Chapter Twenty-Two

The Inevitable

It was heaven to feel his touch, his masculine hardness pressing into her. All along she’d wanted this; she’d hoped for this. And if she admitted it to herself, even before leaving Beauchamp manor, she’d dreamed of being with him again.

But she’d never thought it would come true.

Was she fool enough to give in to it now? Was she fool enough not to? His leg had managed to push through the material of her dress and petticoats so she straddled his unyielding thigh. These feelings were primitive, uncivilized…inconceivable. Heat blossomed in her center as she pressed closer into him. In mad desperation, she clutched at his hair. Teeth cut into flesh. She tasted blood. Was it her own? Was it his? She didn’t care; perhaps it was both.

Letting out a gasp, she did not protest as Michael caught her up in his arms, carried her off the path and then lowered them both to the ground in a sheltered grassy cove. All of this, he managed, without moving his lips from her person. He was tasting her again, nipping, sucking, kissing.

“No love bites,” Lilly said, suddenly remembering the red marks he had left on her after they had been together at Vauxhall Gardens.

Michael was in a haze. “What?” He looked at her questioningly. He lay on top of her, his muscles straining as he protected her from his weight with his arms.

“Love bites,” Lilly said with lips that felt tender and swollen from his kisses. “Those little red marks you left on me before. It took a week for them to go away, and my maid told me they were evidence of lovemaking.”

The expression on Michael’s face made him look like a child who’d raided the cookie bin. Suddenly, the years they’d been apart melted away. “I never meant to leave them, love. I’ve never been able to control myself around you.” He bent down and kissed her neck tenderly, softly. “I never meant to hurt you, love. I promise I’ll be careful.” His kisses trailed lower as his hands pulled down her bodice. Exposing her breast, he feathered kisses all around the rosy tip. He lightly ran his tongue over the soft, sensitive skin along the underside before capturing the bud in his mouth. Arousal coursed through her core.

“Hurting you is the last thing in the world I ever wanted to do.” He spoke between kisses. His voice was gravelly, choked with emotion.

Michael was greedy, and Lilly reveled in it. How many times had she dreamed this?

And then she realized he was trembling. Her Michael. Her love.

He lifted his face and searched her eyes. “I want you so badly, and yet I am tormented by the thought of hurting you again. You must know I love you. I never stopped loving you.” His eyes glistened as he implored her to understand. “Even now, honor compels me to run. To run away from you.” He took her hand, reached down with it, and placed it on the evidence of his arousal. “But you are the master of my heart, of my body. Tell me to stop and I will. God help me, but I will.”

Lilly’s hand pressed into him and wrapped around his thickness through the fabric of his falls. She would not deny him.

She would not deny herself.

Her thumb worked up and down, touching him from memory. Loving the knowledge that he needed her touch as much as she needed him. And then he pulled her hand away. “Not so fast, love. I’ll make a fool of myself.” The uncertainty she’d seen in his eyes before had transformed into wicked desire. “Let me love you first.”

He had changed, and yet he had not. No one else ever saw this side of him. His passion, his insecurity, his sense of humor. His hand reached down to the hem of her skirts and his fingers gathered them into his fist. Tantalizingly, he exposed her ankles, her calves, her knees, and most of her thighs. Lilly wore no drawers. There were no barriers beyond her skirts.

Long ago, with just a hint of light from the moon, she’d undressed in his presence. She’d given him full access to her body as they’d frolicked in the spring-warmed waters. But he’d never seen her body in the daylight.

There had never been any daylight when Lord Beauchamp had taken her either.

She pushed thoughts of him from her mind. She did not want him intruding on this time with Michael. Michael slid down her body and began kissing the sensitive skin on the inside of her knee.

A tension grew inside her womb when she looked down and saw his dark head bent over her thigh. One of his hands had reached up and was touching her low on her abdomen. His other hand supported her leg. His mouth travelled along the tender skin of her inner thigh now. New whiskers scratched at her, and she jumped when she felt his breath upon her…

“Michael?” she asked, uncertain as to what he was doing. Well, she thought she had an idea as to what he was doing, but surely not!

His mouth was very close to the apex of her legs. He growled softly and then wolfishly looked up to smile at her. “Yes, love?” he said. “Is something the matter?”

“Um, are you quite certain you want to do…that?” It was difficult to speak, what with all the twitchy neediness he’d ignited. Her hips rose slightly, of their own accord, reaching for that elusive feeling she hadn’t experienced in years.

She nearly cried out at the vibrations of his laughter. He paused for the briefest of moments and met her gaze. His lips were wet, and his eyes hooded. “Quite certain.” And with that, he dipped his head and found her opening with his very devilish tongue. Lilly’s hips jerked again as Michael licked and sucked and pulled at the swollen skin at her opening. Her knees were bent, and her heels pressed into the ground.

Lilly lost all coherent thought. She closed her eyes from the glare of the sun and gave in to this sinful delight.

Michael had moved his hands below her, tilting her up for better access, and then reached around to part her gently and slide one finger inside. And then another. Her initial mortification forgotten, she now actively moved with him. Until she was falling, falling, falling. Waves of pleasure coursing through her.

She felt her womb pulsing, throbbing, around him when he finally paused his movements.

In her haze of bliss, she could not help but mourn the vanished promises of their youth. How had she lost him? Had the fates been against them all along? The warmth of his touch reminded her to remain in the present. She was here with him now. She would dwell neither on the past nor the future.

After placing a few kisses along her leg, Michael sat back upon his heels and stared down at her. His blue eyes looked darker, his pupils dilated, as he beheld her exposed body, flushed from his lovemaking.

He’d been the one, years before, who’d awakened her sensuality. She nodded slightly, and he reached to undo the fall of his breeches. She would have everything. If only for a day, if only for an hour. She’d learned the sweet bitterness of memories years ago. She welcomed new ones for the future.

She watched his bent head as he undid the buttons. And when he was free, she swallowed hard. He was larger than she remembered.

“See what you do to me.” He leaned forward to cover her again.

This time he settled his arousal between her thighs. Her wet heat welcomed him as she opened wider for his entry.

Slowly, for this must last a lifetime, they joined their bodies together.

Her legs wrapped around him, inviting him further as he pressed his forehead between her breasts. They had come home to each other. There were no barriers. There was no awkwardness.

Together, they moved imploringly until finding the rhythm that was uniquely theirs.

When Lilly had first made love with Michael at seventeen, it had been enchanting, almost dreamlike as they’d tangled and touched like water nymphs in a cave. She had experienced joy but had also been looking beyond the moment, believing it merely a taste of the passion she would share with Michael in the years to come.

This time she was keenly aware of what her future could hold. This would be the last time she would allow herself to be with him thusly, and therefore, she was determined to take pleasure in every moment. Reaching through the dizzying passion, she forced herself to open her eyes and watch him as he moved above her. His hair fell forward, partially covering his closed eyes.

Sensing her attention, he opened his eyes and returned her searching gaze. It was as though they could see into one another’s soul. Their two bodies became one, and for that twinkling of an eye, they shared one heart as well. Michael pulled back slowly and then firmly thrust again, burying himself to the hilt.

She welcomed the fullness.

They moved slowly at first, embracing each sensation until neither could hold back. But their passion had been denied for years, and a yearning hunger took over. Lilly clutched at him with her legs, her fingernails digging into the fabric of his shirt. And then the world tilted slightly, and Michael’s movements quickened, faster and deeper still. The emptiness she’d felt for so long would finally be filled. Her legs gripped him tightly. She wanted this never to end, but as their tension built, she could not keep herself from falling into oblivious pleasure. Only then did she sense Michael’s surrender. His movements quickened, faster and deeper, nearly violent in his excitement. But he had not lost all control. Before reaching his own satisfaction, he pulled himself free of her legs, breathing harshly.

Lilly nearly cried, although logically she knew it was for the best. Breathing heavily, she knew the sensation all too well.

His seed was warm and thick as it spilled along her thigh.

It was for the best, she told herself, searching for a handkerchief. She was not his wife, after all. She wiped at the liquid and turned away.

****

Afterwards, Michael rolled to one side of Lilly and pulled her into his arms. He wished to hold her forever. Not wanting reality to intrude, he rubbed his cheek upon her hair as they both relaxed into each other. “Are you all right, love?” She’d wiped away their mess and then settled comfortably back into his arms. Neither of them had spoken yet, and he wasn’t ready to allow any distance between them.

She did not answer for so long, he thought she’d fallen asleep, but then she stretched her body and turned to face him. Her skirts and bodice were bunched around her waist, and Michael could not help but gaze at her skin, still flushed from their passion. He felt himself begin to harden again watching her move.

And then she spoke. “I know this, we, the two of us, for some reason is not to be. But I will cherish every moment with you, every touch.” She paused and looked beyond him and into the sky. Sunlight reflecting off the leaves sparkled in her eyes. “I know there ought to be guilt, but in this moment, I feel none. So please, please, do not apologize.”

Was he sorry? No. At least he’d been able to protect her somewhat. “I won’t,” he promised, one arm under her head, the other tucked between them. He’d not released his seed inside of her. When he’d tried to pull away, he’d had to free himself from her legs. He very nearly had not been successful. “My mind is in a turmoil, but right now the only thing I want to think about is how you feel. How you taste.”

There would be plenty of thinking to do later. What to do. When to do it. But for now, he would see her smile.

He rolled onto his back, bringing her with him. Startled and now straddling him, she looked down into his face. Ah, there it was. That secret smile.

“You are a pagan goddess atop me.”

She mesmerized him. Her hair had come undone and tumbled down her back. As she leaned forward, a strand swung down to caress his lips. The tips of her breasts rubbed tantalizingly over the fabric of his shirt.

“Lilly,” Michael said.

“Yes,” she whispered, finding his heat with her own.

“I won’t apologize for this either.” And with that statement, they both explored, touched, and joined again. And for all of these things, there was nary an apology spoken.

****

After what could have been hours or only minutes, Michael led Lilly back to the lake where they tidied up as much as was possible having only two handkerchiefs and ice-cold water. Michael had managed to locate her hair pins, and together they’d somehow pulled her hair into a simple chignon. Her dress was wrinkled, however, and his breeches stained with grass. All Michael could do at this point was hope nobody noticed. He would not comment upon Lilly’s disheveled state, though. She might not return to the others if he did so.

There really was no choice in the matter.

Relishing the time in one another’s company, yet knowing it was nearly at an end, they walked arm in arm along the remainder of the path that circled the lake. Before emerging from the woods, Michael pulled her into his arms one last time. Forehead to forehead, they breathed each other in.

“I do love you, and I will never be sorry.” Lilly spoke the words quietly, as though reciting a prayer.

“I love you, and I will never be sorry,” Michael promised back.

Lilly dropped her arms and stepped away resolutely before twisting her face into a weak attempt at a smile. Michael placed his hand upon the side of her face.

And then it was over.

Unable to stop her, unable to offer her anything, he watched as she skipped ahead down the path toward the voices of their friends. She would emerge from the woods alone. Michael followed slowly.

He was beginning to see she was vital to his future happiness. And perhaps he was to hers, as well.