Neville stood very still and listened as the crew of the Rigor Mortis stumbled this way and that in the darkness.
‘OH, ROTSOME!’ cried the voice of No-eyed Ebola. ‘IT’S SO DARK!’
‘But …’ came another voice in the blackness, ‘you can’t see anyway – you’re No-eyed Ebola!’
‘Oh, yes … ha ha!’ chuckled Ebola. ‘I quite like it here.’
‘MORE LIGHT!’ came the voice of Jaundice. For a split second, Neville thought he saw her eyes flash a little way off. ‘MAN THE LANTERNS!’
‘AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!’ the crew yelled.
In no time at all, every milk bottle and jam jar was stacked on the bow of the ship and lit. Their glow became brighter and brighter as more and more were added to the pile, until the way ahead crept into view like something from a bad dream.
Neville looked about with eyes like dinner plates. They were floating in a lagoon surrounded by giant teeth. High above them, the roof of Great Gurty’s mouth pulsed and squelched, and the occasional belch boomed up from a pitch-dark opening on the far side of the water.
‘That’s our headin’,’ Jaundice said, pointing into the gloom. ‘Keep a sharp lookout, my truccaneers.’
‘Yes, captain,’ shouted No-eyed Ebola, walking straight into the mast.
I have to warn Rubella, thought Neville. If he didn’t do it soon, it might be too late and Jaundice would throw them overboard or maroon them on a tonsil or something else just as bad. He sneaked round the back of a pile of frog-grog barrels.
‘Psssssssst!’
Rubella, who had been wringing out her soggy dress and mumbling to herself, stopped what she was doing and looked in his direction.
‘WHAT?’ she yelled.
‘SSHHH!’ Neville hissed. Then he mouthed the words Come here in silence.
‘NO!’ Rubella growled. ‘STOP WHISPERIN’!’
Before anyone could overhear his stupid troll-sister, Neville darted out, grabbed Rubella by the arm and yanked her behind the pile of barrels.
‘What do you want?’ she said, snatching her arm back.
‘Rubella, I have to tell you something,’ said Neville. ‘Something terrible.’
‘Well, go on then,’ said Rubella. She stuck her fists on her hips and grimaced.
‘It’s all a trick,’ said Neville urgently. ‘Jaundice isn’t going to save Mooma and Dooda!
‘WHAT!!!’
‘Shhhh! We can’t let her know we’re on to her … not yet.’
‘What do you mean, she’s not goin’ to save them?’
‘I heard her talking to the crew,’ said Neville. ‘She’s after some treasure in Gurty’s belly. She’s going to leave us in here and make off with it.’
‘That clonker!’ Rubella grunted, rolling up her sleeves. ‘I’ll wallop her so hard, her bunions’ll bounce.’
‘No! You mustn’t! Not yet!’ Neville pleaded. ‘We have to make sure we find everyone before punishing her. Otherwise we might not find them at all.’
Rubella put her finger alongside her nose and pulled a your-secret’s-safe-with-me face.
Then she winked at Neville and marched back out on to the open deck. Neville followed her and headed to the railing to look out for his family. He tried to appear as innocent as he could, but got the feeling that all eyes were on him.
‘KEEP HER STEADY!’ Jaundice yelled from the poop deck.
They were heading into the narrow passage at the far end of the lagoon. Neville shivered at the thought of it. They were actually about to sail into the throat and down the gullet of a giant fish. ‘EEWWW!’
‘ULCER OFF THE PORT BOW!’ Jaundice shouted as they passed a huge fleshy lump sticking out of the water. It was disgusting, like some massive, meaty iceberg.
Neville groaned to himself and wished he were back at home. He loved his troll-family very much, but he did always seem to get into terrible trouble whenever they were around.
The ship slowly rounded a bend in the throat and passed into another huge chamber. For a moment, Neville couldn’t make anything out as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. But, as the lantern light filled the space, he saw … could it be? Neville almost tumbled overboard with excitement. In the distance, he could make out three figures huddled together on the far bank of the water.
‘MOOMA!’ Neville screamed with all his might. ‘DOODA!’
He saw the figures jump at the sound of his voice and clamber to their feet. ‘WE’VE COME TO GET YOU!’ he shouted.
‘NEVILLE!’ echoed the sound of Malaria’s voice.
‘NEV?’ shouted Clod. ‘IS THAT YOU?’
‘’ELLO, LUMP!’ Malaria yelled over the water. She started jumping up and down and waving. ‘HE’S A BLUNKIN’ HERO!’
Rubella rushed to the railing. ‘WHAT ABOUT ME?’ she barked.