back. Her heart was hammering in her chest, but she wasn’t afraid as Letty kept moving forward.

“I’d have to think about it,” she replied in a whisper.

Letty raised her eyebrows. “It’s a shame you don’t actually have the video of that then. No one will ever know.”

“How much of a big chicken you are?” Sarah teased. “Too bad cause I know. Big bad Letty is a softie, like the rest of us.”

By now Letty’s body was leaning on Sarah’s.

“I’ll show you big bad me.”

Sarah’s heart skipped a beat when Letty’s hands lay on her face. She parted her lips for the kiss she knew was coming. There was no way she could, or even would, stop it. She closed her eyes briefly as she felt Letty’s breath against her mouth. She stared at Letty’s lips, then at her deep brown eyes as the breath felt humid against her lips, so much Letty’s mouth was close to hers. She felt the faint brush of soft skin before Letty pulled away abruptly when Annie called Sarah.

The older woman appeared at the top of the stairs.

“Did you call me, sweetheart? Did I hear screaming?”

Sarah’s face was flushed, and she seemed unable to utter a single word at this moment.

“Sorry, Mrs. Weisman. It was me. There was a spider. I was just surprised.”

“Oh, all right. I’ll take care of it. Where is it?”

“Just here.” Letty showed behind her. “On the desk, behind the paperweight.”

Letty’s gaze briefly crossed Sarah’s but the younger woman moved away from the wall and out of her stupor.

“I’ll help you, Mom.”

“It’s fine. Oh, there you are, little spider.”

“You know what, Mom. Just leave it here. After all, my room’s its home now more than it’s mine. That spider doesn’t bother anyone. Just leave it here. We have to go now, Mom. I have to work on a paper.”

“As you wish, honey.” Annie frowned as her daughter was already walking away.

Downstairs Sarah hugged her mother. They said goodbyes and Annie told Letty that she was welcome anytime.

 

***

 

The drive home was quiet. It wasn’t awkward, though. Sarah never felt awkward around Letty anymore. But she was pensive, and so was the Latino woman.

As she remembered the faint touch of Letty’s lips on hers, Sarah had the impulse to reach for her lips, but she held back, only just. She took a deeper inhale of air at the memory. They had been so close to kissing. She could still feel Letty’s humid breath against her face, against her mouth, as if she were breathing down her neck right now. Sarah pulled her shoulders forward as a shiver ran through her, her neck stiffened for a brief second and her nipples hardened instantly.

“Are you cold?” Letty asked with a brief, yet gentle glance sideways at her.

“No.” Sarah’s answer was barely a whisper.

Letty swallowed. She knew what Sarah was thinking about because she was thinking about the same thing. She dreaded coming back home. They would be alone; what would stop her from kissing Sarah for good next time? The pull she felt toward her was too strong. She had no weapons to fight it. She had exhausted every ounce of strength she had to stay away.

She put some music on in the car to help shake Sarah out of her mind, even for just a minute. She needed a plan, well, another plan. Best she could come up with was to head straight to the bathroom for a cold shower, then lock herself in her room and throw the key by the window for the rest of the night. Letty nodded. Sounded like a good plan. She exhaled loudly.

“Everything okay?” Sarah asked.

Letty barely nodded but Sarah didn’t ask more.

Sarah dreaded coming home too. What she wanted, what she felt tugging at her heart, crawling under her skin was something that, she knew, would change everything. She wouldn’t be able to go back from there. An image of her mother flashed through her mind.

She stared out the passenger side window. How could she ever be ready to lose so much? Was she ready to lose so much was more the question, because it would happen. That was a fact. Was she ready, period? Sarah looked down at her hands.

They didn’t share another word in the car. Letty parked near the condo and they walked up the stairs, still in silence. They put their purses on top of the shoe rack. This time the silence surrounding them was heavy.

“Well, I’m going to my room now,” Sarah simply said.

“Yep, me too. I mean, to my room. This way.” Letty actually pointed out left to her room with an awkward shake of the head.

Sarah’s gaze lingered a little longer into Letty’s brown stare and Letty’s heartbeat sped up. She had a brief vision of herself moving forward to fill the gap between them and crushing Sarah’s lips against hers, but she looked away then, the pre-paid phone in her back pocket acting as a permanent wall that settled between Sarah and her. Even if Sarah didn’t know it, Letty did. That’s why she couldn’t do anything with her.

“Okay well, goodnight then.” Sarah went to her room but didn’t close the door, per usual.

Lost in thoughts, Letty was still standing in the middle of the living room when Sarah walked out, with her toiletry bag, a minute later. Sarah gave Letty a shy smile, but it felt as if she didn’t have more words than Letty did, at the moment. Sarah shut the bathroom door behind her.

Letty released her breath. She sat on the couch, trying to gather her thoughts. She inhaled as deep as she could when Sarah walked out of the bathroom in a silky pink short nightie.

The look in Letty’s eyes spoke volumes and a furious blush crept up Sarah’s cheeks. “Sorry, I thought you’d be in your room.”

“Na-umm.” Was all Letty could say before getting up and walking quickly toward the kitchen, her gaze far away from Sarah. “Was going for a tea, actually.”

“Good. Well, I had a really good time today.”

“Me too, Sar.” Finally, Letty met her eyes again. Sarah was holding her towel in front of her, as if to hide the temptation a bit more.

“Have a great night,” Sarah added when Letty didn’t say more.

“You too, Sar.”

Sarah walked into her room, once again leaving the door ajar a few inches.

“Jesus,” Letty said, while lowering her head, hands spread on either side of the kitchen counter.

She pulled out the prepaid cell phone from her pocket, entered a number and added the picture she had taken tonight to the message ‘done’. She stared at it, her thumb ready to send hit anytime. She stared toward Sarah’s bedroom then closed her eyes, remembering what it was she was doing and why she was doing it.

She gave another look toward Sarah’s bedroom. She was doing it for her too now, she thought. She needed to do it, do this horrible thing to Sarah, as a way to hold herself back from doing the only thing she wanted to do to her, which was go in there and kiss her and make love to her all night long.

Hit. Send. It was done. She wouldn’t hurt her more, or so she thought. But the only thing hitting send did was made her want to throw up. She went to the fridge and pulled out the first bottle that came in her hands: Sarah’s unfinished black poison. It didn’t matter; she drank a mouthful of coke to try and force the sickness back. She put the phone on the counter as if it burnt her. Everything seemed to burn, not in the nicest way, especially not that phone with which she had taken a picture of the lab codes.

That was it, she took off her jeans right where she was. She needed that shower right now, as if an unknown dirty virus had crawled its way right under her skin, and it itched, and she had no idea how to get it out. All that was left to feel better was that cold shower. There was no way she could seek comfort into Sarah’s arms now.

She began undoing the buttons of her white shirt while reaching for the bathroom. She stopped though, the light was still on and Sarah’s toiletry bag was in. Was she not done? Letty was on such overdrive just now that, without thinking, she headed toward Sarah’s room and pushed the door opened just enough to show herself.

“You done with the bathroom?”

Sarah had been sitting on the side of her bed, looking at the picture of Evelyn and her, her mind so overwhelmed right now. She was done with the bathroom; she had just been so elsewhere that she had left her stuff and the lights on, overlooking Letty standing in the living room. She looked up at Letty at her question and, instead of answering, a small chuckle escaped her lips. She looked in front of her with a shake of the head then.

“You really cannot help it, can you?” she said, in an amused tone.

Letty frowned before looking at herself, in her panties, half the buttons on her shirt undone, which let a good view of her red sports bra.

“Oops,” she playfully said before her eyes fell on Sarah’s bare legs. Letty’s gaze traveled up the thin legs up to the silky thin material covering Sarah’s frailer body. She took a deep inhale as Sarah’s nipples hardened under her gaze, which then lingered on Sarah’s collarbone before riveting into Sarah’s blue eyes. She licked her lips but it’s Sarah who said.

“You are so beautiful.”

Letty realized Sarah’s gaze on her tanned body mirrored hers on Sarah’s.

“So beautiful,” Sarah repeated.

Reason, or any part of Letty’s brain for that matter, shut down as she slowly moved forward until she stood just in front of Sarah, only stopped by her knees.

Sarah took a deep breath and placed a shaky palm on Letty’s belly under the parted shirt. Letty looked up at the ceiling. She felt Sarah’s trembling fingers tracing the lines of her abs. Sarah withdrew her hand. Letty could hear her swallow. She pulled away just an inch and slid to her knees in front of Sarah.

Letty briefly looked to the side at the picture Sarah had been staring at when she’d come inside the room. She looked at Sarah again and caressed the side of Sarah’s face while her other hand gently laid on Sarah’s knee, moving imperceptibly toward Sarah’s thigh. Sarah’s chest heaved.

“Tell me, Sarah…” She whispered, leaning forward until Sarah could feel her warm breath against her ear. “How did it feel, inside, when she kissed you?”

Sarah’s breathing increased as Letty’s hand slowly moved toward the inside of Sarah’s thigh.

“I don’t remember,” she whispered, out of breath.

It was a good thing Letty was leaning so close or she might not have heard her.

“Oh really?” She teased while her hand moved increasingly closer to the inside of Sarah’s thighs. Sarah’s legs had a mind of their own since they parted, allowing Letty to move forward a few inches while Sarah breathed out.

“Complicated times, you know. It was all just a blur.” She managed to look Letty in the eye, matching her playful grin.

Letty licked her lips as she smiled and whispered against Sarah’s lips while her hand slid between Sarah’s legs.

“Maybe I ought to remind you, then.”

Sarah tensed slightly before Letty’s hand even touched her there. And Letty captured Sarah’s lips in hers. Sarah melted into the kiss then gasped, leaning her forehead against Letty when Letty’s thumb parted her inner lips.

“Ssh,” Letty simply whispered. “It’s okay.”

“Letty,” Sarah whispered when Letty’s thumb began circling her clit. Sarah’s nails dug in the flesh of Letty’s arms.

“It’s okay,” Letty repeated before kissing her once more, deeply this time. She tasted Sarah’s mouth with her tongue and Sarah moaned into the kiss. Letty kissed her mouth with more passion than she’d ever had for anything else other than animals before leaving Sarah’s mouth for her neck. Sarah’s head rolled back under the feeling that she wanted Letty to devour her. She wanted to give herself to her like she had never wanted anything else in her life.

Sarah’s hands on Letty’s arms and shoulders became more adventurous as she desperately needed to feel Letty’s skin against hers. She fiddled with the few remaining buttons on Letty’s shirt, her hands shaking until Letty stopped her just enough to get up. She took off her shirt and panties in two swift movements.

So beautiful, Sarah thought she had said but no sounds actually came out of her mouth.

Her dilated pupils spoke for her though, and Letty knelt on the bed, dragging Sarah with her. They kissed, both kneeling on the mattress until Letty lifted Sarah’s nightie and threw it to the floor while leaning forward, until she was leaning on top of Sarah, in between her legs. She kissed her mouth while pressing herself into Sarah’s core. They moaned but, while Letty now kissed her throat, Sarah was still captivated by Letty’s body, as she had been since day one, only now she didn’t have to hold back. She wanted to touch…she could touch. And she did. She ran eager hands down Letty’s back and down to her ass cheek which she squeezed hard, getting another moan from Letty who stared at her with a cocky grin.

“You into S+M now?”

Sarah would have chuckled if she didn’t have so much trouble breathing. She only smiled, her clear blue eyes riveted by Letty’s dark brown ones. She ran her hands through Letty’s hair on both sides of her head.

“I want you so much, Letty.”

Letty’s breath caught in her chest. There was something in Sarah’s eyes that she hadn’t seen in anyone. Such a hunger, such a need for her. All thoughts of what she wanted to do to Sarah were pushed to the back of her mind when Sarah’s hands wandered on her chest. Letty took off her bra. There was no way in the world she would stop Sarah’s eagerness. She felt privileged for the way Sarah was looking at her, touching her right now. It went beyond physical contact. Letty had to remember how to breathe; afraid she would have another panic attack. But Sarah’s hands on her breasts, tweaking her nipples, brought her back to reality, this dreamlike reality between Sarah and her, right here, right now in this bedroom. There was nothing else that mattered.

Sarah moved her upper body forward until Letty’s nipple was in her mouth. Letty gasped and held herself up on one arm while the other arm went to support Sarah’s upper body, as well as hold her tighter against her. She moaned when Sarah’s other hand traveled down on her stomach. She moved her right leg on the outside of Sarah’s left leg, to make room for Sarah’s eager hand as it slid between her legs.

“God, Sarah.”

Sarah’s mouth left Letty’s nipple. She was too overwhelmed with the feeling of Letty’s juices, slowly coating the tentative finger she parted Letty’s inner lips with. Letty captured Sarah’s lips in hers and Sarah leaned backward on the mattress. They kissed as if the world was ending and this was the only thing of value left to do. Letty groaned when Sarah rubbed her clit between two fingers.

“Sarah,” she said, burying herself in the crook of Sarah’s neck, before kissing the tender flesh there. She moved her other leg out from between Sarah’s legs so she was now spread on top of her.

“Sarah, please,” she begged. “I need you, please. Sarah.”

Sarah pulled Letty’s face into another deep kiss. Letty only it broke for air when Sarah slid a finger inside of her. She stared at her. “God, Sarah.”

Sarah thrust gently a few times. “Is that okay?”

“Yes. Sarah.”

“Like that?” Sarah said, hesitantly sliding a second finger and rubbing her clit with her thumb.

“Yes, yes, a little on the left ye-oh yes!” Letty grabbed the sheet in her fist. “Like that, yes, mmm, Sarah. God yes.”

Sarah could feel the strong movement of Letty’s hip as she thrust herself hard on Sarah’s hand. Harder with each thrust. Sarah was mesmerized. She felt Letty’s inner muscles tightening more and more around her fingers and the warm moisture that trickled down her palm as Letty grew close to climax.

Letty kissed Sarah so hard when she came that she bruised her lips. Her body became rigid for a few seconds before becoming limp above Sarah’s.

Letty’s breathing was ragged. Sarah was caressing her with one hand while her other hand was still partly buried in Letty. She felt a bit weird all of a sudden. She had wondered for so long how it would feel to make love with a woman, to come under the touches of a woman; she had dreamt of Letty’s touches and kisses for a long time but right now, she realized she had it all wrong. She would never experience something as strong as feeling another woman come from her touch. Feeling, from the inside, a woman climax was something that had no equivalent in this world. That much was clear as a summer sky to Sarah.

She felt tears welling up in her eyes before feeling the unique touch of Letty’s lips on her skin, in her neck, then her jaw line and her mouth, a tender, almost chaste kiss. Letty kissed her so tenderly for long minutes while slowly, taking her place back in between Sarah’s legs. Sarah’s fingers pulled out of Letty, then left her hand on the side for a short moment.

Letty smiled at her, she gently grabbed Sarah’s wrist and brought Sarah’s hand to her mouth. Sarah’s nipples hardened instantly at the sight—and the feel—of Letty licking Sarah’s coated fingers. As soon as she pulled them out of her mouth, Letty kissed Sarah, letting the student taste her while their tongues battled for the upper hand.

Sarah moaned, unable to understand how this could turn her on even more. Sarah’s nails dug in the sweaty skin on Letty’s back when Letty pressed their centers together. Letty’s kisses became more animated again and she left Sarah’s mouth for her neck before kissing her way down. Sarah groaned when Letty expertly grazed a nipple with her teeth, while tweaking the other between her thumb and forefinger.

Sarah put her hand in Letty’s hair. Letty’s hand cupped Sarah’s breasts in turn. She teased her for long minutes before marking her way down with more kisses and licks, one hand still cupping Sarah’s breasts.

Letty kissed the inside of Sarah’s thigh and Sarah thought she was going to die. It actually hurt deep down in her belly, so much she needed Letty in her right now. And finally she was, head between her legs. Sarah cried out at the first intimate touch. Letty lapped at her clit a few times before capturing the engorged bundle of nerves in her mouth. Sarah cried out again. She was already so close. Letty slid just one finger into her center and continued sucking on Sarah’s clit. A few minutes was all it took before Sarah shook strongly as she climaxed. Letty didn’t stop yet and Sarah cried out again, then whimpered. She clutched so hard at Letty’s hair that Letty had to pull away. She grinned wickedly, enjoying the marks Sarah’s nails were leaving on her body, enjoying the pleasure she was giving Sarah. She moved up on top of Sarah’s body. Sarah groaned and arched her back when Letty slid two fingers inside of her. Letty captured Sarah’s lips into a possessive kiss while she started thrusting hard, using her hips to press harder every time Sarah cried out. Sarah’s legs were moving frantically on the bed until she stuck them above Letty’s buttocks, spreading as much as she could, her heels digging into Letty’s skin, pressing Letty harder into her. Letty wanted to thrust into her forever, or she could have if Sarah’s second orgasm hadn’t shaken her strongly. She groaned too when she felt the powerful hold of Sarah’s inside muscles.

Had anything ever felt this good?

She thrust a few more times, more gently and without thrusting her body too. She gently kissed Sarah’s lips. Sarah’s eyelids were closed. When she opened her eyes, Letty brought her hands up to their faces, her fingers were coated with Sarah’s juices and she put them in her mouth with a moan. As she had done earlier, she kissed Sarah just afterward, letting her taste herself this time.

Letty moaned and placed one leg outside Sarah’s once more and began rubbing herself on Sarah’s thigh. Sarah’s hands pressed her ass harder into her thigh until Letty came again minutes later.

They were quiet for a minute. Letty caressed the side of Sarah’s face. She kissed away the lonely tear on Sarah’s cheek and they lay on their sides, pressed into each other, in silence but not quitting their gaze off each other, not even for a microsecond.

“Are you okay?” Letty asked quietly, gently rubbing her thumb on Sarah’s face.

Yes. No. Of course. I don’t even know what that mean? Was that real? Did you just say something? Can we do it again?... So many words and sentences and mostly emotions jumbled in Sarah’s mind—and heart—that she remained silent, but she smiled, amazed. Letty returned the smile and kissed her, understanding.

They kissed languorously for long minutes, hands lightly caressing chests and collarbones, breasts as well. They gave each other tender caresses until they simply laid still, Sarah’s face partly buried into Letty’s chest. Letty caressed Sarah’s nape for a long while, long after Sarah had fallen into the most peaceful sleep of her life.

Letty, on the other hand, wondered if she would ever be able to fall asleep again.