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The condensation on the glass beaded and droplets fell on the white table just out of his reach.
Arrow stared at the pitcher. The ice bobbed. He’d tried to get the old man with the glasses to give him a drink, simply a sip of water, but the doctor refused. Doctor Gears stated it would start him vomiting all over again. That was yesterday. He glanced at a black-edged clock mounted high on the wall above the exit. It was 2:05 a.m. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been asleep, but no matter, right now he could drink water. He was positive.
Looking at the glass longingly, Arrow didn’t care if he threw up or not. He wanted a drink so bad that he even considered getting up out of bed. He strained, but his body was so weak he couldn’t even sit up.
“Nova,” he breathed then relaxed against the mattress. She was his mantra. The only thing that kept the pain at bay. “Angel,” he whispered to the empty blue walls. His lips were chapped. His dry tongue licked them as he stared at the IV bag dripping into his arm. The doctor had insisted on the bag even when the young assistant said the IV was against the H.S.P.C rules for prisoners.
A prison is what he was in. No bars or chains, but he was locked to this bed all the same. It was merely him here dying. He was too weak to even sit up. He was too weak even to reach the water pitcher.
The reality of the situation hit him. He wished he was asleep again. He wasn’t a patient to be cared for. He was here to die so they could study his downhill spiral. Hopefully, at least, they might find answers to Snow Flu. If there was a cure, then his death wouldn’t be for nothing. A cure might save Nova.
Joe told him, as he was hauled out of court, that Nova had been taken to the Healing Booths with Dan, Archer, and Dawn. At that point, he didn’t care about anything as long as Nova was alive. Doctor Gears explained that she slept in a Healing Booth like this one. He didn’t know if that meant she was sick or well, but he did know her brother Archer and Dan both had Snow Flu.
At the trial, he’d been blamed for giving the agents the sickness. Mother had gladly pinned as much on him and Teagan as she could. He forced the trial out of his head. He didn’t care about any of that. If only he knew if Nova was alive or dead. If she was safe, then it would make up for some of his rotten life.
A gathering of some drips of water fell again to the table. This might be hell. His skin was on fire but he could no longer sweat. As the heat made him feel like he was being cooked, he felt like he deserved this. Even though knowing Nova was the highlight of his life, he figured it was probably rock-bottom for her. He couldn’t believe he had left her chained to her brother in a box. If only he could tell her how sorry he was. Guilt was cooking him like the searing heat. What he had done to her and to lots of people he wished he could atone for. Everything he had done for Mother was all things he wanted to go back in time and erase.
He closed his eyes and pictured Nova. She said sometimes you do things that are crazy and out of control, then you have to let them go. She told him he had to forgive himself. After that he’d have to find that next peaceful moment. Just picturing her in that moment back on the train, was like thinking about heaven. He visualized her eyes, her hair. The way she would rub her forehand while she thought. When he closed his eyes, he could taste her on his lips. Even with his body so battered, his cock tried to stir to life.
“They say, ‘There is no way to peace. Peace is the way.’”
Arrow’s eyes popped open. He’d been imagining her so hard that he could hear her voice. His heart started to pound as he turned his head to the door.
In the doorway stood Nova.
She stepped lightly into the room. The door behind her closed with a click. Her hands held a bucket, a bag, and what looked like white sheets. The light-colored lab coat with big pockets that she wore swished against the items she held. The coat wasn’t buttoned. He could see the dark tank top as well as the sweater that molded to her body. As she walked toward him, he noticed the tight little jeans that had holes ripped in the knees.
“They?” His voice was hoarse. He wasn’t sure if it was because he was in shock or because of the illness. “There is no they. They don’t exist.” He tried to sit up to see her better, but his entire body disregarded his order.
“Don’t say that. I met this guy on a train who had a bunch of smart sayings.” Nova came closer. She set the items down next to the water pitcher. Her eyes studied him.
“That guy is gone. He was a terrible person. You won’t miss him.”
Arrow felt her eyes survey him. He was painfully aware that his hair was tangled from dried sweat. The strands were unbraided and sticking to his bare shoulders. He’d pissed himself too.
A voice from the intercom next to the mirror abruptly drew his thoughts from his embarrassment.
“Doctor Gears’ assistant,” a woman intoned over the speakers. “You must be in attire that’ll protect from Snow Flu. This patient is a level one. Please return to Lab B for further briefings.”
“Briefings my ass.” Nova’s eyes flashed with annoyance. “This is the kind of crap that happens to—” She stopped suddenly then shook her head.
Arrow’s eyes grew big. Nova wasn’t in the protective plastic outfits like the old man Gears or the other girl he remembered. Panic made his muscles flex.
“Nova, I’m dying. You have to get out of here.” He croaked as he tried again to rise, thinking only of getting her to safety, but he only shifted in the bed.
Nova gave him a reassuring smile then walked over to the intercom. Her fingers held the red switch down as she spoke.
“Look what you did,” she barked into the speaker. “It’s his first day awake and you got him panicked. I swear your brains are made of monkey crap. You have my paper work. If you’re not able to read, I don’t think you should work here.” Nova snapped the switch up. “Why do I even bother? No one listens,” she dug into one of her pockets. Pausing, she gave him a sweet smile before producing a screw driver.
“What are you—”
“I thought we might need this.” Quickly she opened the intercom box. With a tug, she yanked out two wires which silenced the machine. When she was done, she returned to his side. “I’m fine. Don’t panic.”
“I’m not panicking,” he argued, but worry washed through him. His emotions must have showed on his face.
“Yes, I remember. You don’t panic.” Nova chuckled at him. “I’m fine, Arrow, or should I call you Weaver? On the trial document, the name says Weaver Yazzie.”
“Weaver’s not my name.” As he spoke, she put a thermometer under his arm. Even with her reassurances, he didn’t want her to touch him. “Angel, you have to leave. I’m sick.”
“I thought you agreed to be the silent companion on this trip. Silent is the important word.” She arranged her items she’d brought next to the bed then she checked the IV bag. “I’m immune to Snow Flu. I always have been. I can’t get it even if I want to. Trust me, Clare has tried a bunch of ways to give it to me.” As she talked, she moved the screen that was set in front of the toilet to place the divider in front of the mirror. “I could lick you from head to toe and never get it,” she added as she arranged the panel.
“I don’t think they’ll like that, angel,” Arrow said when he figured out that she made sure no one could see in.
“They wouldn’t like it if I licked you?”
“No, not lick me.” He grinned. “I meant to put the screen there.” Even though it was painful to laugh, the chuckle came out.
“I know. I was teasing you, but we’ll save licking you for another time.” She smiled.
Arrow felt her smile like a warm cloak wrapped around him on a cold train. It struck him that he didn’t deserve her making him feel better or making him laugh. What he deserved was her yelling at him for what he had done to her. He looked at the water, then at Nova. Both of them were out of his reach.
“You want a drink?” Nova must have caught the fugitive glance he gave the pitcher.
“I’m not supposed to. The old man said I’ll start vomiting again.”
Nova fished a metal pan out from under the bed.
“I bet he’d love to hear you call him the ‘old man.’” She plopped the bedpan on his lap, then returned to the water. She poured only a small amount of water in a glass before she came to his side.
Wrapping an arm around his shoulders, she helped him sit up. The glass pressed to his lips. He paused.
“You really are an angel.”
“I know I told you not to call me that, but I changed my mind. I missed it.” She held the glass. “I missed you.”
He paused for another second. He didn’t want to vomit up blood again.
“I missed you too.” The idea of receiving a loving declaration from Nova then hurling made him cringe. That would be the worst thing that could happen today. What would she say after? He stared at the glass.
“The ‘old man’ as you call him is my dad.” Nova must have noticed his pause. “He’s a brilliant doctor. If he told you that you’ll vomit you probably will, but then again that was a week ago. You might keep the liquid down. We’ll see.”
“A week ago? Who’s been caring for me all this time?” He hoped it wasn’t Nova. He was so embarrassed she saw him like this. He was covered with his own urine and sweat.
“I have been here every day caring for you, but you mostly sleep.” She nodded to the glass again.
He licked his lips before he took a sip. He didn’t want her to see him throw up, but he wanted the drink desperately. He took one sip, then two, then drained the glass. He let her settle him back down on the pillow.
Arrow braced for the worst, but his body seemed to accept the water. He felt nauseous, but he held it down. He thanked the Great Sprit she didn’t see him disgrace himself any more than he had already.
Nova took the bedpan off his lap.
“I only remember the old man a week ago. So, that’s your father?” he asked after he was sure he wasn’t going to hurl. “He doesn’t look like you.”
“Yes. He’s my guardian. He isn’t my biological father, but he’s my dad. I came here when I was a baby. He named me and everything.”
“He’s a doctor here?” Arrow had a hard time absorbing the idea that he’d slept for a week. Most of the time he’d been dreaming of Nova, but now he wondered if those were not dreams.
“Yes. He’s a doctor and a scientist.”
“You work for him?”
“Yes, I’m his assistant, but,” Nova sat on the bed near his ribs, “I feel like it’s not that you should be learning about me, but instead you should tell me about who you are, Weaver.” Her eyes dropped to her lap then she rubbed her forehead. “I’d like to know about the kind of man who’d leave me on a train to die.”
She stood up as if the subject was painful. He wished she had not brought it up. He knew that they couldn’t forget what happened. To be able to ever forgive or move on, they would have to talk about what he did to her. Even with talking, he figured she might never be able to forgive him. He had to pay for sins committed.
As she paced, he was now annoyed more than ever that he was drained. He wanted to pull her into his arms. While holding her, he would beg for forgiveness. He could tell she was hurt. She had every right to be. He wanted her to yell at him, not pace in silence. She should call him names or strike him. She shouldn’t have been caring for him for a week. Shame washed through him as he considered that he received all of her attention while he gave her nothing.
“The kind of man who would leave you on a train to die doesn’t deserve your care. I can never apologize enough for what I’ve done to you or your brother. I know I’ll never be able to make it up to you. I can’t even get out of this bed to hold you. I can tell you how sorry I am, but I don’t think I can ever make it right. I’m a terrible person exactly like Raiden said. I don’t know who Weaver is, but you should leave me here. I should die.”
“Why would you do it, Arrow?”
“I was so confused after they gave me the drug and—”
“I mean why join The Originals?”
He’d been thinking about that question ever since he’d gotten all his memories back, as well as all through the trial. He’d reviewed his decision every waking moment he wasn’t in pain with Snow Flu. The only thing he could do was be honest. Maybe she could find it in her heart to at least consider forgiving him one day.
“Mother saved my life when I first returned from a trek above ground with Raiden. I was sick with Snow Flu. She healed me. While I was so ill, I promised her a baby. When I healed, she claimed she could make my life everything I wanted. Mother said if I promised to give her a baby from my body, then that child would cure Snow Flu one day. She stated I’d be able to have sex and feel things like a normal person. Most of my life, Nova, I’ve felt hollow. I felt like I was missing something.”
“I understand.”
“No, you don’t. Please don’t be understanding. Stop being kind to me. I was horrible. I was selfish. I let her extract my sperm. I said nothing while she impregnated a young girl. I did that just to have the chance to get off. Right away...” He paused because he didn’t want to admit this to her, but he couldn’t keep it from her either, so he plunged on, “After the girl got pregnant, she somehow got Snow Flu. Mother announced that this was Earth telling us the child and the mother were unworthy. She had The Originals kick her out. Teagan and I dropped her on the train tracks in the tunnels to die.” His admittance brought tears to his eyes. He swallowed hard.
Nova gave a sharp intake of breath.
If ever he was sure he’d lost Nova completely, it was now. She could never be with someone like him. She would never forgive him for this. He couldn’t even forgive himself.
“It was the worst thing I’ve ever done. It’s unforgivable. After that, Mother discovered I had a sister, so she used me to track her so my own sister could carry the next baby. She told me this baby would cure Snow Flu. As long as The Originals had the cure, then we could stop the evil plan of the H.S.P.C.”
“But there is no evil plan.” Nova stopped pacing. “All the H.S.P.C. does is protect life. Fuck, their name stands for Human Survival and Population Care.”
“In many of Mother’s insane rants she claimed that if the H.S.P.C. had the cure then they’d create ultimate despair.” Arrow shook his head when Nova slapped her hands on her hips. He hurried on. “I know it’s bizarre. I knew it at the time. To tell you the truth, I didn’t care. All I wanted was to be normal. She promised me that on the path with her at the end I’d be normal with children, family, and life inside of my soul. I wanted that... I wanted to have sex. So, I agreed to capture Dawn.”
“You had sex with your sister?” Nova’s voice dripped with shock and disgust. He wished he didn’t have to tell her all of this.
“No.” Reaching deep for courage, he doggedly continued, “When Raiden said, I couldn’t have sex, he wasn’t lying. I couldn’t perform. It was a huge embarrassment for me in some ways, yet in others I used it to my advantage as best I could. I did create that game we played. I’ve seen a lot of sexual acts. I tried over and over again but it never worked. Mother knew I couldn’t ejaculate, so she extracted sperm from me a second time. She planned to put my sperm inside of Dawn’s body.”
“We never had a problem.” She gave a tiny shrug.
“No, we didn’t.” Arrow had thought about that too. The only thing he could come up with was that Nova was his perfect match. Mother called it a conpar, some Latin word for finding the right connection. Since he left her side, he’d not seen any golden ropes. He guessed he’d no longer be able to have an erection. With her around he knew she brought those things to his life.
“So, you and Mother impregnated Dawn?”
“We were all ready to do it.” Again, he cringed at his past. “But Dan burst in. He saved Dawn. Dan took her. I was given the memory drug. While Mother and Teagan tried to fix me, Archer showed up and they captured him. It was such a mess that Mother and Teagan took Archer. They decided to come back for me later. I was out of it so they left me, thinking they could finish the antidote, get rid of Archer, and I’d be fine waiting for them. But things changed with the cave in.”
“The H.S.P.C. closed the base.”
“Yea, Mother was worried about being caught. They were working on a plan when you showed up.” Arrow couldn’t look at her.
“And they didn’t know where you’d gone.”
Arrow sighed.
“Every day I wonder why you got mixed up with me. I have to say you were right about us not being together.” Arrow felt like this was his time to tell her goodbye. “I’m no good for you. You should leave me here to die, like I should’ve in that cage.” Arrow closed his eyes briefly. He couldn’t watch her go, but he deserved to see her leave. He got up enough courage to look her in the eye.
“It wasn’t a cage. It was a locked room.” She hadn’t left.
“Is this a potato, potatoes thing?”
Nova could make even his darkest moments brighten with a few words.
“You survived Snow Flu once. Don’t you think you’ll do it again?” She began to pace again. He’d missed that.
“I don’t have Mother’s magical healing powers this time.”
Nova burst out laughing. The sound startled him. It wasn’t a joyful laugh, but dark and sharp.
“I’d love to kick Mother in the teeth. She was not magical. You can survive. You healed last time on your own, Arrow. She gave you nothing more than sips of water. All you have to do is want to live. She gave you a reason. A goal to get through the pain.”
“I don’t want to live unless you forgive me.”
He held his breath. If she told him she was done with him, then there was no point in living.
“Did you know, around here they nicknamed me Nutty-Nova? So, I have a nutty idea. I’ve thought about it, and you can make it up to me for leaving me to die on the train. I’ll forgive you, but only on one condition.”
“What condition?”
“You can promise to survive Snow Flu. When you’re well, you can marry me.”
“Marry you?” Arrow felt glee and misery simultaneously. Nova came to sit next to him on the bed.
“Maybe it’s a bad idea. I know I can be volatile and insane sometimes, and I swear a lot. I only thought...”
Arrow worked to raise his hand to touch her, but it didn’t lift.
“Nova, I’d love to marry you. I want to be with you every day. I want to make up for all the wrongs I’ve done, but I can’t promise you I can beat this, and what about Sky? I thought you couldn’t fit me in your life with him, too. You and Troy broke up because of this other man. Maybe it’d be best if you let him be your everything. He’d be a better man then I. Hell, anyone is a better choice than me. Anyone who did not leave you to die on a train is a better choice, even Troy. No one should start out a relationship this way.”
She was silent. It made his heart hurt to think he’d convinced her to leave.
Finally, Nova spoke. “My dad said that a relationship can start in all sorts of ways. He told me that his friend was shot by his wife.” She paused. “It’s true, Sky has never left me on a train, but then again he can’t walk yet, so I figure that’d be hard for him. Besides, once you marry me you can take your place in his life where you belong.”
“As what?”
“As his father.”
Stunned silence blanketed him.
“What?” Arrow was glad he was on this bed. His legs would collapse.
“Sky was found near the tracks with a woman in a tunnel. She’d delivered a baby before she died. My dad already checked the DNA. He’s yours. Dad’s put a lot of this together. Just as sex with you changed my eye color. My blood transfusions changed Sky’s hair color.”
“He lived. My baby? My baby lived?”
“My blood keeps him alive. I named him Sky because his eyes are a beautiful shade of blue. When the Snow Flu cure is finished, I’m thinking of calling it Sky-Serum. What do you think?”
“I don’t understand.”
“Serum means—”
“Not about that, about the baby. Why will Sky have the cure?”
“Sky won’t have it directly. I mean not right away. He’s only one piece of the whole puzzle. Clare and Dad are working on the cure, but basically Sky has Snow Flu, but with my blood in his body he never gets sicker, but he never gets better, either. Also, Sky doesn’t pass it on. With me, I can never get it. With you, you can survive it. The idea is all three pieces of us will make a cure.”
“Will I be able to meet Sky if I get better?”
“Yes, if you survive, but you were saying you needed Mother for that.”
“For you and for my son, I’d do anything, angel.”
“I’ll remember that.”
“I’m sure you will.” Arrow paused. “Where is he? I have to make it up to him. I have to make amends.”
Nova put her cool hand on his forehead.
“Sky has always been kept with me and Clare, in our apartments. It’s a room like this, but it’s close to us so we care for him exclusively. What you need to do is rest. Leave Sky to me.”
Arrow wrinkled his brow as he recalled his dreams. “Are the walls white?”
“Yes.”
“Is he in a crib with wooden bars on the side? Sometimes you come in to sing to him? It’s a tune you hum when you kiss and nuzzle his cheeks.”
“How do you know that?”
“I finally know why I know you. I’ve been seeing thorough Sky’s eyes. It’s why at first you were blurry, then you came into focus. I used to see you a lot in my dreams. I still do.” Arrow grinned. “There is so much I want to share with you. I want you to tell me everything about Sky.”
She laughed. “We’ll have a time for all of that, but right now you promised me you’d heal. You said for me and Sky. You need to get cleaned up, then you’re going back to sleep. This was a lot of conversation for someone who just woke up and can barely keep down half a glass of water.”
Arrow looked at the forgotten water. “I feel like I could take on the world.”
“You might feel like that, but you look like a limp rag could whoop your ass.”
He smiled, then frowned as she touched his arm that was slick with sweat again. She stood up, then headed over to the supplies she’d set down.
“I’m going to turn you over so I can strip your bed. I’ll give you another glass of water. See if you can drink it before you take on the world.”
Arrow felt oddly exposed being naked and helpless. He didn’t want her touching his sheets covered with his sweat and piss. He only wanted Nova to see him at his best. After all that happened, the least he could do is spare her caring for him.
“I don’t want you to see me like this. Come back when I’m healed. I want you to leave.”
“No, you don’t.” Nova rolled him over. “‘I want you to leave’ says the man who can hardly move.” Nova muttered as she swiftly changed his wet sheets. He couldn’t do anything to stop her.
“Yes, I do,” he argued feebly. The clean sheets felt like heaven.
“No, you don’t. You need me.”
He couldn’t help but smile that she fought with him. He’d missed that so much. When she set his head down on a clean pillow case, he thought he could smell her sent of flowers.
“You’re right. I don’t want you to leave me. I do need you. Maybe I’ll rest and take on the world another day. You’re always right.”
“Not always.” She squeezed a damp cloth then started to gently mop his brow. She moved to his neck, then his chest. His eyes closed.
“Really?”
“You were right about us being together. We belong together. I love you.”
“I was right? That’s so amazing I need a banner to celebrate.” He yawned. “I love you too.”
“I’ll get you a banner.”
“Yea, one that says, ‘Arrow was right.’ After this, I can roll it back up and stick the paper into the closet until I’m right again. Maybe in a few years.”
