Past
Clear your mind, Sutton.
I had thirteen seconds to get us close enough for Joey Ritchie to kick the tying field goal or find somebody open to run it in for a touchdown to win the game. It sounded so easy. We were down fourteen to seventeen and the winner went to state. Sure, a win and a trip to state would be nice, but my bruised ego and shredded heart wanted Grayson Moats and the Hilltop Hawkeyes to lose. Not because they were a great team and always went to state, but because Grayson Moats took something from me and I wanted him to pay. This was the only thing I could take from him that might hurt.
“As soon as you catch the ball and you see defenders, you drop to your knees and call time out. We’re twenty-five yards from the end zone and we need to get to the eighteen-yard line so Joey has a good shot.” I grabbed Max’s helmet to ensure he was listening. “No showboating. We need these points. If it’s not a clear shot to the end zone, drop. Do you understand me?” He nodded and shook loose. We were all on edge. Scouts were everywhere and some of my teammates were looking to get last-minute football scholarships. I wouldn’t be given the same football opportunities after high school, so this was my last shot at anything great.
“Just throw me the ball. I’ll get it in,” Max said.
I couldn’t tell if he was being confident or cocky. His eyes narrowed with determination as he wiped the sweat from his brow. It was forty-two degrees out, but we were all sweaty, dirty, and had hit new levels of stress.
The importance of this moment took my breath away. My lungs refused to fill. I was sucking in tiny gasps of air and fighting the anxiety that bubbled up in my throat. This was our moment. In the huddle, I was the boss. I’d spent three years winning this team over after the starting quarterback broke his leg at the start of our sophomore year. I made the team because of my talent, but most people thought it was because my father was the assistant principal. That is, until they saw me throw the ball.
I looked at the determined faces staring back at me and felt proud. Proud of them for sticking with me even though my linemen were beat up. Beckett had a trail of blood that had dripped from his nose down the front of his silver and blue uniform and our center, Justin, had been pushed to the ground so many times protecting me, his uniform was almost green. I was proud of myself for getting us here. Proud of keeping my focus after such a shitty start to my senior year.
“This is it. This is our time to shine.” They were exhausted, bloodied, but determined to win this game. “Stay focused and give Max the room he needs.”
He locked eyes with me and nodded solemnly. “Let’s get this done, Pumas,” he said.
I barely heard the roaring crowd that filled both stands. Two towns had showed up to this game and the seats filled up quickly. Their screams and fist pumps meant nothing to me. I heard the excitement in the announcers’ voices, but I couldn’t make out their words. My heartbeat was so loud that my ears were throbbing. We lined up in formation.
“We’re coming for you, girl!” a tackle yelled, emphasis on the word girl.
A few more unsavory things were said before I got into position. “Blue thirty-two. Blue thirty-two.” I looked to my right as the wide receiver lined up and then to my left as Max ran by. “Arizona.” The defense pointed at Max and two defenders slid over to cover him. Fuck. It was going to be impossible for him to make anything happen. One Mississippi. “Arizona.” Two Mississippi. Justin snapped the ball and pushed at the line fighting to get to me. I fell back into the pocket and waited for Max to set up. He twisted and turned to get away from the two defenders. Nobody was open. When he slipped and fell, instinct took over. I tucked the ball under my arm and ran. Everything seemed to be in slow motion except the clock. The seconds slid off faster than I could run. It was too late to drop and call time out. It was all or nothing.
“Unhitch that trailer, Sutton!” my dad shouted from the sideline.
If it wasn’t for the snarling, huffing defensive backs hot on my trail, I would’ve laughed at his solid advice to run faster, but I was too focused on not getting clobbered. Fifteen-yard line. I opened myself up to get severely hurt every time I ran with the ball. The football world hated female players. I was the first in my state. There were rumors that opposing players were paid by their coaches to knock me down, personal foul or not, but I was fast and my players protected me. In track, I won state two years in a row. Running was in my blood. It was time to add football to my résumé of state wins. Ten-yard line.
“Go, go, go!” Wyatt, my wide receiver, picked off one of the defensive linemen who had been his shadow since the ball was snapped. The other one crashed into them. I leaped over the pile and pushed forward.
I was at the five-yard line when I felt hands brush the back of my jersey. I twisted loose and tucked the ball tight against my body, knowing I was going down any second. Three-yard line. I dug deep and pushed myself even harder. When I hit the turf and the air left my lungs, I wasn’t sure if I made it or not. I was on the bottom of a pile, and everyone was screaming. My lungs burned as I fought for a breath. The pads protected me from getting squashed, but it still hurt.
In the distance, I heard Justin yell as though he read my mind. “Get off her.”
The crushing weight on me lifted. I tried to take several deep breaths, but the warm metallic taste of blood filled my mouth instead. I gagged and spit it out. My mouth guard had slashed my upper gums when I hit the ground. Somebody flipped me over and I struggled to keep the ball in my grasp.
Max’s face came into view. “We’re going to state, baby!”
I smiled at him, removed my mouthpiece, and turned my head to puke. He and Justin pushed people away.
“Back the fuck up, man. Back up!” Max yelled. He waved the coach over.
I wanted to tell him I was okay, but I couldn’t find my words. I closed my eyes and smiled when I realized all my body parts were accounted for and worked. My lungs were still inside my body even though I thought somebody had squeezed them out.
“McCoy! McCoy! Can you hear me?” Coach’s face fell into my line of vision. I never noticed the gray in his stubble or how, from this angle, his face slid slightly forward and his cheeks sagged enough to force open his mouth. He was a nice-looking man, but at this angle, he looked like a fish. A very concerned one.
I took another deep breath and nodded. “We’re going to state.”
He threw his head back and roared with laughter. “Damn right we are!”
It was nice to see his features back in place when he stood. He whistled for the doctor, but I waved him off. “Somebody just help me up.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded. “I just had the wind knocked out of me. Nothing like five hundred pounds of angry teenage boys tackling you.” It was more like seven hundred but I was tough and wanted to play it down. I was lucky and I knew it. I took off my helmet when they pulled me up, anxious to rinse out my mouth.
Coach handed me a water bottle. “Let’s shake hands when you’re ready,” he said.
My team stayed with me until I was ready to lead them to midfield where the Hilltop Hawkeyes waited in defeat. Some of the parents were yelling for their kids to get off the field, but we had media coverage, so their coach made them wait. I rinsed my mouth again until the metallic taste was gone. I tightened my ponytail, grabbed my helmet, and jogged to midfield with my team a half a step behind me.
“Good game.” The Hawkeyes head coach hated everything about me.
I ignored his painful grip and smiled, ensuring my dimples popped. What a total asshole! “Thanks, Coach.” I moved on, anxious to get in front of Grayson Moats.
Some of the guys muttered “good game” when we shook hands, while others had less than nice things to say like “bitch” or “lesbo.” I smiled anyway, making zero friends in the process.
When I reached Grayson, I stopped. “Looks like the better quarterback won.” I shrugged like it was no big deal when I knew it was everything. Not only did their offense score a mere seventeen points, but he sucked during one of the most important games of his high school life with home field advantage. He would still go on to play at Michigan State and probably the NFL, but I had him in the moment, and he would always have the blemish of not going to state his senior year because he was beaten by a girl.
He sneered. “You might have won the game, but I won the girl.”
I gritted my teeth and shrugged like that didn’t hurt more than anything ever in my life. He fist-pumped. “This game meant nothing. I’m still going to college and the NFL while you’re stuck here doing what? Working at Marshall’s? Oh, maybe you’ll get promoted to manager in ten years.”
I was six feet tall, but Grayson had at least four inches on me. That didn’t stop me from getting in his face. “I have no idea what Parker sees in you. You’re just a nasty boy.”
“That’s exactly what she likes about me.” He winked and adjusted his cup. I wanted to puke at his disrespect toward somebody I loved with every part of my heart.
One of his players pushed him along. “Forget about her. This is her moment. The only one she’ll have.” He turned to look at me. “We’ll laugh about how one time a girl thought she could play football while we’re living the life playing in the pros.” He slapped Grayson on the back and they laughed and moved on.
“A girl who beat the both of you,” Max yelled.
They launched themselves at Max. It took three coaches and four players to pull them apart.
“Max, don’t. It’s not worth it.” I loved that he was my biggest supporter, but I didn’t want him to jeopardize his scholarship. He was the only one, besides me, who got a full ride anywhere. My scholarship was for Texas A&M’s track and field team. I wasn’t excited about moving to Texas, but it was a good school for sports medicine and that’s what I was going to study. “Let’s go celebrate.”
Max jogged with me to the stands where our parents and fans waited to celebrate with us. My dad hugged me. “That was brilliant, but also stupid. Don’t get hurt over a game. You have your whole life ahead of you.”
I accepted hugs from parents I knew and some I didn’t. So many people of Oak Grove were in the stands supporting us. I recognized people from the bank, the diner, and even the doctor’s office. It was weird to see them in head-to-toe Oak Grove Pumas attire.
“Let’s get cleaned up and celebrate.” Coach motioned for us to head to the locker room. He pointed to the parents. “Back to the school and then to Tom’s Pizza.”
I jogged with the team to the locker rooms but not before looking at the sidelines until I found Parker. She was staring at me and gave me a small, sad smile. I looked away. I hated that this glorious moment would forever be marred by Grayson saying he won the girl.
I never knew what she saw in him. I pretended it didn’t matter that she crushed my heart at the beginning of my senior year and my anger didn’t fuel my need to beat him at his best game, but it was all true. As I jogged into the tunnel to the women’s locker room, I made a pact to myself that Parker O’Neal was no longer going to occupy my mind or my heart. I was better than heartbreak and I had an amazing life ahead of me.