Chapter Twenty-Five: Do Aspies Lie?

Q:		Do Aspies lie?
A:		Ummm… Well, that’s an unusual question, and I guess I have a simple answer for this: No, not really. Not if we can avoid it. Most of the Aspies I know find lying, deception, or inaccuracy of any kind to be uncomfortable and unnatural for us. We have a natural urge to correct things and want to make them accurate and properly representative. So purposely saying something that’s false goes against the grain.

Of course, like any group in society, there will always be some individuals who don’t fit the mold. I’ve heard of Aspies who regularly lie. In fact, I’ve even heard of Aspies (from online posts at least) who have become excellent at lying and take pride in how well they’re able to deceive others. To me, this seems so against the Aspie way of thinking that I almost wonder if it comes from a misdiagnosis of sociopathy, borderline personality disorder, or some other condition. Either way, I’m sure that Aspies of this sort are rare.

But for most of us, lying is only something we do under compelling circumstances or when made clear that to lie is the social expectation, and even then, it doesn’t always sit right with us. I know many Aspies find the social standard of telling “white lies” to be distasteful. If someone says to me, “Do you like my new haircut?” and I don’t, it’s inconceivable to me to say, “Yes, that looks gorgeous on you!”

It’s a direct lie, and I can’t do it, yet I know that to lie is the neurotypical expectation in these circumstances, and to fail to tell a white lie would be offensive. So I’ve learned to compromise by avoiding the question and focusing on something positive, such as, “Oh, wow, those color streaks look really interesting!” (Even though the cut is unflattering and your hair now highlights the rolls under your chin!)

In a way, it seems silly to me that people ask questions that they don’t really want to hear the true answer to, but I suppose it’s all part of that social bonding and showing support to your friends that people like to do.

I still get myself in trouble sometimes for being too blunt with the truth. I guess it’s because my concern in answering a question is usually on giving the right answer, not on what others want me to say or whether my reply could make the other person feel negative in any way. The concept that there even is an alternative answer to the true one feels a bit twisted and wrong to me.

I think this sort of bluntness in Aspies is a common trait, and we all get feedback from time to time that we’re too blunt or rude to varying degrees. Of course, some of us have a better handle on the rules of what to say and how to say it than others, and this is something we do learn with time and experience.