I stood with my back to the door, trying to calm my hammering heart. Not just anger now, but humiliation. I’d already heard his foosteps retreating down the stairs, so any last lingering hope that he might follow me was gone. He didn’t care, he didn’t care! He never had. A moment of bewilderment – I’d been so sure he’d liked me – You fool, Eve, you utter fool.
I heard a whistle outside and ran to the window. There was only a pale sliver of moon but as my eyes adjusted I spotted the white flash of Jack’s breast turning to follow his master – who was calmly striding away, taking his dogs for their evening walk! I couldn’t bear to stay another night under his roof – even the milk train would be too late – but I’d given my word – Suddenly I rushed over to my kari and began stuffing in skirt and spare underwear. I knew how to beat him and leave, tonight.
Oilskins, sou’wester, Bible box – reassuringly weighty. Weighted with his money. Over at the writing desk I pencilled ‘Montmorency Guyzance’ on an envelope, tipped his Judas coins inside and sealed the flap. I ran full tilt down to the front hallway and thrust it through the slit of the house post box.
Up I ran again, swift and light-footed as a poacher. Lashing my boots to the strap of my kari and dumping my Sunday skirt and petticoat on to the bed – I’d have to send for my trunk later – I dragged on climbing breeks and dark jersey and began to plait my hair. When it was firmly coiled around my head I hesitated a moment, then pulled on my black stocking cap – I didn’t want to be seen too soon, or by the wrong person. With the last straying wisps hidden and my jersey collar tugged up I was ready to go.
Seizing my kari I tossed it through the open back window before springing up on to the chest of drawers and with a soft cry of ‘Fire!’ following it out on to the roof of the main house.
Which I was perfectly familiar with. I had obeyed his instruction not to set foot on the steps leading up to the roof of the tower, but there were plenty of more interesting ways to get there. At Wenlock Court I’d developed quite a taste for wall and roof scrambling, so at Overby as soon as I’d felt better – perhaps even a little before – I’d been out on that roof. His roof.
But only under cover of darkness, and even then I’d been careful not to let myself be seen – so I hadn’t risked climbing any of the four pinnacles which sprouted from the corners of his tower, since I’d have been outlined against the sky and possibly spotted. But tonight I wanted to be spotted – to be seen – and thus fulfil the letter of my promise before making a rapid escape across the leads and down the fire escape ladder on to the service court wall.
He might have caught me at Scarborough but here on his own roof my experience and lightness would tell – especially as he’d told me himself he didn’t have my head for heights. And once on the ground Uncle Fergus’ training would not let me down.
I felt much better now I was prowling round on top of his roof instead of being trapped under it. And it was quite a satisfactory roof – a touch on the boring side but generally sound and well-maintained. His stone gargoyles were firm and his ridge tiles were steady under my bare feet.
Returning to the corner where the tower joined the main part of the house I dropped one foot down on to a convenient ledge and reached the toes of my other foot over to the drainpipe clamp – test – move – His drainpipes were most satisfactory – round, rigid, and set a little out from the wall so I could slip my fingers behind and get a firm grip. And these regular clamps took the strain off my arms – Be a monkey, Eve. I swarmed up it.
Up to a good sound pipe head and a narrow ledge just below the parapet of the tower. Test – move – Hauling myself up and over the parapet I dropped down on to the flat walkway of his tower roof. Oh yes, you couldn’t fault his tower, but – A sudden spurt of anger swept through me – how could he have tried to betray me like that? Turning my head I glared towards the spinney he would shortly be emerging from – but there was time for some pinnacle practise first.
I chose the opposite one from my intended perch to practise on. Springing up on to the parapet I reached for the first gargoyle with my left hand – test – and the ridge above with my right. A quick pull up and my right foot was settled on its own gargoyle – after that, easy-peasy. These flat-headed gargoyles were so evenly spaced it was like scaling a ladder – and the summit of the pinnacle itself formed a neat little platform which was almost made for two feet to stand on. I was tempted, but – better not, Eve – no stabilising lightning conductor rod sprouting from this one. Besides, you might be seen by an unintended pair of eyes.
I climbed quickly down, practised my access to the other two – those moves were the only slightly tricky ones – then after pulling off my stocking cap and thrusting it into my kari I walked round to the far side, where my chosen pinnacle reared up from the outer corner of the tower. It was the most exposed of the four, and thus the one adorned with that crucial copper rod. Oh yes, I knew all about lightning conductors from my science lessons with Apa.
So I stood on the roof waiting for Monty. It was chilly up there, but my mounting anger warmed me as I watched that spinney – Shepherds’ Spinney it was called – he’d told me its name on one of our walks, we’d been talking about the dogs and how he often took them that way for their evening run – casual talk, as between friends — I’d thought we were friends, not him just trying to butter me up – A white flash – Jack’s chest – I leapt up on to the parapet and began my climb.
When my waist came level with the pinnacle summit I looked down – and saw only the top of Monty’s cap. I had to make him look up. But I’d already thought of that one – clever, clever Eve. The sawing sound of a leopard’s growl challenged the Wiltshire night. Jack barked his response. And as I called a second time the cap tipped back and I saw the white blur of a face.
I placed my right foot on the summit of the pinnacle and with my left already moving up I reached out and seized the lightning rod. Which was loose. It swayed under my hand and I swayed with it as my mind froze in a moment of utter terror – but my mountain-born body had already completed the movement of my other foot and extended my arms, seeking balance – and finding it.
I stood up there, letting the movements of my outstretched arms settle and steady, steadying me as I whispered my prayer of thankfulness. Only then did I risk a quick glance down to glimpse Monty’s upturned face before looking out again into the cloud-scudding night.
I stood balanced there a little longer, letting my nerve return, then bending my knees I dropped my body down until my fingers found the narrow over-hanging edge of my small platform. Test, Eve. It was firm. Move – one foot down to rest on the flat head of the uppermost gargoyle – test – I let that foot take my weight. Stop – think. I moved my second foot down to another, lower, gargoyle. Test, Eve –
And so I came down that pinnacle. When I reached the flat walkway I felt I was calm again, but my legs were not quite ready to leave yet – besides, I could hear boots pounding up the steps below. The trap door thumped back and Monty was heaving himself through it already shouting, ‘What on earth were you doing? Whatever did you think you were doing!’ He came thundering towards me.
I replied with such dignity as I could muster, ‘I was leaving, for London.’
‘You were leaving?’
‘Of course – what else did you think I was doing?’
He said flatly, ‘I thought you were trying to fly.’
If that was his idea of a joke – I said sharply, ‘That was a leopard’s call, not a vulture’s.’
The vultures fly, waiting – I began to shiver, almost shuddering –
Dragging off his jacket he flung it round my shoulders. ‘Put that on.’ I did as I was told – but my fingers were trembling as I rolled up the cuffs of his too-long sleeves. As soon as my hands were free he seized one, hauling me along the roof. I pulled back to retrieve my kari. ‘What’s that?’, he demanded.
‘My bag – I told you, I was leaving.’ And I felt his grip on my hand relax a fraction, though he didn’t let go until we’d reached the trap door. I dropped my kari down and turned to follow it. Think – test – move – stop.
As soon as I reached the bottom the command came, ‘Stand to the side, and wait.’ He lowered himself through and I heard the trap door thumping down, followed by the savage shooting of bolts. As soon as his boots hit the floor he gripped my elbow and escorted me on down the stairs like a jailer.
When we reached the door of the schoolroom he almost pushed me inside. So there we were again. Pulling the door hard shut behind us he held out my kari, ‘Have you a skirt in here?’
‘Yes.’
‘Get behind the sofa and put it on. I’ll sort out this fire.’
Setting aside the fireguard he dropped to his knees in front of the hearth and began carefully feeding the still-glowing embers – pausing only to call over his shoulder, ‘And your stockings.’
When I emerged from the cover of the sofa he pointed a coal-grimed finger at the armchair, ‘Sit down – and don’t move!’ I almost collapsed into the cushions, where I huddled in the comfort of his jacket watching him tend that fire – until, satisfied, he sat back on his heels and watched the re-born flames. There was coal-dust on his glossy white cuffs, and I loved him.
He turned to look at me, ‘What’s the matter, Eve?’
‘Nothing.’
‘You’re still very pale – shock, I suppose.’
‘So are you.’
He gave a kind of half-grimace betore repeating, ‘Shock, I suppose.’ Then he stood up, and faced me. ‘Eve, I must have the truth. You must tell me the truth. What exactly were you doing up there?’ His voice rose, ‘Tell me the truth!’
‘I told you – I was leaving.’
‘Across the roof? And in the middle of the night!’
‘The roof’s the quickest way.’ I explained, ‘I was going to go down the fire-escape ladder, and then climb over the service court wall. If you had chased after me on the roof you wouldn’t have caught me, not like at Scarborough – I’m better at roofs than you are.’ Except tonight—
He said grimly, ‘Indeed. But once on the ground—’
‘If you had come after me I would have laid a false trail, like we did with the water ghillie – until he stopped looking.’
‘I see. There’s just one problem with that plan of yours, Eve – I would not have stopped looking.’ Then he glanced over at my kari, ‘And certainly, you did have that bag with you—’
‘I couldn’t take my trunk, could I? Not across the roof. I was going to send for it later.’
And finally he almost smiled. ‘I suppose heaving a trunk all the way across my roof might have been a bit much, even for you.’ Then his half-smile rapidly gave way to a frown. ‘But if this was your intended plan, why then did you scale that pinnacle?’
‘Because you’d made me promise that before I left you could see me.’
He stood staring at me for a moment before he said, ‘Yes, I did, didn’t I?’ He raised his eyes to the ceiling and exclaimed, ‘Oh, spare me from the ruthless logic of the seventeen-year old!.’ Then looking straight at me again he announced, ‘Now, I want another promise, and this time I shall endeavour to be more precise. Promise me that while I run downstairs you will not leave this room, by door, windows,’ he glanced round at his nicely flickering flames, ‘Or chimney.’
‘I promise – on my herring gutter’s knife. I’ll stay in this chair, if you want.’
‘I do want, Eve.’ He closed the door behind him and left me anchored in the schoolroom – from whence, such a short time before, he’d tried to banish me. I pulled his jacket right round me and began to shake again. Stop it, Eve – you got away with it – though that stupid joke of his had been a bit too near the mark, I could have finished up flying, only without the benefit of wings –
Wings!
“I had wings… wings like silver… but he wouldn’t let me fly…” And echoing in my head was her terrible wail of despair, “He cut off my wings!”
She thought she could fly – she must have tried to jump. He’d managed to stop her, then – but seeing me perched up there my arms flailing he’d thought I was trying to do the same – and all he could do was stand and watch. I was so ashamed of myself.
Tugging my arms out of the sleeves I turned and buried my face in his jacket, seeking the comfort of his sweat. I just lay there waiting for him to come back. Which he did, quite quickly.
I sat up straight. ‘Monty, I’m so sorry – it was all my fault. I made a mistake – the lightning conductor was loose, but I didn’t test it – I didn’t test before I moved. I forgot Apa’s rules!’
I saw the expression on Monty’s face and ran to him. He held me tight, rocking me – we were rocking each other. I reassured him, ‘Honestly, I didn’t intend to – to do anything silly. It would have been quite safe – it was, once I found my balance, and got my nerve back.’
He said softly, ‘So that’s why you stayed on up there – to get your nerve back?’
‘Yes, of course.’
He echoed, ‘Of course. I forget at my peril that you’re the girl I watched climbing so calmly over the Gob of Helspie.’ Still holding me he began stroking my hair – stroking and drawing the pins out at the same time, until my plait fell free. But not for long – because now he coiled that plait of mine round his fingers – coiling it tightly up until his warm palm lay heavy on my neck. ‘You gave me a nasty shock out there, Eve.’
My lips brushed his ear as I confessed, ‘I gave myself a bit of a shock, too.’ Then, lifting my face to his I admitted, ‘Apa always warned me never to climb when I was angry – but tonight I did, and so I made a mistake.’ I put my head down on his shoulder again and whispered, ‘I was so angry with you for sending me away.’
I felt rather than heard his sigh. ‘I tried so hard to do the right thing by you – and it very nearly ended in disaster.’ He gave me a quick, fierce hug before setting me away. ‘You go back to your armchair puss cat. I’ve brought up some more milk – but I’ll make the cocoa this time.’
So I sat waiting, waiting for Monty.
When he returned with the two dogs at his heels he was wearing his velvet smoking jacket and slippers again, and carrying a tray. He set the tray down and handed me my large nursery cup and saucer. He looked just a twitch too pleased with himself, and giving half a giggle, I teased, ‘I didn’t know you could make cocoa, Lord Rothbury!’
‘I can do lots of things you don’t know about, Miss Courtney!’ A full giggle this time, which was met with his smile of approval. ‘You’re looking rather pinker now, Eve.’
‘So are you.’ I raised the plain blue-banded cup to my lips and took a cautious sip. ‘Your cocoa is really very good!’
‘You sound surprised, Eve – but obviously I had to serve my time as a fag at school.’ Apa had told me about doing that, so now I asked Monty, ‘Could you make toast as well?’
‘And rather good scrambled eggs – though I do say it myself.’ He smiled. ‘Although there was one unfortunate incident. I’d dumped a plateful of my best scrambled eggs and toast down on a chair while I brewed the tea – then Fred Parton turned up with his mind on something else as usual and before I could stop him he sat down on top of the whole lot!’ I started laughing, and Monty joined me.
So there we were again, sitting opposite each other toasting our toes and drinking our cocoa. It was just the same as before – only not the same. Putting my empty cup down I said, ‘Monty, do you remember that time in Chelsea when I – when Eve Gunn – offered to be your mistress?’
Setting down his own cup he said quietly. ‘Yes, I do.’
‘Well, at first we got – sort of at cross purposes, so you suggested we start again – and play a game that when you asked me questions I had to tell you the truth. Now tonight you’ve already asked me questions, and I told you the truth, so—’ I finished with a rush, ‘So now it’s my turn.’
‘I see.’
I leant forward anxiously, ‘Will you do it, Monty – please?’
He stood up. ‘Yes, Eve, I will. But, as I think I told you then, games have rules – and I’m making a couple of my own. One is that I reserve the right to decline to answer if I feel your question is – shall we say, inappropriate – and the other rule is that there must be some limit on the number of those questions.’ Moving over to the games cupboard he took out the dice cup and rattled it. ‘We’ll let lady luck decide for us tonight.’ He handed me the cup. I rattled and rattled that dice, praying for a six. It was a three.
He picked it up, ‘Fire away, then, Eve.’
Now I hesitated. Did I really want to know? Finally I plunged in. ‘Why did you say it was the right thing—’ I corrected, ‘That you were doing the right thing, by sending me away?’
He replied in a level tone, ‘Because I am a danger to you.’
‘Why?’
‘I am a danger to you because I want something from you that I have no right to ask for.’
I paused to think. Since I already knew exactly what he’d wanted from Eve Gunn – what was the point of wasting my last question on that? I stared into the fire he’d so carefully re-built for me, and heard him say above my head, ‘You have one more question, puss cat.’ And his voice sounded almost as if he were prompting me –
So, my eyes still on the flames, I asked, ‘What is it you want from me, Monty?’
‘Love, Eve.’ My head snapped back. He said quietly, ‘So you see, I had to try and send you away. For your own sake.’
‘For my sake?’
‘You are still very young.’ He smiled – my serpent, who loved me.
This second shock was more than I could cope with. Hiding my face in my hands I began to cry. Crying with relief.
He – you – came and knelt at my feet – put your arms around me, cuddling me, stroking my hair, holding me close, comforting me – and handing me your large white handkerchief. ‘Have a good blow, puss cat.’
So I did. Then I gave him a watery smile and he said softly, ‘It’s all been too much for you – I shouldn’t have said that, should I?’
‘I’m glad you did.’
‘Yes, so am I – tonight. Tomorrow I shall feel differently.’
‘VVhy?’
His fingertip stroked my cheek. ‘Because Eve, you know my position.’
Wings… he cut off my wings… Sybella at Sunset.
Monty said softly, ‘I have nothing to ofter you, Eve – there is nothing I can offer you.’ Raising my own hand I gently traced the arch of his eyebrows. Monty, my serpent who protected me – even from himself.
He sat back on his haunches. ‘I don’t know what we’re going to do now, Eve.’
I reassured him, ‘Don’t worry, I’ll think of something.’
He winced. ‘After what happened earlier tonight—’
‘That, Monty, was my not thinking.’
With a smile he rose to his feet. ‘Well, I think it’s time I packed you off to bed – you look very tired.’ He paused a moment before continuing, ‘And Eve, I would prefer you not visit my roof again before you leave – especially not the roof of this tower.’
I said quickly, ‘I always went round by the drainpipe – I never set foot on the steps to the trap door, because you told me not to.’
He stood there looking at me, without speaking, but still I heard his voice in my head saying that time at Wenlock Court, ‘You have a weasel way with words, young woman.’ And now even worse I’d had a weasel way with his words – words which he’d said to protect me, because I’d been ill – I felt my face burn with shame as I dropped my eyes from his.
‘I’m sorry.’ Then looking up at him again I admitted, ‘I think sometimes being Eve Gunn led to my behaving badly.’
He replied quietly, ‘In all fairness, puss, there were times when your being Eve Gunn led to bad behaviour on my part, too.’
Gratefully I reached out my hand to his. He gave it a quick squeeze before returning it to me and saying, ‘On the other hand, if you hadn’t played Eve Gunn we two wouldn’t be here now, would we?’ With a smile he moved to the door and opened it for me, ‘Off you go now, puss. I’ll see you—’ He closed his eyes a second as before re-phrasing, ‘We’ll enjoy our farewell breakfast together in the morning. Good night.’
As I opened my bedroom door I turned and smiled. ‘Good night, Monty, and thank you – thank you so muoh.’
I undressed with hands that were trembling with joy and relief. I was loved again – Monty loved me. Tumbling into bed I fell instantly into sleep – and awoke to that joy in the morning.