25

Tyson smiled with relief when Jana came into the room where he was talking to his very young patient and her parents. Her eyes met his, and for a moment he felt a loss he couldn’t describe. Was it possible to love two women at the same time? Because he realized that his renewed feelings for Saffron hadn’t changed the way he felt about Jana.

Her gaze slid past him, dark and bottomless. “Hi, Patty,” she said brightly to the child. “I’m Dr. Reynolds. I’m here to make sure you’re comfortable while they’re fixing your hernia.”

“You look like Princess Jasmin,” Patty said.

Tyson grinned. Patty wasn’t the first child to point that out.

Jana leaned over and whispered. “I’m under cover,” she said. “I had to sneak out of the palace. But don’t worry. I’m very good at what I do.”

“Even for a princess,” Tyson agreed.

Patty and her parents laughed, while Jana went on to describe in simple and unfrightening terms what she and her partner would be doing as anesthesiologists. The surgery was a minor one, like dozens of others Tyson had assisted with, but it was still scary for the child, and even more so for the parents, who would have to give their daughter into the care of strangers. As a resident, Jana would be working with a more experienced anesthesiologist, but she was the one who always talked to the children and parents.

“We’ll take really good care of her,” Jana said to them. She waved to Patty. “Your nice nurses will be taking you back in a couple minutes, and I’ll meet you there.”

Tyson followed her from the room. “You were perfect with her.”

She smiled, her head shaking back and forth. “Princess Jasmine . . . I’m wondering if I should get a costume.”

“Ooh, I’d like to . . .” Tyson closed his mouth. He didn’t have any right to want to see her in any costume, not when he’d basically broken up with her because of Saffron. What he’d been going to say was more appropriate between lovers anyway, not colleagues, and that was all they were now.

Jana’s smile faltered. “How are things going?”

“Good.” Great, actually, but how could he say that to her? Not that it mattered. Both “good” or “great” spelled the end of their relationship. “How are you doing?”

“I miss you.” Her eyes filled up then, but she blinked the tears away.

He missed her too—their conversations, the nights in San Diego with his parents, talking shop in the hospital cafeteria. But Saffron was his first love and the mother of the son he’d never know. He loved her. He had a lot to make up for.

“I’m sorry,” he said to Jana, wishing he could hold her and tell her it would be all right. No way he could promise that. In fact, tonight he planned to make his intentions clear to Saffron. They’d been given a second chance, and this time he wouldn’t let her down.

“I’m glad you’ve been honest with me,” Jana said.

But he hadn’t been. Not entirely. Because he still loved her.

He swallowed hard. “I’ll meet you in the OR.”

Walking away was hard.

A text message from Saffron eased his heart. She’d be leaving for Oceanside in about thirty minutes, and he’d see her right after he finished the hernia repair. Maybe after tonight, he could reconcile his feelings for the two women who’d stolen his heart. He couldn’t wait to see her.

Before Saffron had finished getting ready for her date, packing her one suitcase and the box of beads in case she didn’t return, Kendall arrived. Saffron grabbed a luggage cart from the front desk and helped her sister carry a load of her things, packing them in Kendall’s car carefully to take up less room.

“No matter how you look at it, there’s at least one more load,” Saffron said. “But there’s no hurry.”

“I’ll get the rest in the morning.” Kendall opened her car door. “Thanks, and have fun tonight. I hope he takes you someplace romantic.”

“Well, it won’t be parasailing.” It was meant as a joke, but it came out more as a complaint.

Kendall made a face. “Good. I was thinking more along the lines of an expensive dinner and candlelight. Text me and tell me how it goes, okay?” She started to get inside her car but stopped short, her expression grave. “Saffron . . . if . . . if Joel doesn’t want to stay with me. If he doesn’t want to be a dad . . . I’m thinking I’d like to go to your Lily’s House—for a while at least. I want to see what it’s like. I want to meet Lily and your other foster sisters. And mostly I want what I decide is best for the baby to be my choice.”

“Of course.” Saffron hugged her and started to back away, but Kendall clung to her.

“If I decided it was better for the baby to have a mom and a dad,” she whispered in Saffron’s ear, “would you hate me? Because I know you would have done anything to keep your son.”

“Oh, no!” Saffron tightened her hold. “Not at all. I support you no matter what. I know how hard it is alone. I-I wish I would have talked to a counselor at school. I would rather have given him up than watch him . . .” Saffron couldn’t say it. The heaviness was back, the longing for her son.

“Thank you.” Kendall broke away, smiling. “Remember to text me. I expect details.”

Halla had said nearly the same thing in a text. “I will.”

On the drive to Oceanside, Saffron remembered that she hadn’t answered Tyson about his mother’s Sunday dinner invitation. They’d exchanged a few texts about her mother and Kendall and their date, but she didn’t want to go on Sunday with him to his parents’ house. Not this soon. They were so nice—overly nice—and it made her feel worse about not wanting to spend time with them. Maybe she could put off another visit for a few more weeks. He could go alone this weekend. She wouldn’t mind.

Saffron arrived at the hospital twenty minutes before her planned meeting with Tyson at four. They’d planned for her to follow him over to the gated community where his condo was located. After a tour of his place, they’d have dinner and go from there. She was so nervous her stomach was doing flips. Maybe she needed some herbal tea to soothe her stomach. She’d seen some in the cafeteria the last time she was here.

She walked through the parking lot and was already hot and sweaty when she entered the cool hospital. Following her memory and a few signs, she attempted to find the cafeteria but had no luck. Probably because she kept going over her last moments with Vaughn and wondering how much she should tell Tyson about him.

Finally, she came across a desk and asked the woman there. As she thanked the woman, Jana appeared behind her. She smiled when she saw Saffron. “Hey, how are you?”

Saffron’s stomach sank. Of course she’d run into Jana. Would she constantly run into her as long as Tyson worked at this hospital?

“I’m good. Thanks. But I’m looking for the cafeteria again.” Saffron could see now that she’d ended up near the same place where they’d talked to Jana on Tuesday. It was almost as if Saffron had wanted to cross paths with her. But for what purpose—to make sure she was okay or to keep an eye on the competition?

“I seem to have a bad sense of direction when I’m inside this place,” Saffron admitted.

Jana laughed. “You’re not the only one. Since we’re so close to it, we’re always getting questions about the location. Come on. I’ll show you.”

“Oh, I think I can find it now.”

“I’m going that way anyway.” To the woman behind the desk, Jana added, “See you tomorrow.”

Saffron walked with Jana to the doorway of the cafeteria, where Jana said, “I want to thank you for the other day. I was having a bit of a hard time, and while I feel funny you gave me your necklace, it cheered me up. I wore it when I went out last night.”

Good, so the woman wasn’t sitting around moping. “Hot date?” Saffron asked with maybe a little too much enthusiasm.

Jana shook her head. “Romance movie with the girls. We always have a sappy movie night when someone breaks up.”

“Sounds like me and my sisters, only with us it usually involves a lot of something sugary and fattening.” Saffron smiled, remembering the pastries Halla and Elsie had brought her. “So did it work?”

“It helps.” But instead of smiling, Jana’s lower lip wobbled. She bit down on it, as if searching for control.

“I’m sorry.” Saffron touched her arm, feeling more terrible by the second.

“It’s—I’m going to be okay. I don’t know that we’ve broken up permanently. I mean, we still have a connection. Every time I run into him, I feel it—we both feel it. I can tell. But someone from his past came back. They have a history together, and a baby that died. I feel terrible for him, but how can I compete? That sort of relationship pulls you back, you know?” Jana shook her head, pausing as someone came out of the cafeteria.

Jana waited until they were alone to continue. “This week was the first time in six months I didn’t go with his family to his dad’s weekly therapy. I love going and helping out, chatting with his mom, spending the night at his aunt’s. And Helene—that’s his mom—canceled our regular Thursday lunch today. I know she has to support her son’s choices, but she’s been like a mom to me since mine died, and I already miss her.”

Saffron didn’t know what to say. Here she was trying to avoid eating Sunday dinner with Tyson’s family, and Jana was crying because she missed his mother.

“It’s silly,” Jana said, pulling herself together with a deep breath. “You hear so many stories of people who hate their mother-in-laws, but seriously, even if I didn’t love him so much, I’d think about marrying him because of her.”

“She sounds like a great person.” The words scraped along Saffron’s throat on the way out. She’d have to make a better effort to get past her aversion to the Dekkers. Mrs. Dekker was trying, and she deserved a daughter-in-law who loved her, no matter what happened in the past.

“Anyway,” Jana said, “I know this is more than you ever wanted to hear about a stranger. I thought I got it all out last night, but my friends aren’t willing to hear me say I still love him, and that I know he’s doing the best he can with the situation. It feels good to tell someone, even if it makes me look kind of pathetic. He bought a ring, you know, but I guess now I might never see it.”

A ring? Tyson hadn’t mentioned that. Pressure built in Saffron’s chest. “I’m so sorry,” she murmured.

“Thanks.” Jana gave Saffron a smile that contradicted the sadness in her eyes. “Hey, if you live around here, maybe we can go shopping sometime, or you can come to our next girls’ night out and meet everyone. I’d love to see the jewelry you make and so would they.”

“I’m actually from Arizona,” Saffron said. “I’m here visiting family.”

“That makes it tough. Well, thank you again for the necklace—and for the listening ear.” She paused, taking a card from the pocket of her white jacket. “If you ever need anesthesia, let me know. I’ll give you a discount.”

Somehow Saffron laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Saffron turned into the cafeteria, not wanting to watch Jana leave. She looked so sad. As if she were in mourning like Saffron still felt she was, even after eight years. How long would it take for Jana to get over Tyson? Saffron hadn’t been able to get over him or losing her son. Although maybe at last she had. Finally, she was taking control of her destiny, and yesterday in Vegas with Kendall and Vaughn, she hadn’t felt sad at all. She hoped Jana recovered more quickly.

Saffron drank her tea slowly, but it did nothing for the heaviness she felt. When she finished, she realized she was late now, and she hurried through the hospital corridors to the lobby where she was supposed to meet Tyson.

There he was, looking handsome and sexy in dark dress pants and a gray button-down shirt that showed part of his neck and chest. Unlike Vaughn, his chest was smooth and hairless, so he probably waxed. A little smile crept to her face. She hadn’t known that about him. The grip on her heart relaxed a little.

“Hi, beautiful,” he said, his gaze running down her white pants and her sleeveless purple blouse. “You really did get a little sun.” He leaned over and kissed her. It felt right, but Saffron couldn’t help looking around to see if Jana was watching.

“I’ve been putting aloe gel on it.” Speaking of which, she still had Vaughn’s bottle of aloe in the car.

He grinned at her. “That’s what you said over text.”

“Oh, right. I’ve been texting with Halla too, and a few others. I’ve forgotten who I’ve told what.”

He put his arm around her gently. “That doesn’t hurt, does it?”

“Not at all.” She leaned further into him as they started walking to the door. Okay, this was nice.

“I’ll go with you to your car,” he said. “Then you can drive me to mine and follow me to the condo.”

“Perfect,” she said.

After leaving the physician’s parking lot, Saffron followed Tyson through a maze of streets to a gated condo complex where she used the code he’d given her to get inside.

“Tour now or later?” he asked as they met in his driveway.

“Whichever you prefer.” She wanted to see his place but was nervous at the same time. Going inside meant being alone. It meant making decisions about where they were heading.

Tyson flashed her a grin. “I missed lunch, so if you can eat, I’d rather have an early dinner.”

Saffron thought of the half-finished sandwich she’d left at her mother’s. “I’m hungry too. Let’s go eat first.”

Taking her hand, he led her to the front passenger seat of his car. “Does Italian sound good?”

“Sounds great.” She laughed. “We had Italian for our first prom. Remember?”

He grinned and opened the door. “Prom? Right, but I suggested it more because of kindergarten when we had spaghetti for Around the World Day, or whatever it was called.”

“That’s right. What a mess!” How sweet that he remembered. “You always let me butt in line.”

He kissed her briefly without seeming to hurry. “I was smitten even then.”

Saffron smiled all the way to Dominic’s at the Harbor. The restaurant wasn’t busy this early on Thursday night, and they were seated immediately. She ordered the lasagna, while he opted for spaghetti and meatballs in memory of their kindergarten year. “My mom makes spaghetti all the time,” he said to her. “Normally, she’s a great cook, but spaghetti is not one of her better dishes. Here it’s fabulous. You want to share the stuffed mushrooms for an appetizer?”

“Sounds yummy. But speaking of your mom,” she said, “can we do dinner another Sunday instead? I’m not sure what I’m doing yet.”

“Sure. I’ll let her know.”

She could tell he was disappointed that she didn’t want to see his parents this weekend, but the weight on her chest wouldn’t go away—a weight that felt a lot like grief. What was wrong with her?

Tyson put a hand on Saffron’s. “Have you decided if you’ll stay with me? I can sleep at my parents’ place for a while, if that’s a problem.”

Saffron was saved from answering when the waiter came by with a wine list, but Tyson ordered without looking at it. How often did he come here? And how many of those times had he been with Jana? Impatient with herself, Saffron pushed the thoughts away.

“So how did your day go?” she asked.

“Great. Well, besides missing lunch. I assisted with a hernia surgery right before you came. I was worried they wouldn’t get her started in time, and I’d keep you waiting.”

“Was it difficult?”

“No, and I wasn’t the only doctor, so we had plenty of help. They need to make sure I won’t kill anyone until I finish residency.” He flashed a smile that showed he was joking.

“It would make me nervous having someone checking up on me every second.”

“It used to. Now I just tune it out and do my best. I love pediatric surgery. It’ll take me longer to specialize, but it’ll be worth it in the long run.”

He continued talking, telling her about his first surgery, often lapsing into a few medical terms that had her head spinning. She’d need to get a dictionary and start learning about his life. Which she didn’t mind doing. She wanted to understand what he did, what he loved. When she’d first started dating Vaughn, she made him show her some of his animations while he explained the creativity behind them. She’d even sat in on a few of his lectures. But animation was a lot closer to jewelry design than surgery.

“At least I didn’t make a fool of myself and lose my lunch,” Tyson said.

Had she missed the whole story? Maybe it was because her stomach was complaining. She did feel a little light-headed and disconnected, the way she did when she hadn’t eaten for a while.

When the mushrooms came, she ate more than Tyson did, and her lasagna was the best she’d ever tasted. But the weirdness in her stomach didn’t leave. She was content, though, to listen to Tyson talk. He told her about past patients, his plan of moving to a larger hospital, and a trip he was planning to Mexico for Christmas, which he hoped she’d join him on.

“That sounds fun,” she said. “It’s weird, but I’ve never spent Christmas anywhere but at Lily’s House since I left home.” She didn’t want to be away this year, either, but being in a relationship meant give and take.

“I can’t wait to meet this Lily.”

“You’ll love her.”

As the conversation moved on, Tyson talked about collecting coins, the powerful telescope he’d bought, and how he’d taken up golfing.

“You know that’s stereotypical, right?” she said with a laugh.

“Yeah, but I can’t get any of my colleagues to come look at the stars with me. I play only to bond with the other doctors. But I happen to be rather good.” He paused for a drink. “A lot better than I was at football.”

Saffron began to realize she didn’t know Tyson at all. She knew the boy he’d been, but while that boy had a link to the present, he wasn’t the same person. He was a man now, with the dreams and experiences of a man. He had friends and hobbies and favorite foods she knew nothing about.

They had a long way to go before they really knew each other, and they’d have to make all the adjustments new couples did as they figured things out. Make compromises. Maybe have a few fights. These past few days had given her the impression they were picking up where they left off, but that wasn’t exactly right. They’d both changed so much.

All too soon the meal was over and they drove back to his condo. The heaviness in Saffron’s chest increased. She loved Tyson—no doubt about that—so why did she feel such dread?