Chapter Fourteen: Asperger’s and Memory

Q: I’ve heard some Aspies have an amazing ability to recall countless facts and data on their topic of interest. So tell us about your Aspie super-memory!
A: Oh, I wish. I wish I could sit here and start this chapter with a paragraph about rote memory, telling you just how brilliant mine is and recounting story after story about just how marvelous and talented I am. “I’m so good. I’m so good.” But alas, it seems I’m actually no good at that at all.

Of all the cool Aspie traits to miss out on, it turns out that this was the biggest one I skipped. I know. It’s so unfair! So, unfortunately, there will be no super-memory stories from me.

But while we’re on the topic of Aspie memory, there’s one other issue I would like to bring up, because I relate to this one in spades, and that is the ability to take in verbal instructions and the most simple day-to-day information.

Have you ever noticed how flaky we Aspies can be in this regard? You tell us about your pet dog’s grooming difficulties and your second aunt’s first and middle name and instruct us to wash the dishes and mow the lawn in one conversation. Then, the next day, it seems we’ve forgotten all the personal details and only done half the jobs we were asked. On the surface, it looks like such contradiction that we can be so strong at reciting useless (or even sometimes useful) facts on our favorite topic of interest and yet unable to recount the simple stuff.

But the reason this happens, I’ve learnt, is because the latter is not actually a memory problem at all. It’s about us having difficulty taking in information in the first place. Sometimes, we just can’t function with so much sensory and verbal input and real-time speed. Or if the topic is not of interest, it may be hard for us to keep our focus on it in the face of other input.

And I particularly wanted to bring it up in this chapter because, for such a long time, I really thought it was some sort of memory glitch that I had, and I used to kick myself for how bad I was at grasping and remembering the little details that people would tell me about themselves. I must be selfish, right? To never be able to remember the details of other people’s lives? Everyone else cares enough about other people to remember that stuff. What was wrong with me? It took me a long time to figure that one out—and a lot of guilt, I might add.

So, when does this so-called memory issue affect me? Well, unfortunately, I can be pretty bad with directions. For example, if you were to direct me by saying, “Go halfway down the street to the light and turn left. Follow the road almost to the end and turn right at the petrol station[23]. Take the first left immediately after and then left again into Whatsitsname Boulevard. We’re house number twenty-three on the left with the blue letterbox,” you know you’re going to find me pulled over on the street to the left of that first set of lights! I can’t remember any more words than that!

But the bigger difficulty that arises from it, I think, is just being able to recount all the things that happen in day-to-day social interactions. I don’t know how many times I’ve found myself thinking back to a fast-paced conversation with friends and wanting badly to recall something that I remember came up and coming up completely blank.

“What was that ‘play space’ again that so-and-so was telling me about? Something about kids and pools and horses? Now would be a great time to take the kids to that… Argh, where was it? Who was it that I was talking to again?” Yet all I can bring up is some blurry image of horses in water that I only vaguely noted at the time.

I think a great solution for me would be if I could carry around a personal voice recorder to take things down as people spoke to me; e.g., “Jenny—new person, messy red hair; Aunt Susie May sick, liver edema, something about diuretics; two kids; dog with long coat, needs regular grooming; bakes raspberry muffins. Alice—pool almost finished, had a foot callous treatment, Sophie (daughter) refusing to go down at sleep time. Kids’ play space ‘Old McDonalds Farm’ off the 59 freeway NE, FM 1960. Sounds great!”

But I think people would give me odd looks if I made a habit of recording their conversations! Heck, I already get some odd looks when I get out my diary to write down important facts from time to time. But it’s my second brain, and I need it!

Sometimes, I like to consider myself analogous to an oddly designed computer, one that was built with a fantastic high-speed CPU but unfortunately low RAM. I need that pen and paper to act as an additional RAM module and temporarily store the data so that I can function to my true ability. Without it, all you’ll see is that annoying “processing, processing, processing…” symbol.

So if you want to give me lines of instructions, seriously, let me write it down. It’s not a sign of disrespect or lack of intelligence, just a lag in my ability to convert and memorize too many verbal instructions at once. And when given the right tools to take notes and store information, you’ll find I’m a real nifty little machine!