37

I’m sorry if tonight was too much for you,” Darius said quietly a few minutes later as they drove down the darkened streets.

Olivia glanced over at him. “You don’t need to apologize. Your family is very . . . charming.”

“Charming but overbearing.” One brow quirked up. “I should have known that such a big gathering might be too much for a first meeting.”

She let out a sigh. “I did have second thoughts about coming, but I didn’t want to disappoint Sofia.”

“Well, thank you. You made her day.”

“It was worth it, then.” She focused on the streetlights ahead, but she couldn’t get Sofia’s wish out of her mind. The girl was already thinking of her as a potential mother figure. It wasn’t fair to let this go any further. But how did she go about removing herself from their lives when her heart railed at the very thought?

Suddenly, Darius swerved into an empty parking lot. He stopped under a lamppost and turned off the engine.

“All right. I can’t stand it anymore. I need to know what’s bothering you. You haven’t been yourself all night, and I’m sensing it’s more than just meeting my family.”

She gripped her purse tighter. It was utterly unfair how the man could see right through her. She’d had no intention of starting such a serious conversation tonight, but now that he’d brought it up, perhaps it was for the best. “You’re right,” she said. “There has been something weighing on me.”

“Did my mother do something to upset you?”

“Not really. It was a combination of things that made me come to a realization.” She met his eyes. “One I don’t think you’re going to like.”

He shifted on the seat, a wary expression on his face. “What is it?”

Her heart squeezed, and she focused on the top button of his shirt. Lord, give me the courage to say what I must. “For your sake and Sofia’s,” she said slowly, “I think it’s best to end our relationship.”

His nostrils flared. “What did my mother say—?”

“It wasn’t her.” Olivia paused to choose her words carefully. “I realize now that I haven’t been fair, leading you to believe we might have a future together. I can’t be the wife you need or a good mother for Sofia.”

His brows slammed together. “That’s not true.”

“Yes, it is. For several reasons.” She released a slow breath. “I went back to my parents’ store this week. At first, Mamma hugged me, and it was almost like old times. But then one of our neighbors came in, and she wouldn’t even look at me. She said I was a disgrace to my parents. All the other customers were whispering about me. It was terrible.”

“Olivia . . .” He reached for her, but she shook her head.

“No, please let me finish.”

He lowered his hand to his lap.

“I know now that no matter how hard I try, I’ll never be respectable in most people’s eyes. I’m forever branded by the mistakes of my past.”

He huffed out a breath. “I don’t care about that.”

The air inside the car seemed overly warm. Olivia rolled down her window a few inches before continuing. “Today your mother was talking about big families—”she swallowed hard—“and how you want more children. That’s when I truly realized I wasn’t being fair to you.”

He reached for her hand. “I’m not sure I understand, but whatever the issue, I’m sure we can resolve it.”

The temptation to simply agree and rest in the warmth of his nearness tugged at her. But she needed to get the whole sordid story out in the open—now, before she changed her mind. “Let’s walk a little. There are some things I haven’t told you that you have a right to know.”

Darius tried not to panic as they got out of the car and started down a deserted stretch of Danforth Avenue. They walked in silence for several minutes while Olivia seemed to wrestle with how to begin. Judging from the worry lines between her brows, whatever she was about to tell him was most likely unpleasant. He braced himself for what was to come, determined that nothing she said would shake his love for her or his certainty that they were meant to be together.

“While I was at the reformatory,” she said at last, “I was treated . . . badly.”

The hairs on the back of his neck rose. Was she abused by the guards? Or someone in authority? “You can tell me about it, Olivia, no matter how terrible it might be.”

She gave him a grateful look, then turned to stare at the road. A truck rumbled by, expelling exhaust from a tailpipe. Once it passed, the street became still again.

“There was a woman doctor there,” she said. “Those of us who were expecting babies were required to undergo weekly exams, at which time the doctor performed various . . . procedures on us.”

Under a streetlight, he watched the color drain from her face. Alarmed, he guided her to a bench at a bus stop and sat beside her. “What sort of procedures?”

Lines bracketed her mouth. “Surgical procedures. Injections. Burning chemical treatments. I don’t even know everything that was done, only that the pain was intolerable.” She closed her eyes, her lashes standing out against the pallor of her skin.

Darius put his arm around her and drew her close, absorbing the tremors that passed through her. “I can’t imagine the terror you must have felt.”

She nodded. “Twice afterward I was left alone in a basement cell for over a week with no relief from the pain, not even an aspirin, and very little food.”

His eyes smarted as he tightened his arm around her. How could anyone treat another human being so cruelly? And the perpetrator was a doctor, no less. Someone who was supposed to protect and heal. “All this happened while you were pregnant?”

She nodded again. “I thought I would miscarry from everything I’d been through, but somehow I didn’t.” Tears slid down her cheeks.

He wanted to weep for her suffering. Instead, he offered her a handkerchief. “I’m so sorry, Olivia. I can hardly believe you came out alive.”

“A few times, I thought I was going to die. I actually prayed that I would. But then I realized that if I did, my baby would die too. So I had no choice but to endure it.” A shudder went through her. “For a few minutes after Matteo was born, every bit of suffering seemed worth it—just to hold my baby at last.” A hint of a smile trembled on her lips. “But then he was taken from me without my consent, and suddenly nothing mattered anymore.” She blew her nose and moved away from his shoulder. “I’ve never told anyone what happened to me in there, not even Dr. Henshaw. I’m telling you now because . . .” She drew in a ragged breath. “I don’t think I’ll be able to have any more children as a result of what was done to me.” She raised her eyes to his. “You have the right to know that.”

Her words hit him like a fist to the gut. He ran a hand over his jaw, attempting to sort through his emotions before he spoke. This was far too important to say the wrong thing. “I appreciate the courage it took to tell me this,” he said carefully. “But if you think it’s made me reconsider my feelings for you, it’s done just the opposite. I admire you even more.”

Olivia shook her head. Fat tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. “You deserve a wife who’s not broken. One who can give you more children. Brothers and sisters for Sofia.”

He took her hand in his, trying to calm his frantic heartbeat and think logically.

He recalled her near hysteria at the hospital after her head injury, and it all made so much sense now. Her fear was real, something that could never be trivialized, and he struggled to find the right words to convey his thoughts. “There are other ways to have children, Olivia. Ones we can explore together.”

She’d wanted to adopt Abigail, but would she even consider adoption again after losing her too?

The streetlight above them flickered twice, then the yellow glow steadied. Another car passed them with a whoosh, creating a gust of air that swirled the dust on the road.

“I realize that.” Olivia let out a sigh. “But I won’t let you sacrifice yourself on my account.”

“What if I don’t consider it a sacrifice?” Frustration curled through his chest.

She shook her head. “I’m just trying to save us both the inevitable pain.” Abruptly, she got up from the bench and began walking in the direction of the car.

“Olivia, wait.” He rushed after her and matched his stride to hers. “We can’t leave it this way.”

She kept going as though she hadn’t heard, slowing only when she reached the car. Then she yanked open the door and got in.

He raked a hand through his hair. What could he say to convince her that it didn’t matter to him? Instinctively, he knew that because her wounds ran so deep, no matter what he said right now, she wouldn’t believe him.

Slowly, he got in the driver’s side and closed the door. He sat in silence for a few seconds, gripping the steering wheel but not starting the engine. At last, he forced his shoulders to relax and turned to look at her. Her back was ramrod straight as she stared out the window.

“Thank you for trusting me with your story,” he said quietly. “But it doesn’t change anything for me. I’m not giving up; however, I will respect your wishes. For now.” His chest ached at the thought of backing away from her, even temporarily. Now that Olivia had reawakened his heart, he couldn’t imagine not having her in his life.

But if she felt that strongly, what could he do to change her mind?

For the present, all he could do was trust that God would work things out for their mutual good.

He drove the rest of the way back to Bennington Place in miserable silence, then parked the car and got out.

Olivia had already stepped onto the sidewalk. “You don’t need to walk me to the door.” Her eyes appeared hollow. Haunted. This decision was costing her as well. That thought brought him no real consolation.

“Good night, Darius.” Still not looking directly at him, she opened the gate and went through, closing the door with a solid clang.

Darius leaned against the car, his shoulders sagging, and watched her climb the stairs to the front door. He would wait until she was safely inside and try not to think about how differently he’d planned the end of this evening.

A loud shriek pierced the night air.

Darius sprang away from the car. In two strides, he was inside the gate. “Olivia, are you okay?”

A shadow moved on the porch, and a tall, stout man stepped forward, his gaze focused on Olivia. “Well, hello. Aren’t you a pretty thing?”

Darius bounded up the steps to her side, adrenaline flooding his system. Even though it was barely nine o’clock, a man skulking about at this hour did not seem right. “What do you want?” He placed a protective arm around Olivia’s shoulder.

“I’m here for Jenny.” Beneath the porch light, the man’s features were visible. He had a round face, a blunt nose, and piercing eyes. The distinct odor of stale liquor wafted toward them.

Under Darius’s arm, Olivia stiffened. “Men aren’t allowed here without prior authorization,” she said in a clipped tone.

The man scowled. “You can’t keep me from seeing my wife.”

His wife? Why would a man’s wife come to a maternity home?

Olivia pulled herself up tall. “Unless Jenny wants to see you, you’re not welcome here. You may telephone the directress in the morning and discuss the matter with her.”

Veins stood out in the man’s neck, and his face turned a mottled shade of crimson.

Darius moved between Olivia and the stranger in case things got out of hand. “If I were you, I’d take the lady’s advice. There’s no need to disturb the women and children inside.” He kept a steely eye on the man.

At last, the fellow stepped back. “I’ll go for now. But you’ve not heard the last from me.” With a final glare, he stomped down the stairs.

Darius remained on the porch beside Olivia until the man was through the gate and out of sight. Then he turned to study her. “Are you all right?”

“Yes, he just startled me is all.” She let out a breath and shivered.

It took all his willpower to resist pulling her closer, but he’d promised to respect her wishes, and he would keep that promise. Reluctantly, he put some space between them. “I’ll wait until you’re inside before I leave. Make sure all the doors and windows are locked in case he decides to return.”

Her brown eyes met his. “I will.” She hesitated. “Thank you, Darius. You’ll never know how sorry I am . . . about everything.” Sorrow flashed over her lovely face.

“I am too.” He reached out a hand toward her, the longing to touch her nearly slaying him, but at the last second, he shoved his hands into his pockets. “I can’t imagine my life without you in it, Olivia. And I’m definitely not ready to give up hope yet.”

She gave him a sad smile. “Good-bye, Darius.”

He waited until she went inside and he heard the lock click into place, then he turned and walked slowly away.

Only as he climbed into his car did he realize that she’d said good-bye and not good night.