Chapter Thirty-Four

Vivi kicked a small shell along the white sand beach. Everything here was beautiful—the azure water, the birds,

the sounds of the waves—but it wasn’t her home. How she even remembered what home felt like she wasn’t sure, but it wasn’t here. There was little inherent magic in the shores. It didn’t speak to her soul like their short trip to Scotland. Everything about that area, especially in the forest, resonated deep inside.

Nova told her about their family house in Scotland, but she hadn’t been allowed to visit. They assumed the house would be watched, so they considered the trip to see it too dangerous.

She rounded a boulder and stopped stone-cold.

Ky.

On the beach in bare feet and jeans, he held a modest bouquet of yellow flowers.

He looked so handsome with his recent shave and his overgrown hair trimmed and styled. There was freaking product in his hair, which erased the wild factor he’d exuded before. She missed the edgier him.

“Hi.” His voice rolled over her. That voice she heard almost every night in her dreams. Never did she see him or feel his touch. Just the voice. You’re safe.

“Hi.” Her breath caught when she made eye contact, and her heart rate escalated. She’d forgotten how commanding he was in person. “Are you lost?”

“I was. But I found my way.” He closed the space between them. “These are for you.”

She took them. “Thank you.”

Hands in his pockets, he looked out across the water. “The water is calming. This is a great place.”

“Yeah,” she said awkwardly. “But it feels like a vacation stopover rather than a place to plant roots.”

“I get that.” In silent communion they stared out at the calm waves for a moment. He said, “I’m sorry for how I handled things in Scotland.”

“It’s fine. I understand my brain is dangerous, especially if we knew each other before.”

He moved close and took her hand to raise it and place a kiss on the top. “We did know each other, Vivi. We were imprisoned together. We shared the torture of what they did to us, which was… Be glad you can’t remember. We had only each other in that awful place.”

“You kept me safe.”

“I don’t know about that. They separated us and kept us apart except on full-moon nights when they wanted us to, uh, give in to baser instincts. To breed.”

“Did we?”

He shook his head.

“So you kept me safe even from yourself?”

“I tried. Toward the end, it was difficult. If Roman and Flynn hadn’t gotten us out, I would’ve given in. Because, Vivi, I’m so deeply in love with you. Even this new you. The old you was rather badass.” He chuckled. “When we first met, you threatened to strangle me with my dick.”

She snort-laughed. “I did not.”

“You did. It was cute. Totally respected it. Kind of flattered you thought there was enough of me to use to strangle me.” His sheepish grin was adorable. Endearing. “That tough girl is still in there, but this new you, the real you that is so open to the world, is inspiring. I like her even better. I can’t think of anything other than you. I realize you don’t know me. That I’m no more than a stranger, but it wasn’t always like that.”

He kissed the palm of her hand. Need pulsated through her from the little touch. She found herself moving closer to him.

“These past few weeks have been torture. Awful,” he said. “But I had…have reason to stay away. I fear the monarch or our handler finding out about you and ordering me to kill you. It happened before when I had a relationship. They don’t like us to be tied down. If that happens, the curse will hurt me and my brothers, even to the point of death, until we follow the order.”

She visibly swallowed. With a whisper she said, “You won’t let that happen.”

“I won’t hurt you, Vivi. I swear. I’d die before the curse forced me to act.”

“Roman and Nova are making it work.”

“By keeping her secured at all times. By being one hundred percent sure they don’t find out she lives. The same has to stay true of you. I thought the right thing was to stay away, but I couldn’t manage to push you out of my head. I tried to convince myself I didn’t need you, but hearing about you, or even about your sister, broke down everything I thought I’d patched together to wall you out. I need you, Vivi. I realize you don’t know me. I’m willing to wait. To get to know each other. I don’t care so long as you’re with me in some way.”

“I’m not sure I want to be friends.”

His brows pulled together.

She rushed to add, “I meant I can’t do a friends-only situation. Look, I do want to be friends, but I want sex. Lots of it. Everywhere and every way with you. Only you. My dreams are driving me nuts not knowing what really happened and what’s pure fantasy.”

“Oh. Good.” His face relaxed. He kissed her knuckles. “I want to ask you something important.”

Hoarsely she asked, “What?”

“Would you go on a date with me? It’s a human thing, but I don’t think doing this the lycan way is possible for us.”

“What’s the lycan way?”

“Your parents do some arranging with my parents. There’s a ceremony, and then we’re stuck together. Forever.”

“Sounds rather unromantic. But my parents are dead.”

“It’s not about love or a connection. Lycan matings, allowing a male to interact with an unmated female, are about power. I don’t want anything to do with that. There’s no power play here. I want to know you and to figure out if what we had is still there as much as I think it is. I want to know you want to be with me. That it’s your choice. I don’t want anything to be taken away from you again. You were imprisoned for years with no choices. Everything from now on is what you want. Let me be the one to make sure you always have a choice.”

“So you’re saying you want to mate me? Marry me?”

He nudged sand around with his foot. “Please don’t get overwhelmed.”

“I’m not. I think it’s you who’s projecting. This feels…right. How do we go about doing it the non-lycan way?”

“I want us to have an actual meal-type situation where I can sit there and try to make asinine small talk and tell you how beautiful you are. I want to cook for you.”

“You cook?” She arched back, skeptical.

“We had this conversation once, and I got the same look. Believe me, I’m good at it.”

She chuckled. “I might have to let you prove it.”

“After we eat, I’ll take your hand and walk around this human city, proud to show the world that you’re with me. That you chose me. You have my heart. All of it for however long you want it and however you feel it’s best suited for you, be that friends or mates once we know each other again.”

“You’re cute, Ky. As if you could go with being fuck buddies only. Sex is definitely going to be in the picture.” Her voice went hoarse as a single finger traced the muscle of his upper chest. “I want you so freaking much, I’m in pain right now.”

His eyes drifted closed. “Stop it.”

“You’ll be mine, Ky. Only mine. I don’t want to share you with anyone.”

He heaved in a deep inhale as if he had trouble doing so. “Me too. I wouldn’t be great about anyone else in the picture. I don’t share.” He reached out and touched her hair to catch a few strands moving around in the wind. “Would you let me cook for you?”

She nodded. “I would.”

He pulled her in close and pressed his forehead to hers. Then he pressed a soft kiss to her lips. With a groan, he deepened the kiss. For the first time in weeks, she felt like she could breathe. This felt right. This was home.

The flowers fell to the ground. It was as if there was nothing other than this, the depth of connection to this being. She opened and let him in. She needed to touch every inch of him, to have her hands on his bare skin. The need burned her from the inside out.

He pulled away.

“I need you,” she whispered.

“I know. It’s overwhelming, isn’t it? It’s not diminished in the slightest, even though you can’t remember what happened before.”

“A part of me never forgot. Deep in my mind, I hear your voice saying, ‘You’re safe’ over and over.” With a burst, she realized that was the key. “That’s it. That’s how we know they can’t control me anymore. You have to use those words like you did after they bombed the church. They’re deeper in my head than anything else. If someone tries to control me, it needs to be you who breaks the spell.”

“I’ll try, but those trigger words are still there. We need to keep searching for a more reliable and permanent way to erase them. We still have to be very careful. At least, until this is over.”

“Can you promise me one thing?”

“Only one?”

“I don’t want to ever forget again. I want to remember everything with you.”

“I promise. Everything.”