“So, when’s Jerry supposed to get here?” Christina asked, leaning against the counter in the main house’s kitchen. When Heather glanced sharply at her, she winced. “Sorry. When is Jeremiah supposed to get here?”
“Thank you. He was going to get a haircut from Tracie and go home to shower before he came over. He should be here shortly.”
Christina nodded. “Have you heard from Ainsley lately?”
“She called yesterday to say she and Rowan and Gavin and Moira were having a blast in Hawaii. We didn’t talk long because they had a luau to get to, but she said enough to make me jealous.”
“I bet. I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii.”
“So why don’t you go?”
Her friend snorted. “With three kids under five and a husband who leaves all the kid wrangling to me? No thanks.”
Heather’s brows rose. Uh-oh. If that didn’t sound like trouble in paradise, she didn’t know what would. “Everything all right?”
“Fine.”
The pinched look on Christina’s face said everything was most certainly not fine, but it had been so long since they’d been able to have a real heart-to-heart talk that Heather didn’t know where to begin. She’d suspected for a while now that something was off in Christina’s life, but other than Curtis’s surliness over the end of his boxing career, she had no real idea what.
“When a woman says everything is ‘fine’, that usually means the opposite, you know,” she remarked.
“I’m okay, Heather. Just not feeling so great today. I’m ready to have this kid out of me.”
“Ah.”
That was definitely something she couldn’t help with. Despite watching her sister, two sisters-in-law, and Ainsley go through a combined eight pregnancies now, she’d never cared to pay attention to their complaints.
Deciding it would be better to change the topic, she asked, “Speaking of kids, how are you enjoying your alone time without Sebastian and Rosalie?”
The smile that washed across her friend’s face was one of immeasurable relief. “Don’t get me wrong. I adore my children, but I am loving having the chance to focus on me. Of course, it would be even better if I wasn’t a week away from my due date.”
Christina’s expression soured so quickly, that Heather jerked her head back and froze. When tears welled in her friend’s eyes, she set the knife down. Instinctively, she wanted to hug Christina, but she didn’t know if that was the correct gesture.
“What’s wrong, Chris?” she finally asked.
Christina sucked her lips between her teeth, fighting a losing battle against the tears. A joke about hormonal and emotional moms-to-be popped into Heather’s head, but she didn’t have to be a mom to realize how deeply inappropriate giving voice to it would be. So she acted on her instinct and embraced her friend. As soon as her arms were around the woman, Christina burst in to full-fledged, gulping sobs. All Heather could do was be the friend she suddenly realized she hadn’t been for the duration of Christina’s marriage to Curtis and provide a shoulder to cry on while she kept an eye on the spaghetti sauce simmering on the stove.
“Hey,” she murmured, “are you okay?”
“No,” Christina cried. “I never wanted this.”
“Wanted what, honey?”
“Three kids. I never wanted more than two, and I wanted a career, not to be stuck at home because my husband wants me to stay home with the kids. I thought I could do it—I did—but I miss having a purpose outside my family. I miss going to work and having adult conversations. I feel like I’m going insane, Heather. And I hate myself for it because I love my kids and I want to be there for them.”
As Christina descended into incoherent blubbering, Heather gaped, glad her friend couldn’t see her shock. So when she’d questioned Christina’s happy marriage that day they’d had lunch with Ainsley, she’d been on the mark.
“I’m so sorry, honey,” she whispered.
“And seeing Ainsley so happy with Rowan…. I am thrilled for her, but it just makes me feel worse, you know? Like, what am I doing wrong? Why can’t I just be happy with what I have? I love my family. I do, but—”
“You’re exhausted, Christina. You give so much of yourself to your family that you have nothing left for yourself. You have every right to be upset but, as far as I can see, no reason at all for feeling guilty. Curtis needs to get over himself, step up, and be a goddamned father and husband.”
That triggered a fresh round of tears, and Heather let out a sigh. She could punch Curtis for this.
“After this baby’s born and you have a chance to heal up, I will sic your kids on my brother and our parents and pay for a night away for you and me and Ainsley, too. We’ll go someplace like Missoula or Bozeman and go shopping and go to a spa to get pampered.”
Christina sniffed. “That sounds wonderful. I would love that.”
After a couple more minutes, Christina pulled herself together enough to slip away from Heather. As she stirred the sauce and slid the noodles into the pot of boiling water, Heather watched her friend’s expression smooth into a composed mask, and if she hadn’t held her for almost ten minutes while she cried and if her eyes weren’t red and her cheeks weren’t blotchy and tear-streaked, she might not believe the woman had been sobbing on her shoulder. Even as Christina’s ability to put on a happy face awed her, it broke her heart to know her friend had needed to master that trick.
“I’ve always admired you,” Christina said after a moment. “The way you know exactly what you do and don’t want out of life and the way you refuse to let anyone bully you into something you know is wrong for you. I wish I was more like you.”
For the second time in fifteen minutes, Heather’s mouth fell open. The way their friendship had been going the last few years, that was the last thing she would’ve expected.
“But I’m not like you. I’m a doormat, doing what’s expected of me even when I don’t want to. And look where it’s gotten me. Fat and pregnant, married to a man who cares more about the dismal end of his lackluster boxing career than he does about making sure his wife has what she needs to be happy.”
“You are not fat. Don’t ever say that to me again. You are also not a doormat. My family is… overbearing. You either give them what they want or they grind you down to dust.” She set the spoon aside and untied the laces of her wrist band. With only a flicker of hesitation, she slipped it off and held her bared wrist out to Christina. Unsurprisingly, her friend gasped. “I did this when I was seventeen. And I’ve kept it to myself all this time… until I told Jeremiah about it the morning after the Fourth of July barbecue. After my brother tried to goad him into a fucking fist fight right there with the whole valley watching. Ainsley knows, but I didn’t even tell her the details.”
Christina was shivering, so Heather hugged her again.
“You aren’t the problem, honey. Curtis is. Our whole damned family is. Don’t let him do this to you. I don’t care if you have to file for divorce. If that’s what it takes, I’ll help you. But don’t let this destroy you like it almost destroyed me.”
How long they stood there, clinging to each other like they hadn’t seen each other in years, Heather had no idea, but it was healing, and she began to see that she had seriously misjudged Christina.
“I owe you an apology,” she murmured. “I have been unfair to you lately. For a long time, really. I’ve assumed you were turning into everything I hate about my family, and I never realized what you were going through. Never bothered to find out.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“That much is. I’m strong enough and humble enough to own it. I’ve been a poor friend to you, and I am so, so sorry.”
Christina nodded. “I haven’t exactly been the best friend, either. I don’t know your man other than what I’ve heard about him and what you’ve told me, but he seems to make you happy. And stronger. I’m sure there’s a reason you never told me about this.” She brushed her thumb over Heather’s scar. “Probably the fact that I was already going out with your brother by then. But it sounds like Jeremiah has given you the courage to talk about it. And if he can do that for you… well, he must be something special.”
Heather nodded, agreeing wholeheartedly. She couldn’t say exactly what quality he had that set him apart, but like she’d thought about Luke and Shane that day she’s had lunch with her two best friends, Jeremiah knew what it was to break and to heal. He understood her. “He makes me feel safe,” she said slowly, testing the idea. It fit. “On a level I’ve never felt safe before.”
“That’s wonderful, Heather. It truly is. Maybe he’s the one.”
She snorted. “You know I don’t believe in all that ‘the one’ crap. But I get what you’re saying.”
“I wasn’t talking about all that ‘the one’ crap,” Christina replied in a playfully mocking tone. When she let go of Heather and leaned back against the counter, she grinned. “I was talking about him being the one you can finally fall in love with.”
“I’ve fallen in love before.”
“Let me finish, dammit, woman. He may be the one you can finally fall in love with… and stay in love with. The one who brings out the best in you and makes you the strongest version of yourself.”
A knock on the kitchen door announced Jeremiah’s arrival and the merciful end to a conversation that was sure to turn embarrassing momentarily.
“Saved by the knock,” Christina teased as she stepped around Heather and went to answer the door.
She greeted him graciously with an enthusiastic hug, but Heather didn’t think it was contrived. Her smile was genuine when she stepped back to let Jeremiah in, and he glanced at Heather over her head with a questioning look. Heather shrugged.
“I owe you an apology, Jeremiah,” Christina said. “To echo Heather’s words to me just a few moments ago, I have been unfair to you. I’ve judged you based on your past and my husband’s less than objective opinions, and Heather has pointed out rather bluntly—as is her way—that I have been wrong to do so.”
“Fancy way of apologizing for judging a book based on the opinion of someone who’s never read it,” he replied lightly. “But I appreciate it.”
For one heart-stopping moment, Heather stared at him, stunned by the flippant, out-of-character response that treaded the line between being rude and standing up for himself. But then she glanced at Christina and let out a breath. Her friend was grinning. Somehow he’d known exactly what to say to put her at ease and win her over.
“I deserve that,” she said.
“Well, that was quite an ice breaker,” Heather said brightly. “So, I know you’ve met briefly before, but let me officially introduce you. Jeremiah, this is Christina, who is both my best friend and my sister-in-law. Christina, this handsome devil is Jeremiah, my boyfriend. I haven’t mentioned it yet, but he is a bookworm like you, so you two should have loads to talk about.”
“It’s a pleasure,” Christina said, extending her hand.
Jeremiah shook it. “It is indeed.”
“So, while Heather is finishing dinner, shall we talk books?”
“As long as you two stop with the ridiculous formal talk,” Heather muttered without heat, “have at it. He’s re-reading The Hunger Games right now, if you want to start with that. I know it’s one of your favorites, too.”
“It is,” Christina confirmed. “I’ve read the whole trilogy five times now.”
“You’ve got me beat, then. I’m only starting it again for the fourth time.”
Heather might’ve rolled her eyes, but they were too cute discussing the popular trilogy and their hopes for the next movie with animated expressions and gestures. At this rate, it wasn’t going to take Jeremiah long at all to win Christina over. With a shake of her head and a smile, she pulled out the ingredients for the salad. Christina stepped over to help, but Jeremiah jumped in.
“Oh, no you don’t,” he said. “Sit back and relax.”
Christina’s eyes sprang wide, and as she perched on a stool across the island from them to watch, surprise gave way to relief. Heather again had to subdue the urge to punch her brother. It was a good thing he wasn’t in the same state right now, but he was going to get a piece of her mind when he got home.
She kept an eye on her friend while she and Jeremiah chopped ingredients, concerned by the frown that occasionally darkened Christina’s pretty face and the way she kept reaching to massage her back and shifting on the stool like she couldn’t get comfortable. A week away from her due date, she probably couldn’t, so with a snort, Heather tried harder to focus her attention on her task so she didn’t chop her finger off. Jeremiah helped distract her, diving in to kiss her cheek or nuzzle her neck now and again.
Christina laughed at their antics. “You two make a cute couple.”
“Thanks,” Jeremiah replied, beaming.
With dinner ready, they opted to forgo the formality of eating in the dining room and instead set their plates around the island. Heather smirked inwardly. That would drive her mother nuts, and judging by the sly twinkle in Christina’s eyes, she wasn’t the only one feeling naughty… and proud of it.
Heather let out a breath. This was just like old times, and she was glad to have her friend back if only for this week while Curtis and the rest of her family were out of town. It was good to feel that connection again, and without focusing too much on it for fear of ruining the moment, she admitted just how much she’d missed it.
They lingered over their meal, eating slowly while Jeremiah and Christina tried to convince her to read their beloved books, and Heather finally relented. How could she not want to read something that both her best friend and her lover adored?
With everyone finished eating, Jeremiah shooed them out of the kitchen while he did the dishes. They sat together on the couch, talking in hushed voices like they’d done a million times in high school.
“I totally get what you see in him,” Christina murmured, craning her neck to peer into the kitchen. “I can’t believe I could’ve ever thought he was trouble.”
“I can’t, either. I also can’t believe I let my family’s opinions stop me from getting to know him better. I’ve always had this feeling he was a good guy. I mean, everyone else in Northstar loves him. The Hammonds, the Conners, the O’Neils, the Carlyles, the Strutherses….”
“So they do.” Christina regarded her with a thoughtful expression. “I can’t quite put my finger on it, but you’re different with him. It’s nothing obvious. That flirting over the salad—you would’ve done that with Dustin, too, so that’s not it.”
Heather glanced at her still-bare left wrist. She knew exactly how she was different with Jeremiah, but she wasn’t going to make it easy on her friend. She wanted Christina to arrive at that conclusion on her own so it’d sink in deeper.
“You’re more… you. Unreservedly so. I mean, you’re never shy about who you are, but there’s always an edge to it, like you’re always waiting to defend yourself for being who you are. And with him… I don’t see that. I see you totally comfortable with yourself.”
“That sums it up pretty well. Incredible, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it—” Christina’s hand shot to her belly, and her eyes sprang wide. “Oh!”
“Kick?” Heather asked, but there was something in her friend’s eyes that concerned her—a shadow of panic.
After a few seconds, it subsided. “No, just a pretty strong Braxton-Hicks. I don’t think I’ve had enough water today. They’re stronger when I don’t.”
Heather waited, perched on the edge of the couch, for almost a minute more, but when Christina smiled reassuringly, she went into the kitchen to fetch a glass. She slid her hand along Jeremiah’s back as she passed him on her way to the fridge, kissing him lightly when he turned his head to her.
She definitely felt free to be herself with him, and it was amazing.
When she returned to the living room, Christina wasn’t there. Figuring she must’ve stepped into the bathroom, she set the glass of water on the coffee table and sank into the couch, resting her head on the back of it with a sigh of contentment.
Minutes ticked by and Christina didn’t return. Finally, she heard the familiar creak of the loose floorboard in the hallway outside the bathroom.
“I was beginning to wonder if you’d fallen in,” she remarked, turning her head toward the hallway.
She jerked upright. The lower skirt of Christina’s pretty turquoise sundress was wet, and the shadow of panic Heather had seen earlier had morphed into fully fledged hysteria.
“Oh God, what’s wrong?” she asked, on her feet and rushing to her friend.
“My water broke.”
“But you’re not due for a week,” Heather replied. She snapped her mouth closed. What a dumb thing to say. She had enough nieces and nephews to know that babies rarely debuted on their due date. But dammit, Curtis was hundreds of miles away and his fight wasn’t until tomorrow! “Sorry, honey. Um… what do you need me to do?”
“I….” Christina glanced around, her eyes wild. And then she started crying again. “It isn’t supposed to be like this! Curtis is supposed to be here.”
“I know, honey.” Heather embraced her friend, terrified and furious at once. Christina had already gone through this twice, so she shouldn’t be scared and crying. She should be settling into that instinctual single-mindedness women in labor seemed to slip into. “I know. What do you need me to do? Do you have your OB’s number? We should probably call her, right?”
Nodding, Christina seemed to come out of her panic a little. “Yes. I need to call her. And I need to head into town. We barely made it to the hospital in time with Rosalie after my water broke.”
Oh, great.
Thankfully, that thought stayed locked in Heather’s head. “All right. You call, I’ll pull my truck over.”
“Towels,” Christina said distantly. “I don’t want to wreck your seat.”
“Towels, right.”
Wreck my seat? Yeah, now I’m even less inclined to have kids.
Heather ducked into the kitchen. “We need to go. Christina’s water just broke.”
“Crap.”
“Yeah. Pretty much my thought.”
Jeremiah set the last pot in the drainer. “How can I help?”
“Um… can you grab some towels out of the bathroom while I pull my truck over?”
“Absolutely.”
Heather slipped out the kitchen door and jogged across the driveway to her truck. She yanked her keys out of her pocket and cursed when she dropped them. Why the hell were her hands shaking? She wasn’t the one about to give birth. She took several deep, measured breaths as she started her truck and swung it around to the front door of her parents’ house, but they did nothing to calm the clawing panic.
Catching movement from the corner of her vision, she turned her gaze toward the door to see Jeremiah helping Christina outside with a couple towels tossed over his shoulder. In contrast to the Heather’s rapid heartbeat and shallow breath’s, his face was a mask of calm concern, and the sight of it soothed her.
There was no reason to panic. Everything would be fine.
She shifted her truck into neutral, set the parking break, and climbed out to open the passenger-side door for Christina just as another contraction seized her friend. Jeremiah didn’t wait for it to pass; he picked her up, nodding his head to the towels on his shoulders. Heather folded them and set them on the seat, and he settled Christina gently in the truck.
“Your shirt’s all wet now,” Heather observed after he shut the door.
“Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had amniotic fluid on me.”
Calving. Duh. No doubt he’d pulled his fair share of calves. “No, I guess not.”
“You all right?” Jeremiah asked her quietly.
“I’m not the one about to have a baby.”
“No, but your hands are shaking and you’re paler than Christina is.”
“She’s done this before. I haven’t.”
“You want me to drive?”
“Um….” She pinched her lips between her teeth and closed her eyes. Nope, that didn’t help, either. “Yeah. I think I do. If you don’t mind.”
Rather than slide into the back seat, she flipped the center console up and buckled herself into the rarely used center seat in front so her friend could lean on her. And Christina needed someone to lean on. She’d stopped crying, but tears still shimmered in her eyes, waiting to fall.
Damn you, Curtis.
On the heels of that thought came another, and she gave Jeremiah’s leg a squeeze.
At least one man around here can be counted on. And ain’t it funny it’s the one they all say is unworthy.
* * *
Heather lifted her head and blinked the sleep from her eyes. The hospital room was dark except for the faint glow under the door and the dim blue of predawn peeking through the gap between the heavy curtains. Her body felt like it was made of lead. What a night. Christina hadn’t delivered her baby until after midnight—unlike his big sister Rosalie, the little fella hadn’t been in a rush to meet the world—and it had taken another hour or so to get mom and baby checked out and moved out of the delivery room. Which meant they’d all had less than four hours of sleep.
She sat up carefully so she wouldn’t wake Jeremiah. How they’d managed to fall asleep at all, leaning against each other in the uncomfortable chairs, she had no idea.
Hunched over her legs, she dragged her hands over her face and rubbed her tired, gritty eyes, then turned her gaze over her shoulder to admire the sleeping man.
Thank God he’d come with them. She couldn’t have handled Christina’s labor and birth without him. He’d been the rock her friend needed—patient and steady even when Christina had gripped his hand so hard Heather was sure she’d break his fingers. He’d been the rock she had needed.
“What time is it?” he mumbled.
“Not quite five,” she replied. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You didn’t.” He pushed himself straighter in the chair with a groan and opened his eyes. “The kink in my neck did.”
He held out an arm, and she didn’t hesitate to wrap it around herself and lean against him with the unforgiving arms of the chairs digging into her side. Despite her discomfort, she let out a huff of laughter.
“How the hell did we sleep at all?” she asked.
She sensed the smile that curved his lips even though she couldn’t see his face—his demeanor shifted somehow.
“Guess we were just that tired.”
“Yeah, it was definitely a long night,” Heather murmured. “That’s the first time I’ve ever been in the room the whole time.”
“Me, too. And I’m in no hurry to repeat the experience.”
Her heart tripped a little. They’d never talked about whether or not he wanted kids, so she had no idea what he meant by that… and she was too scared to ask. Instead of commenting, she smoothed her hand across his chest and left it resting there, listening as his breathing slowed again as he dozed off. She closed her eyes, lulled into a blissful state of half-consciousness in which there were no worries about biological clocks and the societal pressures she’d bucked against her entire life. Jeremiah’s arm warm around her and the steady beat of his heart beneath her palm—that was all she needed and wanted in this moment.
The insistent cries of a newborn jerked her from that wonderful netherworld, and if it was possible, she was even more exhausted than she’d been the first time she’d woken up. And this time, Jeremiah wasn’t wrapped around her. Somehow, she’d managed to fall the rest of the way into a deep enough sleep that he hadn’t woken her when he’d left his chair. She found him standing beside Christina’s empty hospital bed looking adorably uncertain as he tried to soothe the crying baby in his arms. The tiny boy quieted after a moment, and Jeremiah smiled with a hint of I-did-it pride.
Something flickered in the deep, dark recesses of her being—an instinctual flutter at the confirmation her prospective mate could at least hold a baby without dropping him or running in the opposite direction. But that’s all it was, a faint flicker. Heather didn’t know if seeing him holding her new nephew should trigger some earth-shattering flood of maternal desire, but it didn’t. Her mother was going to be so disappointed that the arrival of Christina’s third child was having no more impact than the births of any of her other nieces of nephews. She was still every bit as certain as she’d always been that motherhood wasn’t for her.
God, she’s not even here and she’s in my head.
With a disgusted growl, Heather lurched out of the chair, swaying faintly with a rush of dizziness from the lack of sleep. When her equilibrium righted itself after a second, she looked up to find Jeremiah watching her with his lips twisted in amusement.
“I’d offer to let you hold him, but I’m afraid he’ll start crying again if I move him.”
“Where’s Christina?”
“Shower.”
Now that he’d mentioned it, she realized she could indeed hear the shower running. “Ah.”
“When she gets out, can I borrow your phone? I need to call Austin, see how Murph did last night and see if he can come get me.”
“I’m sure Murphy is just fine. You know Austin spoils him rotten.”
“I know, but he doesn’t handle being away from me overnight very well. Separation anxiety, big time.”
Heather’s lips twitched. “Him or you?”
With a quiet chuckle, he said, “Both. Besides, I need to get up to the allotment and check on the herd. Everyone’s cutting hay today, so no one will have time to get up there.”
“Why don’t you just take my truck?”
He eyed her for a moment. “Won’t you need it?”
“Nah. I won’t be going anywhere for a while.”
“If you’re sure, that’d be great. Then I won’t have to inconvenience Austin. If I head out as soon as Christina’s done and ready to take this little guy back, I should be able to get back here in time for lunch.”
“You could put him back in the basinet, you know.”
“Yeah, but this is supposed to help them bond.” He let out a soft laugh as he glanced down at the baby now sleeping comfortably again in his arms. “Or at least, that’s what Lindsay said every time she wanted me to hold Archer for her. I think she may have been trying to trigger my paternal instincts.”
Heather chewed on her lip, trying to stop herself from asking the question because she wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer. “Did it work?”
“Dunno. But at least I’m not terrified of dropping this little guy like I was the first time I held Archer.”
That didn’t tell her much, but at least he hadn’t said all that time with Archer and now with Christina’s son had convinced him he needed to have kids.
Christina’s emergence from the bathroom looking much refreshed and not at all like she’d given birth only a few hours ago prevented her from dwelling on it too much. She watched her best friend take her newborn son from Jeremiah and noted the grateful smile she flashed him.
“I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop,” she said, “but I heard you say you need to head back to Northstar.”
“For a few hours,” Jeremiah replied. “I should be back by noon. Is there anything you need me to pick up for you on the way back?”
“No, I don’t think I need anything that can’t wait until I go home. Thank you so much for all your help. I think Heather and I would’ve been a wreck without you. And… I’m more sorry than ever that I ever thought—”
He held his hand up. “You already apologized, Christina. No need to do it again.”
Indecision flashed across her face, but then, as if driven by an irresistible impulse, she threw her free arm around his neck and dragged him into a hug. Heather might’ve laughed at the shock on his face if she weren’t so surprised by the relief at her friend’s about-face regarding him. By the time she released him, his shock had shifted into an expression Heather couldn’t quite describe—there was a glimmer of the relief she felt but also something else. Gratitude, maybe? No, that wasn’t quite it. Whatever it was, it touched something deep in her heart and made her want to wrap her arms around him… and never let go.
“All right, I’d better get out of here,” he said. Turning to Heather, he kissed her and promised he’d be careful with her truck.
And then he was out the door, leaving her staring after him more than a little dumbstruck.
So many thoughts and conflicting worries and hopes spun through her head, and she sank into the chair she’d left only moments ago. She was vaguely aware of Christina settling next to her into Jeremiah’s empty chair.
“You look… perturbed,” her friend murmured. “What’s wrong?”
“I….” Heather snapped her mouth shut, not sure she could adequately explain her fear. “We’ve never talked about kids.”
“So?”
“I don’t want any.”
“I know that.”
“What if he does?”
Christina glanced down at her sleeping son, then offered her a sympathetic smile. “Would that be so bad?”
“Chris… I broke up with Dustin over it. He was going to propose, and he started off by saying how much he couldn’t wait to start a family with me, and I knew… I knew I couldn’t be the woman to give him that. It’s just not me. And I knew everything would fall apart eventually when he finally realized that. So what was the point of staying together? He was looking for his forever woman, and I was never going to be her. I couldn’t be.”
Christina took her left hand turned it over, skimming her thumb over the thick white scar. Heather hadn’t ever put her wrist band back on. “Before last night, I might’ve asked why you always say things like that as if you’re the problem, but I get it now. You aren’t broken, sweetie. You never have been. You just haven’t found the right man for you… until now. I don’t think you have to worry about Jeremiah trying to pressure you into having kids you don’t want.”
Heather’s befuddled mind couldn’t process anything after until now. Had Christina really just said she thought Jeremiah was the man she could spend the rest of her life with? Of course, there wasn’t much more he could’ve done to prove his worth than stepping up in a crisis like he had last night. Finally, her brain caught on to the second statement.
“Why do you say that? Did he say something?”
“Not anything specific, but I get the feeling that he’d be happy with whatever you wanted. He sees you in a way I don’t think any man ever has before. For one, he sees you—exactly as you are—and he seems to adore you for everything you are and everything you think you aren’t.”
Heather ran her hands through her sleep-mussed hair and then hunched over her thighs with her hands wrapped around her neck. Christina wasn’t wrong, at least about Jeremiah knowing her better than any man she’d dated. Maybe that was because she’d told him more about her deepest insecurities than she’d ever told anyone else. Or maybe it was something else. Something deeper… a natural harmony of their spirits.
Recalling Jeremiah’s comment about holding babies helping them bond, she sat up and turned toward her friend. “Can I hold him?”
Christina’s brows rose. “Of course.”
“Don’t look so surprised. I may not want kids of my own, but I adore my nieces and nephews.”
“I know you do. But you’ve never been too keen on holding newborns before.”
She laughed softly as she remembered the rest of what Jeremiah had said along with that statement. “I’ve always been a little afraid of dropping them. They’re just so tiny and delicate, and I’m used to dealing with big, strong animals.”
“Yes, you are, but you also have a lighter hand with them than anyone I’ve ever seen except Ty and his dad. Here.”
Heather gingerly took the baby, but there was no need to fear him waking up; he was out cold, swaddled in a football-print blanket, all snug and warm. He truly was a beautiful little boy, and her heart swelled with pride and love.
“You think you’re this big, awkward, unfeminine woman,” her friend continued, “and I think your family has something to do with that belief. But they’re wrong. You may be strong and stubborn, but you’re also gentle and kind and as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside.”
“Thank you,” Heather whispered. Sniffing and blinking her eyes to stave off the tears, she added, “Now stop it before you make me cry. I’d rather bond with your son without dripping tears all over him, thank you.”
They were quiet for a while until the baby stirred and started crying. Heather gave him back to his mother and wandered over to the window while Christina nursed him.
“You remember when Sebastian was born, and I couldn’t get him to latch after I took a shower?” Christina asked with maternal fondness thick in her voice.
“Yeah. You used some froo froo flowery body wash and he didn’t recognize your smell. Looks like you learned your lesson.”
“Oh boy. Ugh. I just wanted to be clean and feel human again. And you were the one who figured it out and told me to put my dirty old hospital gown back on.”
“That’s how Ty and I have gotten mares to take foals that aren’t theirs—by making the foals smell like them.”
“I just think it’s ironic that you—who don’t want kids—are the one who figured it out. Not your mother, not your sister, not Brock’s wife. Not even the nurses. And yet your parents give you hell about not wanting kids.” Christina snorted. “You’d probably be the best parent of us all. And speaking of parents… this little boy’s going to have a stronger bond with Jeremiah than with his own father. Just watch.”
“That’ll really piss Curtis off,” Heather remarked. She left the window and sat with Christina on the bed, smoothing her hand over the baby’s head with its dusting of super fine blond hair. Blond like his mommy instead of dark-haired like his daddy and his brother and sister were. She couldn’t explain why that tickled her. “I think he’s going to be yours more than Sebastian and Rosalie.”
“I think you’re right.”
Heather laid back, across Christina’s legs. “I’ve missed this.”
“Missed what?”
“You and me. I could kill my brother for driving a wedge between us. I didn’t realize until last night that he did. I just knew something was off.”
“He did, didn’t he. But now that we know it, we can fix it.”
“Can’t fix something when you don’t know where or how it’s broken,” Heather agreed. She reached for her friend’s hand and gripped it.
“I’m glad you finally gave Jeremiah a chance,” Christina murmured. “I think he has a lot to do with us realizing that. Before you started going out with him, you just got impatient with me. You never asked what was wrong.”
Heather pinched her eyes closed. As painful as it was to admit it, that was the truth. “I’m sorry, Chris.”
“We’re on the mend now, though, right? That’s what matters.”
“You bet. And we’re definitely still on for that girls’ night. Don’t forget.”
“I won’t. Believe me.” Christina laughed softly. “He’s a good man, your Jeremiah.”
Heather turned her head to her friend and smiled, and when Christina offered the fed and snoozing baby to her, she didn’t hesitate to sit up and take him. Staring down at her adorable new nephew, she had an epiphany.
She was as certain as ever that she didn’t want kids of her own, but if Jeremiah wanted one or if they found themselves facing an unplanned pregnancy… she could do it.
She tipped her head back, eyes closed, and let out a breath.
“You all right?” Christina asked.
“Um… yeah. I think so.”
“You look like a woman who’s just realized something earth-shattering.”
Earth-shattering. Yeah, that summed it up pretty well. Had she really just admitted to herself that if Jeremiah wanted kids she’d do it?
What… the… fuck.
But she had. And it didn’t matter how fervently she tried to deny it; now that thought had struck with the awesome brilliance of a bolt of lightning, she couldn’t erase it. It was burned into her mind.
And the scariest part about it? She didn’t know if she should be terrified… or thrilled.