Confidences

Ruhi felt her mouth being plundered not unlike how an alien soldier ravishes a virgin landscape during wartime. She responded in kind. This new aggression was welcome; her soul rejoiced in it ‘cause it was devoid of any hint of malice, prejudice, or spite. Instead, it was replete with a passionate devotion, a frenzied excitement, a warm compassion, and most of all, an incredible measure of love, which worked like a salve soothing all the wounds she had sustained so far.

She wrapped her arms tenderly around her husband as he nuzzled into her neck; her hands tousled his hair, caressed the muscles of his taut neck and shoulders, wanting to ease all the stresses away.

He had suffered a lot in his life, pretending to be strong while in fact still very much a child ailing from the lack of love and affection. She had witnessed it today by the way he had broken down on his mother’s lap. She had longed to reach out to console him but hadn’t for fear of intruding in the sacred communion between mother and son.

“Ruhi, you are crying?” Shaan asked upon detecting moisture on her cheeks. Then cupping her face in his hands, his voice awash with anxiety, he said, “I’m so sorry. Am I being rough? I… I didn’t mean to, I—”

“No,” she said, rushing to undo his misgivings, “it is not that. I was just thinking what it’d have been like if we had parted ways—you and I—it hurts to even imagine.”

“Oh yes…yes, my darling,” he said, smoothing her cheeks with his fingers, smooching her moist eyelashes with his lips. “I don’t know what I’d have done if you hadn’t used your pretty little head and persuaded this imbecile to give us some time. Albeit just to come up with ways of hating each other.”

He chuckled. “Then I’d have completely missed out on my queen bee’s sting, an experience I wouldn’t trade for all the riches in the world!”

“You,” she exclaimed, flushing with injured pride. “You dare jest with my emotions?” She turned away in a huff.

Shaan forced her back. “C’mon! Wasn’t that what you chose to name yourself? Bee and Grey—friends without benefits? I still remember every single poisonous barb that you aimed at me, and I plan to extract payment for each and every one,” he exclaimed, firmly pinning her shoulders down, his expression grim with resolve.

“You will do what?” Alarm supplanted anger.

He smiled, softening his stance in an instant while adopting a teasing tone. “Are you nervous, afraid of intimacy, the most natural and beautiful thing between man and wife?”

Her eyes concurred.

“Hmm…then how were you willing to give it all up on our wedding night?” He propped her chin on his forefinger.

“You were a stranger then.”

He was intrigued. “So is it easier to be chummy with one?”

“I guess, since there are no expectations,” she replied with a casual shrug.

“Gosh, had I known!” He shook his head, astounded. “The weird workings of my lady’s mind.” Then with his mouth twisting into a mischievous grin, he murmured in her ear, “Don’t you worry, I’ll make sure this experience is as enjoyable for you as it’s going to be for me.”

She gazed at his noble features, hypnotized, as he lowered himself upon her, thwarting all routes of evasion. His fingertips kindled the delicate skin of her stomach, traced the edges of her rib cage, then with deliberate purpose advanced upwards, seeking the soft swell of her bosom, drifting in slow meditated circles.

Her mouth parted just as her breaths became uneven. He observed her eyes glaze over before she drew them close in a feeble attempt to distract herself.

“Your limbs are turning to water, your nerves are all in a chaos as your mind goes numb with ecstasy losing control, wanting to submit to its most primitive instincts.”

“I can’t breathe!”

“You’d be able to if you just shut up and stop fighting me!” Sensuous lips pursued her mouth again.

“You are crushing me with your weight.” She knew she was blabbering aimlessly.

“Then perhaps you’d like to be on top, a position of power. I don’t mind!” He swung her over like a rag doll.

“But this is so odd.”

He roared with glee at her appalled expression. “My god! You are so damn adorable, no wonder I love you so much.” Then abruptly realizing the import of the words that had just escaped his mouth, he reiterated, “I mean it, Ruhi. I’m truly in love with you.”

In reply, she wrapped her arms tightly around him and planted a shy kiss on his mouth, her eyes shining with unshed tears of joy.

“So you believe me when I say it’s not all physical anymore?”

She nodded in acquiescence, a lump in her throat.

“Then can I show you just how crazy I am about you?” he asked gruffly, his voice trembling with emotion.

“Yes…please,” she gasped.

No further persuasions were necessary as he laid her back with all tenderness and proceeded to translate his words into action while she willingly prepared to lose herself in the realm of sensual pleasure.

“Shaan?”

“Quiet…no talking.”

“But the phone is ringing,” she said, reaching for the bedside table.

“Ignore it! You seriously lack in prioritization skills.” A short pause. “Damnit, girl! I’m going to take away your bloody phone!” he hollered in vexation as she tried to dodge his mouth.

“But it’s your phone that’s ringing, not mine!” she said.

“I don’t care, throw it away, too! People are so rude nowadays.”

“But it’s somebody very insistent! Perhaps your other Venus is missing you?” She needled.

He stiffened. “You are the only Venus I care about. Everything else is secondary.”

The explanation sounded misplaced; this wasn’t like the man she knew and loved. I can’t accept that! She lifted the instrument. “It’s dadamoni. What—”

He snatched it from her. “Go to hell, Sooj! Are you bent on ruining my married life?”

She wrestled it back. “Sorry, dadamoni, he didn’t mean it. I hope you understand.”

“Of course I mean it!” Shaan said. “Don’t defend me, Ruhi. That man needs to know when he’s not welcome.”

“Gosh, will you shut up! Oh no, not you, dadamoni. Shaan is not acting himself today,” she said, winking at her spouse who was growing redder by the second.

She could hear Sujoy laughing on the other end. “Ruhi, I’m so happy to know you both are together, but what I need to tell you can’t wait any longer. It’s been bothering me quite a bit. But please make sure Shaan can’t hear us for he’ll surely kill me if he came to know.”

Her interest now piqued, she managed to escape her husband’s urgent clutches and hurry out of the room, nearly tripping over her disheveled sari in the process.

***

Shaan was mulling on a scheme to will his estate to the Hate Your Adopted Brother-in-Law league if such a thing existed or else he didn’t mind starting one; he was sure there’d be umpteen takers. At the same time he was trying to conjecture subjecting Sujoy to various means of slow torture. I need to reread Dante’s Inferno, never know when such things may come in handy.

Therefore he was quite taken aback when he saw his wife return looking indignant instead of downright contrite and apologetic.

“Are you crazy?” Ruhi asked.

“Yes, about you,” he said, slowly taking in her partially undressed state. “Man, you look hot.”

It didn’t seem to discompose her in the slightest. He felt put out.

“You are so stupid. Shaan, are you becoming like me?”

What is she talking about?

“Well, in a way, yes, and it is exciting. The instability, the thrill of not knowing what’s going to happen next. I like it very much!”

“Hmmph!” She snorted in irritation. “My mother always used to say, Ruhi, beta tum kab badi hogi?” (Ruhi, when will you grow up?)

“So? Shall we?” He directed his gaze pointedly toward the bed. Appearing to not recognize his overt suggestion, she paced the room, seeming to grapple with a distinct problem. He watched silently, intrigued.

“Let’s go back to LA.”

“Yes, we will. I’ll book the tickets tomorrow.”

“No, not tomorrow, Shaan! Today…right now!”

“Wha…what? Absolutely not…or did you forget you were supposed to grow up!” he exclaimed, astounded at his wife’s unpredictable behavior. Whatever did she take him for, some blockhead?

She came up to stand in front of him, her expression one of calm determination. “You are seeing the grownup Ruhi, and no, I’m not being irrational. Humor me just this once…please?”

Try as hard as he could, he was not able to desist the beseeching look in her eyes; he was way too much in love.

They were on their way to the airport within the next forty-five minutes. He would never forget the troubled look on his mother-in-law’s face.

***

“Don’t they say luck favors the brave?” Ruhi asked with a bright smile.

Yes, indeed. Some poor wretches held up by a weird twist of fate had forfeited their seats to the couple in question.

“Twenty-two thousand dollars and counting,” Shaan replied laconically.

“What do you mean?”

“Luxury comes at a price, madam,” he retorted, casting a wide glance around their stately first class ambiance. “Wanted to let you know how much you owe me.”

“Ohh…” She dropped her gaze, but not before he spied a coy glint in her eyes.

“Care to shed some light on the goings on, Ms. Mysterious?” he demanded, stymied after venturing to dissect her cerebrum without much success. “Are you planning to run away again ‘cause if you are, you won’t get very far.”

“I’m not, and I never will,” she reassured him, clinging tight to his arm.

Grasping her hand, his fingers laced purposely through hers, he said, “You cannot ever get rid of me, understand?”

“I would never want to.”

Time stood still as she felt his eyes probe hers for several moments.

Then finding nothing else to say on the matter, he dipped into his pocket and extracted an old familiar article—her prayer book. “By the way, here’s the precious keepsake you left behind.”

With an emphatic shake of her head, she replied, her lovely eyes misting over, “I don’t think I need it anymore now that I have you.”

Flying back so soon perhaps wasn’t a bad idea after all, thought Shaan, feeling upbeat again. Their new life together could afford a kick-start.

The trip went perfectly according to him with Ruhi’s attitude closely resembling that of a sugar cookie, and though it wasn’t anywhere near her norm, he wasn’t alarmed; she was probably trying to make up for all she had put him through.

Therefore when it was time to disembark in LA, he was in pretty high spirits.

Ruhi experienced a strange sense of déjà vu when she saw Sujoy waiting for them at the baggage carousel just like he’d done not so long ago. Yet the circumstances couldn’t have been more different. Those memories were too painful to recall, but she was glad to see him again.

“You look antsy, Shaan,” Sujoy said.

“Shut up and get a move on, Sooj!”

Notwithstanding this unfriendly dialogue, Shaan let his friend hug him briefly before thrusting him away. He was in such a flurry to get home he failed to notice the secret exchange between his wife and his colleague.

***

Ruhi’s palms turned sticky with sweat as their apartment drew closer.

She seemed preoccupied, not meeting Shaan’s eye, instead looking out of the car window and fiddling with her cell phone.

“Welcome to a new life in your old house, Mrs. Shaan Ahuja!”

She gasped in surprise when her husband carried her across the threshold.

“You look more terrified than you did the first time!” he mocked, laughing out loud upon seeing her perturbed face. Then much more softly he said, “Don’t worry, I won’t eat you for dinner though I’d very much like to. Instead, we shall have your favorite pizza delivered from Tony’s, then sleep off our jet lag.” He winked. “Does that sound like a plan?”

She pursed her lips. “Shaan, I… I need to go somewhere.”

“What? Come again?”

“I have to go out for a while.”

He couldn’t believe his ears; it was getting curioser and curioser. “I don’t get why you are saying what you are saying, and even if it’s true, you aren’t going anywhere at this ungodly hour!”

“But it’s only seven,” she said, glancing at the clock.

“Whatever it is, you aren’t stepping out. It can wait till tomorrow.”

“No, it can’t,” Ruhi insisted.

“Why not?”

“Because it is something that needs to be dealt with right away.”

That the matter was urgent was clear. He attempted to reason, “Tell me what the problem is. I’ll take care of it.”

She firmly shook her head. “No, I have to do it on my own.”

Why in hell is she so stubborn?

“Then I’ll come with you. Now that I have you, I can’t let you out of my sight,” he said, gripping her firmly by the shoulders, his manner conveying the intensity of his distress.

She shut her eyes, it was a difficult situation. “I have to accomplish it on my own. Please don’t ask me any more.”

“Why not?” he shouted, shaking her hard. He envisioned his world falling apart again. “Why are you being so secretive? What if you don’t come back?”

“I will, I promise. Give me just an hour.”

“No, I can’t afford to take such risks! What guarantee do I have? I—”

“Because I love you, Shaan!” Ruhi’s hand raised to tenderly tousle his hair while he stared at her openmouthed. “I’ve loved you since the day I first saw you, and the feelings have multiplied a million times since despite all my efforts to resist.” She smiled. “So you see, Ruhi cannot survive without her Shaan. I’ll be back, trust me.”

He let her go.

***

“Thanks for agreeing to meet me at such short notice.”

Ruhi voiced her gratitude when she saw Rich patiently waiting for her in the coffee shop at the corner of Orange Grove and Lake. It was just a five-minute quick dash from the apartment. He’d been kind enough to suggest it, knowing she was still fairly new to the place.

She’d been pleasantly surprised when he had concurred to the rendezvous without pelting her with too many questions; perhaps he’d sensed her urgent need.

Her hand felt tiny in his huge paw, but his grip was warm and reassuring. She felt her anxiety tumble several notches.

“Care for a drink?” Rich asked.

“No, thank you. I don’t want to keep you any longer than necessary, you are a busy man.”

He grinned in good humor, leaning back in the overstuffed couch. “I’ve all the time in the world. It’s not every day a beautiful young girl like you seeks out an old man like me.”

She smiled, taking the chance to observe Shaan’s boss as he took a sip of his espresso.

He was a very handsome man in a quiet way with clean distinguished features, steel-grey hair cut sensibly close to his scalp, and gentle blue-grey eyes, which belied a very sharp intellect.

On a casual encounter, no one would have estimated the man sitting in front of her was the sole owner of a multimillion dollar estate—his demeanor being down-to-earth without the slightest hint of misplaced pride. How could someone like him be so unlucky in marriage? Ruhi hated Des even more—if that was conceivable.

Seeing her hesitate, Rich said, “You can share with me anything you want without reserve. I’ve always considered Shaan like my older son, so you’re like a daughter to me.”

She took a deep breath to garner courage. “Are you the chief engineer…main lead on the Venus project?”

He looked a little surprised. “I guess you could say so, though there are quite a few above me. Spacegenics is not like any other company. The system’s more complex.”

“But you are the one who decides who’s in and who’s out, hires and fires, and all that, aren’t you?”

Appearing to get the drift, he offered an imperceptible nod. Her brow furrowed. “I don’t wish to say this but…”

“Go ahead.”

“When I left for India, I kept it from Shaan.”

He looked puzzled. “But I thought you took off together…didn’t you?”

She shook her head. “No, it was a rash step I took due to a foolish misunderstanding, and the irresponsibility was entirely mine. He isn’t to blame. He followed me, believing I wouldn’t return otherwise, caring in the least for the consequences.”

“I find that hard to believe. I’ve always considered Shaan a very stable and steady man. But then love can make you do strange things,” Rich said with a bitter smile.

Ruhi colored, realizing how much her husband had given up just for her sake. “Is it true that he’s no longer a part of the team?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” Rich agreed gravely. “It’s automatic. Anyone who leaves the country during the first six months forfeits his or her position. The clause was put in because most of the crucial R and D decisions are taken during this time period and a project like Venus is highly sensitive with tremendous implications for national security. You can surmise the potential damage caused if any information got into the wrong hands.”

“But Shaan is absolutely innocent. I can vouch he was with me the entire duration.”

Rich nodded. “Your husband’s loyalty is beyond question. I trust him implicitly. He’s one of our best and brightest engineers with a great future. In fact, one of his designs is being tested right now with encouraging results. So you can understand what a great loss this is for all of us.”

Oh god! My poor Shaan!

“I don’t want to transgress on your authority, Rich, but even though my husband is indifferent right now, I know he’ll be completely broken-hearted if he is not there in the thick of things doing what he loves…and I’ll never be able to forgive myself.” Her guilt was weighing her down.

“Yes. I haven’t seen Shaan so enthused before.”

“So for my sake… No, for his sake, can you put in a word? Seeing that, you know him so well and have right from the start? Please? I’m sure your opinion carries a lot of weight,” she implored, feeling helpless in the bargain.

After looking at her, Rich arrived at a decision. “Can’t promise, but I’ll give it my best shot.”

He then beamed. “Now go, run to your beau. I don’t fancy him holding me up at gunpoint anytime!”

***

Are you having an affair? I’m pretty sure you are!

Ruhi smiled indulgently; it’d been barely a few minutes past the hour when her phone alerted her to his message.

“Yes, I am,” she said before racing back as though her life depended on it.

She found him prostrate on the living room couch, his eyes closed, with the book The Consolations of Philosophy opened to the chapter “A Broken Heart” lying near his outstretched arm on the floor.

“You don’t need this stuff anymore,” she chided, replacing the book on the coffee table before cuddling against him.

He smiled, eyes still shut, as she pecked him on the tip of his nose. “So who are you having an affair with, care to clue me in?

“With you of course—a most wonderful never-ending affair.”

“Hmm…then I have no complaints,” he said, folding her securely in his arms.