The next time anyone wanted to prank me with sushi and enough boba tea to flood the Nile, I’d accept my fate with the biggest, brightest smile possible. Someone in the office had a ridiculous amount of sushi delivered to my office, all of them shaped to be spiders of some form. I hadn’t even known sushi could be shaped into spiders. As I was as much of an asshole as my beloved wretch of a tarantula, I took a piece all the way across the building, got Julian to let me into his office, and chomped on a piece to put Boomer in her place while she attacked the glass.
“That is the most you thing I have ever seen you do in the entire time I’ve known you,” Julian announced. “You just ate a spider-shaped piece of sushi to taunt the spider that wants to kill and eat you.”
Yes, I had. I swallowed my delicious piece of rice and fish, waved, and fled his office. There was so much sushi it took me two hours to get it all down, which made the rest of my work day much happier. Once I finished my mandatory work, I delved into Renato’s binder, selecting the things I thought Lance would like best and emailing him back with a complete list of reference numbers for the entirety of the house.
I then invaded my boss’s office and dumped the binder on his desk. “This is top secret information, and Lance McCarthy never learns this binder existed until Mr. Desornes is able to retrieve it. I have spent most of my afternoon picking everything for every room of his house. I just have to order the kitchen appliances and furniture. And the master bathroom. I’m doing it, Mr. Kenton. I’m ordering him The Toilet. His master bathroom will have The Toilet, and there is nothing anyone can do to stop me.”
“I love how you gave it a title. You’re going overboard, Alice.”
“No, I went overboard about the time I saw his attic space and threatened to move in. That backfired when he said he could draw up a lease and charge me what I currently pay. The attic is amazing. And it’s mine. I claimed ownership of it through a leasing agreement I’ve already signed. But I will not live in a house that might eat me. This investment is for purely selfish reasons.”
I was a terrible liar.
“Right. Because you have zero interest in the handsome young attorney you assaulted with glitter.” My boss smirked. “I’ve been instructed to ruthlessly tease you about the handsome young attorney you assaulted with glitter.”
“Aren’t we both in our thirties or something like that?”
“That’s young.”
“Maybe to you, but I don’t feel that young anymore.”
“You’re plenty young, Alice.”
“Why were you instructed to ruthlessly tease me about Lance?”
“I’ve been informed Chloe is pregnant, and having three children of my own, I’ve learned to not upset the pregnant woman. She told me to tease you.”
“Who told you she’s pregnant? I’d guessed,” I admitted. “It seemed obvious to me.”
“Julian asked for advice, and Chloe had mentioned you’d figured it out. He wants to be the best father possible, and as I have successfully raised kids who turned out okay, he asked me. His parents would create a monster from birth, although he’s going to borrow some of the better parts of his childhood and the things with a proven track record of success. However, he seems to think his mother won’t be dressing his kids up at her leisure.”
“I hope you told him he was delusional.”
“As a matter of fact, yes. I did. He looked so crestfallen. Did you enjoy your lunch?”
“That is not a prank. Pranks are not delicious. That was delicious. Thank you! Or whoever did it. Well, I guess pranks can be delicious.”
“You’re rather hyper, I see.”
I tried to count the number of boba teas I’d consumed and gave up after five. “I still have a tea or two left to drink.”
He laughed. “You seemed ready to have a meltdown because everything got switched up, and nothing helps get through the day than a favorite food and sugar. And yes, everyone noticed how much you liked the sushi at the lunch meeting.”
Oops. “I was a little selfish then. A little.”
“No judgment here, Alice. I’ll make sure Lance doesn’t get a hold of the binder. I know Lance typically works longer hours than you do. Are you going to be all right with that?”
“I’ll be fine. It’s a shorter commute with him driving, and I’ll use the time to make sure everything is ready for his house and get ahead on work where I can.”
“Just make sure you file your overtime hours. Since it relates to our contract for the McCarthy estate, it counts as legitimate work. And yes, I’ll make arrangements with Lance myself following things to make sure you’re paid back in full. I’ll get the receipts from Mr. Desornes myself if I have to.”
“But—”
“Alice, he’s going to appreciate the gesture, I promise you. He’s also practical, and as you said, he understands his father isn’t the man he believed. I really don’t anticipate any significant issues. He’s more likely to be upset you spent out of your own pocket than using a fund left to him in his father’s will.” My boss chuckled and shook his head. “Don’t be your own enemy. Don’t assume things will fall apart until they actually do. You’ll be a lot happier that way. And yes, I realize that falls into the category of unasked for advice.”
Damn it. I had been doing just that. “But it’s good advice.”
“While it is, I’ve lost count of the number of times people have gotten upset at me for mentioning it.”
“You don’t think I should run away?”
“Oh, no. I absolutely think you should run away and have fun for a week. But don’t run away because you’re afraid of how he’ll react. Run away because you want to give Lance some time to figure out how he wants to handle his brother and the death of his father. Do whatever if it is you’d do with a week with your family.”
“With my family? Jump out of planes, break bones.”
“Please try to avoid breaking any bones.”
“It’s not like I want to break any bones, but it happens! Honestly, I’ve only broken one bone while skydiving. The rest were idiot accidents on the ground.” I held up four fingers. “This is how many times I’ve broken something because someone else has been an idiot.”
“That sounds unpleasant.”
“It really is! Broken fingers suck. I haven’t broken anything major, fortunately. But if you see my hand in a splint, someone was an idiot.”
“How many of those broken fingers have been a result of you being an idiot?”
I flipped him my middle finger. “This one. I tried to hit my dumbass half-brother with a harness and got my finger stuck.”
“Do you like or hate your half-brother?”
“I absolutely love him but I will come and collect your soul for my freckle collection if you ever dare to tell him that.”
“Noted. Your secret is safe with me. Should I be concerned you collect souls?”
“I figure if I’m going to be at the butt end of the ginger jokes, I may as well embrace it fully and without reservation.”
“I’m starting to think the best thing I’ve done in my adult life was suggest you prank Lance. I had no idea you could be so playful. I’m really happy you’re having fun.”
I was, too. Smiling, I nodded. “I really am. Thank you for hiring me despite everything.”
“It’s not your fault they put you in a position where you can’t shine. All I did was cater to your strengths in the office—and it let Denice do the job she prefers.”
“Denice handles your incoming calls?”
“She adores the puzzle of scheduling, and she had Chloe help with her script. And it’s definitely not your fault you weren’t instructed to have a script to help make sure clients got scheduled properly. And anyway, not everyone needs to be good on the phone. Don’t let your weaknesses define your strengths. And seriously, don’t create problems where problems don’t exist. Yes, we’re all worried about how Lance will react. But don’t write him—or yourself—off before you’ve crossed that bridge.”
“I’ll try not to.”
“Good. Use the next few weeks to get to know him. Well, at least his work habits, as I expect he’ll be putting in excessive overtime to pay you back for the initial work.”
“Oh. That’s not a problem. He’s waiving rent until it’s paid back. For the attic. I was serious when I said I’d blurted out I wanted to move into his attic.”
“But it’s an attic.”
I shook my head. “No, no. It’s not just an attic. It’s a gloriously huge, cozy room with hammocks and reading nooks, and it’s quiet, and it’s peaceful, and there’s plenty of room for my spiders. But he said the spiders could live in any room of the house they needed if the attic wasn’t warm enough for them.”
“I see you have fallen in love with his attic.”
“It’s the perfect attic. And the man who designed it is doing the rest of the house. Lance is going to have the perfect house, and I have a piece of signed paper that says I get to live in it for a year. I’m not sure how the parking situation will work, though. There’s a slope to access his garage.”
“Emergency parking brake and turn the wheel so if the brake disengages, the vehicle should hit the retaining wall. That’s how I park the times I’ve parked on hills. You’ll probably do that. I suspect Lance’s SUV will live in the driveway or on the street. Is there street parking in front of his house?”
“Not really. I mean, there is, but it looks hard to find a spot.”
“Typical New York.”
“It is,” I agreed. “Maybe we should tell him he’s not allowed to get rid of his SUV. He might. He seems like the type.”
“I’m sure we can add that as a caveat. Are you feeling better now? You’ve been about to fly into orbit today, and not just from the ridiculous amount of tea you’ve been drinking.”
“It seemed like a shame to let any of it go to waste. You really don’t think he’s going to be upset?”
“Oh, he’ll be a little upset. Flustered, most likely. But he’s not going to be angry. Not like that. He’ll understand. But I expect he’ll follow you wherever you go to hide and drag you back because he won’t be able to handle the thought of you actually being scared of him.”
Shit. “Family visit is not running away scared.”
“You’re a terrible liar, Alice.” My boss chuckled. “To be expected, though. You have good reason. Try your best to work out your nerves, though. Everything will work out.”
“I’m going to work out my nerves through jumping out of an airplane as many times as my mother and step-father allow before grounding me. I’ll probably sucker them out of five jumps a day before I’m put in time out.”
“That’s a lot of jumps.”
“Apparently, Mom gets cranky if I try to make her take me out for more than five jumps in a single day. So I’ll be nice and whine for only five. That should work out the worst of my nerves.”
“He’s going to watch one of your jumps and lose his mind,” my boss predicted.
“Well, if he comes during daylight hours, that’s entirely possible. He’d be best off stalking me at my mother’s place where the skydiver eating airplanes can’t get him.”
“I’m going to use that phrase on him, just for the record. I can’t wait to see his expression when I say you’re out with your mother and that a skydiver eating airplane might get you.”
“You’re even meaner than I am.”
“No, Alice. Mean is having us load an entire shower full of glitter and packing peanuts. That was pure evil.”
“Evil genius, though. He was covered in it.”
“Mark my words, Alice. When he learns you’re the real culprit, revenge will come, and I’ll make some popcorn and enjoy the show.”
I laughed. “Just salve the wounds of his revenge with more sushi and boba tea, please. That was delicious, and I enjoyed eating some of my sushi in front of Boomer.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”