To make getting to the DMV easier, I drove my car to work. It decided to end its life in an oily blaze of glory in a grocery store parking lot halfway to work. The black smoke coiling up from beneath the hood promised my car would never be the same.
Bowing my head, I sighed. In good news, my apartment building had an underground parking garage for tenants. In bad news, I only had one car available for my use: a classic Corvette that had no business being driven to and from work or sitting in the parking garage in my less-than-stellar neighborhood.
As smoke and cars alarmed people, someone had called the fire department, and they’d used my poor, battered vehicle for target practice.
I called my boss. “Hey, Mr. Kenton.”
“It’s almost nine and you’re calling. That can’t be good. What’s wrong?”
“You know my piece of shit car?”
“Anyone who has seen it knows it. What happened?”
“Well, the fire department used it as target practice. They have really good aim. I think it held on until it knew I’d be taken care of. The poor thing, holding on until the bitter end. It’s dead, sir. It’s dead dead.”
“Your car caught on fire?”
“I didn’t see any actual flames, but it was smoking like it meant it. That counts, right? It sounds so much more impressive if I say it caught on fire.”
“If that makes you feel better, we’ll say it caught on fire. Where are you?”
“Waiting for a tow truck so I can deliver the rubble somewhere. Where do dead cars go to stay dead? Is there a car graveyard?”
“Scrap yards. You can take it to most garages and they can dispose of it for a minor fee. Someone might even want to buy it from you for parts. If there are any parts left.”
“Four tires, and they’re not very old.”
“That’s something.”
“Once I figure out what I’m going to do about this damned car, I’ll come into the office.”
“Go to the DMV and take care of that, then take a personal day. You can plan the next delivery for Lance from home. I’ll email you his schedule so you can plan for when he won’t have clients in the office.”
“I can do that. I’m going to do the kitchen next.”
“Good. How about his comic collection?”
“I think I’m going to fill the refrigerator with the comics and the stove with the puzzles. After that, I’m going to build anticipation with daily deliveries of useful items for someone working on a home. Tools. Accessories. New pots and pans. Things like that. Then I’ll figure out how to lure him to wherever we stage the Corvette.”
“Keep me advised. The card is constantly paid off from the fund, so unless you plan on spending more than fifty thousand in one place, do whatever you feel is necessary.”
“Will do, sir. I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”
“Sounds good. Be safe dealing with that car, and if you want to get your car out of my garage, let me know and I’ll run over to let you in.”
“It’s safer there. My neighborhood is not good for a car like that, even when it’s parked indoors.”
“Do yourself a favor. Don’t tell Lance where you live. He’ll worry. When he worries, he gets protective. If he gets protective, he’ll bother you.”
“He knows. He dropped me off the other night.”
“Where are you, anyway?”
I sighed, rolled my eyes, and gave him the cross street where the grocery store was. “You’re going to get someone to pick me up, aren’t you?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. I am. Forgive an old man for having paranoia about a pretty young woman out and about on her own in the city.”
“Do we need to talk about the definition of the word pretty, sir? And I’m not that young. I’m thirty-one.”
“You look young.”
“Fair. So what should I tell the tow to do?”
“To take it to a garage, have them give you the address of the garage, and go with someone to the garage. If you have your own garage, have it taken there.”
I whored my car around to the cheapest mechanics possible, which was probably the reason why I had a smoking ruin of a car rather than an operational vehicle. “I’m not speaking to my latest mechanic right now.”
“I can guess at the reason why. Try not to wander off.”
“I may wander off into the grocery store after the tow leaves.”
“That works. I’ll call you if there are any issues.”
I laughed. “All right. Call me if there are any issues.” I hung up before he could get any other ideas and settled in to wait for the tow.
I should have known my boss would call Lance. I spotted his SUV from inside the grocery store, and I wondered how I’d get revenge on my boss for making my life even more difficult. I had the papers for both Corvettes sticking out of my purse, and if he got curious, I had no idea how I’d hide them. Toss in the registrations at the DMV, and I’d be sunk if he asked any questions.
According to his stride, Lance was ready to take prisoners, and I was his target. If I hadn’t had the ownership papers for the cars in my possession, I would’ve appreciated being apprehended.
He stepped inside, and I waved to catch his attention.
“Paul said your car caught on fire?”
“Dare I ask how many clients you skipped out on today?”
“They skipped out on me first and rescheduled for next week. Family emergency. I was expecting a six hour hell session and ended up with a day off.”
I narrowed my eyes. “I don’t believe you. Attorneys don’t get days off. It’s in the rule book.”
“There’s a rule book? Huh. I guess I must have thrown mine out. But seriously. Your car caught on fire?”
“Its days were numbered anyway. I was already getting myself a new one anyway. I have papers to take to the DMV for it, so I may as well register my car’s demise at the same time.”
“New?”
“Used. Ancient but well cared for. The engine makes this purring noise instead of a clunking noise, and I liked the way it drove. Beyond that, it’s nothing special,” I lied. “It’s an old Chevrolet.”
“Chevrolet has some good cars, especially if they’re older but in good condition. How’s the mileage?”
“Twenty-five thousand.” I wasn’t lying, either. I still had no idea why the old Corvette had done so little time on the road, but I wasn’t going to complain. “It wasn’t cheap, but I thought it was a good deal, and I learned it can take weeks for a new car to be ready unless they have one on the lot. I was thinking about it, but I decided to go with a used car on the lot.”
Again, I didn’t exactly lie. For what it was, I felt I’d walked away a winner on all fronts.
“Nice. When do you pick it up?”
“I’m having it checked out to be safe since it’s an older car, but I should have it back in a week or two.” Technically, I wasn’t even lying. Mr. Kenton had checked out the car’s history. “I wasn’t expecting my car to break down today.”
“It must have gotten jealous. I’m at your disposal for today. Where do we need to go?”
I handed over the business card the tow driver had given me. “They took my piece of shit here.”
“Got everything you need from here? Do you want to do any grocery shopping since we’re already here?”
I held up my bag of necessities I’d picked up while waiting. “Already took care of the basics. Nothing’s perishable.”
“Good. The DMV could take all day.”
“It could take ten minutes.”
“That’s just a myth. The DMV can’t just take ten minutes.”
“But what if it does only take ten minutes?”
“I might require CPR as I fall over dead from shock.”
While I disliked the fall over dead part of the equation, there was something to be said for the mouth-on-mouth part of CPR. By the time St. Patrick’s Day rolled around, I’d need the vacation to get over myself and the reality of having earned Lance’s ire. “I take it you’ve had a bad time at the DMV?”
“The last time I was in, it took five hours.”
Eek. “If it takes five hours, you may need to peel me off the ceiling.”
“I wouldn’t blame you. I was ready to bang my head into the wall to make the pain go away.”
“What were you doing at the DMV?”
“Vehicle registration.”
And I had two to do. Damn. We were doomed. “I’m so sorry. I won’t be upset if you abandon me for doing something more fun. Like having all your teeth pulled. For you, jumping out of an airplane maybe?”
“You were fantastic yesterday, by the way. If I hadn’t known better, I would’ve believed you completely innocent of any wrongdoing.”
I pointed at myself. “Me? But I am innocent of any wrongdoing. There’s nothing wrong with being a skydiver. It’s not my fault they’re convinced you hired a man.”
“I think they’ve lost their minds. I can see Paul funding their mischief, though. He likes helping people out, and as a partner, he makes more in a month than I make in a year—and that’ll be the case for a long time. I don’t do badly, but I’m not going to be a partner anytime soon. But it’s okay. I like the work, and I make enough to get by.”
“It doesn’t bother you?”
“No. They’re putting a ridiculous amount of effort into it. I’m still trying to figure out how to get all that glitter out of my office. I did manage to get the toilet, shower, and sink moved to my house. It seems like I’m taking a break from bedroom renovations to do bathroom renovations. I guess it’s for the best, since I can’t do much of the work in that room anyway. I want professionals handling the installations.”
“How long will it take to do?”
“A week. I got lucky. The guys I like to use had a cancellation, so they were able to fit the renovation in.”
“That’s great. I guess you budget for this?”
“I won’t be able to buy as many comics next month, and I’ll be watching my savings account for a while, but it’s worth it.”
I would have to make sure his contractors for the kitchen were paid for. “How good are your contractors? Would you recommend them for a project? I’m thinking about moving, maybe finding a house. I have enough for a down payment for a small townhouse, I think. I’d like a place with a private garage, but I think I’ll have to do it your way. Fixing up something rather than buying something in good shape.”
“They’re good.” On our way to his SUV, Lance dug out his wallet and handed me a card. “Ask for Renato. He’ll take care of you. Tell him I sent you. He’s the guy I use. He and his guys are really good, and they don’t cut corners.”
“I hate when contractors cut corners to make a job cheaper.”
“You’ll pay a little more, but it’s worth it. Renato’s an architect. He got tired of designing for a firm, so he designs rooms and makes sure his renovations are all to code. He did the structural work on my townhouse.”
Excellent. He’d be perfect for my needs. “Do they work while you’re gone?”
“They sure do. Renato has a key. They’re always doing something in my place, so it makes sense. They’re professionals, and I trust them.”
Even better. I wouldn’t even have to work hard at what I needed. I’d just have to make sure my scavenger hunt prevented him from returning home for a week or two. He’d come back to a house he’d love. I hoped. “Do you like the stuff those pranksters gave you?”
He laughed and held the door for me. “Don’t tell those bastards this, but I love it. It’s modern without being obnoxious. I like modern bathrooms. Rustic kitchens are more my thing, so my house is going to be really weird.”
I hopped into the SUV and grinned at him. “I never would have thought you were the rustic type.”
“My living room is going to be modern. My office is going to be a library; it’s one of the largest rooms in the house. I actually had some walls torn down to open up some space. There are two load-bearing walls breaking up the space, but I’m going to install bookcases on both sides of the wall and transform one half of the room into a library and the other into my actual office. I’m going to go with a Victorian library theme in the entire room.”
Victorian library and study, check. I could work with that. And I’d bring in some extra presents for him in the form of prized books. “That sounds amazing. Where will your comics live?”
“That will be in my comic and gaming room. Don’t tell this to Julian, but I have a few board games, too. I have a nice gaming table and a room just for comic storage. I’m not doing any themes for that because I need as much storage space in there as possible. I own a lot of comics. I’ll probably have a bookcase of my prized comics in the library, too.”
A specialty case for comics in the Victorian library, check. “This may make me sound really weird, but I think it’s really neat you’re doing this to make your house perfect for you.”
“The library has a fireplace, too.”
Okay. I was moving in with him, and I had no idea how to tell him. “You better protect the books from the smoke!”
“I’ll be careful, don’t worry. The fireplace is set between two windows, so there aren’t any bookcases on that wall. There’ll be two chairs near the fireplace and end tables in case I have a guest over.”
He’d have me over often, as long as I could figure out how to wrangle it. “Is there a guest bedroom?”
“Surprisingly, yes. It’s small, but it’s there. I figured I needed at least one.”
“Master bath?”
“It’s a disaster. Last on my to-do list, as the main bathroom is the same size and was in much better condition. I have the pipes closed off so there aren’t issues, but it’s dead in the water. A shame, but I’ll get to it eventually.”
I’d be getting it to him much faster, and his master bathroom would have an even better throne than his main bathroom. “I need your realtor to owe me a favor.”
He laughed. “He performed a miracle with this place. I mean, it was really bad when I got it, but when I finally get done with it, when I’m an old crippled man who can’t even make it up the staircase, it’ll be something special.”
“What kind of staircase?”
“A rickety one. It’s a priority.”
“And what theme is that getting?”
“Ship.”
I blinked. “What?”
“I’m going to have it designed to look like a staircase you’d find on an old luxury cruise liner. Think Titanic.”
“You’re going to have the kind of house that, if ever put on a real estate site, is going to go viral because it’s so unique inside.”
Lance’s face lit up. “Yes. That’s exactly the right idea. When someone comes into my home, people will see me in every room.”
In a way, it made me sad that he looked forward to people seeing him in his home. I understood. My home was my space with little to no room for anyone else. I’d given up on finding someone, too.
No wonder Chloe was so keen on trying to be a matchmaker. We were birds of a feather.
“It sounds amazing.”
“One day, it really will be.”
One day would happen a lot sooner than Lance believed possible, and I hoped it was everything he wanted and more.
It took two hours to ditch my car at the garage, as the mechanic wanted to evaluate the vehicle to figure out what he could salvage. I left with a check for six hundred dollars, which covered the tires and some other parts the mechanic thought he could salvage. I pouted, staring at the piece of paper in my hand that confirmed the death of my car.
The repair would’ve cost over three thousand dollars and involved a new engine.
“It could’ve been worse. He could’ve told you your tires were worthless.”
“Want to make bets on how long it takes to deal with this crap at the DMV?”
“What are we wagering?”
“Souls?”
“No way. You have freckles, and you probably collect souls to add to your freckle collection.” Lance reached out and pressed his finger to my nose. “I know better than to wager my soul to a ginger, Alice. You’re not going to catch me that easily.”
I crossed my eyes to stare at his finger. “I didn’t say I was after your soul. Today at least. I can settle with more important matters. Lunch would suffice. It would have to be something more important than the duration of a DMV visit to take possession of your soul.”
Lance gave my nose another poke and grinned. “I’m willing to wager over lunch, but you’ll have to work harder than that to get your hands on my soul.”
“If we’re in and out of the DMV within an hour, you have to take me out for lunch. If we’re in and out within thirty minutes, you have to take me out for a really nice lunch. If it takes longer than an hour, I have to take you out for lunch. If we’re there for more than four hours, I have to take you to a really nice dinner, as we’ll be starving to death from having missed lunch.”
Lance chuckled. “I’m going to enjoy you taking me out for lunch, I see.”
The trick to handling the DMV was going to a remote location, one people avoided because it was too much of a hassle to go to. I’d found three during my time in New York, and my favorite took an hour to get to. Had I been taking public transportation, I would’ve avoided it. On the way to Lance’s SUV, I plugged in the DMV’s location and turned on the navigation system.
“It’s an hour away?” He sighed. “Damned traffic.”
“The drive doesn’t count. We start timing the instant we walk in the doors.”
“Deal. Well, I don’t mind. I like driving, and it beats sending you off on your own. I’ll survive somehow.”
“It will be a terrible sacrifice, I’m sure.”
“Definitely. I’ll be expecting a good lunch. I’m looking forward to it, in fact. Well, dinner. I’m confident in my chances.”
The poor, poor bastard had no idea I was about to goose him at the DMV. “So, give me a breakdown Mr. Lance McCarthy. What did the pranksters do right with your new bathroom?”
“Everything. I’m utterly disgusted. I can’t believe Justin got his mother to make those damned poops. I bet he’d been planning that hit for weeks. Worse, after I got back from visiting your firm, I found a jigsaw puzzle in the mess, and the bastard didn’t give a picture of what it is. I have no idea what I’m putting together, and it’s going to drive me fucking insane. I’ve figured out it’s plain bordered, so I’ve gotten the edge done since I started it last night, but I have no idea what’s supposed to go in the middle. There is a thin black line surrounding the interior that goes over the edges, so I’ll be able to get one more row of pieces in, but it’s not easy. At all. It’s going to take me forever to solve, and I’m willing to bet the bastard wrote me a note and is making me put it together so he can mock me.”
I had underestimated Lance’s interest in the puzzle, and I wondered how long it would take him to figure out what we’d done. “That’s impressive. I don’t know if I’d try to assemble a jigsaw puzzle without knowing what it looked like. That’s like master-level puzzle solving.”
“I refuse to lose to him.”
“Are you going to have time to renovate?”
“The puzzle did factor into my decision to give Renato a call,” he admitted. “I get to avoid any renovations for a whole week.”
“I wish you the best of luck with that puzzle. You’re going to need it.”
“Want to come over to my place and help? Some of it’s a mess, but it’s mostly habitable. I’m building it in my living room.”
For a chance to see his place to know what I had to work with, I’d sacrifice myself to the cause of assembling my own prank. “Sure. But if you keep me out past eight, you have to feed me dinner and take me home.”
“Deal. We can also look over the list of self-defense instructors I found. There were a few near where you live that had good reviews.”
Yep, I’d somehow landed in the company of a protective individual. Understanding why made it easier to ignore my pride. The lingering discomfort in my face did a good job of taking care of the rest of my reservations.
Self-defense classes would help make certain no one could rearrange my face for me again.
“That sounds like a plan.”
“Excellent. Put some thought into what you’re going to feed me today. I’m looking forward to seeing what you think I’ll like.”
I laughed and wondered how attorneys could stand themselves—or worse, make me actually enjoy sharing space with them.
Twenty-five minutes after stepping through the doors of the DMV, I had two sets of license plates for my Corvettes and confirmation my old car was no longer among the living. I even renewed my driver’s license, a pleasant surprise as I’d expected to need to go in again to handle it. Beaming, I hopped in front of Lance and waved my plates in front of him. “How long has it been, Mr. Lance McCarthy?”
“I was right. You’d steal my soul if I gave you a single chance. If I’d wagered my soul, you’d have new freckles right now. You utterly goosed me.”
I grinned so much my face hurt. “No line, and I had to do four different things. Four! But I’m done, and it was only twenty-five minutes. Where are you taking me for lunch?”
“I don’t know yet, but I have to make it really good.”
Yes, he did. “Do you need some time?”
“For my pride to recover? Definitely. You played me masterfully. If you’d package that as a prank, I’d have to give you an even better grade than those three and their bathroom prank.”
“You could just sacrifice your soul to me instead if a good lunch is too difficult for you. I don’t need any more freckles, so I’ll use your soul for something else.”
“Making your head redder?”
“I think I’m good there. It’s naturally dyed with the blood of my enemies.”
“What sort of payments do I have to make for the safe keeping of my soul?”
“I’ll consider my options. It depends on the room you plan on turning into a library. Show it to me. That will buy you some time to decide which deal you prefer: your soul or a really good lunch.”
“This will teach me to wager against a ginger.”
“Is this when I’m supposed to start planning a kidnapping? That’s what Chloe did when she picked her piece of property. Once I have your soul, the body comes along, too. Right? I’m a bit hazy on how this works.”
Lance got into his SUV, but while he started the engine, he pressed a few buttons on his steering wheel and said, “Call Julian.”
The speakers began to ring.
“Okay, that’s cool,” I admitted.
“Hey, Lance,” Julian answered. “Did you rescue Alice?”
“I did. She’s fine, but her car is dead. Engine went out in a blaze of glory. She goosed me out of either a really nice dinner or my soul. We had questions on how the acquisition of souls worked, and we figured since Chloe hooked her claws into yours, you might be able to answer our questions.”
“How did she pull that off?”
“She told me she could be out of the DMV in less than thirty minutes. I told her it’d take up to five hours. Anything over an hour would have been my win.”
“How long did it take her?”
“Twenty-five minutes.”
“Hey, Alice?”
“Yes?”
“Can you take me to the DMV next time I have to go? I’ll beg, I’ll get you a really nice lunch, and I’ll do whatever dirty work you need for a week in exchange.”
“Why don’t I just tell you which DMV to go to on which days in exchange for a favor later?”
“Favors are cheaper than souls and really nice lunch, so I’ll accept that.” Julian laughed. “Chloe’s birthday is next month, and I’ve finally found her perfect car. I’m going to trade in the sports car for a model we’ll both like a lot. I haven’t told her yet, but I caught her staring at it with stars in her eyes. I’ve already scheduled to have my SUV replaced because I know what SUV she really wants but won’t ask for because she’s Chloe. I’m going to have both cars show up on her birthday, so I’ll have to deal with the DMV.”
“Can Lance help me prank her new vehicles? I need the practice. I’m hopeless at pranking, Julian.”
Lance snickered. “I should feel worse than I do about nurturing a prankster, but I don’t feel at all sorry about this situation. Let us do it, Julian. I’ll even absolve you of some of your guilt for the bathroom prank.”
“Sold. Don’t damage either vehicle. If you can make the prank somewhat romantic, I’d appreciate it. It’d be less pleasant if she’s murderous. And please, no glitter. Please.”
“No glitter,” Lance promised. “I won’t do anything to your cars I wouldn’t be okay happening to mine.”
“Let me know how long you need to pull the prank off.”
“May I make a suggestion?” I asked.
“Suggest away,” Julian invited.
“Do a regular birthday for her, hold off on the vehicles until April or May, and do an unbirthday to catch her off guard. Or make up a holiday just for her.” Delaying would make sure my plans for Lance weren’t interrupted, too.
“Sounds like a plan. Don’t keep me in the loop. Just tell me the date and how long you need with the vehicles.”
I smiled. “Will do. So, back to the real question here. How do souls work? You’ve lost yours. Was there a transaction for your physical body as well?”
“Yes. It’s called marriage.”
“Hmm.” I considered Lance and looked him over. “Did she have to pay extra for that, or does it come as part of the soul acquisition process?”
“Good question. She conspired with my parents to have me kidnapped. She kept me cuffed until I begged her to marry me. It was a very bad proposal, but as I’d already lost possession of my soul at that point, I’m excused. What do you want out of Lance? If you just want sex, leave him his soul and use lingerie to spring your trap. You can test drive him that way.”
Wow. I would’ve been angry over it, but the idea interested me enough I decided to forgive him. “You are the worst sort of attorney to ever attorney, Mr. Julian Carter.”
“To be fair, Chloe gave me a list of crude things I should say should this subject come up. If you need to get revenge for that statement, please target her. She has my soul.”
“That’s a good point. Do attorneys even have souls?” I slumped in the seat. “I may have chosen my new soul poorly.”
Lance laughed. “It’s a quality soul, I promise you. Especially for an attorney. Mine is so much better than Julian’s. Chloe has thoroughly used his. Mine is only gently used, but you’ll have to defend me from my ex should she show up.”
“Why do you need defended from this ex?”
“She doesn’t understand the meaning of the word no and thinks she can come back whenever she wants. Then she declares we’re back together when she hates everything about me except my job. She assumes attorney equates to exceptionally wealthy.”
“When in reality, attorneys get by but that’s about it. And small practice attorneys barely get by,” I replied, well aware of how much receptionists for small firms were paid, which wasn’t much less than most of the attorneys. “For the record, I don’t need to own your soul to help you out with that.”
“Can I call you if she shows up?”
“Not only you can call me, you can pretend I actually listened to Julian’s advice about the lingerie. Make it extra skimpy.”
Lance’s brows rose. “I won’t paint you as a slut or whore or any sort of derogatory thing.”
Nice. Also sexy enough I wanted to go lingerie shopping. “No, you misunderstand. You’d be painting me as a very happy girlfriend.”
“Go with it, Lance,” Julian ordered. “I found surrendering has included a great many benefits, and it included lingerie.”
“I see you’re part of the date Alice club.”
It was my turn for my brows to take a hike. “There’s a date Alice club?”
“I’m assuming there is due to certain commentary from the three troublemakers who pulled the bathroom prank. Your boss already gave me permission to take you out for any purposes I saw fit, but he would put his legal license on the line teaching me my manners if I treated you wrong. Chloe bluntly told me I should do whatever you’re all right with. Julian is now suggesting lingerie. I find if you bring out the situation into the light, the troublemakers are less likely to create trouble.”
I had the best co-workers, and I would send them cards, cake, and possibly bacon bouquets to show them my appreciation. And I’d have to step up my efforts to make certain I didn’t screw everything up fulfilling his father’s dying wish. I’d have my work cut out for me. “So, what will it be, Lance? A nice lunch or your soul? If I get possession of your soul, we’ll have to discuss how the acquisitions of your body works later. Unlike Chloe, I’m not into kidnapping people. That seems like an easy way to be charged with a felony.”
“I appreciate that. While it’s hilarious Chloe kidnapped Julian, you would likely have better luck planning an elaborate prank to secure your acquisition.”
I hoped he still felt that way in a few weeks. “What do you think, Julian?”
“It’d be easier if you just bought some lingerie and told him what you want. I’ve found I’m really, really bad at interpreting the signals of my woman, and I get the feeling that Lance isn’t much better. If you want him, just tell him.” Julian hung up.
“Well, that was direct,” I muttered.
“About as direct as Chloe trying to get me to take you to Hawaii on a very elaborate date?”
“I think this was even more direct. I don’t even own any actual lingerie,” I confessed. “It’s expensive when there’s no one to wear it for. Frankly, my underwear is not exactly sexy. It serves a purpose. That purpose has nothing to do with men. You want to see what a functional bra looks like? I can show you. You won’t see anything interesting because it’s a torture device of breast containment.”
“I have no idea what the appropriate answer is.”
“I’ll show you my library if you show me your bra,” I supplied.
“Hey, Alice?”
“Yes?”
“I’ll show you my library if you show me your bra.”
I buckled my seatbelt and smiled. “Well, get on with it, Lance. We don’t have all day.”