Chapter 9

 

Walking After You

 

 

CARL

 

“I can take you straight back to the hotel or…” She took a breath. “Or you could stay with me tonight.”

Carl thought about how he wanted to proceed. He’d actually been thinking about this moment all day long. He knew it was coming and so he had wanted to be prepared.

And he still didn’t have a clear plan.

So he went with his gut.

“Let’s go back to your place,” he said slowly. “But just to talk.”

She sucked in a breath like she wanted to say something but instead she shoved the keys in the ignition and turned the car over.

Norah Jones’ “Peace” spilled though the speakers and he reached over to turn it up.

As recently as a few weeks ago, he would never have guessed this was how he’d be spending his holiday break.

And yet he couldn’t think of anything he would have rather done.

Miranda, her family, her insane brother and his band—they’d been his family for longer than he’d had his biological one. This Christmas had been a sweet, sweet homecoming for him.

No one asked why he’d been gone for so long. No one guilted him for missing past years. They were all just happy to have him back.

And he was happy to be back.

Which was why he and Miranda needed to talk.

He had a few things on his heart he wanted to settle and there was no time like the present.

They got to her place and went about the motions of getting comfortable.

Her place was small like she’d said, but it was warm and cozy. It felt like Miranda. And so he had felt at peace instantly.

She made them hot cocoa and brought it to him on the small two-person couch.

“What do you want to talk about?” she asked, eyeing him over her steaming mug. “Our plans for revenge against the Three Stooges?”

He chuckled, loving the feel of this moment and looking forward to having more conversations with her right there on that tiny couch.

“Why did you leave in Germany?” he asked.

He had to get this part out of the way first, otherwise he’d second guess everything after that.

Miranda’s brown eyes grew sad and he hated that. But he had to know.

“I left because I was afraid of you asking me to leave.” She grimaced. “I know that doesn’t make sense. But with how I’d always been the one to push you away, I was convinced I deserved to have it done to me. So I ran when it was still perfect.”

Her simple revelation quieted the final fears in Carl’s mind. Because not only did what she say, make sense, it was like a missing piece in a puzzle he’d been trying to solve for too long.

Things she’d said, her reactions to him, all of the loose ends, they fell perfectly into place giving him a clear picture.

And he was just fine with the result.

Maybe they’d lost some time as they did the push and pull thing.

Or maybe they would have just had a messier dating life.

It didn’t matter anymore.

Because they were at a new kind of starting place.

Self-awareness and maturity had brought them here. And, because miracles still happened, they happened to arrive together.

“I have no desire to push you away. Ever. I only want to pull you closer.”

She brushed away a stray tear and smiled through her emotion.

Yep. This was right. They were right to be here, in this moment together.

“I’m not a young man, Miranda.”

She tilted her head in question. “You’re also not an old man, Carl.”

“What I mean is, I don’t want to do the drama,” he sighed at the end of that sentence and relief spread through him once he’d gotten it out. “I can’t tell you how much I am not interested in the drama.”

Miranda sucked her bottom lip and bit down to keep from smiling.

“I know we did the angst and the pain and the torment earlier in our relationship. But I just don’t want to go through all that again.”

She nodded as if she understood and he hoped to God she did otherwise this conversation was going to need a do-over.

“Tell me what you want,” she said gently.

He took a breath and straightened his shoulders. “I want to be with you. I want honesty and conversations. I want to work through any weird shit we have, I want to grow with you. I want to become better and have you there to witness it. And I want to make you laugh.”

Her eyes started to get red and she covered her mouth with one hand.

“And I want you to not be afraid to tell me what you want.”

That was the big one.

That was probably the only one with leftover ghosts from their past.

The look of recognition in her eyes told him she knew exactly what he was talking about.

“Well,” she began. “I want all of those things too. But I can’t promise I won’t be afraid. What I can do though is promise to communicate with you when I’m having those feelings.”

“I can work with that.”

He stared into the most beautiful eyes in the world.

Was that it?

Was it that simple?

Could they just be open and upfront with each other and have it work?

“I love you, you know,” she said at long last.

And there it was.

The perfect Christmas miracle.

“I love you so much,” he replied. “And somehow it’s more. Every moment I get to spend with you, I end up loving you more.”

She gave him a watery smile and then something caught her eye over his shoulder.

She set down her hot cocoa and went to the window.

“It’s snowing,” she gasped softly.

He set his cocoa down as well and joined her at the window.

Sure enough, large, fluffy snowflakes were drifting lazily to the ground.

He leaned over and flipped the light switch, so they could see the snow easier.

She slid her arms around his waist and he wrapped her into his embrace.

Silently, they held each other as they watched the flakes drift down from the heavens and kiss the ground. The lights outside twinkled softly, like tiny beacons of hope.

And Carl knew his life would never be the same.

It would be better.

The End