Delta had left for Missoula sometime after Garrett saw her Wednesday and he still hadn’t heard from her two days later. She had sent him a text message in the middle of the night stating she had a family emergency and would call when she was able to. He had been awake when the message came in, but when he immediately called her back, it went straight to voice mail.
Normally that wouldn’t have concerned him. It was her outgoing message that didn’t sit right. She stated she’d be out of town for a few days and she provided the name and number of another farrier. That part was straightforward. Her shakiness toward the end of the message and the hitch in her voice when she said goodbye concerned him. And when he ran into Liv Scott in the supermarket yesterday and had asked if she’d heard from Delta, the woman couldn’t get away from him fast enough. Something was wrong and Garrett believed it went way beyond a family emergency.
He’d even gone as far as asking Harlan to check all the emergency rooms in Missoula County. He found nothing. Garrett stopped short of tracking down her family. She deserved to have privacy, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t driving him crazy.
People had family emergencies all the time. Barring a natural disaster or inclement weather, they usually got messages to people. Garrett had left several for Delta and she hadn’t returned a single one. Radio silence usually meant the person didn’t want to talk.
Garrett surveyed the lodge’s great room. Silver Bells had officially reopened yesterday and was bustling with guests. A Montana romance writers’ group, to be exact. They seemed pleasant enough. They had taken over the great room and dining areas with their laptops but had been relatively tame. So far.
“Not a bad group from the looks of it.” Dylan slapped him on the back.
“Just wait until tonight,” Garrett warned. “I think you’ll have your hands full.”
“Nah, these women will probably pack it in early. They’ve been working all day.”
Dylan didn’t give their clientele much credit. “They are definitely looking to play later. A few of them have already asked me about the nightlife here in Saddle Ridge.”
“Saddle Ridge doesn’t have any nightlife, unless you count the Iron Horse.”
“Exactly, I told them about a few places in Kalispell, but I still think they’ll end up here, asking you to entertain them.”
“You mean asking us,” Dylan reminded. “We’re partners now. Everything is fifty-fifty, including the entertainment.”
“Well my fifty percent will be home watching three kids. I guess you forgot it’s my turn to take the kids for the weekend so Belle and Harlan can have their own romantic time alone. Once the baby comes they won’t have a moment’s peace.”
“Unless they have an angel like Holly. She hardly ever cries,” Dylan mused. “I don’t remember every other weekend off being a part of our partnership agreement. It’s not fair to leave me to fend for myself.”
“Hey, Belle and Harlan are leaving me to fend for myself.”
“Yeah.” Dylan scratched his chin. “You have a point there. I don’t know which one of us has it worse.”
“I had hoped Delta would be joining me for part of the night.”
“Doesn’t she usually visit her parents on the weekend?”
“Most of the time, not always.” And it wasn’t as if he’d even mentioned the weekend to her yet. He hadn’t had the chance before she’d left with whoever she left with. He’d driven by her house. Twice. And both of her vehicles were parked around back. “Like I said, I had hoped she would join me.”
“Still no word?”
Garrett shook his head.
“I won’t tell you not to worry about it because we know firsthand how tragedy can strike at any minute. From the little I do know about her, she’s from a very strong family and Buck Grace has always been about his kids.”
“You know Delta’s father?”
Dylan nodded. “It’s been probably ten years, if not more. I doubt the man would recognize me. He was in town to see Henry when he shod Dad’s horses. I met him on our ranch.”
Garrett had no idea Delta’s father had met their father, let alone on the family homestead. Not that it mattered, which just proved how small Montana really was despite its size.
According to the clock in the lobby, it was almost time to pick up Bryce and Kacey from their respective schools. Even with Emma’s volunteering, he felt the inexplicable need to keep his children close.
“Good luck tonight, I need to go pick up my kids so your future wife can have a long overdue break. Watch out for some of those women. Especially the authors of some of the steamier works. I wish I could be here to watch you sing around the fire later.”
“Bring the kids, that’ll keep everything tame.”
“Nah, man. You’re on your own.”
He already knew the first question out of his daughter’s mouth would be about Delta. And he didn’t have any answers. He had already noticed Kacey’s demeanor backsliding. Delta hadn’t spoken to her since Tuesday night. She never dropped off the guitar either, which Garrett was fine with, but Kacey was struggling to understand Delta’s absence wasn’t about her, and that they had to pray everything would be okay.
It had to be.
* * *
“OKAY, DELTA.” Dr. Lassiter sat behind his desk Friday afternoon at the Montana Cancer Center in Missoula. “We have the results of all your scans and the fine needle aspiration we took this morning.”
Delta’s parents sat on either side of her, squeezing her hands tightly, while her two brothers stood behind her for support. She already knew what he was going to say. She’d seen that look on Dr. Lassiter’s face before.
“How bad?”
“Delta, don’t assume the worst.” Her mother attempted to comfort her.
“Stage Ia favorable. Meaning it’s not bulky or in several different lymph node areas like it was the last time. Based on your scan and blood test results, I feel your fatigue and slight weight loss has been environmental and not medical. We caught this early. But—”
“Oh, God. It hurts me to hear this. It’s never good when you say but.” Her mother started fanning herself.
“Erma Jean, give the man a chance to speak.” Her father turned to Trevor. “Keep her calm, will you.”
“As I was saying.” Her oncologist cleared his throat. “You have classic Hodgkin’s lymphoma and it is highly curable because we caught it so early. You’ll receive two cycles of ABVD chemotherapy, which is four treatments over the course of eight weeks, followed by ISRT, or involved site radiation therapy. You should experience fewer side effects with this course of treatment. But, Delta, I cannot stress enough that this is nothing like the last time. It’s going to be difficult at times, but we will get you through this.”
She wanted to cry foul. She wanted to scream. She wanted to punch something. It was bad enough to go through it once, but twice made her want to throw up her hands, look skyward and say, “What gives?” She’d never been the why me type of person. But twice?
And she knew—she knew other people battled far worse many more times than she had. They would be envious of her diagnosis. It was treatable. That alone made her feel guilty. She was entitled to the anger. If she held on to it, she wouldn’t cry.
She wanted her pre-cancer life back. She wanted her home and her husband and the kids they had planned to have. Cancer had robbed her of that future and it had robbed Garrett of his. He was right. Cancer was selfish. How could she have even thought about getting involved with Garrett and his children. They all deserved better. It was hard enough battling cancer for yourself. It was harder when your loved ones watched you suffer through it, and you saw their pain every time they looked at you. She loved her mother, but it was easier when her mother wasn’t by her side. Erma Jean wasn’t strong enough. And Delta was tired of being strong for everybody else.
Trevor gently squeezed her shoulders from behind. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. The initial shock was out of her system. She wouldn’t complain, no matter how much that pained her. Cancer sucked.
“When do I start chemotherapy?”
“Considering your history, tomorrow. Unlike last time, you will not have to return the following day to receive a chemo shot. We’re using an on-body injector that will adhere to your skin and automatically administer the shot the following day so you can go home, go about your routine as much as you can. Your side effects may not be as great this time. They may be completely different.”
“Will she lose her hair again?” her mother asked.
“It varies from person to person. This is lower-dose chemotherapy, so she may not lose all of it.”
“That will be attractive.” Delta attempted some levity.
This time she wouldn’t allow cancer to take her hair. She would take it. This time she would wield the power. It was on her terms. She rubbed her forehead. She needed to hire help, an apprentice at least to help her on the days she couldn’t do her job. She couldn’t run a business throwing up every five minutes. She hoped the doctor was right and the side effects were less, but she had to prepare for the worst.
She also had to keep this to herself. She trusted Maddie and Liv, along with her family. If her customers found out she had cancer, she’d lose their business. Some of them already treated her differently because she was a woman. She couldn’t afford any more losses. And she couldn’t lose her biggest client. Knowing Garrett, he would coddle her and insist on hiring another farrier. No. Cancer would not take her life away again.
“Okay. So, uh, I guess I’ll be here tomorrow to uh, do this one more time.”
Delta rose from her chair, willing her legs to support her. She held out her hand to her doctor. “At least I have one of the best on my team. Thank you, Dr. Lassiter.”
He covered her hand with both of his. “We will beat this, Delta.”
She swallowed back the tears threatening to break free. She didn’t want to cry in front of her mother and she couldn’t cry in front of her father for fear they would start crying, too. She wanted to go home. To her dog. She just wanted to put this day behind her and start over tomorrow. And Dr. Lassiter was right, she would beat this. She would kick its ass all the way to the moon.
* * *
A FEW HOURS later, Delta lay on her old bed with Jake’s head on her chest. She felt like a teenager waiting to be grounded. She didn’t want to sit upstairs in the bedroom. She wanted to do something to get her mind off what was about to happen. But she was stuck. When she’d called her parents Wednesday night and told them about the pain and the lump, her brothers drove up from Missoula to get her. Her family was afraid she would be too upset to drive, and in hindsight, she had been. She wanted to at least go downstairs and watch television but she couldn’t stand the way her parents looked at her. The pity, the sadness—everything she didn’t need right now. She didn’t want to wallow. She wanted to take control. She was thirty years old and stuck in her childhood bedroom.
She grabbed her phone from the night table and texted her brothers.
GET ME OUT OF HERE!
She knew they would come. She didn’t care what they did or where they went. As long as they treated her normally. She hated winters in Montana. It was too cold to do anything. If it had at least been spring, she could’ve clipped a leash on Jake and gone for a walk into town or let Jake run in their horse pastures. She would have loved to take one of her own horses for a ride, but her mother would probably track her down and start following her five minutes later. Still, at least she would’ve gotten out of the house. She knew her parents meant well, it was just a little overwhelming at times.
Her phone rang and she answered it without even looking at the display. “Hello?”
“Delta, thank God. I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”
Delta buried her face in the pillow and screamed. She finally had a shot with a nice guy and she had to walk away. At least until she was cancer free.
“I didn’t mean to worry you.” She truly hadn’t. In the back of her mind, she had hoped he would walk away from her and make things easier on them both. “I’m just dealing with some private family matters. I should be back to work on Monday, barring any further complications.”
“I don’t care about work.” She sensed the annoyance in his voice. “What complications? Are you okay? Is your family okay?”
“Everything will be fine. I just needed to get home. Please tell Kacey I’m sorry for missing her guitar lessons. Is Lightning Bug still doing okay or have you had to call in the other farrier for anything?”
“Kacey will survive, she’s asked about you. Everyone has asked about you. The horses are fine. And no, we haven’t had to call anyone else. Why are both of your vehicles at your house? How did you get to Missoula?”
“You were at my house?” Delta wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Part of her was mad that he had encroached on her personal space, the other part was touched at the amount of concern he had for her.
“My brothers picked me up.”
“And that’s it?”
“That’s it, Garrett.”
“Did something happen between us? I thought we were headed in a positive direction but I’m sensing... I don’t know what I’m sensing from you but it almost sounds like you’re having second thoughts.”
Delta closed her eyes. She didn’t want to hurt him. She didn’t want to turn him away. Out of all the people in the world, she’d love nothing more than to curl up with him and hear him say everything would be all right. But she couldn’t ask that of him. Not after what he had been through. She wouldn’t be that selfish.
“You told me the other day that if this didn’t work out, we could go back to just being friends.” She pinched the bridge of her nose, not wanting to say what had to come next. “I thought about it and I’m just not comfortable with us dating. I think we’re much better as friends. I have no problem helping you with the Valentine’s event and I’ll continue to be there for Kacey, but what happened the other day between us can’t happen again.”
“And here I had always been told absence made the heart grow fonder.”
“I’m sorry, Garrett. I know this isn’t what you want to hear. I just don’t see it working out between us. We don’t really know each other anyway. Maybe down the road things will be different.”
“Did you seriously just give me the ‘let’s just be friends’ speech and then hint we might have a chance later on? What am I supposed to do, wait for you?”
Yes. “I would never ask you to do that. I’m just not ready for a relationship. I thought I was, but I’m not.”
There was a soft knock at her bedroom door. “Delta, it’s Cooper.”
“I’m sorry, Garrett, I have to go. My brother just arrived.”
“Yeah, sure. Goodbye, Delta.”
His words pierced her heart more painfully than any arrow ever could.
“The door’s open.”
Cooper strode in and flopped on the bed beside her just as he had when they were kids. Her brother was one year older than her and every bit as much a cowboy as he was a deputy sheriff. Harlan reminded her of him in many ways. Under different circumstances, the two of them would probably get along famously. But she didn’t want anyone from Garrett’s family involved with hers. She needed that separation.
“What’s going on, chickadee?” He reached down and squeezed her hand. “Mom and Dad getting to you?”
“Everything’s getting to me.” Her brothers were the only people she could rely on to keep her sane. And she could trust them like no tomorrow. Jake may be her rock, but they were her foundation.
“Why don’t you get your things and come stay with Trevor and me at the apartment tonight. I know Mom and Dad will want to take you to chemo tomorrow, but that’s your decision. If it’s too difficult having them there, then I’ll say something so you won’t have to.”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to hurt Mom’s feelings and tell her she can’t go, but I don’t want her stressed out for hours either. She’ll look at people sicker than I am and think the worst is going to happen to me.” Delta shook her head. “It was one thing when we went through this the first time. I’m not as sick, but they still have to pump poison through my body, which is the real reason why I called you over here. I need you to do me a favor. And I need it tonight.”