‘Stefan!’ Ædwen gasped, as she sat bolt upright in the bed. ‘Ellan...’
‘She’s fine. Absolutely fine,’ Sister Margaret said, plumping up the furs behind her and pushing her back down on to them, trying to keep her comfortable.
‘Where is she? Can I see her?’
‘She’s asleep, dear. And you need yours.’
‘How long have I been out?’ she said.
‘A couple of days.’
‘A couple of days?’ she gasped, echoing the older woman. ‘Then I must get up,’ she said, going to throw the furs off her and sit up. Then the pain lanced her. Excruciating pains in her legs. And she looked down to see they were black and blue, covered in bruises.
The woman pushed her back down. ‘You’re not going anywhere for a while.’
‘Where am I?’ Ædwen asked, looking round. Then she realised she was in Stefan’s bed. That was something, at least. After all, there was nowhere else she’d rather be.
Where was he?
‘What happened?’ she asked.
‘There was a big battle. Your father came. Do you remember?’
‘Yes.’ She nodded as the images of the attack came back to her.
‘You got caught in the fire in the monastery. It tore right through the building. There’s nothing left of it.’ Sister Margaret sniffed, clearly upset. ‘Your legs got trapped. Lord Stefan went in there, fought through the flames to find you. Put his life on the line, he did. Got badly burned himself. But he would not stop until he found you. He rescued you and carried you right out, the flames licking at his skin. They’re all calling him a hero. For saving you. For stopping the fighting. But he’s stubbornly having none of it, of course.’
Ædwen smiled. She could imagine. She lay back and shut her eyes, going over the events of the night and the battle the following morning, trying to remember as much as she could. Stefan making love to her. Meeting her mother. Stefan shunning her. The attack...and then the blaze. Her utter horror that the building she’d told people to take sanctuary in was going to burn. Fall. And she’d known she had to get them all out or she’d never forgive herself.
‘You’re very lucky,’ Sister Margaret said. ‘We were all worried you wouldn’t walk again, but I think you will. You’re strong. You’re on the mend.’
‘And Stefan?’ she asked finally. ‘Is he all right?’
‘You gave him quite the fright. He’s barely left your side. Barely eaten a thing. He hasn’t been himself. Not at all.’
‘Where is he now?’ She was desperate to see him.
‘I made him take Ellan for a walk to get her to sleep. I thought he needed some air. He’s been cooped up in here for days. I know he thinks I’m mothering him, but...well, who else is going to do it?’
Ædwen smiled at the thought of Stefan being mothered. No, she didn’t think he’d like that at all. She thought only Sister Margaret could get away with it.
‘Would you like some water, dear, or ale?’
‘Water, please,’ she said, her throat parched. ‘What happened with my father?’
‘Lord Stefan fought him.’
‘He did?’ she gasped, her eyes wide.
‘And he could have, well... Let’s just say he won, but he was merciful. He let your father live.’
Ædwen swallowed. ‘Why? I mean, I am pleased, of course I am, but there was nothing stopping him from taking his revenge.’
‘Well, there was, dear. There was you. I imagine he didn’t think you’d take kindly to him taking your father’s life.’
‘So where is my father now?’
Ædwen felt as if she was trying to piece everything together and it was making her head pound.
‘He was called into the King’s Great Hall and they spoke. I don’t know what was said, mind. But he departed later on that night, back to Eastbury. But not until he’d sworn an oath of loyalty to the King. He left with a full pardon and he got to keep his settlement. That’s something, after attacking the city, don’t you think? Another round of Saxons and Danes united. I think your husband must have had something to do with that,’ she said. ‘I can’t imagine the King giving him a full pardon otherwise, can you?’
‘Was Stefan there? Did he speak with my father?’
‘Not in the hall. But there are all kinds of stories about them speaking during the battle. But he kept away from the King and your father afterwards. He was far too preoccupied with you. So bad tempered he was, until we told him you would be all right.’
Ædwen smiled. It sounded as if he cared and her heart lifted in hope.
‘He let your father come to see you, though.’
‘What?’ Ædwen gasped. ‘My father came here?’
‘Yes, dear. He, too, seemed worried about you. He said he felt responsible for bringing this upon you and that he would now leave you in peace. He even told me he was glad I was here. And that he was pleased you had found contentment.’
Contentment... A huge lump grew in Ædwen’s throat, because she still wasn’t sure how Stefan truly felt about her. The last time she’d seen him, he’d given her that look...it had frozen her blood.
She heard the door open downstairs. ‘Ah, that will be Lord Stefan now,’ Sister Margaret said.
Ædwen’s heart began to hammer in her chest. She was so desperate to see him again. And Ellan. She struggled to sit up in bed as Sister Margaret went to the top of the stairs.
‘Is the baby asleep?’
‘Yes, finally,’ he said. ‘Any change?’
‘Come up here and see for yourself,’ Sister Margaret said.
And Ædwen heard him take the steps, two at a time. She held her breath in anticipation.
He burst into the space and his eyes locked on hers. He took her in, sitting up in bed. His eyes swept over her and he crossed the distance towards her so quickly, she felt dizzy. ‘Thank the gods,’ he said and gripped her face between his hands hard and kissed her fully on the lips.
When he came up for air, his eyes were swimming. ‘I thought I’d lost you,’ he breathed. His eyes raked all over her, as if checking she was all right. ‘It was more than I could bear.’
‘I’ll leave you two to it for a while. Come and get me if you need me,’ Sister Margaret called, but Ædwen barely noticed, she was too busy drinking Stefan in, so happy to see him again.
He had a few scratches to his face, and some bandages wrapped around his forearms, but he looked to be all right. More gorgeous than ever.
She tried to get up, to get closer to him, but everything hurt.
‘Don’t move, just rest,’ he said, sitting down carefully beside her on the bed, as if he didn’t want to cause her any pain, and he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.
‘Are you all right?’ she asked, reaching out for his hand. ‘Sister Margaret said you got burned in the fire.’
‘I’m fine. It’s nothing. Not compared to you. How do you feel? Are you in much pain?’
‘I’m not too bad.’ She felt all the better for seeing him. ‘My legs are the worst. Sister Margaret said you rescued me. That I was trapped beneath a beam. And that you risked your life to save me. That was foolish of you! But thank you, Stefan.’
He shrugged. ‘It was the least I could do. After all, I did get you into all this.’
And then she saw it. A flash of something. What was it? Something was different. Wrong. Were his injuries worse than he was making out? It would be just like him to try to keep an injury hidden.
No...that wasn’t it. There was a stern set to his generous mouth. Did he feel as if he was to blame? For what? For her getting hurt? Now that was foolish, too. It was her own fault for staying in a crumbling, burning building, trying to get every last person out.
‘What happened out there, with my father?’ she said. ‘Sister Margaret said you fought.’
He shook his head. ‘We don’t need to talk about this now. You’ve only just woken up.’
‘Stefan,’ she warned. ‘I want to know.’
He sighed. He kicked off his boots and brought his legs up on the bed. Leaning back against the wall, and wrapping his arm around her shoulder, he pulled her close.
‘I’ve been so worried about you,’ he said, sighing. ‘I can’t tell you how good it is to see you awake. When I saw you lying there with that beam on top of you, I couldn’t breathe. I thought I’d lost you.’ He shuddered. ‘I prayed to both the Christian and Norse gods for them to bring you back to me. I wasn’t taking any chances.’
She smiled. ‘Well, it worked,’ she said. She rested her head on his shoulder. ‘I’m sorry I worried you.’ And then she pulled away and looked up at him. ‘You know, it almost sounds as if you care...’
He sat upright, releasing her, and turned to look into her eyes, serious. He took her hand in his.
‘Ædwen, I owe you an apology,’ he said. ‘We should have talked the other day, like you said, like you wanted to, before I took you to bed. I have so much to tell you, so much I want to say... But we can do this another time if you’re tired.’
‘No,’ she said, squeezing his fingers in hers. ‘Tell me now. Tell me what happened.’
‘I asked your father for a truce.’
‘Sister Margaret said you bested him.’
‘I asked him for a truce after I bested him.’ He grinned, before he sobered again. ‘I remembered what you said about Lord Werian. And that thief in the streets the day we got here. That everyone deserved a second chance. I told him I wanted to reconcile our differences and he agreed to stop the conflict.’
‘That was good of you.’
He brought her hand up to his lips. ‘I assured him he’d be pardoned if he bent the knee to the King and so he made an oath of fealty to Canute.’
‘It was good of the King to let him go. I know you must have spoken with him—had a part in that—thank you.’ She took a breath. ‘Stefan... I don’t want him and the things he has done to come between us. Not any more,’ Ædwen said. ‘I am truly sorry for all that he did. About what happened to your family. If I could take it back, I would. Stefan, I want to tell you about that day you first came here. When you landed on the beach at Eastbury. I want you to understand the background.’
He nodded then drew a hand over his face. ‘It wasn’t your fault, Ædwen,’ he said. ‘I know that you tried to stop him.’
‘But when you woke up, I should have told you the truth right there and then. That my father was the one who ordered the attack. That he was the one who took your family from you—’
‘Yes, you should have. But I understand why you didn’t. You were afraid of what I’d do. You were afraid I’d take revenge.’
‘No, that’s not it,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘I didn’t tell you because I liked you so much, I didn’t want you to think badly of me, afraid it would change your feelings for me. I felt so guilty my father was responsible. But that was wrong. You deserved to know. You leaving me was my punishment. I felt that I wasn’t enough for my mother to stay, or you either.’
He drew her towards him, shaking his head. ‘That’s not true.’ He pressed another kiss to her forehead. ‘I know that when I left you in Eastbury, I hurt you, Ædwen. Badly. I’m sorry. I should have realised, after your mother leaving you, that it was the worst thing I could have done.
‘I was so overwhelmed by my own anger, when I saw you and your father together, when my memories came back. I realised he was the man who had slaughtered my family, and you were related to him, and I was shocked. Appalled. I did want vengeance. I was hurting... I couldn’t look at you without thinking about it, so I knew I had to get away. I thought it had changed everything. The way I felt about you...but it didn’t. Will you tell me—what happened to my family’s bodies?’
‘We gave them a proper ship burial in the sea.’
He nodded, taking that in. ‘I was so furious I hadn’t been given a chance to say goodbye. I felt as if I’d been denied my grief.’
‘What were they like? Your father, your brothers... Will you tell me about them some time?’ she said. ‘And your memories. Some of the adventures you had.’
‘Yes. I’m sorry, Ædwen. I never stopped to think about the impact me leaving might have had on you. And the condition I left you in...to deal with that alone, I feel terrible about that now. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for you. I wish I had been there.’
‘I wish you could have been, too.’
‘I never wanted to be out of reach of you. Not really. And every day without you was agony. That’s why I never took another woman; the only woman I ever wanted was you. When I found out we’d had a child, I thought you’d kept that from me, too, and I was even more angry with you. But I knew I’d love our daughter, instantly, because she was a part of you. Something we created through love.
‘When I heard you were marrying Lord Werian... I knew I had to stop it, because in my heart, I believed you were mine. That you belonged with me.’
‘And you couldn’t have another failed marriage?’ she queried.
‘What happened with Dania, it affected me, badly. Her deceit, but what happened after, too.’
‘You can tell me,’ she said, so pleased he was finally opening up to her.
‘We agreed to separate and she and Villads were a couple for a while. But then he found another woman and Dania was distraught. You’d think I might have been secretly pleased, glad it hadn’t worked out for them, but I wasn’t. I felt bad for her.’
‘Because you’re a good person, Stefan.’
‘It made me feel hollow, though. It made me wonder if all relationships were the same. It made me believe if you cared for someone, you’ll always get hurt eventually.’
‘I’m sorry she hurt you,’ she whispered. ‘But do you still believe that?’
He stared down at her and grinned. ‘No. You’ve changed my mind about everything. But I felt, if I had stuck by her, stayed with her after her betrayal, she might have been saved the same heartache. If I had just kept quiet, insisted their affair stopped and we remained a couple...’
She shook her head. ‘But no one can live like that. In denial. Living a lie. And I don’t want you to be with me out of duty, Stefan.’
‘Is that what you really think?’ He shook his head. ‘It couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m completely, utterly, totally in love with you, Ædwen,’ he said, his eyes shining down on her. ‘That’s why I know this marriage will be successful. That’s why I fought for those vows we made last winter. Why I stuck by them even when we were apart. Because I meant every word of them. I love and trust you. Wholly. With all my heart.
‘And I was so worried I’d lost you out there in the monastery, without telling you what you meant to me, without you knowing how I felt. I want to be with you as you’re all I think about, every waking moment. I wanted to reconcile the day, the very moment I left you, but I was far too stubborn, far too hurt, unable to make myself vulnerable again. It’s why I withheld my forgiveness. And I’m sorry for the wasted time we’ve spent apart now. I don’t want us to waste another moment. I want to make it up to you.’
‘You already have.’
Stefan knelt down by the hearth and lit the kindling, lighting up the room in a soft glow, the crackling of the wood filling the silence as he came to sit down beside her on the furs on the floor. He’d carried Ædwen downstairs and made sure she was comfortable.
He knew that, outside, people were still clearing up the mess from the battle. The monastery, a symbol of their city, had been destroyed and people were mourning the loss. All that was left of it lay in a blackened heap of dust. But as Stefan had told the King, this was a chance to start over. To build something from scratch, as Saxons and Danes aligned. A new symbol of hope for a new, united people.
And it was that hope he held in his heart now, as he looked at Ædwen. He handed her a cup of ale and she sipped it slowly. Wearing one of his dark tunics that Sister Margaret had dressed her in, she looked beautiful, her eyes glowing in the firelight, her bruised legs tucked up beneath her.
Ædwen told him about meeting her mother, and he was pleased for her, delighted it was another wound that was starting to heal. She wanted him to meet her and he’d said he would love to, when she was ready to introduce them.
‘Do you still care for your father?’ he asked, a prickle of guilt assailing him.
A little crease appeared between her brows. ‘He’s never been the best father. He has ruled my life for so long. Dictated how I should live. It finally feels as if I might be free of him.’ She smiled sadly. ‘I cannot forgive the things he has done. But he is still my father. Ridiculously, I feel guilty that I have ruined his life. If he’d had a son, things would have been very different for him. And perhaps my mother. But the only way I could help my father was through an advantageous marriage—and I’ve shattered those dreams for him now.’
Stefan frowned. ‘Am I not an advantageous marriage?’ he asked, his lips curling upwards, letting her know he was teasing her.
‘I’m not sure if he sees it that way.’
‘Do you?’
She smiled. ‘I don’t feel I’ve done too badly for myself,’ she jested.
Having a daughter...imagining the world through her eyes, it was helping him to see Ædwen’s perspective a bit more. That women had it tough. They didn’t have as many choices as men did. But he would do anything for his daughter to have a happy life, to follow the path she wanted. Ædwen hadn’t been given that. But he hoped he would be able to make her happy now.
‘I was thinking about what you said, the other day, about our marriage not being a valid union. And I want to take away all your fears, all the uncertainty.’ He wanted there to be no doubt in her mind, or anyone else’s, about who she belonged to. And now he knew what he had to do. He would promise to be by her side for ever...again.
‘By telling me you love me, you have.’
‘But we should make sure there’s no doubt,’ he said. ‘And that’s why I’ve asked the King if I can be baptised, before we renew our wedding vows.’
She pulled away from him slightly, to look up into his eyes, her mouth falling open. ‘What?’ she asked, shocked.
‘If we need a proper Christian wedding to make our union legitimate—and for the security of our child—then we’ll have one. So there can be no doubt about us.’
‘But, Stefan, you’re a pagan, not a Christian!’ she exclaimed.
‘Can’t I be both?’
‘I don’t know, can you?’ she said, frowning, shaking her head.
‘I was a pagan, for the first half of my life. But then I nearly died in a battle. When I woke up, I saw you...my Hamingia. I saw this,’ he said, reaching out to take the little cross pendant around her neck between his fingers. ‘I’ve seen how your religion can unite people, under our King. A king I look up to and respect.’ He pulled her back towards him. ‘Yes, I was born a pagan, but perhaps I can observe Christianity? I don’t want there to be a difference between us, or our child, and the path we are on. Our beliefs...’
She frowned. ‘Stefan...’
‘This is something I have been thinking about for a while. Times are changing. The country is uniting. I don’t see why I can’t combine my beliefs.’
‘You don’t have to do this,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘Not for me. I love you as you are. For who you are.’
‘I know that.’ He smiled. ‘But I want to. It won’t change who I am as a person. But it will unite our family. I don’t want Ellan to be forced to pick a side, to choose between us one day. I don’t want her to be discriminated against because she has both Saxon and Dane blood flowing through her veins. I’m doing this because it’s the right thing to do.’
And he needed that. After everything that had happened, he needed something to be right.
‘I didn’t believe in heaven until I met you, Ædwen,’ he said, as he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her lips, and when he went to pull away, worried about hurting her, her hand came up to hold his jaw and she kissed him back.
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled him into his chest.
‘You should get some rest now,’ he said.
‘Will you stay with me?’ she asked.
‘I will never leave you again.’
Stefan woke a while later to find the fire still burning, his hand casually anchored around Ædwen’s waist, her legs entwined with his so he couldn’t move. Not that he really wanted to.
He watched Ædwen sleeping and his heart was overflowing with love. He had never been so relieved as the moment he’d seen her awake and sitting up in bed. All his prayers had been answered and it had taken all his restraint not to strip her of her clothes and make love to her there and then.
He studied her features...her beautiful wavy blonde hair, her dark lashes resting on her cheekbones and her rosebud lips. Her chest was rising up and down, steadily, and he thought he could watch her for ever. She’d always fascinated him.
He thought about the evening, the week and month ahead with Ædwen and Ellan and couldn’t believe he was thinking about the future when he had previously been unable to do so. Suddenly, the dark clouds that had been following him around for so long had cleared. Now the future was brighter than he had ever thought possible.
He could hear Ellan gurgling in her crib, so he gently disentangled himself from Ædwen’s arms, trying not to wake her, as he quietly went over to pick her up.
‘Where are you going?’ Ædwen asked, startling him. ‘I thought you said you’d never leave me.’
He smiled. ‘Ellan’s awake. I was just going to get her.’
‘All right then,’ she said. ‘You’re allowed.’
He was back moments later, laying Ellan between him and his beautiful wife on the furs. Ædwen turned to face him.
‘You know you’ve only been here a week and you’ve already turned this place upside down. Look at my room, covered in flowers and furs that people have brought for you,’ he said.
Ædwen smiled, resting her hand on Ellan’s stomach, and he placed his hand on top of hers.
‘Can you believe we created something so perfect?’ she asked him.
‘I know...incredible. I want more, one day. Do you?’
‘If you’re offering me the chance to have more little Stefans running about the place, then, yes. Definitely I do.’
He smiled. ‘But is it selfish of me to want to enjoy some time with you first? Practising.’ He grinned.
‘I’d like that,’ she said, laughing.
‘I do feel I missed out on seeing you with a big baby belly last time. I would have loved to have seen that and go through it all with you.’
‘Next time, Stefan,’ she said. ‘You will.’