In parts 1 and 2, I shared how four seconds is all the time you need to replace damaging habits with ones that help you connect with yourself and with others. Now the challenge is to take one more step to fully use all your power: to engage in behaviors that help you work and lead in a way that inspires you and inspires others to follow you and do their best.

Remember the flood in my kitchen? After Sophia, Daniel, and I cleaned up the mess, our job was not done. I sat both kids down and asked them what else needed to happen.

“You’re going to punish us?” Sophia asked.

“Nope,” I said. “I think you guys know what went wrong, and I’m confident it won’t happen again.”

“So nothing else needs to happen.” Daniel said, hopefully.

“Nope again.” I said, “Who else might be affected by this flood?”

It took them a few minutes, but with my help, they figured out that the water may have leaked into our downstairs neighbors’ apartment.

“So, what should we do about it?” I asked.

“We should go down there and see it!” Daniel said, clearly excited by the novelty.

“And . . . ?” I asked

“And apologize?” Sophia said.

So we walked downstairs to speak with our neighbors and took responsibility for the flood (it had, in fact, leaked into their apartment). We apologized and asked if we could help them clean up the mess. They were gracious and appreciative that we had come down.

We have a dual responsibility at work and as leaders: to achieve particular outcomes and to foster engaged and independently capable people and teams. It’s much easier to do one and forget the other—to achieve our objectives while leaving other people behind, or to bring others along but fail to achieve what we set out to accomplish.

When my kids flooded the kitchen, I had those two goals in mind: fix the damage and engage them while developing their skills for the future. Taking that breath and resisting the urge to yell at them (part 1), connecting with them and seeing what they needed (part 2), and then engaging them in taking responsibility (part 3) is what leadership is all about.

In part 3, you’ll learn to subvert the knee-jerk reactions that either bowl people over in order to get stuff done, or that tiptoe around their feelings and get nothing done. You’ll learn to overcome the temptation to do things that lead to negativity, and you’ll learn how to instead help people commit to, and follow through on, the actions that will make a difference to your most important objectives. You’ll learn to behave in ways that create the space for people to collaborate, change, and blossom. You will discover

        •     why you can’t counter negativity with positivity, and a strategy for turning bad attitudes into good ones;

        •     why taking credit for results can backfire, but giving credit can get you acknowledged;

        •     how taking responsibility for someone else’s failure can be the most powerful leadership move you can make;

        •     why people don’t resist change but do resist the way we often lead it; and why willpower and discipline are unreliable strategies for sustaining high performance, and a strategic approach to replace them.

As you read the chapters in part 3, you will begin to stand more powerfully in your work and your leadership, acting in ways that routinely and predictably help you, and the people around you, achieve the outcomes you want.