19

After a little over an hour on the beach, Saffron was ready to leave. The afternoon was too hot for enjoyment, and though she’d changed into her suit, she felt hot and sticky and sure that the little bit of sunscreen they’d applied wasn’t doing a thing.

As they arrived at the inn in Temecula, Kendall’s phone began ringing. “Oh,” she exclaimed. “It’s Joel! I’ll meet you up in the room.”

“Actually, I’m taking off now,” Halla said. “My stuff is already in the trunk. I’m only going inside for my snacks, courtesy of Tyson’s mother.”

Kendall answered her phone. “Hi, Joel? Just a minute. I’m saying goodbye to Halla.” She lowered the phone and said to Halla, “Mrs. Dekker was always giving food to Joel and the guys. She’s a great cook. Anyway, it was so nice meeting you. I’m sure I’ll see you again.” She gave Halla a one-armed hug.

“I’m sure we’ll see each other,” Halla said. “I hope you move to Phoenix, but even if you don’t, I’m always in touch with Saffron.”

Kendall nodded. “We’ll see. Goodbye.” She turned and walked a few feet away, bringing her phone to her ear.

Halla stared after her. “Maybe Joel’s changed his mind about having her go to the concert.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Saffron said.

Kendall was talking animatedly, heading toward her car. She covered the phone and yelled, “Be back later! I’m going to see him.”

Of course she was. Saffron and Halla tromped inside the inn and took the elevator to their room. “So what happened at the hospital?” Halla asked, going to the refrigerator.

“I saw Jana again. She’d been crying.”

Halla clicked her tongue. “Sorry about that. But really, none of this is easy. At least they weren’t engaged.”

“Not yet.” Saffron sighed as she sat on her bed. “That’s not the worst part.”

“Oh? Don’t tell me Tyson saw you together. Look, we did plan to run into Jana, but we didn’t want that.”

“I knew you guys did something. How did you do it?”

“Kendall called up pretending to be a patient to ask about her schedule and when she might be where.” Halla wrinkled her nose. “She may have dropped Tyson’s name. After that it was just a matter of walking up and down that hall until we ran into her. We got lucky.”

“Luck doesn’t seem to have had much to do with it.” Saffron was too tired to be upset.

“So did she see you with Tyson. Was there a confrontation?”

“No, it was after he left. But what happened is I gave her my necklace.”

“You didn’t!” Halla’s jaw dropped.

“I felt so bad, and she admired it, and I couldn’t offer to make her one or she’d see my name and probably throw my card in my face. Well, if he’s told her my name and she recognized it.”

“She wouldn’t have done that. She’s too refined.”

“Maybe.”

“But it was stupid. It’ll be awkward when she learns who you are.” Halla removed the lunch she’d put together and a water bottle from the refrigerator, packing it in Lily’s cooler.

“I know.”

“You’re not mad at me for us running into her, are you?” Halla asked.

“Not exactly. I guess I was curious about her, and I’m glad I met her. But please don’t do anything like that again.”

“I won’t. Promise.” Halla tossed her the key card. “Well, I have to leave now.”

“You want help with the cooler?” Saffron rose from the bed, but Halla shook her head.

“No, it’s not that big. I got it. You should get into the shower now. A cold one. I’m pretty sure you’re burnt.”

Saffron’s skin was feeling kind of hot and tight. She’d take that shower and then sit in front of the air conditioner. When Kendall returned, she’d send her out for something to slather her skin with. Hopefully, she wasn’t too burned. She had to be okay for her date tomorrow with Tyson. A date she’d been both looking forward to and dreading for eight and a half years.

“Okay. Give me a hug,” Saffron said.

They hugged and Halla whispered, “I hope you don’t plan on staying here long.”

“I won’t. I really can’t afford it.”

“I know, but don’t let a lack of funds make you rush things. It would be too easy to stay here and let Tyson take care of you.”

“And what’s so wrong with that?” Saffron had been taking care of herself and helping Lily with other teens for so long that she didn’t remember what it was like to have someone devoted only to taking care of her.

“It’s not wrong—unless that’s the main reason you stay.”

“Point taken. You don’t like Tyson very much do you?”

Halla rolled her eyes. “Of course I do. He’s sweet and hot, and I wish there was one exactly like him out there for me. I think he’s wonderful. As long as you’re sure that’s what your heart is telling you, I’ll be the first one to dance at your wedding. Even if you make me wear stupid high heels and a dress.”

“Thanks.” Saffron hugged her again.

“Bye.” Halla lifted the cooler, waved goodbye, and headed out the door.

Saffron lay back on the bed, feeling suddenly sleepy. But no, she wanted to take that cold shower, even if too much time had passed to help her skin any. Then she’d read a book until she was tired enough to take a nap.

In the bathroom, she pulled her shirt off and stood before the mirror in her swimsuit and shorts. Sure enough, the skin on her upper back and shoulders was decidedly pink. She’d definitely do what she could to soothe that before tomorrow night. At least it wasn’t painful to the touch—yet—and it wasn’t a deep red. Picking her shirt off the edge of the sink, she folded it over one of the towel racks. If she didn’t step on it, it was clean enough to wear the rest of the day.

She was starting the water when someone knocked on the door. Kendall wouldn’t be back already, so Halla must have forgotten something, though that wasn’t usually her style. Most days, she was over-prepared.

“Coming,” she called, leaving the water running.

She pulled the door open, a mocking smile on her face—a smile that died the instant she saw her visitor. The last person she wanted to see, and certainly the last person she’d expected: her mother.

“Where is she?” Her mother demanded. Pieces of wilted hair had escaped her customary knot, and her gray blouse was rumpled as if she’d been carrying something heavy.

“Where is who?”

“Kendall. I know she’s with you. I am not in the mood for games.” Her nostrils flared and her eyes resembled cubes of ice. “I had to practically threaten the workers below to give me your room number. The idiots. I even had to show my ID!”

Saffron didn’t think that was typical, so her mother must have made a fuss and irritated the employees. She’d have to apologize to them later. “She’s not here.”

“I don’t believe you.”

Saffron stood back and motioned her inside. “Check for yourself. She was with me until about fifteen minutes ago. She spent the past two nights here, though, and I’m assuming she’ll be back tonight.”

Her mother turned on her, anger glinting from her eyes. “You need to make her leave.”

Saffron folded her arms. “No, I don’t.”

“You’re not a stupid girl anymore, Rosalyn. You must have seen what kind of man he is.” Her mother’s breath came more quickly with each sentence. “He’s a disaster waiting to happen. He’ll only hurt Kendall. She’s better off without him.”

“That may be so, but it’s not your decision to make.” Saffron passed by her mother, detouring around Kendall’s belongings. She wanted to be on the other side of her mother to prevent her from coming any further into the room or staying longer than necessary.

“So it’s your decision now?”

“No, of course not. But I’m not going to force her to do anything. It has to be Kendall’s decision—or it will haunt her for the rest of her life.”

“What you mean is to let her do whatever she wants. After all these years, you swoop in and play the fairy godmother and save her from her wicked mother. Is that how you raise your son?”

Fury ignited in a space of two seconds. Saffron pointed at her mother. “Don’t you dare talk about my son!” With each word, she jabbed her finger closer until she was nearly touching her mother’s chest. She retreated a step, and Saffron followed.

“You have no right to talk about him,” Saffron went on. “Because of you, I lost the only man I’ve ever loved. Because of you, I nearly starved to death in the streets. I slept in alleys with strangers. I stole out of garbage cans to survive. And because of you I went into labor three months early and was all alone in a hospital crying my eyes out as I held my sweet son when his heart stopped beating. I said goodbye to my dead baby alone!” Saffron was screaming now, hands clenched into fists. “Alone! Because my mother—you—abandoned me!”

Her mother gasped, the color bleaching from her face. “I-I didn’t know.”

Saffron wasn’t finished. It was as if all the pain in her life had concentrated into this moment, and every inhibition had disappeared. “You killed him! Every bit as if you forced me to get an abortion. So, no, I didn’t go to dad’s funeral. I was having a private one of my own, one that forever buried any loyalty I had for either of my parents. And then, after he was gone, there was nothing left. I had no one and nothing. I wanted to die. So I took an entire bottle of sleeping pills. Only a miracle saved me.” A miracle named Lily.

Saffron paused, taking a deep shuddering breath. “How could you? How could you throw away your own daughter like that? I would give anything to have my son alive. Anything!”

Her mother stared at her, stunned into silence, her shoulders slumped. She’d aged ten years in the space of a few seconds.

“So don’t tell me what I can and can’t do for my sister,” Saffron said. “My relationship with her is more important than forcing her down a path you want for her. It’s even more important than making her do the right thing. It’s her life, her choice, and the mistakes she makes are hers to overcome and learn from. You can’t change her. You can only support and love and advise—and be there to hold her hand if her world comes crashing down.” Saffron’s hands hurt with how hard she was clenching them. But the pain was nothing compared to what was in her heart.

She took a step forward, her movements deceptively slow. “I think you should leave now. There’s nothing more we have to say.”

Her mother fumbled backwards a step. “I didn’t mean for all that to happen. I thought you’d spend a few nights away and come back. That I could get you what you needed.”

“What I needed was a mother.” Saffron folded her arms again, not in defiance this time but to hold in the ache that threatened to burst forth. “I needed a family. But I don’t need that anymore. Or your excuses. I have a new family now.”

With that, she went into the bathroom and locked the door. She leaned against it, hoping the water she’d left running blotted out her quiet sobs. Moments later, she heard the room door click shut. She sobbed in earnest then, curled up on the floor by the tub.

She felt she was drowning, drowning, going under to that dark place that held no hope or love or light. If Halla had been there, she would have soothed her sadness. If Kendall had come back with her, they could have talked it out. But right now there was no one. Tyson was working, and Saffron didn’t want to force Lily to abandon her family and foster children to come save her yet again.

She took a deep, shuddering breath. “I can do this,” she whispered. “I am strong.”

But she needed to talk. She needed to stop the horrible ache, and one person came to mind: Vaughn.

Veronica Brenwood opened the door and bent to lift the heavy box left outside the door during her talk with Rosalyn. All her anger had vanished with the pain in her daughter’s eyes. She couldn’t take that away, could never change the past, but she could leave her daughter this gift.

The box had been in the attic with all the other items Rosalyn—no, she was Saffron now—had left behind. Things Veronica hadn’t been able to part with. She’d kept the box all these years, and she’d added to it as well. Today she’d hoped to use the contents to smooth the way between her and Saffron, to make her more compliant to Veronica’s suggestions about Kendall. Now she only hoped to soothe her daughter’s pain.

I’ve been such a fool. The thought didn’t sit well. No one had called her that since her brother died, well before Saffron had left home. Maybe if he hadn’t died, she wouldn’t have messed things up so badly.

Back inside the room, Veronica pushed the heavy door closed with a loud click as she contemplated where she should put the box. She didn’t want it lost in the mess of Kendall’s belongings. Finally, she went to the table and set it there. With a pen from her purse, she wrote on top of the box: For Saffron. I’m really sorry. There was so much more she should say, but she couldn’t trust that it would come out right. She didn’t even dare sign the note.

Saffron was still in the bathroom, but the silence had given way to loud, heartrending sobs. Veronica hurried to the bathroom door, her hand reaching out to touch it. Her daughter was in pain. Each breath seemed a struggle, each cry that came through the door another accusation.

I caused this. The confident, beautiful, talented young woman Saffron had become had nothing to do with her but, rather, had happened in spite of her. What kind of mother was she to have forced her pregnant sixteen-year-old daughter out into the world alone?

Was she doing something similar to Kendall? The thought made Veronica’s stomach ache. Nothing she’d planned for her daughters had gone right. Two daughters, both who hated her. Both who needed love—and who had found that love outside the walls of her home.

Veronica knew she was pathetic. But one thing she understood clearly was that she had no right to knock on that bathroom door. Biting her lip to keep the tears from falling, she left the room, this time shutting the door softly behind her.

Vaughn was helping a student manipulate a drawing on the computer when a call came from Saffron. He was tempted to ignore it and call her back later, but she knew he taught during that time and wouldn’t call unless something had happened. Maybe an accident in the car, but he’d already resigned himself to that possibility, so he was more worried about how she was than his car.

“Keep trying that,” he told the student. “If you can’t make it work, get Jodi to show you her animation. It might give you some ideas. I’ll be right back.”

He was already walking away and pushing the answer icon on his phone. “Hello?”

No response.

“Saffron?”

Was that a sob?

He fought his panic. “Saffron, are you okay?”

“Yes,” she said faintly.

“You don’t sound okay. Are you hurt? Has there been an accident? Because I don’t care about the car.”

“The car’s fine.” Her voice sounded strangled. “I-I-the dragon was here. And I told her everything, even stuff I didn’t want to tell her. I wanted her to feel bad. To take responsibility.”

His brave Saffron. He wished he’d been there for her. “Did it work?”

She made a sound that was a mix between a laugh and a sob. “I don’t think so. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. For so many years, I’ve practiced what to say, and I said it all. Only it didn’t make me feel better. It just brought everything back. And I feel . . .” Okay, she was crying now, in earnest. No hiding it this time.

“Saffron. It’s going to be okay. I promise. Look, is Halla there?”

“No, she already left.”

“What about your sister?”

“She might be going to Denver.”

Vaughn’s concern intensified. Why was she all alone? “Tell me what happened.”

A shuddering breath. “Oh, I’m sorry, Vaughn. I just realized you’re probably teaching. I’m really going to be fine. I’m just sunburned, and I gave away one of my favorite necklaces to a woman who’s probably going to throw it away.” She took another deep, gasping breath. “And I’m hungry.”

“Don’t worry about my class. Whatever I teach them, I’m going to have to repeat at least five more times. I swear, it’s like teaching monkeys sometimes. Half of them are too busy flirting to get anything done, and the other half are sleeping off the party they went to the night before.”

That elicited a soft laugh. “That’s why you shouldn’t be a teacher.”

“Maybe I should go to the zoo and see if they need a new zookeeper.” He smiled when she gave another laugh. “Come on. Tell me what happened.”

“I-I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I never told you any of it—and it’s too complicated over the phone. Part of it only Lily knew before I blurted it out today. Look, I’m feeling a lot better now. I’m sorry for interrupting your class.”

She sounded lost and it made his heart ache. “The class doesn’t matter.”

“That’s one of the things I love about you, Vaughn. You always put people first. But please go back to teaching.”

“I don’t need to.”

“I’m really okay. We can talk later. I’m hanging up now.”

“No, wait! I don’t care about the class.” But the emptiness on the line told him she’d already hung up. “I love you,” he said anyway.

What should he do? Because she most certainly wasn’t okay.

When they’d been talking the day before, with the sounds of the hotel pool around her, Vaughn had stopped himself barely in time from asking her if she’d resolved enough of her life to think about having a real relationship with him. Because he hadn’t missed the fact that she’d said nothing about the man she’d gone to see, and what the omission meant, he couldn’t begin to imagine. He wanted her happy, but what if she found happiness in another man’s arms?

Vaughn had thought giving her space was the right thing to do, but there she was all alone, so if the guy she’d gone to see was nearby, he was either clueless or a jerk. What was Vaughn doing standing around here teaching when he could be fighting for the woman he loved? What he felt now, being in Phoenix without Saffron, wasn’t living but rather some kind of odd half life where he stumbled through each day waiting to hear from her.

Enough of that. He was going to California.

Returning to his classroom, he gave a few directions and then dismissed the students fifteen minutes early. Afterward, he headed to one of his colleague’s offices. Terrance was deep in conversation with a student, the door open, but Vaughn stuck his head in and interrupted. “Look, I have to take care of an emergency. Can you take over my classes the next few days? I’ll take yours the next time you need me to.”

“Oh, yeah?” Terrence stood and crossed to the door. “I guess I could Thursday and in the mornings tomorrow and on Friday, but not the afternoons. I’m booked solid. But I bet Chance could step in. All his classes are in the morning.”

“Thanks. I’ll email him.” He’d have his aide pass out assignments at the Wednesday and Friday afternoon classes, if he had to. Getting fired for canceling classes might not look good on his resume, but he didn’t care right now. “I’ll email you my lesson plans.” Vaughn started to turn, but Terrance wasn’t finished.

“Will you also put in a word with Datatoon Studios for a couple of my students?”

“Sure. But you know if they aren’t good enough, they won’t hire them even if I recommend them.”

“I know. I’ve got a few months to get them up to snuff.”

“Thanks, man.” They shook hands.

“I hope everything’s okay.” Terrance’s comment came a little too late to make Vaughn feel he genuinely cared.

Vaughn couldn’t force a smile. “I hope so too. Thanks again.”

He hurried down the hall, feeling Terrance’s eyes on him. His mind raced. If he spent ten minutes in his next class, he should be able to get his students started enough for his aide to supervise the rest of the hour. He’d need another five minutes to send lesson plans to Terrance and email Chance. His apartment was on the way to the freeway, so stopping there for a change of clothes would barely take any time. It was almost three now and with a little luck, he’d be on the road to California by three-thirty. He had Halla’s phone number somewhere, and she’d know where he could find Saffron.

Bottom line, she needed someone, and he was going to be there.