9 

The next morning, after a quick meal of hard cheese and harder bread, we break camp and set off. As we fall into a comfortable formation—Collins and Wylan at the lead; Liv, Perry, and me at the rear—I mull over my plan for coming up with a plan.

I need to speak privately with Liv. If there is one thing that’s always been clear to me, it’s that my happiness is linked with hers. Only when I know exactly what she wants will I be able to coordinate our next move. As we head toward the Tides border, I vow to get her away from Wylan’s eavesdropping ears and Collins’s skitty eyes. Away, even, from Perry.

My gaze moves to him, walking a few paces ahead. As I watch, he tosses a few blackberries he found earlier into his mouth.

“Want some, Liv?” he says without looking back.

“No,” she answers. “Thanks,” she adds as an afterthought.

The tension between the three of us has faded, but Liv is still quiet. She’s allowed to be quiet.

“I want some,” I say, to chase away the silence a little longer.

Perry turns and waves a hand, indicating everywhere. “Then start looking,” he says, but he flips a few to me.

I chew the ripe fruit, thinking about the past days. Perry has defended me from Vale, and then Vale from me. And he has comforted Liv. His actions have shown he supports us, but now it occurs to me how little he’s actually said in support of us. Then it occurs to me that I haven’t heard him say anything. I have no idea what he actually thinks of Liv’s betrothal to Sable.

A cold feeling rolls down my spine. Is it possible that he actually agrees with Vale?

Thoughts fire off in my brain, one after another. Maybe he’s behind the arranged marriage because he doesn’t understand what love means—what Liv and I have. The closest he’s been to a girl is Brooke—which isn’t close at all. But even if he did understand, he wouldn’t make the same choices. Perry is selfless. For the Tides, he would sacrifice himself and love and anything else that got in the way.

Then it hits me. Could he actually be working against me and Liv? Did he come on this journey to keep track of us? To make sure we don’t run? He would never betray us for Vale; his allegiance to his older brother is a rotted thing, ready to crumble. But didn’t I just admit to myself he’d do anything for the Tides?

Sweat trickles down my back as I think of the thousands of times we’ve competed against each other in this thing or that—in everything. Our competitions were never earnest. Never malicious. Even when we argued last night, I never viewed him as a true adversary. What if he becomes one?

What if he tries to stop me from being with Liv?

Liv looks over at me then, her expression questioning and a little confused. I know I’m making a face. “Tart,” I say. “The berries were.” I wink at her and look away, focusing on the sound of our footsteps.

By some twist of fate, our pace is synchronized. Three pairs of feet land in near perfect rhythm. I concentrate on that—on the small miracle happening in this moment—but a rebel chant begins in my head and it’s loud. Too loud to ignore.

If I have to lose everything to keep her, I will.

I will.

I will.

I will.

 

Stealing some time to talk with Liv turns out to be simple. That night, as I’m circling our camp on night watch while the others sleep, she finds me.

I’ve been with her all day. All week. For months and years. But my heartbeat picks up at the sight of her approaching slowly, a tall liquid shadow moving through the black trees. She stops a few feet away, her eyes shining in the darkness. I notice that she’s wearing her weapon. We’re well into the borderlands now.

“I won’t let you give your life away,” she says. There’s pain in her voice, and I hate that this is the first thing—the first real thing—she’s said to me today.

“I don’t want to give it away either.”

“Roar, I need you to be serious right now.”

I raise my hands in surrender. “All right . . . I’m listening.”

“You heard what Perry said . . . what Vale vowed to do to you if we run. But this isn’t just about defying Vale, Roar. I’ve heard things about Sable. He’s proud and vengeful. People say he got his name because he has a black heart.”

“That’s just talk, Liv. Sable is powerful. Power doesn’t come without enemies and their scorn.”

“But what if it’s true? If we run, we wouldn’t just be going against Vale. What if Sable makes it his mission to hunt us down? To kill you? He has an army of thousands and that’s a fact. That’s not a rumor. I don’t want to be responsible for you living the rest of your life as a wanted man, and if you were ever caught . . .”

She trails off, choosing not to state the obvious. If I take her away and Sable or Vale ever catches me, it’s my life. There’s nothing for me to say so I shrug. I can’t promise that it won’t happen. It might. She’s either going to have to accept it—or not. But I won’t give her false hope.

I draw a breath, listening for sounds around me. The risk of being attacked by bands of dispersed is real out here; we can’t afford to let our guard down. I hear only the sound of leaves rustling with a breeze. The lonely call of an owl in the distance.

All I want is to be back where we were a few days ago on the beach by the cave.

Liv shifts on her feet. “Say something, Roar.”

“I love you.”

The words hang in the darkness, and now she’s the one who falls into silence. That wasn’t my intention. She should be in my arms right now. I don’t know why she isn’t.

I step toward her and find her hand. “I understand the risks, Liv.” I glance toward camp, thinking of the friend I might lose. “And I’m willing to take them. For you. For us. I choose you. Above everything else, I choose you.” Her fingers are cold, so I take them between my palms and then press my lips to them. “I’m ready,” I say, against her skin. “The question is, are you?”

She stares at me.

I wait.

And wait.

“You’re killing me, Liv. Whatever it is, just tell me. What’s in your heart?”

“You are,” she says.

She tells me again, silently.

You. It’s always been you.

I didn’t realize I’d been holding my breath for a few days until now. I pull her against me and squeeze as hard as I dare without hurting her. I kiss the top of her head. “I needed to hear that,” I whisper against her hair.

“When I think about being without you,” she says, “I can barely breathe.”

The coincidence makes me smile. “Keep breathing. I’m right here.”

She leans back. The smile on her lips is there and gone. “I don’t see a way out, Roar. Every choice I have, people will end up suffering. If I don’t go to Sable, what’s going to happen to the Tides? Are they going to starve because of me? Is Mila? Is Talon?”

“No. Your brother won’t let them starve.”

“How? I’m Vale’s solution. His answer to feeding the tribe is me.”

“When I said brother, I was talking about Perry. He won’t let Talon go hungry. Neither will Vale. They’ll think of something. No one’s going to starve.”

Instead of soothing her worries, my comments only make her wince. She’d be leaving everyone behind if we ran. Talon. Perry. Vale and Mila. Even Brooke. She’d lose any chance of seeing them again if she and I defied Vale and disappeared.

I can’t ask her to make that choice.

“You know what I want,” I tell her instead. “Whatever you decide, love, I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

She’s quiet for a long moment, searching my eyes. Stepping right into my soul. “Liv or love?” she asks.

I brush her hair away from her neck and rest my hand there, feeling the beating of her pulse. “Either,” I answer. “They’re the same to me.”