33
On the morning of Meredith’s funeral, Darius trudged downstairs to the kitchen, certain he would need a cup of strong coffee to get him through this day. But no enticing aroma met his nose.
He pushed through the swinging door and stopped short. Mamá was dressed in her going-out clothes, a small hat perched on top of her hair.
“Mamá? Are you going somewhere?”
“I have to take Helena to the emergency department. I’m going next door to wait with her for the taxi.”
“What happened?”
“She fell down the basement stairs. Her arm might be broken.” Mamá snapped her handbag closed. “I’ll do my best to be back in time for you to go to the funeral.”
Darius held back a sigh. Already this day wasn’t going his way. But his mother couldn’t refuse to help her friend, a recent widow who was having trouble coping with life alone.
“You go on,” Darius told her. “And don’t worry about Sofia. I’m sure I can find someone to watch her for an hour.”
Mamá tugged on her gloves. “You can always take Sofia to the church with you if you must.”
True. Sofia knew how to behave in church, having attended the Greek Orthodox service every Sunday since babyhood. But he didn’t want to expose her to this tragedy if he could help it. With her curious mind, she would likely ask all sorts of uncomfortable questions that the Cheesemans didn’t need to hear on this terrible day.
Once it was late enough that people would be up, Darius took out his list of usual babysitters and began calling. Half an hour later, he hung up the telephone with a loud exhale. Every possible person he could think of was busy. Granted, it was last minute, but surely someone was available. He even thought of asking his father to come home to watch her, but he knew Papá would only take Sofia back to the garage while he worked, and that was not a good solution.
Guilt churned in his stomach. He needed to attend this service, needed to make peace with God and with himself for his part in what happened to Meredith. If he hadn’t been so judgmental, if he’d married her as promised, she and her baby would still be alive.
He dragged a hand over his jaw. The only other option he could think of was Olivia. Before he could change his mind, he dialed Ruth Bennington’s number. As he waited, he realized he should have called Olivia sooner to let her know about Meredith, but he hadn’t been thinking straight, still attempting to come to grips with the tragedy.
“Darius. It’s good to hear from you.” Olivia sounded cheerful, if not a bit wary.
A new tug of guilt hit him. He hadn’t talked to her since their kiss in the park. What must she think of him? But he had no time to worry about that now.
“Hello, Olivia. I have some unfortunate news to tell you and a favor to ask.”
“Oh?”
He hated the trepidation in her voice. But could he blame her for being distrustful? He sighed. “I don’t know how to say this. . . .” He paused. “Meredith passed away on Saturday.”
“No.” Her whisper was barely audible. “What happened?”
Darius looked around the kitchen to make sure Sofia wasn’t within earshot. “She went to some back-alley doctor to take care of her . . . situation and developed a terrible infection. She never recovered.”
“Oh, Darius. I’m so sorry.” He could hear the tears in her voice.
His throat constricted. Somehow, her sorrow made the tragedy even harder to bear. “I want to attend the funeral this morning, but my mother had a bit of an emergency come up. I was wondering if I could impose on you to watch Sofia for an hour or two?”
A beat of silence passed, then, “Of course. I’d be happy to.”
“Thank you.” His shoulders sagged. “I’ll be over soon.”
While Olivia waited for Darius to arrive, she paced the parlor floor, battling to control her grief at the loss of such a lovely young woman as well as her anger at the unnecessary waste of a life. She kept picturing Meredith on the day she’d met her, the pretty but nervous girl who had so much ahead of her. What had made her seek such a dangerous solution to her problem instead of finding another maternity home like she’d intended?
If only Olivia had been able to convince Meredith to come to Bennington Place. At least then she and her child would still be alive.
Olivia blinked back her tears, determined to be in control when Darius and Sofia arrived. The little girl didn’t need to know anything about this. And Olivia needed to be strong for Darius. She could only imagine how he must be feeling. After all, he’d been planning to marry the woman not that long ago.
When she heard Darius’s car pull up, Olivia went to greet them at the curb. As he got out, she wasn’t prepared for the haggard lines hugging his face or the hollowness shadowing his eyes. Going on instinct, she stepped up to wrap him in a hug. His arms came around her, and a shudder of emotion rumbled through his chest.
“It’s all my fault,” he murmured. “I should have done more for her. I should have tried harder. . . .”
Olivia leaned back to look at him. “You can’t blame yourself for her actions, Darius. If she was so determined, you couldn’t have stopped her.”
Tears swam in his eyes, and he drew in a ragged breath. “I keep telling myself that, but I can’t stop feeling guilty.”
A tug on her arm had Olivia looking down.
“My daddy is sad, Miss Olivia.” Sofia wore a tiny frown.
Olivia bent down beside her on the sidewalk. “I know, sweetie. Maybe we can make him a picture to cheer him up.”
That got a smile and a nod.
“I have to go now or I’ll miss the service,” Darius said. He laid a hand on Sofia’s head. “Be good for Miss Olivia, Mouse. I’ll be back in a few hours.” He looked at Olivia. “Thank you again for doing this.”
“No trouble at all.” She forced a bright tone to her voice. “Sofia and I will have fun together.” She hoped for a smile from him, but his features remained grim as he nodded and headed back to the car.
Watching him drive away, Olivia had never felt so torn. Darius shouldn’t have to do this alone. He deserved to have someone by his side to help him face this terrible day. But as she and Sofia entered the house, she comforted herself with the fact that she was doing something to help him by watching his daughter.
After settling the girl at the dining room table with paper and a pencil, Olivia opened the morning paper that sat in the middle of the table. She turned to the obituaries to find the information on Meredith’s funeral. The church wasn’t that far away. Two streetcar stops at most. Her mind whirled until she came to a bold decision. She might not be able to attend the service, but she and Sofia could be waiting for Darius afterward. Seeing two friendly faces might be just what he needed after such a sorrowful morning.
She folded the newspaper and set it down with a decisive slap. “Sofia, honey, how would you like to take a streetcar ride?”
Once the funeral was over, Darius numbly followed the large congregation out of the church, eager to be free of the cloying scent of lilies that permeated the space. Once outside, he inhaled the fresh air, doing his best to ignore the flower-laden casket being loaded into the hearse. The cemetery where Meredith would be buried was on the other side of town, in a plot owned by Horace’s family.
The story the Cheesemans were telling anyone who asked was that Meredith had gone to visit some cousins in Ottawa, and, while there, she contracted a deadly virus.
Only a select few knew the gut-wrenching truth.
A fact that only increased the guilt churning inside him.
If he’d agreed to marry Meredith as he’d intended, she would still be alive. Her child would still be alive. Instead, he’d worn his moral superiority like a righteous cloak and dismissed her plight as a personal affront. Why hadn’t he been more understanding and compassionate, tried harder to help her? Now, instead of celebrating their daughter’s wedding, the Cheesemans were burying their eldest child.
Darius’s tears had flowed freely during the service, especially during the eulogies given by her parents and younger sister. And now, as he descended the church steps, grief ate a hole in his chest.
I’m sorry I failed you, Meredith. You didn’t deserve my anger or my judgment.
When he reached the grassy area below, a hand clapped him on the back.
“Such a shame about the girl,” Mr. Walcott said. “I’m sure this must have come as quite a shock.”
Darius had forgotten his boss planned to attend the funeral. It made sense since he and Horace Cheeseman went back a long way, which was how they’d acquired Mr. Cheeseman’s business in the first place.
“Shock doesn’t begin to describe it,” Darius said quietly. “I still can’t believe someone so young and full of life could be gone so fast.”
Walcott nodded grimly. “I’m heading back to the office, but don’t come in if you’re not feeling up to it.”
“Thanks. I appreciate that.”
“If you’ll excuse me, I need to pay my respects.” Walcott headed over to where the Cheesemans were accepting condolences.
Darius stiffened, bracing for the task that he would have to do as well.
Once Mr. Walcott had spoken with the couple and had headed off, Darius knew he couldn’t delay any longer. With dread roiling his stomach, he approached Meredith’s parents. Sissy leaned on her mother’s arm, weeping quietly. A soft breeze toyed with the dark fabric of the family’s mourning attire. The black netting of Mrs. Cheeseman’s hat barely concealed the grief hugging her features.
“I’m so very sorry for your loss,” he said. “Meredith was . . .” His mind went blank as Mrs. Cheeseman stared daggers at him. “Meredith will be greatly missed.”
His condolences sounded feeble even to his own ears, yet what could he possibly say to ease their pain?
Mr. Cheeseman took him by the arm and stepped out of the fray, seemingly to give them a bit of privacy.
“Thank you for coming, Darius.” Deep grooves were etched in Horace Cheeseman’s face. He appeared to have aged a decade in a matter of weeks.
“I feel terrible, sir. If I hadn’t ended our engagement, things might have turned out so differently.”
Horace let out a tortured breath. “I understand why you did. I likely would’ve done the same thing were I in your shoes.”
Darius’s throat swelled with emotion, and he could only nod. At least Horace didn’t blame him. If only he could grant himself the same absolution.
The crowd around him pressed in to greet the family, forcing Darius aside. He shoved his hands in his pockets and moved out of the way, not sure what to do next. There would be a reception at the family’s residence, but he couldn’t bring himself to go back there, to remember Meredith so young and vibrant on the night he’d proposed. Instead, he headed blindly across the church property, not even sure where he’d parked his car.
When he looked up, he blinked. Then blinked again. Olivia stood on the sidewalk, holding Sofia by the hand. When Olivia gave him a tentative wave, he couldn’t respond. Couldn’t make sense of her presence here.
Then a sudden, irrational fear gripped him. Was something wrong with Sofia? Or had Mamá called Olivia with some bad news? He’d left Mrs. Bennington’s telephone number on the kitchen table for his mother so she wouldn’t worry when she returned. A thousand thoughts raced through his mind as he forced his feet into motion.
Sofia’s big smile eased some of his panic. “Hi, Daddy. We came to cheer you up.”
He swallowed and gave Olivia an inquiring look. “Is everything all right?”
“Everything’s fine. We thought you could use some friendly faces when you came out of the service.” Her brown eyes, wide and luminous, shimmered with sympathy and possibly something deeper.
Sofia waved a piece of paper at him. “I made you a drawing, Daddy. Like I did for Miss Olivia.” She held it out to him. “You can open it later.”
“Thank you, Mouse.” He attempted to smile but couldn’t quite manage it.
Olivia glanced at the crowd behind him and frowned. “Do you have to go to the cemetery or the reception? I should have considered that.”
“No. I don’t think I could bear going back to their house right now. And Mr. Walcott doesn’t expect me in the office either.”
“Well then, if you have no plans, I thought we could take Sofia down to the harbor to look at the boats.” Olivia smiled up at him, and the horrible grip of sorrow that held his lungs in a chokehold released long enough for him to take a full breath.
“I’d like that,” he said. He inhaled again, deeper this time. “I’d like that very much.”
As he led them down the sidewalk toward his car, he realized that he’d never been more grateful to see anyone, and he thanked God for sending this angel to his rescue.