Chloe and Julian picked us up from the airport, and Lance let me get away with using my crutches until we reached the parking lot. Then he gave me a choice: I could be carried like a princess, or I could be tossed over his shoulder. While Chloe, Julian, and Arnold laughed, I considered my options.
“Princess, please. No one has carried me like a princess before. You can do the cave man carry next time. We have to test all modes of carrying to see which one is the best.”
Lance laughed, gave Julian my crutches, and scooped me up. I had no idea how he did it, as I wasn’t a wilting lily in the weight department. Obviously, I had made an error in judgment in the home redesign. I hadn’t included a personal gym anywhere in the design.
I’d figure something out, somehow.
“This is great. I had no idea attorneys could be so strong and manly. Can yours do this, Chloe?”
“Alice, I’m not exactly terrified of heights like Lance is, but I’d have to be unconscious before I went along with that nonsense.”
“You need therapy, too. Julian, I’m conducting classes to help Lance. I’m signing Chloe up. You okay with that?”
“Tentatively. On therapy nights, you’re responsible for feeding and entertaining her.”
I looked Chloe in the eyes. “I have an entire Victorian library loaded with trashy romance novels. You in?”
“Consider me in. Should we make the men join us for trashy romance novel night?”
I didn’t have to think long on that. “Of course. We can dress them up like romance novel heroes.”
“I will deal with height therapy for that. How much a lesson?”
“Free, but you have to bring your man and a camera.”
“We could make a fortune taking photos of them dressing up like romance novel heroes. We can get Julian’s mom to help us!”
My eyes widened. “Please?”
Julian sighed and bowed his head. “I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”
“It’s my fault. I showed her I could actually pick her up and carry her. That said, my arms will get tired sooner than later. Where are you parked?”
Julian pointed. We only had to go a few rows before he led us to his SUV. It wasn’t the one belonging to his mother, and I wondered if it belonged to him or his father.
I’d never understand the Carters.
I got the front seat, and I laughed at Lance’s grumbling over his eviction to the back. I appreciated the extra leg room, especially as I was under strict orders to keep my weight off my foot for at least a week. Then I’d have another gauntlet of appointments to find out how well my foot was healing.
“We’re going to your house, Lance. Paul will meet us there as he absolutely doesn’t want to miss your expression.”
“She told me what’s in the other car.”
“You expression will still be priceless. Seeing is believing. Also, we moved your piece of shit elsewhere, as it’s been decided you won’t need it anymore. Honestly, we had it towed. I tried to start it. It didn’t work.”
Lance sighed. “You have to baby it.”
Julian snorted. “You can baby it straight to a used dealership and make it their problem. Your garage is full, and your SUV is going to be sitting outside until kingdom come.”
“I can install a car port in the back yard. It’s not like I actually use the yard for anything, and there’s a sizable alley behind the house. I’d have to have the fence redone, but it’d be trivial to add a gate and a car port for an extra vehicle.”
Lance had no idea how many of his plans I’d made a mess of, although I looked forward to seeing his expression. “I have to admit, I didn’t really look at the back yard. I was too busy planning on how I’d best settle into my attic.”
“I’m pretty sure you’re going to be living in a room other than the attic,” Lance replied.
“You can visit me in my attic. That’s my space. You even made a lease for me to have that space. The attic is mine.”
Julian snickered. “I wish you the best of luck with that, Lance.”
“It’s okay. I got her to live in my house with little effort. I was willing to try your gimmick, but I didn’t have to. All I had to do was show her the attic.”
“It’s true. I was easily tricked into moving in with him. I should be more ashamed of that than I am.”
“Beats having to kidnap him to make certain he went along with what you wanted. I’m still amazed I got away with a felony.” Chloe giggles. “It helps when the victim is willing. Julian’s just upset I made him get a cheap SUV so he’d stop borrowing one all the time. I didn’t let him get a new one, either. I am still negotiating for my dream SUV.”
I wished her the best of luck with her negotiations. “I owned my dream car for about twenty minutes before I decided I would actually give it to Lance. I almost kept it for myself.”
Lance laughed. “You can visit it whenever you want, I promise. I’ll even let you drive it sometimes.”
“You know a man means business when he offers to let you drive his baby.” Chloe snickered, reached between the seats, and tapped my shoulder. “Tell Julian you’re allowed to drive Lance’s baby so he lets me drive his baby.”
“I’m surprised Julian hasn’t let you drive his car.” I stared at the man, who portrayed innocence while braving the streets of New York from the airport. “Why haven’t you?”
“I enjoy being her slave.”
I sometimes wondered what made Julian and Chloe work so well together, but then one of them spoke up and made it perfectly clear why they worked so well together: they were the best kind of crazy. “Sorry, Chloe. I can’t help you with that problem.”
“It’s a good problem to have, but I still haven’t gotten to drive his car. He did add me to his insurance, though.”
“Small steps.”
“Do you think he’ll let me drive it once the baby arrives?”
“When you’re in need of a night out without the husband or the baby, steal the keys and take it on a drive. If your friend Kristine isn’t available, I’ll warm the passenger seat.”
“Sold. Lance can help Julian watch the baby.”
“What happens if Alice and Lance decide to have a baby?” Julian asked.
“Two men, two babies. I’m sure you can figure it out. Recruit Paul. He’s survived several children. I’m sure he could offer you brave, manly men advice on how to survive through two infants.” Chloe snickered. “I’m not sure Alice and Lance are quite at the stage yet to discuss children. It’s not my fault you’re so enthusiastic. I’m at a major disadvantage here.”
“All hail birth control that doesn’t try to kill me,” I said. “Not a day goes by that I’m not grateful I only get minor side effects.”
“What are yours? Mine was so much vomiting and wanting to die.”
“Edema and minor bloating, and I found ways to help counter it. No weight gain for me! I got lucky there.”
“This conversation took a disturbing and uncomfortable turn,” Julian announced.
Lance snorted. “I don’t know what edema is, but I’m wondering if children is better than the side effects.”
“Water retention. It’s water retention. I have a badass gynecologist, and she helped make sure I didn’t suffer too much. In good news, your house is plenty large enough for children.”
“But in dire need of repair.” Lance sighed. “My ten year timeline didn’t factor in a wife or a child.”
I bit my lip so I wouldn’t laugh, lasted all of five seconds, and burst into gales of mirth. “Poor Lance. I’m sure we can come up with something.”
Chloe and Julian also dissolved into laughter, and Arnold sighed.
“I don’t see what’s so funny.”
He would soon enough.
Julian eased into Lance’s driveway, put the SUV in park, engaged the emergency brake, and killed the engine. “The most terrifying thing I have ever done is park here knowing I’m parked behind a Corvette I’ll have to fix or replace if my SUV gets a mind of its own and attempts to enter the garage.”
I laughed. “Someone get me my crutches and let me out! I want to show him the Corvette.”
Then I had an entire house of wonders to show him.
“I can carry you,” Lance replied.
“No. You will be too busy trying to figure out how to get into your new car without spilling candy hearts all over the garage. Also, I put plastic on the seats before I put the candy hearts in there because I am evil but not cruel.”
“I will appreciate that shortly.”
Chloe hopped out of the SUV and brought me my crutches. “I’ll get the garage door open.”
She darted up the steep staircase leading to the front door and slipped into the house. A few moments later, the garage doors opened. I clapped my hands together when I spotted the classic Corvette. “It’s so pretty.”
“You’re prettier, but it comes a close second.”
“That was smooth enough I will have to come up with some way to praise and reward you,” I admitted.
“I can think of a few things.”
I bet he could. “You’re going to be mad at me within ten minutes.”
“We already discussed this, Alice. I’m not mad at you, and I’m not going to be mad at you.”
I got out of the SUV, juggled my crutches, and hopped to the new Corvette, peeking at my candy heart collection. “That’s a lot of candy hearts.”
My boss opened the door leading into the house and came down the garage steps. “I can’t believe you broke your ankle. Are you all right?”
“I broke my ankle, but I survived my step-father’s truck. It was obviously jealous I paid too much attention to my mother’s plane.”
“Did they give you painkillers?”
“They aren’t good ones. Is everything okay inside?”
“Everything checked out. Are you convinced he’s not going to be mad at you yet?”
“He hasn’t seen the inside yet.”
Lance sighed, wrapped his arm around me as best he could while dodging my crutches, and kissed my cheek. “I’m not going to be mad at you.”
“Yes, you will be. And you are. You just don’t know it yet.”
“I’m the exact opposite of mad over this car. Does that make you feel a little better? You got the message across just fine. I’m not sure how I’m going to eat so many candy hearts, but I’ll think of something. One day. Do they go bad?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “It’s okay if you don’t eat them. I didn’t really make the entire interior of the car food safe. I’m not sure I want you eating many of them. If you want candy hearts for eating, I’ll get you some. It was just to get the message sent! I wasn’t sure the other way worked. This was my insurance policy.”
“Hey, Lance?” My boss strode over and shooed Lance away from me. “Don’t knock her over. Crutches are hard enough without a man dangling. Properly admire your Corvettes so we can tour the inside of the house. The longer we dally, the more anxious she’ll get. I’ve got her figured out.”
I scowled but as I suspected the wait might do me in, I didn’t argue with him.
“I love both cars, but let’s not stress Alice. I mean, the house is going to look a lot different without all the construction mess around, and it won’t take too long to walk around before I admire the cars some more. Sound good, Alice? I’ll worship them properly after the house tour.”
“You’re going to be mad,” I predicted.
“I’m not going to be mad over whatever prank is waiting for me inside. And yes, I realize I left you unsupervised for a period of three weeks, which means my house probably has several traps waiting inside. After the filing cabinet incident, I’m expecting glitter.”
“I didn’t intentionally glitter anything.”
“Then I’m definitely not going to be mad at you.”
I limped my way to the garage door, hobbled up the steps with some help from Lance and Julian, and breathed in a sigh of relief that while the floors had been redone and the walls painted, nothing had been done in the hallway and stairwell between the main floor, the garage, and the basements. I peeked into the sitting room disguised as an entertainment room, and I grinned. Someone had lit a fire, which made the whole room cozier and created the ideal place to cuddle up with a good novel.
Lance had a lot of books, and I’d have to thank Renato and his crew for populating the wall to ceiling shelves with his collection until I read my way through the romance novel collection in the upstairs library. I stepped into the room and giggled.
“What are you so—” Lance blinked, and his eyes widened. “What the…?”
I struggled to figure out how to clap without losing my crutches and failed. “I’d clap, but I’ll fall over if I try. See? You’re going to be mad. Look what I did! I fixed the house.” I turned and unloaded the crutches on Julian before hopping down the stairs on one foot. “I want to see this one next!”
“You’re going to break your other foot and your neck!” Lance howled. “Don’t just go flying down the steps on one foot.”
Julian hooked his arm around my waist halfway down the steps and lifted me off my foot. “Got her. Alice, calm yourself. The house isn’t going anywhere. Take the stairs slower, please.”
“Damn, Chloe. Do you make your man work out daily? What’s with these ridiculously strong attorneys? He just picked me up with one arm. That’s crazy.”
“It has its uses,” She replied with laughter in her voice. “I have your crutches. Please don’t fall.”
“Alice? But you said you were cleaning up the house? This is not cleaning.”
“It most certainly was cleaning. I was just cleaning to my standards instead of yours. To properly clean a home, it must have good floors, things to clean, and so on. So to clean it, I had to fix it.” Once Julian lowered me back to the steps, I hopped down with a little more caution.
I’d already seen pictures of the wall to ceiling shelves designed to store comics, organized with help from the owner of Lance’s favorite comic shop. As part of my effort to make the room the best space possible, I’d gotten him to work with Renato to select an eight person gaming table, several round tables meant for two to four players, and a bar for entertaining guests. One wall was dedicated to wine bottles, spirits, and other tasty treats of the adult bent, and it borrowed from Lance’s interest in classic luxury cruise liners.
One half of the room oozed elegance, and the other half of the room delved into a comic book lover’s dream come true. Two armchairs waited in front of the electric fireplace, which was surrounded by a sea of shelves. The ground-level shelf was filled with various board games, and I’d gotten a list of Julian’s favorites to help start Lance’s collection.
The remaining puzzles waited on the large gaming desk along with the wrapped copies of his most desired comics. I headed straight for the treasure trove and slid onto one of the stools surrounding it. “I got you some presents!”
Lance stood at the bottom of the staircase, his mouth hanging open as he took in the room, and he didn’t say a word.
I worried, and I couldn’t tell if the room had broken him or if he was preparing to succumb to his fury that I’d done what I’d wanted with his house. I picked up one of the wrapped comics. “Present?”
Chloe laughed, planted her hands on Lance’s back, and shoved him into the room. “I think she’s trying to bribe you with presents not to be mad at her.”
Lance’s eyes widened so much I worried they’d pop out of his head. “She thinks I’m going to be mad at her? For this?” He waved his hand around the room.
“Yes, she does.” Chloe winked at me. “Are you mad at her?”
“Are you mad? How could I be mad at this? Do you see this room?”
“Yes, Lance. I see the room. It’s the sort of thing Julian would love if it had more board games instead of comics. I’m wondering where she got all those comics, though.”
“His storage thingie. Well, Renato got them out of storage. I then asked Jamie to help me put the room together and organize the comics sensibly. Yes, I know Jamie. I met him by accident when I was trying to find your presents and I learned he runs one of the stores you like. I am not sorry for ruthlessly using this intel! I’m not at all sorry, and I don’t care if you get mad at me!”
Lance laughed and bowed his head. “Alice. I’m not angry. I’m definitely astonished—” He sucked in a breath, jerked his head up, and spun around, bolting up the stairs. I heard the thump of feet on the steps, the slam of a door, and then, a little later, a scream. “What have you done to my library?”
“I’m impressed, because he’s on the top floor.” I giggled. “See? I told you he’d get mad.”
Chloe laughed. “Well, you bought how many romance novels?”
I checked my phone. “A little over ten thousand books. Most of them are really short, though.”
“I’m disturbed that many books can fit in that library,” she admitted. “Shall we go up and have a look for ourselves?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. We should.”
I loved everything Renato had done with the house, and I took my time getting upstairs. In the library, Lance stretched out on the polished hardwood floors and groaned as though the weight of every romance novel in the room crushed him. I beamed at the collection, and Renato’s workers had even showcased a huge collection of my bodice rippers. “It’s wonderful.”
Chloe stood beside me, and she gaped at the room. “There’s still room on the shelves for more books. This is insanity. You could fit twice as many books in here!”
I really could. “Do you think I can find another ten thousands romance novels?”
“No. Please, no. Not more romance novels. The room has been tainted. There’s so many naked male chests here. So many naked male chests.” Lance rolled over and pretended he was dying.
“See? I told you. You’re mad.”
“My beautiful library, tainted. Tainted,” he wailed. “Goodbye, cruel world.”
Lance fell limp on the floor and played dead. I giggled. “Does that mean the house is mine?”
“No. But your cruelty surpasses my every expectation. I hadn’t thought you’d meant it!”
“Wait until you see the bedroom. Our bedroom. Our bedroom, Lance.”
Lance bolted to his feet and darted out of the room, skidding as he left the library, and headed for the bedroom. “What the hell? Why is the toilet glowing?”
Chloe’s eyes widened. “You got the toilet?”
“I so got the toilet.”
Chloe ran out of the room, too.
“You spent ten thousand dollars on a toilet, didn’t you?” my boss asked.
“You better believe I spent ten thousand dollars on a toilet. That is my throne. He has the inferior throne down the hall. And because I’m not a cruel monster, every bathroom in the house has the inferior throne. But the one in the master bathroom? That throne is mine. I’ll just allow him to use it sometimes.” I smiled and swung my way down the hall, careful to keep my crutches from scuffing the new floors. “Lance?”
Lance stepped out of the bathroom, his eyes still wide. “There’s a huge tub in there, Alice.”
“Are you mad yet?”
“I’m the exact opposite of mad. This did not cost you twenty thousand dollars.”
I leaned heavily on one crutch so I could check my phone for the total bill. “$452,153.98. I used my settlement money because nothing seemed better than sticking it to the asshole and making myself happy by making you happy, and making you happy makes me happy. If you accept your inheritance, the money can go into a rainy day account, clear off any debts you have left, and build your little car port in the back. And pay for the wedding, but should we have an actual wedding, you can’t tell my mother until it’s too late for her to try to add anything to it, because she’d want you to skydive for our wedding, and that’d be cruel. Wait. We haven’t gotten to the actually engaged part of things yet. Crap! Fine. I demand you marry me. Is that how this works? It’s how it works now. Back to my mother: I figure we can give her two weeks of warning. I didn’t do the fence or anything like that, since I said I’d clean up the interior. This is my therapy of choice, and I think this is a lot better investment than getting rid of some stupid scars.” I narrowed my eyes, put all my weight on my good foot, and pointed my crutch at Lance. “Are you okay with that?”
Everyone stared at me, and Lance went limp on the floor and laughed. “You’re such a mess when you’re nervous, Alice. Obviously, there’s only one way to resolve this. I love you as many times as there are candy hearts in that Corvette, two more times for each Corvette, and heaven help me, once for every bad comic you’ve inflicted on me. I even love you once for every horrible romance novel tainting my beautiful library. There are so many half-naked men staring at me right now I might be scarred for life, yet still I love you.”
“You’re not even a little mad?” I whispered.
“I’m not even a little mad. I’m absolutely astonished you would even consider spending that much money on me, but I would never get mad at you. You wanted to do something nice for someone else. And you, sneaky woman that you are, tricked me into letting you live here rent free for the rest of your life.”
“For a year.”
“The documents say for the duration it takes to pay back the total amount of all cleanup. As I didn’t have the actual bill, I left the language ambiguous. It will take more than two hundred months to pay back the terms of that lease. I like this math. All you’ve done is made sure you stay.”
I frowned, and as Lance had emailed me a copy of the lease agreement, I checked it. Sure enough, the life of the lease had been modified to last until he’d fully repaid the cleanup and renovation work I paid for. “You tricked me!”
“I’m okay with that. You tricked me, too. We’re even. We’ve thoroughly tricked each other.”
I thought about that for a while. “Did I win?”
“You won me. Does that count?”
Yes, it did.