Chapter 11 - Charity and Finally, Time Off

"So he agreed with you?" asked a surprised Renee.

"Yeah, but he really didn't have much choice," laughed Heather, "he wasn't going to make anything if we refused to play. In fact, it would have cost him, so he did the pragmatic thing."

"He did the right thing," added Bill looking around the room, "and there's a lesson in there for you guys. If you do charity gigs, make sure that the entire gate goes to the charity. It's traveling on the high road, and you always want to take the high road."

"It's part of why our reputation is what it is," Maryanne added with a smile. "People in the industry know that when we say something, we mean it, and it will always be the right thing to do. It may not be the most profitable thing, but it'll be the right thing."

"When you do a charity show, do the promoters give you a hard time about it?" asked Tim.

"No, not anymore. After Sidney in Hawaii, they all know better," laughed Michelle. "It's a small world, and word travels fast. People know Sid, too. If he's going to give up ..."

"Thankfully, we were popular enough to be able to dictate our terms. If we weren't making lots of money for other people, too, there wouldn't have been that leverage. Besides that, I think we had the image of being more squeaky clean than the Osmond's," laughed Janell. "Whatever ..."

"It's the only time Maryanne and me don't mind doing some media work," Heather said, smiling. "Otherwise, Chelly and Jan took care of the media events. I'm far too honest and say what's on my mind. Maryanne is quieter because she's honest too, but doesn't like having to say it. I don't give a shit. I say what's on my mind, and people can just deal with it ... or not.

"Ha," chortled Michelle, "Put this in your pipe and smoke it."

"You two still don't do media appearances," said Janell.

"Nope, no reason to start now," laughed Heather.

"Were the Hawaii shows as fun as your normal shows?" asked Samantha. "I mean, you didn't have any of your own instruments."

"No, that's true," said Heather, "but Billy got me the three guitars that I asked for, and I think Jan got all the drums she wanted, so it wasn't all that bad."

"I didn't have as many drums to play with," said Jan with a laugh, "but I donated both sets to local schools. Both faculties were appreciative, so that made it worthwhile. All in all, it might have cost me ten or twelve thousand dollars for everything. Contributing to kid's education is worth a hundred times that."

"You gave some of them lessons too, didn't you?" asked Sam.

"Yeah, once we settled in Maui, I would go over a couple of times a week when we were on the island and give the kids some additional instruction," said Janell. "I always went after school, so it wasn't interrupting any of the school days.

"Most of the time, the kids didn't know I was coming until I was there. The teachers knew of course, but wouldn't tell the kids because it would have been a distraction. On the other hand, they appreciated knowing ahead of time so they could segue into music from whatever lessons they were dealing with during the last part of the day."

"There are some pretty decent musicians at that school," commented Chelly. "All of us would go once in a while with acoustics and play sing-along tunes while the kids beat on bongos or even small traditional hollow logs they had made."

"That's always a great time," said Maryanne. "It's cool to see the kids getting into the whole trip. One nice thing, too, is they don't treat us as if we're celebrities. We are just some teachers that come to have musical fun with them."

"Did they ever find out who you were?" asked Maria.

"Oh yeah, we never hid it from them," said Janell. "I'm sure they knew straight away, but because we didn't act like celebrities, they didn't treat us that way, so it was nice."

"There were some times we'd tell them to come on a Saturday with their parents. We'd have a big sing-along with everyone and a barbeque or luau at the same time. Those were fun days also."

"And nobody treated you like celebrities?" asked Maria.

"Nope. Like them, we are just regular people. We just made our living playing music.

"We're only part time residents, true, but Maggie, Tony, and the kids are always here, Grandma Judy too when she was living. It didn't matter to them who we were, just that we were friends," said Michelle. "It was very refreshing."

"It kind of restores your faith in the future of humanity," said Bill softly.

"That's a good way to describe it," said Chelly with a smile.

-----

The Hawaiian charity gigs were somewhat different for the band because they mostly had to set up their own equipment.

"It's been so long since I've had to set up a set of drums, I've forgotten how," Janell laughed, "help I need Jerry."

Everyone got a chuckle out of that. There were plenty of stagehands, and some of the roadies had returned with Pete to help. There was lots of help lifting the amplifiers and speakers into position, and Bill had a makeshift mixing board. The Hawaiian charity shows are a couple of the rare times the girls played where Bill didn't get a recording. Overall, it wasn't a real loss because not having their instruments was not something Bill would have used for any release recordings.

Once they got all set up and did their usual soundcheck, all was good. Next, they played a couple of hours, introducing themselves to the foreign instruments and getting ready for the show.

The property manager who controlled the HIC arena knocked on the dressing room door and, after introducing himself, talked with the whole group.

"Sid told me what you guys did," he said with a smile.

To the troubled looks, he continued, "I can't believe he agreed to it, but I'm glad you guys were so persistent."

"He doesn't need the money," said Heather.

"No, he doesn't, but he's typical and, under normal circumstances, would have never even thought of that. You forced him to do the right thing, and I admire that.

"The reason I stopped by was to tell you that for the two shows here in the HIC, there will be no charge for the use of the facility. I approved the same kind of donation as you are making. There will be no monies collected for the facilities benefit; it all goes to the charities."

Heather got a big smile and said, "Thank you very much. We totally appreciate the donation. Did Sid tell you why we asked him to forego his take?"

Nodding, he said, "Yeah, and I agree with you. Too often, celebrities like you are talked into doing some charity work, and it ends up in the pockets of the administrators and promoters. As a result, very little ends up going to charity. I'm sorry, but I think that's wrong."

"So do we," said Bill. "If someone is going to use our good name for charitable purposes, we want every bit to go to the charity.

"I'm the business manager as well as the producer/engineer, so I know there are always expenses involved in doing these things. We understand that, but those things are rarely taken directly from the gate anyway."

"No, you are correct. We make our money back from the concessions and special show merchandise."

"And we don't have any problem with that," said Heather. "Except for the licensing of the special merchandise, it's a pool of money we never see."

Bill added, "For these benefit performances, we waived the license fees we usually get from the merchandisers with the understanding that they make some level of donation as well. No percentage was specified because their income is variable. We just asked them to be fair."

Nodding, the facilities manager finished, saying, "Well, again, thank you for your time and energy. Enjoy the facility; I think you will find it to be very acoustically friendly. We have many shows in here every year, and everyone seems to enjoy the sound."

Bill nodded, "Soundcheck was a piece of cake. Just strange because we have borrowed equipment."

"I guess they say, 'break a leg'. I look forward to hearing you all play."

With that, he was gone.

"Wow," said Heather, "that's an unexpected surprise."

"See how much a good deed and positive intentions affect everyone around you?" noted Bob. "It's in the books."

They all nodded with a chuckle. Jan got dressed in her usual garb, but everyone else kept on the baggy shorts with their flowered Aloha shirts, and no, they did not match. When the five-minute knock came, they did their group hug and headed toward the stage.

Maryanne had her doudouk, so they could open with the usual number, and even though Jan played the drum part herself, it sounded great, and the crowd was appreciative.

They played their usual first and second sets, but they had a surprise when they came out for the third set.

Heather moved up to her microphone and said to the sellout crowd, "Besides thanking all of you for coming, we all want you to know something about this show and the one we'll be doing here next Saturday night."

It got quiet in the hall, so Hey continued, "We are pleased to tell you that every cent of the monies you all spent for tickets is going to go to the charities. There will be no promotion fee or facility fee to pay from those monies."

Then with a huge grin, "Please stand and give it up for the promoter and the facility for their generous donations. It is almost unprecedented, and we hope it will become a trend."

The crowd did precisely as Heather had asked and stood to give a rousing round of applause in response. She didn't say anything about having to shame Sid into his part. Let them think he had a big heart. Maybe in the future, when there were charity shows in Hawaii, all proceeds would go to the organization instead of the administration. As Heather said, she hoped it would be a trend and become the norm rather than the exception.

The third set was played, and they closed the show with the a cappella version of Stairway to Heaven, which the crowd let them know was awesome.

The close of the encore was a little different for this show. There were only two acoustic guitars on the stage, so Heather and Maryanne played the musical lead-in before they sang as usual.

Once the show was over, they gave the stage crew instructions on what to do with all the equipment to be ready for the following week. The roadies would be able to help them remember it all. Once they had passed that along, Heather picked up two of her guitar cases, and Jan picked up the other. Sarah and Frank were waiting at Honolulu International Airport, ready to take them to the Big Island, Hawaii, and tomorrow night's show in Hilo.

"So, how did the Hilo show go?" asked Rebecca.

"Oh man, it went well, but holy shit, it was a surprise for us," said Bob

"A surprise?" asked Rebecca.

"It's the only time we've ever played a Tennis Stadium," said Bob with a laugh, "but it was the largest capacity house on the island. The performing arts center only had 550 seats, and the college stage only held 600. At least the tennis place held a shade over 5000."

"A tennis stadium? What did they do?" asked Tim, grinning.

"What's the smile for? Ha. They built us a stage that was about four feet high, if that, and had a few college guys available to help the roadies heft equipment," said Bob. "The music house that loaned us the equipment provided them. Jan's drums were already there but still in boxes, and all the guitars and other instruments were still in their boxes. The shop wanted us to save all the cardboard and plastic so they could re-box it when we were done."

"I was surprised they didn't make us put the shit back in the boxes when we finished," said Michelle. "That was one hoser of a venue. When we schedule you guys to play Hawaii, it'll be Oahu, period. For the size of the island, Hilo was a joke."

"Yeah, it was pretty interesting," said Bill. "The board barely had enough channels for the instruments and the microphones. Nothing for the drums, so Jan was on her own."

"It didn't sound that bad," said Janell. "It was a little weird playing without headphones, but they wouldn't have done me any good."

"But you did a show the night before. How did you get everything done before the Saturday performance?" asked Kylie.

"Yeah, it was pretty tight," said Bill. "We got into Hilo about twelve-thirty in the morning and to the hotel about one or so. We had to crash immediately so we could get up in enough time to get to the stadium and help set the shit up."

"I think we were all exhausted by the time we got to the stadium if you want to call it a stadium. We didn't get a lot of sleep," said Maryanne.

"For sure. That show, from my standpoint, was totally on autopilot," said Michelle. "It was just the millions of times we'd played all the music that kept my fingers in the right places. I'm sure our vocals weren't as good as usual either."

"You didn't sound all that bad," said Bill. "Considering how tired we all were, you five did a kick-ass job, but you always play well."

"When we got there, the music shop guys were there waiting for us. They did help a lot getting things unpacked and set up," said Bob, "but it was Pete and the small team of roadies that got all the shit done right."

"Billy had hard cases shipped in with my drums so they could be packed, not broken, and put on the plane," Jan noted. "Pete's crew did a great job of that too."

"I'm betting that they re-boxed the instruments in the original packing, plastic, foam, the whole nine yards, then sold it as barely used by us," said Heather.

"Ha, yeah, I wonder what the mark-up was," said Chelly laughing. "We should have made them donate the additional profit from using our name."

"We made it through that show okay, but we were sure glad it was over. Sarah took us back to Oahu and the Royal Hawaiian, where we got a great night's sleep."

"Terri stayed in Oahu because there was no real reason for her to go," said Jan. "It was a quick trip over and back. Billy kept track of all the music, and they were short sets. I'm sorry to say, there were no extras in Hilo."

"Bob apologized to us for letting Sid slip that booking in without knowing the venue," Bill lamented. "He figured Sid would know what we needed, but the way things turned out, it wasn't Sid's fault. He was going on the word of the Hilo guy, and it was like Mexico, 'tell 'em anything, just book the show'."

"I just told him to book it in the largest available facility because we were only doing one show. He did the best he could considering what was available on the island."

"So we spent another relaxing week in Honolulu before the last show in the run," said Bill. "Jan ran into Chrissie and Vickie downstairs and managed to get them band passes for the show."

"I couldn't believe how excited they were," said Jan, "I thought Vickie was going to pee her pants."

"That was pretty funny," said Maryanne.

The "Girls" were always surprised at people's reactions to them. It was primarily because they refused to acknowledge the fame they had garnered. They never changed, and that's one of the things that endeared them to everyone they came in contact with.

"Me and Vickie went out surfing a couple of days," said Jan, "but she didn't do any surfing. The waves were too big for her, but it was cool. Makaha was fair, but Hale'iwa was killer (it's pronounced - Ha-lay-ee-va).

"We stopped at Waimea, but there wasn't much there, so we continued up the road to Rocky Point. Fuck, that place rocked, but it was too much for me to want to try," admitted Janell.

"Vickie and me sat there for an hour or two, and there was more than one dude that came out with an arm or back looking like hamburger. I guess the coral rock is pretty shallow there. For sure, you wanted to stay on your board.

"It was a great day, and Vickie was good company. We had lunch at Hale'iwa Thai. Great food and Vickie liked it hot, just like me. We had a great lunch and some delicious tea."

"When we got back to the hotel, we returned our surfboards, and Vickie found a place to park. It had been a bitchen day, and we still had one more surf day planned."

"They were all giggly and weird when they came back in the room," said Heather. "Chrissie had spent the day with us down on the beach, and we were all ready to get something to eat by the time Jan and Vickie got back."

"We went down to the Shore Bird to get some beach barbeque," said Maryanne. "It was great, and the Mai Tai's there were made to kick some butt."

They relaxed and partied through the week, and on Saturday, with Vickie and Chrissie in tow, the band headed to the arena for their last show in this long tour. When they arrived, the roadies had already placed the instruments, amplifiers, microphones, along with Bill's board.

All they had left to do was ensure things were cabled correctly and then work the soundcheck again. Once finished, Bill was satisfied with the sound, so they played an hour and a half for the people in the hall. Probably two or three hundred people were listening ... primarily people who would be working the arena that night.

Vickie and Chrissie were surprised at the logistics of doing a show. Most outsiders were, but sitting around in the dressing room for the hour before the show, everyone was relaxed and calmly chatting about just about anything except the upcoming performance.

When the five-minute knock came, they did their usual group hug and headed for the stage. Vickie and Chrissie followed along but stayed just off stage and out of sight.

It was a standard three-set show with an encore. As they had done the previous Friday night, they ended the show here with the a cappella version of Stairway, then returned to the stage to do their standard encore.

When it was over, they made their way to the dressing room, and once inside, all collapsed into chairs, laughing.

"It's over," said Michelle. "We're finally fucking finished with this tour. It's time to relax."

"I can't believe it's finally finished," said Maryanne. "I keep thinking that tomorrow we're going to have to head off for another show."

It was quite an eye opener for their two guests. Seeing how entertaining affected the performers, they sat back away from the group and just watched as they came down from their high. After a time, the group finally noticed them sitting there watching.

Jan walked over and hugged Vickie. "Don't mind us," she said, "we're just relieved that this tour is finally over. It's been a long trip, and we're exhausted."

Both Chrissie and Vickie nodded, and then Jan hugged Chrissie.

"We can't believe the energy you guys put into your work," said Chrissie. "It's amazing. We've seen you guys a few times in LA, but being as close as we were this time, we could not only hear the energy, but we could see and feel it."

Vickie nodded, "It's no wonder you're tired when you are finished, and the adrenalin wears off."

"We do put it all out there," said Michelle, "but we don't know any other way."

"I can certainly understand why you do short tours instead of the super long ones that other bands seem to do," said Vickie.

"Bobby was in two bands before he hooked us up. He was burned out, and he was only twenty-five. They did over two hundred and fifty shows in fourteen months and then over three hundred and twenty-five in about the same amount of time, so it was something like 550 shows in less than three years."

"It was why the bands broke up," said Bob. "By the end of the tours, we were ready to kill each other, and we never recovered from that.

"It's why I keep the 'Girl's' tours very short. I'd rather do four or five short tours a year than one long ball buster," said Bob, as a matter of fact. "That short rest in between tours makes all the difference in the world."

Both of their guests nodded, and Chrissie said, "That's understandable. I'm just glad you guys still make music because we sure enjoy it. Tonight has been an experience we'll never forget, nor will we ever forget your kindness."

"Thanks," said Bill, "we appreciate that."

Then Vickie added with a big smile, "You are all just like regular people. It's so cool."

"We are regular people, Vick," said Janell softly. "We just make our living entertaining others. Quite honestly, it hasn't changed any of us at all."

"That's true," said Bob. "I think they're a lot less naive and a little less innocent than they were when we first started, but for the most part, Jan's right. They haven't changed much at all."

They took the short trip back to the hotel and continued the chat in the larger suite that Bob and the ladies stayed in. It was comfy and let the roadies and labor force clear the equipment from the arena and either return it to the music shop or, in the case of the drums, left for Sid to donate to a local school.

"So you guys outta here in the morning?" asked Chrissie. "We've sure enjoyed your company the last couple of weeks."

"We probably won't take off until close to noon," said Bob. "We're only going to Maui, so we'll probably get there way too early to check-in at the hotel in Lahaina. We'll be at the Marriott until Monday, and then we check in at the condo we rented for a couple of months."

"A couple of months?" asked Maryanne. "I thought we were only going to stay a month."

"You have to go back to Willits for anything?" Bob asked her.

Bill just laughed.

"Well, no, but I didn't know we'd be here all that long."

"Maryanne, we'll go back to Willits when we get damned good and ready to and not a minute sooner," said Bob with a grin.

"Okay, okay ... excuuuussseee meee!"

Everyone laughed, and for the moment, everyone sat while they all talked quietly about anything that came to mind. Then, after about an hour, Chrissie and Vickie stood up and said it was probably time for them to take off, get some rest, and let the group get their rest.

It wasn't the tearful, see you later, as it was with Sam and Sara in Perth, but it was a sad parting. The girls had a lot of fun with the two young women.

They did trade phone numbers, and Chrissie told them, "Give us a call when you come down to LA. We'll meet you somewhere for lunch and a chat."

"That sounds like a winner to me, guys," said Janell.

She was probably the saddest. She and Terri had their sexuality in common, so there were some melancholy feelings on their part.

There were hugs all around, and the two left for their room. They had another two weeks here in Honolulu, so it wasn't as if they were going to have to leave right away.

"Hey, you guys can go down to LA to visit any time at all," said Michelle to Janell and Terri. "We know you have things in common, so there's no reason not to."

Jan nodded and looking at Terri, "I think we're already planning on that."

"Good," said Bob with a laugh, "just be sure you're back to practice when we need to head out for the next tour."

"Oh, fuck, Bobby. Don't even mention the next tour yet. Shit, we haven't even started to recover from this one," whined Heather.

He laughed and told them, "The next one isn't for at least six months after we get back, so don't worry about it. I think the next one may include a stop at the White House."

They looked at him with surprise.

"The White House? You were serious when you talked to the president?" asked Michelle.

"Of course, I was serious. Politically, he's an idiot, but you have to respect the office. To him, it's just one of his predecessor's B movies. He doesn't seem to be in touch with reality, but he is the president, so it is what it is.

"Isn't that one gone now? I thought there was just an election," said Heather.

"You could be right, Hey," said Bob. "Whoever it is will still be the president, and if they want us to play, it would be rude to say no.

"We're entertainers, and we've been invited," continued Bob, "don't you think it would be a bit disrespectful just to shine him on. Remember, this has nothing to do with politics. If it becomes politicized in any way, we'll just back away gracefully and let them know using a show for politics isn't something we will participate in."

"I don't think that's something we'll have to worry about," said Bill. "Not after our reasoning for canceling Vietnam."

"Okay, I guess you're right," said Michelle. "It's just another show, but didn't Fleetwood Mac do a song for their campaign?"

"No, the campaign used one of their tunes for their theme. If we end up doing the White House, we'll have to add that song to the show," noted Bill with a grin.

Bob nodded his head and asked if anyone wanted to go down to the Mai Thai bar downstairs for a nightcap. Terri, Maryanne, and Bill declined, but Jan, Michelle, and Heather went downstairs with him for a quick drink before bed. They didn't have to be at the airport until about eleven-thirty in the morning so they could sleep in a little.

After they got to Maui, they'd have to take off for Hilo long enough to pick up Jan's drums which had been left behind in storage. She planned to give them away to a local school. The set she'd used for tonight's show was presented to Sid for donation to a school here on Oahu.

After an hour, they made their way back up to the room to catch some shuteye. All of them crowded into the shower and, as usual, washed each other, playing a little game of grope and grabass. After gently drying each other, they made their way into the other room and hit the bed, joining a sleeping Terri.

The light was doused, and after some energetic playtime, all were sleeping soundly and didn't get up until Maryanne came in to wake them up at about eight.

They showered, quickly packed up all of their things, and checked around the room to make sure they hadn't left anything behind. They gathered all of their cases then went down to the Surf Lanai for breakfast.

When they finished eating, they drank a little more coffee while talking about the rest of the day. When they left, Bob went to the front desk, checked out, and paid the bill.

Pete and the roadies who had come over to help on the Hawaiian shows would stay a few days before flying back to San Francisco.

Ever appreciative, Bob had no problem with that, telling Pete, "Just put it on our account."

They went back to the room long enough to call for a limo, grab their luggage, and go downstairs to wait. It wasn't a long wait before the whole gang all piled into the long white car for the short ride to the airport, where they found Sarah and Frank waiting for them.

"We're pretty much ready to go," said Sarah. "Our flight plan is filed into Kahului, Maui, so we have to wait for a time slot clearance. Because of our size, they have to sequence us in."

"I see you traded in the big jet for a smaller one," said Bob with a smile.

"Yeah, we parked the other one in a hanger until we're ready to go back to the mainland. It's due for some maintenance after the long trip around the world, so we're taking advantage of the downtime.

"We can use the 737 to trip around the islands. It's a lot easier to maneuver at some of the smaller airports," Sarah said with a chuckle.

"Cool. Let's just load and go," said Bob. "We're going to be early no matter what, so we'll just go. Bill can take everyone over to Lahaina, dump things off, and check in if they can.

"You and Frank can fly Jan and me down to Hilo to get the drums and be back in an hour or two. We'll meet everyone at the Marriott."

Everyone loaded the baggage into a cargo container already on the plane, so they didn't have to wait for a crew to lift it aboard. Once that was done, the door was secured. The hatch in the fuselage was secured and double-checked by Frank while everyone else climbed aboard. Frank went into the terminal to let them know we were on our way so they could pull the stairs back and get a pusher to move them onto the taxiway.

Once everything was ready, Sarah taxied out to the active runway and took off for Maui. Flight time ... less than thirty minutes, if that.

They landed on Maui and unloaded everything into a large SUV. Bill, and the girls drove down to Lahaina and the Marriott hotel where they'd be for the night.

They were checked in and moved up to the suites by the time Bob and Jan had flown halfway to Hilo.

Sarah and Frank had them back on Maui, with the drums, in about two hours. They taxied to a hanger, and after securing and parking the jet, climbed aboard a rental car heading out for Lahaina with Bob, Jan, and the drums in tow.

When the band group moved to the bungalow on Monday, Sarah and Frank would be moving to another smaller condominium for the duration.

They enjoyed the afternoon and evening in Lahaina and drove out to where the condominium was to check it out. It was already empty, but they weren't going to be able to get the keys until tomorrow morning.

It didn't matter because they were happy doing what they were doing today without facing the ominous task of getting on the plane, flying somewhere, and doing a show.

Don't misunderstand. The "Girls" loved their job. Playing music was one of the happiest times of their lives, but touring could be a drudge. Bob told them it would be, and this international tour showed them just how tiring it could be. By design, they didn't play every night or even every other night for weeks on end, but they'd do two or three shows on consecutive nights, then have the rest of the week off. Being on the road for only twenty-three weeks had seriously worn them out.

Bob knew, but the "Girls" could only imagine what it would be like to do fourteen months of four to five shows a week, mostly on consecutive nights, in a different venue most nights.

When they returned to the hotel to clean up and go out for some food, they found a place right at the hotel that looked like a good place. Longboards Ka'anapali took their reservation, and the hour they waited for their seating, they spent at the bar. A good Mai Tai, a little time, and they were off to eat in no time at all.

They ended up back at the room reasonably early, considering they were all exhausted from the last few days. Add to that the emotional drain, knowing the tour was finished, and they could just become vegetables for a while. They all lay down and within minutes, were sleeping soundly. It was only eight-thirty in the evening.

First thing in the morning, after showers and breakfast, Bob headed over to the rental office to get the keys to the large bungalow he'd rented for the next two months. Because he was taking it for that long, they gave him a great price break, and essentially the last two weeks were at no cost. It was still in the neighborhood of $25,000 for the eight weeks he'd planned to be there, and he had an open option to stay longer if they decided to do that.

Bob considered it money well spent. There was no price too high to pay for their collective sanity. So far, the "Girls" had maintained their sanity very well.

They moved into the bungalow and looked out the back deck at the beach. They'd be able to kick it on the beach for as much time as they wanted.

There they were, at their home away from home for the next few months and hanging out at the beach. Jan could even surf if she wanted.

There was a surf shop in town that Jan heard about and wanted to find. It was a sales/rental place, but she didn't need to buy a board; she only needed it when they were all here.

She'd heard about Maui Mike's Beach House, and when she and Heather found it, she was totally impressed. They had any board she could ever want, and though rental boards can be badly dinged up, these were all in excellent condition, so she chose one from the racks, paid for two months' rental, which shocked and confused the guy at the counter. He was used to rentals for one day at a time, maybe a week at the most.

He called someone to find out what to charge and gave her the board for two months for the cost of one. She could also come back and swap it any time she wanted. There was a wet suit included, though hardly necessary in the warm waters around the islands. She was happy, and they got away without anyone recognizing them.

After being there for a couple of weeks, they decided to head out for some Thai food, and the best was supposed to be in Hana, which was about a two-hour drive.

So off they went in search of different food.

-----

"Was that when you bought this place?" asked Samantha.

"Yeah, as we said earlier, we finally finished with all of the performances for the tour, so we'd flown over to Maui just to get away," said Janell. "We rented a private bungalow where we could just be vegetables for the time we were going to stay.

"While we were out wandering around one day, we took the road down from Lahaina, took a wrong turn heading toward Hana for some Thai food, and ended up in Wailea-Makena. Before we figured out we were lost, we saw a for sale sign that said "acreage," so we decided to stop and call the realtor."

Chelly picked it up, "We waited for about thirty minutes for the lady to get there from Kihei, but when she drove up, we could see her smile turn to a frown. I don't think she thought we were serious buyers after looking at our ages and how we were dressed. Shit, we were dressed for Hawaii. What the fuck did she expect, tuxedos?"

With a smile, she said, "Judging the book by its cover almost cost her a big commission. We'd have just found another agent."

Bob laughed, "Yeah, she did look down her nose at us at first, didn't she. It was pretty funny. I think she figured she'd show us the outside, and we'd go away thinking we couldn't afford it. She said something about $4 million being the asking price. I just nodded to let her know I'd heard what she said. I already knew I wouldn't be paying that much because that was the owners 'pie in the sky' price. We'd make a reasonable offer and let the games begin.

"Once we started looking at the house and surrounding property, I guess we talked in such a way her attitude changed quickly. Then, when she found out who we all were, the pucker-party started."

Maryanne laughed with everyone else and said, "She started kissing our asses like there was no tomorrow. It was all we could do to keep her off her knees. She was ready to give Bob and Bill a blowjob for sure."

"Yeah," Bob said with an evil grin, "you really messed that one up for Billy and me."

Maryanne looked at him with the hairy eyeball and said, "Billy knows where his blowjobs come from, and so do you, bucko."

Everyone in the room laughed, even Jan and Terri. The kids were a little taken aback at the unabashed honesty from the usually reserved Aunt Maryanne.

Maryanne continued the story, "When we got down to the beach, it was fairly far from the house, something we all liked, considering there's no such thing as a private beach in Hawaii. We wanted to maintain our privacy and anonymity without building a barbed wire fence and guard towers."

"Yeah, even now, we rarely ever see anyone here," said Renee, "and if we do, there's usually a kayak or small boat with them."

"That's the only way to get here, sweetie," said Heather. "To get here from the land side, you have to trespass. Only three of us butt up against this beach, and it's all private property with no public access to the beach. I suppose they could force one of us to provide a path, but nobody has ever made a stink about it. It's a pretty obscure little beach, and there are tons of other larger beaches around that have full access. Ours is hidden pretty well, considering..."

"It helps that there's no place to park on the street, which is probably why nobody has made an issue of it," said Bill.

"Yeah, that's true, Billy," said Hey, "It's only a one lane, deeply rutted dirt path, and it's quite a hike to get in. None of us mind because it does keep the riff-raff out. You have to want to get to the beach really badly and like was said, more extensive beaches are available, where someone can park a vehicle and take a relatively short walk.

"When we said we were interested, I thought that woman was going to faint," Heather continued. "She probably didn't think we'd like it, but it was impossible not to love it. The house is 7200 square feet, for Christ's sake. It's only a few thousand less than the Ranch.

"It's only six acres, but that's more than enough to guarantee our privacy. With all the tropical foliage around the place, you can't see the house from the road or the beach."

"The beach being about a hundred yards from the house was a big plus," laughed Jan. "I wasn't real happy about that, but we called a dealer on the Island and bought a few more quads so I could carry my boards down to the beach. Hell, Heather and Chelly even learned how to surf."

"How come you didn't learn to surf, momma?" asked Kylie, looking at her mother questioningly.

Maryanne blushed with embarrassment and answered softly, "I can't swim, honey. I never learned."

"You're from a beach town in Southern California, momma," Kylie said, shocked. "You never learned to swim?"

Maryanne shook her head, looking into her daughter's eyes. Annie had some tears forming in her eyes; she suddenly felt vulnerable. Can't swim? What's with that?

Kylie was shocked but said very tenderly, "If you want to learn, I'll teach you, momma."

"I think I'd like that, sweetie. We'll talk about it when we get home."

Kylie nodded with a big smile. She was a qualified ocean lifeguard and not only knew how to swim but also knew how to teach. Maryanne would be in excellent hands.

Janell continued the house story, "We kind of made up our minds right then and there. She led us back to her office, where we started with all the paperwork for buying a property. On the way, Bobby said for us just to keep our mouths shut since we'd never purchased anything like this before. He had a plan ...

"We filled out all the paperwork like we were going to get a loan for the three and a half million we had agreed to pay for it. She'd called the seller, and he immediately accepted our offer, so she did the paperwork for him to accept the offer.

"Later, Bobby told us the paperwork was because he wanted all of the checks and inspections done like a bank would have done to issue a loan. That way, all the title reports, house inspections, and the like would be done, and any discrepancies would be taken care of by the seller or negotiated."

Bob nodded, "Buying something in this climate can be touchy, but it was evident that the seller had maintained the place impeccably.

"When one termite inspector found some damage, we had a second inspection done for another opinion. Sometimes the inspectors are in cahoots with construction people to make some work for each other. Some even do the work themselves and then sign it off," said Bob.

"I just couldn't see this place having any problems the way it appeared to have been maintained.

"I went to another real estate agent, asked about reputable termite people, and hired two of the ones he recommended. They both went out at different times, and it turned out there were no problems with infestation, rot, or anything else."

"So the first guy was crooked?" asked Maria.

"Maybe, sweetie, but what he found wasn't found by the others," said Bob with a smile. "The first guy may have just been hungry and needed the work. The one I trusted straight away didn't find anything wrong. He was from a chain company that I've used in Willits for years.

"If I have an inspection done every five years or so, it can catch problems before they become serious. Living in the forest, there are all kinds of bugs that can infest the wood in the house. Wood rot is common because it stays so damp in the winter. If we catch it early enough, the replacement expense is almost nothing. I keep an eye on things too, so if I see something, I'll schedule an inspector to take a look."

"How long did that all take?" asked Tim.

"We asked for a one-week escrow. You should have seen the look on her face when we said we wanted it finalized in one week," said Bill. "Most real estate deals like that can take months, but we didn't have months. We were ready to rock and roll.

"We weren't even pre-qualified for a loan, so when the lender got the paperwork the next day, I'm sure they called the bank, got confirmation we were well qualified to buy the place, and could pay cash if we wanted. It made their paperwork quick and easy."

"Well, obviously things worked out," said Kylie, who had been quietly listening, sitting close to young Bill.

"Yeah, it took ten days because the title insurance people couldn't do things in a week," said Bob. "They have to search titles and ensure that there are no liens or other encumbrances on the property before they give the go-ahead and issue the title insurance.

"When we went in to sign the loan papers and finish the deal, Bobby just pulled out his checkbook and wrote a check for the whole amount. We all laughed at the real estate lady so hard. The look on her face was priceless," said Jan.

"She wasn't sure how to handle a check that large, so Bobby asked her if there was an account to wire the funds directly into or if they took Visa," Janell continued. "She went to the owner/broker of the real estate company and explained to him what was going on.

"He came out to find out if Bob was seriously writing a check for three and a half million dollars. Bobby said he could either do it that way, put it on his Visa, or make an immediate wire transfer, his choice."

"The escrow company didn't care, said Bill, "They just needed the funds in the account, and how they got there was immaterial. Usually they work with cashier's checks, so a personal check was unusual, even though it was drawn on an investment account, not a bank."

"I thought the guy was going to load his pants right there in front of us," laughed Bob.

"I couldn't help myself, so to rub a little salt in it. I said to him, 'Look, this is coming from the petty cash account ... pocket change. If you'd like to call the bank to verify the funds, be my guest. Quite honestly, I'd prefer a wire transfer since that's the method that professionals and banks usually use to transfer funds in this amount'."

"I guess they weren't used to being laughed at because they got all indignant about our reaction to their apparent ignorance," said Maryanne. "We couldn't help it; the looks they were giving us were hilarious."

"I don't know what their problem was," said Bill. "They acted like they'd never done a real estate deal like this before."

"Well, it was obvious they'd never dealt with a sizeable cash sale before," chuckled Bob. "Most people don't write a check. They take out a loan and make payments every month. I suppose we could have signed the mortgage papers and just paid it off the next day, but that's twenty-twenty hindsight and it's not what we did. It wouldn't have been as entertaining either."

"We did all the paperwork in Maggie's name so it wouldn't be associated with us," said Chelly. "That's all we'd need, a thousand kayaks on the shore trying to get a glimpse. You know the fucking paparazzi; we'd have had to put up rolls of concertina wire, mined the beach, and had armed guards in watchtowers."

"Then we asked Maggie to move in to watch over it for us. She and Tony had just gotten together, but I could tell that he was the right one for her. I've never seen her happier, and mom liked him too," Chelly told them.

With a chuckle, she added, "It was pretty rare for mom to like any guy."

"So we were here for a couple of months just kicking back," said Heather. "Bobby got a refund for the rest of the rent on the condo. There was already a waiting list, so someone moved in as soon as it was cleaned out.

"Then we tried to talk Bobby and Billy into moving the Ranch here. We knew that wasn't realistic, so it didn't hurt our feelings when they laughed."

"We can come here any time we want, for as long as we want, especially now that we're retired," said Jan with a smile.

"So if you guys are going to come on our tours with us, are you going to keep coming here?" asked Tim.

"Oh, hell yeah," said Maryanne. "We might have to figure out what to do with all of you guys, though."

"Mommmmm," whined Kylie. "We love this place too, ya know."

"I know, honey," said Maryanne with a smile, "but you are all adults now. Don't you think it's time you moved along with lives of your own?"

"Well, I guess," said Kylie unconvinced. "Where are we going to go? We all work at the Ranch."

"That's very true, sweetie, but there is plenty of property available in the Willits area," chuckled Bill. "You also don't have to work every day.

"You also know when you're working in the studio, there are facilities available to live in, but why would you want to stay there all the time? Most kids your age can't wait to move out from under mom and dad's rules."

"I don't think any of us have ever thought that far ahead, daddy," said Kylie.

"Your rules aren't that bad," she added with a smile, "and we've been so focused on the music, we haven't thought about anything else."

"That's understandable," said Janell, "but now you have all kinds of money of your own. If our experiences are any indication, once your new CD and DVD get out, you'll have a whole hell of a lot more.

"We're not throwing you out, guys. We're just saying that you are big people now and need to have your own space. It's part of what being your oldies is all about."

Samantha, Rebecca, and Renee, immediately started talking about finding a place and moving in together.

Everyone suspected that Kylie and Billy would be finding a place together soon anyway.

Both Tim and Maria were loners, more or less, so everyone figured they'd either find a place they could both deal with, or they'd go their separate ways for a while.

They seemed to have something going on, but they weren't as open and obvious as Billy and Kylie. However, from other actions, their relationships should have been more evident by then. Nobody had considered that Kenny and Stephanie Brennan would be involved in the puzzle.

Who?

Time will tell.