The street vendor had used too much pepper on my grilled-fish kebab, but it had been a long time since I ate and I scarfed it down in a couple of massive bites.
“Hey, girl,” I said, arriving at Maraud’s stall in the Underbridge paddock.
When I stepped into the enclosure, she pushed her head against mine. Too hard, but that’s pretty standard for my big mauve allosaurus. It’s not her fault she’s too affectionate, and humans are so much smaller and more fragile than she is.
“I know, girl.”
I had gotten all the fear out of my system, and most of the desperation, but a low-level sadness was still throbbing inside me. She nuzzled me, hard enough to push me back a step.
“Come here,” I said, and put my arms around her snout. Rubbed her cheek. She shut her eyes and let her breath out in a long slow snort-sigh. Her head was as big as my whole torso.
I shut my eyes too. Tried to think about anything other than what was happening to my city. To monsters everywhere. Tried to tame my fear, so it wouldn’t touch Maraud.
“You okay?” asked a voice from the darkness.
“Niv,” I said, when he stepped into the light. “How long have you been in here?”
“Couple of hours. Waiting for you.”
“And she didn’t eat you,” I said, impressed.
“We’ve been having a great time, actually.”
“You left Ash alone? Unguarded?”
He laughed. “Unguarded? She’s with Radha, and I’d wager a lot of money that woman’s a way scarier fighter than I’ll ever be.”
I nodded in agreement.
“So,” I said, dreading it. “Why were you waiting for me?”
He smiled. Hopefully.
I wanted to step back, but I didn’t. I kept one hand on Maraud’s forearm, feeling the tiny feathers across her skin.
“Can we try this again?” he asked.
I didn’t speak.
“I know how hard it’s been for you—out here. I know I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. But I’ve been through stuff too. And I care about you. I think we could be good for each other.”
I shrugged, feeling a lump in my throat grow bigger and bigger.
He kissed me. I let him. Put my hands on his chest, as if to push him away, and then just let them rest there. And then I kissed him back. Hungrily, until he pulled away.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“We need to get out of here,” he said, sliding down to sit in the straw. “Me and Ash. It’s not safe for her, and it’s not safe for your family.”
I sat too. “Yeah.” And then I remembered the burlap sack I’d dragged in with me, and handed it to him.
“What’s this?”
“A present,” I said. “For Maraud. Give it to her.”
He opened it up, and then winced at the smell, and then laughed. “Here, girl,” he said, and hoisted up the coelacanth steak I’d purchased. She ate it greedily, exactly like I’d eaten my fish kebab.
“Ash’s personal guard,” I said, because this one detail had been bugging me ever since I regained my memory of Ash in the High Tower. “The nine soldiers.”
Niv frowned. “Yeah?”
“What happened to them? They were trained to be by her side until the end of her life or theirs.”
“Well, then—it sounds like you already know what happened to them,” he said.
“They died?”
“I assume so. The truth is, nobody knows. But they vanished. One rumor is, they were executed by the Palace, because one or more was going to betray Ash—but I don’t believe that. I know those women. They adored her. Another rumor is, Ash killed them herself. By accident—she attempted to access her power, and it overwhelmed her. Went haywire.”
“She had a freak-out,” I said, thinking of my own blackout moments. “When they disappeared—was it around the Night of Red Diamonds?”
Niv nodded. “It was that same night.”
Neither of us said anything for a long, long while. We had spent our whole lives protecting Ash from the outside world. It never occurred to us that the world would need protection from her.
At our feet, on the cover of the Clarion, Darkside Police Commissioner Bahrr had his hands on his hips. He wore a polo shirt and seersucker shorts.
“That asshole,” I said. “What’d he do now?”
“Eyewitnesses described a secret meeting that took place between Commissioner Bahrr and the Shield.”
“Are you serious?” I said, eyes widening. “That’s huge! That proves—”
“Not really. He played it off, said they were just meeting ‘to coordinate efforts for the annual Unmasking Day celebration.’ And also he ‘denied all involvement in the growing Destroyer movement.’”
“Of course he did.”
I couldn’t stop thinking about Ash’s eyes, in that vision of the other side that I’d seen. How they held pain and anger I knew nothing about. How she was my whole world, and I didn’t know what to do to help her. How helpless that made me feel.
Maraud stepped forward, lowered her head to lick my hair. And then she licked Niv’s. And I felt safe, even though I knew we were not.