Present
I froze with my phone in my hand. When Parker texted me and asked if we could talk, I didn’t think she meant right now. It was eleven at night. I was curled up in bed with Crowbar. The phone rang four times before instinct took over and I swiped right. “Is everything okay?” I was afraid something was wrong. We weren’t pick-up-the-phone-and-call-one-another friends yet.
“Everything’s fine. I just have a lot on my mind.”
“I’m surprised you’re still awake.” I was sure she had to get up early to get the kids up and ready for school. “There is school tomorrow, right?”
Her throaty laugh made every part of me tense up. “Yes, but once they are gone then I can get a quick nap in. It’s hard to go to sleep on game days.”
“Because you get so excited?” I was confused. I was surprised that I was still awake. Most Sundays after home games I dropped early.
“Because Grayson is gone all night.”
I sat up. “What? Where does he go? Why is he not home?” I was shocked for her, but I was selfishly more concerned that he wouldn’t make it to practice on time. At least players didn’t have to report until ten.
“He hangs out with his friends. I don’t care though. I like a nice, quiet evening. Going to the games is exhausting.”
“Coaching it is pretty exhausting, too.” I was teasing her a bit.
Her voice was low and her laugh quiet. “I bet. Fifty-three babies, not to mention the coaches and trainers you babysit, too.”
“It’s not that bad.” But it really was. Football was very macho but also very emotional. A lot of guys played the game with their hearts on their sleeves and it showed. Most of the time I walked the sideline ensuring they were okay physically, mentally, and emotionally. “Grayson’s pretty good at keeping the guys pumped up and focused.”
“You’ve done a remarkable job. You were great with the Vikings, but having a say over everything is exactly what you do best.”
Did she follow my career? “Why, Parker O’Neal, have you been stalking me?” I smacked my palm against my forehead because I used her maiden name. She didn’t correct me.
“I always knew you were going to go far, so yes, I tracked your career. I was disappointed you chose the Vikings because come on, they haven’t done anything magnificent since the seventies.”
My laughter startled Crowbar awake. I put my hand on his back to calm him. He put his head back down on the pillow once he realized I wasn’t getting murdered. “They took a chance on me, and for that, I’ll be forever grateful. Plus, I got a chance to coach some good quarterbacks.” I must have been exhausted because I asked her a question that I shouldn’t have. “What else did you stalk me about?” Was I really flirting with my quarterback’s wife? I panicked before she even answered. “No, never mind. Don’t answer that. It’s late and I’m tired.”
“You never got married. I knew that before dinner the other night.”
I was quiet. I could either be truthful or play it off. There was only one right answer, even if it was a half-truth. “I’m too busy to have a relationship.”
“Come on, Sutton. You always wanted kids.”
There was a pregnant pause. “That’s true, but I didn’t want to have failed relationship after failed relationship and not have anything to show for it. At least being a workaholic takes my mind off other things. Some people can have it all, and some people can’t.”
“I understand. Actually, I don’t. I’m just saying that so you’ll still talk to me.”
I looked at the clock. It was almost midnight. What was I doing? “How are your parents? Grayson was kind enough to tell me that they talked about how much they hated me long after we were over.”
“Our relationship is strained to put it mildly. They’re good with the girls, but I’m careful not to let them control them like they did me.”
“That’s a good thing,” I said.
“What’s even better is that they are in Baltimore and don’t have any plans to move to Connecticut anytime soon.”
“Wait. Did they follow you around?”
She sighed heavily. “They did. First Miami, then Pittsburgh, then Baltimore. Thankfully, they really like it there and it’s close enough, like a five-hour drive or one-hour plane ride, so they don’t feel the need to move yet. And I emphasize yet.”
“Your mother hated me. Hated me.” I emphasized hated both times.
“My mother hated everybody I dated. Nobody was good enough.”
“She was probably excited when you dated Grayson. I mean, college graduate, NFL quarterback. That’s probably her dream come true.”
I heard her rustling around and wondered if her voice was low because the girls had crawled into bed with her. I could picture them, tiny versions of herself and Grayson, all curled up with their arms draped across her body for warmth and comfort. I always wanted children, but the women I dated weren’t exactly wife or mother material. Except one. “My mother has issues with everything I do. The girls want to play sports and she wants me to put them into pageants.”
I gasped. “Like Little Miss Connecticut or Little Miss Bridgemont?”
“Yeah, but they aren’t doing it. I’m not putting my children through the hell I went through.”
I had forgotten that Parker participated in pageants from age five until fifteen. “But think of all the trophies they’d win. Cute little buttons like them.” I laughed.
“Argh. That was horrible. I let the girls do what they want. Right now they are both in soccer, outdoor and indoor, but Vee wants to take dance and Rose wants to play football so this might be it for soccer. And both play the piano and go to French class.”
“Your children are learning French? That’s very cool.”
“It’s so easy for them to learn at this age. They are really like sponges.”
“That’s what Ruby said,” I said.
“Ruby?”
“Yes, the kindergarten teacher at your school.” It never occurred to me that Parker would be jealous, but I heard it in her voice.
“Oh, that Ruby.” I could tell she was biting back a retort. “She’s nice,” she said.
“She says she’s a Cheetahs fan. Her family has season tickets. It’s nice to meet the super fans,” I said.
“You probably have more super fans than you know. I’m sure you get a slew of women trying to hook up.”
“That’s what the spam folder is for.” It bothered me that she thought I was interested in dating. She didn’t know the relief I felt when Lexi moved out. I didn’t care that Lexi cheated. I only cared that she took a lot of my things. I had nice things. I worked hard for my nice things. They made me happy. People didn’t. “Look, I really need to go to sleep. Coaches get in a lot earlier than players. And I hope Grayson shows up on time because if he doesn’t, I don’t even want to know what Coach Tatum will do.”
She blew out a heavy sigh. “I wish I could control him more, but his actions aren’t up to me,” she said.
It was weird and sad that she had no say in what her husband did. Why was Grayson out all night? I was hesitant, but I asked the obvious question. “Why isn’t he home with you?”
“This is actually what I wanted to explain.” She paused and the silence was killing me. “Grayson and I have an open marriage. Not a lot of people understand that, but it works the best for us right now.”
I fumbled my phone and caught it before it landed on Crowbar’s back. I was shocked. “Wow.” Of all the things I was expecting her to say, open marriage wasn’t on the list. “Wow.” So much for me being cool about such a personal matter or showing support. “How long ago did you open your marriage?” I asked. That seemed like an okay question to ask.
“When Rose was still a baby. I’ve been too busy with the kids, so I haven’t had the time to pursue anything recently, but this arrangement allows us to be our true selves.”
It was totally vague and I wanted to know more. “Recently? But you have in the past?” I backpedaled immediately. “Wait. You don’t have to answer that. It’s not my business.”
“A few times early on, but then I got busy with the girls. That and my situation and need for privacy is too much for some people to handle.”
My heart felt like it was airborne. Of all the people in this world, I never would have thought Parker would be okay with an open relationship. “You’ve always been a private person. It makes sense that you would be private about this too.”
“Neither of the women I dated agreed. They thought I was closeted, but I was protecting my family, not hiding.”
“So Grayson knows you date women?”
“Of course.”
I stood and paced. This was so much to process. I knew too much. My mind was telling me to hang up and run away, but my heart wanted more. “Sounds pretty lonely.”
“It can be, but I stay busy and Grayson and I have a wonderful relationship. We both would do anything for the girls.”
I heard the smile in her voice and knew she had made peace with their decision. It still blew me away. Sharing somebody I loved with another person would be hard for me to accept. Good for them. “As long as everyone is happy. That isn’t what the problem has been with Grayson, right?”
“I didn’t realize how late it is. You have to get up so early. We can talk another day.” Discussing Grayson was clearly off-limits. “Thanks for listening, Sutton. I really appreciate it.”
“You’re right, it’s late. And thank you for trusting me with your secret. Cone of silence, I promise. Sleep well, Parker.”
“You, too.”
I ended the call and sat there motionless even though my heart was racing. What was going on there? Not once had I ever heard a rumor about Grayson stepping out on Parker. Is that why she kissed me last week? Was she looking to start something with me?
I shook my head. I didn’t know the rules of an open marriage. I just knew that I didn’t think I could be with her because that probably meant the relationship would be behind closed doors again. I wasn’t doing that again for anyone. I plugged my phone in and slipped back into bed. It wasn’t my place to worry about them, but Parker still had a pull that was impossible to ignore.
* * *
Jamal had Grayson by the face mask. “Whatever’s going on with you, you need to shake it off. Go take a walk.” He pushed Grayson away and barked for Archie. “Get in there and show your starting quarterback how it’s done.”
Grayson ripped off his helmet and threw it across the field. He had shown up in a foul mood all week, but at least he was on time. Whatever was going on in the Moats’ house wasn’t going well and Grayson was terrible at hiding his feelings.
I walked over to Jamal and nodded in Grayson’s direction. “What’s going on with him?” I’d been studying films on the Jets, not watching practice.
“He’s thrown every single pass either at the receiver’s feet or too high. If he plays like this on Sunday, we’ll lose for sure. I want Archie warmed up in case this sorry sack shows up to play instead of our star.” Machismo was alive and well in football and it was hard to not roll my eyes at Jamal.
I jogged after Grayson because he didn’t deserve being called out like that. “Hey, Grayson. Hold up.” He turned but kept walking. I caught up to him and kept in stride. “Look, don’t worry about Coach getting all up in your face. You know what this is like. You’ve been around the league long enough to know he’s just blowing off steam.” I abhorred making excuses for rude behavior, but I had to communicate with Grayson on a level he understood.
“I’m just tired of all the rules. All the time. Here, at home, in life.”
I softened my voice. “Are you going to the team therapist? She’s worked wonders with other players and coaches.”
“I hate feeling like this,” he said. His features were scrunched up into something that resembled physical pain.
I sent a text to Dr. Jennifer Gioia, one of the team therapists, to find out if she was available right now. She was. “Let’s go see Jennifer. Maybe she can help you sort a few things out,” I said. Grayson headed in the opposite direction. “I’m not asking.” He turned back around and put his hands on his hips. The darkness in his stare was unsettling. “I want you to get help. I know something is eating you up and we have therapists to help. We all go to them. That’s why we have two on staff. It’s not a sign of weakness.”
“Fine, but I need to get out of these pads,” he said. He stomped off toward the locker room, removed his pads and cleats, and slipped on athletic slides. He grumbled under his breath the whole time. By the time we’d reached Jennifer’s office, he’d relaxed somewhat.
I knocked on her door. “Hey, Doc. Do you have some time to talk to Grayson?”
“Of course. Come on in, Grayson.”
She was the nicest person with a gentle disposition. During my sessions, I never felt like I was talking to a shrink. I felt like I was talking to a co-worker who had my back and supported my decisions. I was required to talk to her when the season started and it helped to get all my fears and doubts out and into the space between us. Three sessions later, I was good to go. I hoped she could do the same for Grayson. I squeezed his arm and closed the door, leaving them to fight his demons.
When I got back to the field, Jamal looked pissed. “Where’s Moats?” His voice was getting hoarse from yelling at everyone.
“He’s with the doc right now. Give him some space,” I said. It was a demand. It was also the first time I flexed on any of the offensive coaches. He nodded and turned his attention back to the field. Archie was doing an okay job, but I was sure he was getting tired of hearing how much Grayson carried the team. I somehow had to get the coaches back to the basics. They needed a reminder that this wasn’t the military. The men on the field had feelings and positive reinforcement was better than ass-kicking.
An hour later, Grayson trotted back onto the field with a better attitude. Whatever was eating him, Dr. Gioia helped fend it off. His throws were hitting their marks and he even joked with his teammates.